Part 2-3
Whatever.Jeez.AndafewweeksbeforeChristmasmybandfinallysplitupfood.Andsoonafterwesplit,Ilostmygirl.ShewasEnglish.
ThatswhyIwashere.
Therewasasilence.
Thatsit?saidJess.
Thatsit.
Thatspathetic.Iseewhyyoucameoutwithallthatcrapaboutthediseasenow.YoudratherdiethannotbeinabandthatsoundsliketheRollingStones?Idbetheopposite.IdratherdieifIwas.DopeoplestillliketheminAmerioonedoeshere.
ThatsMickJagger,isntit,theRollingStones?Maureeheywerequitegood,wereheydidwellforthemselves.MickJaggersnotsittinghereeatingstaleCustardCreamslikeJJ,ishe?TheywerenewrightbeforeChristmas,saidMaureen.MaybeIdidntputthelidbathebiscuittinproperly.
Iwasstartingtothinkwewerelosingfoyissues.
TheStohing…Thatskindofnotimportant.Thatwasjustlikeanillustration.Ijustmeant…songs,guitars,energy.
Hesabouteighty,saidJess.Hehasntgotanyenergy.
Isawthemin,saidMartin.ThenightEnglandlosttoGermanyintheWorldpenalties.AchapfromGuiookawholecrowdofus,andeveryomostoftheeveninglisteningtotheradio.Anyway,hehadalotofehen.
Hewasoythen,saidJess.
Willyoushutthefuckup?Sorry,Maureen.(Fromnowon,justpresumethateverytimeIspeakIsayfuck,fugormotherfuckerandSorry,Maureen,OK?)Imtryingtotellyouaboutmywholelife.
oppingyou,saidJess.Butyouvegottomakeitmoreiing.Thatswhywedriftoffandtalkaboutbiscuits.
OK,allright.Look,theresnothingelseforme.Imqualifiedfornothing.Ididntgraduatefromhighschool.Ijusthadtheband,andnowitsgone,andIdidntmakeatoutofit,andImlookingatalifeofflippingburgers.
Jesssnorted.
Nowwhat?Justsoundsfunny,hearingaYanksay"flipping"insteadof…youknowwhat.
Idontthinkhemeant"flipping"like"flippingheck",saidMartin.Ithinkhemeantflippingasinturningthemover.Thatswhattheycallit.
Oh,saidJess.
AndImworrieditwillkillme.
Hardworkneverkilledanyone,saidMaureen.Idontmindhardwork,youknow?Buteretandrec…Thatwasme,thatas,and,andIjustfeelemptyandfrustratedand,and…See,whenyouknowyood,youthinkthatwillbeenough,thatllgetyouthere,adoesnt…Whatareyousupposedtodowithitall?Wheredoyouputit,huh?Theresnowhereforittogo,and,anditwas…Man,itusedtoeatmeupevehingsweregoingOK,becauseevehingsweregoingOK,Iwasntonstageorreclikeeverymiheday,andsometimesitfeltlikeIobe,otherwiseIdexplode,youknow?Sonow,nowtheresnowhereforittogo.Weusedtohavethissong…IhavenoideawhyIstarteduponthis.Weusedtohavethissong,thislittlelikeMotownythingcalled"IGotYourBack",whichmeandEddiewrotetogether,reallytogether,whichwedidntusuallydo,anditwaslike,youknow,atributetoourfriendshipandhowfarbackwewentandblahblah.Anyhow,itwasonourfirstalbumanditwasliketwominutesandthirtysedslongandnoonereallynoticedit,Imean,peoplewhoactuallyboughtthealbumdidiceit.Butwestartedplayingitlive,anditkindofgotlonger,andEddieworkedoutthissweetsolo.Itwasntlikearockguitarsolo;itwasmorelikesomethingmaybe,Idontknow,CurtisMayfieldorErnieIsleymighthaveplayed.Andsometimes,whenweplayedaroundChicagoandwedjamwithfriendsonstage,wedhavemaybeasaxsoloorapianosoloormaybeevenlikeapedalsteelorsomething,andafterlikeayearortwoitgottobethisliketen-,twelve-minuteshowstopper.Andwedopenwithitorclosewithitorstickitinthemiddlesomewhereifwewereplayingalo,andtomeitbecamethesoundofpurefugjoy,sorryMaureen,youknow?Purejoy.Itfeltlikesurfing,or,orwhatever,anaturalhigh.Youcouldridethosechordslikewaves.Ihadthatfeelingmaybeahuimesayear,andnotmanypeoplegetiteveheirlives.AndthatswhatIhadtogiveup,man,theabilitytocreatethatroutinely,wheneverIfeltlikeit,aspartofmywday,and…Youknow,nowthatIthinkaboutit,IseewhyImadeupthatbullshit,sorryMaureen,aboutdyingofsomefugdisease,sain.Becausethatswhatitfeelslike.Imdyingofsomediseasethatdriesupallthebloodinyourveinsandallyoursapand,ahingthatmakesyoufeelalive,and…Yeah,and?saidMartin.Youseemtohaveomittedthepartaboutwhyyouwanttokillyourself.
Thatsit,Isaid.Thisdiseasethatdriesupallthebloodinyourveins.
Thatsjustpenstoeveryone,saidMartin.Itscalled"gettingolder".IfeltlikethatevenbeforeIdbeentoprison.EvenbeforeIsleptwiththatgirl.ItsprobablywhyIsleptwithher,etothinkofit.
No,Igetit,saidJess.
Yeah?CourseIdo.Yourefucked.ShewavedanapologetidinMaureensdire,likeatennisplayeraowledgingaluetcord.Youthoughtyoingtobesomeonowitsobviousyourenobody.Youhaventgotasmuchtalentasyouthoughtyouhad,andtherelanB,andyougotnoskillsandnoeducation,andnowyourelookingatfortyorfiftyyearsofnothihannothing,probably.Thatsprettyheavy.Thatsworsethanhavingthebrainthing,becausewhatyougotnowwilltakealotlookillyou.Youvegotthechoiceofaslowpainfuldeath,oraquickmercifulone.
Sheshrugged.
Shewasright.Shegotit.
<strong>MAUREEN</strong>
IwouldhavegotawaywithitifJesshadntgohetoilet.Butyoutstoppeoplegoingtothetoilet,you?Iwasgreen.Itneveroccurredtomethatshedbenosingaroundwhereshehadnobusiness.
Shewasgoneawhile,andshecamebackgrinningalloverherstupidface,holdingacoupleoftheposters.
Inonehaheposterofthegirl,andihertheposteroftheblackfella,thefootballer.
Sowhosearethesethen?shesaid.
Istoodupandshoutedather.Putthoseback!Theyrenotyours!Idneverhavethoughtitofyou,shesaid.Soletsworkthisout.Youreadykewhohasabitofathingforblackguyswithbigthighs.Kinky.
Hiddehs.
IticalofJess,Ithought.Sheonlyhasafilthyimagination,whichistosay,noimaginationatall.
Doyouevenknowwhothesepeopleare?shesaid.
TheyreMattys,theposters,notmine.Hedoesntknowtheyrehis,ofcourse,buttheyare;Ichosethemforhim.IkhatthegirlwascalledBuffy,becausethatswhatitsaidoer,butIdidntreallyknowwhoBuffywas;Ijustthoughtitwouldbeniattytohaveanattractiveyoungwomanaroundtheplace,becausehesthatagenow.AndIkhattheblackfellaplayedforArsenal,butIonlycaughthisfirstname,Paddy.ItookadviJohnatthechurch,whogoesalongtoHighburyeveryweek,andhesaideveryonelovedPaddy,soIaskedhimifhedbringmebackapictureformyladimehewenttoagame.Hesani,John,andheboughtagreatbigpictureofPaddycelebratingagoal,andhedidntevenayingforit,butthingsgotalittleawkwardafterwards.
Forsomereasonhedecidedmyladwasalittlelad,tenortwelve,andhepromisedtotakehimtoagame.AndsometimesonSundayms,whenArsenalhadlostourday,heaskedhowMattywastakingit,andsometimeswhentheydwonabiggamehedsay,Illbetyourladshappy,andsoon.AndthenoneFridaymwhenIwaswheelingMattybatheshops,webumpedintohim.AndIcouldhavesaidnothing,butsometimesyouhavetoadmittoyourselfandtoeveryoneelse,ThisisMatty.Thisismylad.SoIdid,andJohnnevermentionedArsenalagaihat.IdontmissthatonaSundaym.Therearelotsofgoodreasonstoloseyourfaith.
IchosethepostersthesameasIchosealltheotherthingsthatJesshadprobablybeenrummagingthrough,thetapesandthebooksaballbootsandtheputergamesandthevideos.Thediariesarendyaddressbooks.(Addressbooks!DearGod!Ofallthethingsthatspellitout.
Iputatapeonforhim,andhopehewaslisteningtoit,butwhatamIgoingtofillanaddressbookwith?Ihaveoneofmyown.)Thejazzypens,thecameraandtheWalkman.Lotsofwatches.Theresawholeueenagelifeinthere.
Thisallbeganyearsago,whenIdecidedtodecoratehisbedroom.
Hewaseight,aillsleptinanursery-soains,bunnyrabbitsonthefriezeroundthewall,allthethingsIdchosenwhenIwaswaitingforhimandIdidntknowwhathewas.Anditeelingaway,anditlookedterrible,andIhadntdohingaboutitbecauseitmademethinktoomuchaboutwhatwasnthappeningtohim,allthewayshewasntgrowingup.WhatwasIgoingtoreplacethebunnyrabbitswith?
Hewaseight,soperhapstrainsandrocketshipsandmaybeevenfootballersweretherightsortofthingforhim-butofcoursehedidntknowwhatanyofthosethingswere,whattheymeant,whattheydid.Butthereagain,hedidntknowwhattherabbitswereeither,orthes.SowhatwasIsupposedtodo?Everythingretending,wasntit?TheonlythingIcoulddothatwasntmake-believeaintthewallswhite,getaplainpairofcurtains.ThatwouldbeawayoftellinghimandmeandanyoneelsewhocameinthatIknewhewasavegetable,acabbage,andIwasnttryingtohideit.Butthen,wheredoesitstop?DoesthatmeanyoueverbuyhimaT-shirtwithawordonit,orapicture,becausehellneverread,amakeanysenseofpictures?Andwhoknowswhetherheevesanythingoutofcolours,orpatterns?Anditgoeswithoutsayingthattalkingtohimisridiculous,andsmilingathim,andkissinghimonthehead.EverythingIdoispretending,sowhynotpretendproperly?
Intheend,Iwentfortrainsoains,andyourmanfromStarWarsonthelampshade.AndsoohatIstartedbuyingicseverynowandagain,justtoseewhataladofhisagemightbereadingandthinkingabout.AchedtheSaturdaymtelevisioher,soIlearnedalittlebitaboutpopsingershemightlike,andsometimesabouttheTVprogrammeshedbewatg.Isaidbeforethatoheworstthingswasnevermovingon,aendingtomoveogeanything.Butithelps.Withoutit,whatisthereleft?Andanyway,thinkingaboutthesethingshelpedmetoseeMatty,inastraofaway.IsupposeitmustbewhattheydowhehinkofanewcharacterforEastEheymustsaytothemselves,well,whatdoesthispersonlike?Whatdoeshelistento,whoarehisfriends,whatfootballteamdoeshesupport?ThatswhatIdid-Imadeupason.HesupportsArsenal,helikesfishing,althoughhedoesnthavearodyet.Helikespopmusic,butnotthesortofpopmusicwherepeoplesinghalf-nakedaofswearwords.Veryoccasionally,peopleaskwhathewantsforhisbirthdayorChristmas,ahem,andtheykerthantoactsurprised.
Mostdistantfamilymembershavehim,andneveraskedto.Alltheyknowabouthimisjustthathesnotallthere,ortheressomethingnhtwithhim.Theydontwanttoknowanymore,sotheyneversay,Oh,hefish?Or,intheyUncleMichael,Oh,heswimuerandthenlookathiswatchwhilehesdowheyrejustgratefultobetoldwhattodo.Mattytookoverthewholeflat,intheend.
Youknowhowkidsdo.Stuffeverywhere.
ItdoesntmatterwhetherIknowwhotheyareornot,Isaid.TheybelongtoMatty.
Oh,hesabigfanof…Justdoasyouretoldandputthemback,saidMartin.Putthembacketout.Howmuchofabitchdoyoureallywanttobe?Oneday,Ithought,Illlearntosaythatformyself.
MARTINMattysposterswereionedagainthatday.Wewereallcurious,ofcourse,butJesshadehatJJandIcouldntexpressthiscuriosity:Jesssetthingsupsothatyouwereeitherfainsther,andinthismatter,asinsomanyothers,wewereagainsther-whichmeantstayingquietonthisissue.Butbecauseweresentedbeingmadetostayquiet,webecameaggressiveandnoisyonanyotherissuewecouldbringtomind.
Youtstandyourdad,you?Iaskedher.
No,coursenot.Hesatosser.
Butyoulivewithhim?So?Howyoustickit,man?JJaskedher.
taffordtomoveout.Plustheyvegotaerandcableandbroadbandandallthat.
Ah,tobeyoungandidealistidprincipled!Isaid.Anti-globalization,pro-er,eh?Yeah,Imreallygoingtobelecturedbyyoutwojerks.Plustherestheotherthing.TheJenthing.Theyworry.
Ah,yes.TheJenthing.JJandIweremomentarilychastened.Lookedatiainlight,thepreviousversationcouldbesummarizedasfollows:amalyimprisonedforhavihaminor,andanotherwhohadfabricatedafataldiseasebecausetodososavedhimsometime,troubleandfacehadridiculedagrievingteenagerforwantingtobeathomewithhergrievingparents.ImadeaoputasidesometimelatersothatIcouldsynopsizeitdifferently.
Weweresorrytohearaboutyoursister,saidMaureen.
Yeah,well,itdidnthappeerday,didit?Weweresorryanyway,saidJJwearily.gthemoralhighgroundtoJesssimplymeantthatshecouldpissallovereveryoilshegotthrownoffagain.
Gotusedtoitnow.
Haveyou?Iasked.
Sortof...
Mustbeastrahingtohavetogetusedto.
Bit.
Dontyouthinkaboutitallthetime?JJaskedher.
twetalkaboutwhatweresupposedtobetalkingabout?Whichiswhat,exactly?Aboutwhatweregoingtodo.Aboutthepapersandallthat.
Dowehavetodoanything?Ithinkso,saidJJ.
Theyllfetaboutussoon,youknow,Isaid.Itsonlybecausefuckallhappens,sorry,Maureen,atthebeginningoftheyear.
Whatifwedontwaetaboutus?saidJess.
Whythehellwouldwewaoremember?Iaskedher.
Weakesomedosh.Anditdbesomethingtodo.
Whatwouldbesomethingtodo?Idunno.Ijust…Igetthefeelingthatweredifferent.Thatpeoplewouldlikeus,aerestedinus.
Youremad.
Yeah.Exactly.Thatswhytheydbeiedinme.Icouldevenplayitupabit,ifyoulike.
Imsurethatwontbenecessary,Isaidquickly,onbehalfofthethreeofus,andindeedonbehalfoftheentirepopulationofBritain.Yourefineasyouare.
Jesssmiledsweetly,surprisedbytheunsoughtpliment.Thanks,Martin.Soareyou.Andyou-theydwanttoknowhowyoufuckedupyourlifewiththegirl.Andyou,JJ,theydwanttoknowaboutpizzasandallthat.AndMaureencouldtelleveryoneabouthowshititislivingwithMatty.See,wedbelikesuperheroes,theX-Menorwhatever.Weveallgotsomesecretsuperpower.
Yeah,saidJJ.Righton.Ihavethesuperpowerofdeliveringpizzas.
AndMaureenhasthesuperpowerofadisabledson.
Well,allright,superpoweristhewrongword.But,youknow.Something.
Ah,yes."Thing".Lemotjuste,asever.
Jessscowled,butwastoobesottedbyherthemetohitmewiththeinsultmyknowledgeofafnphrasedemandedanddeserved.Andwecouldsaythatwestillhaventdecidedwhetherweregoingtoactuallytopourselves-theydlikethat.
AndifwelikeactuallysoldtheTVrightstoValentinesNight…MaybetheycouldturnitintoaBigBrotherkindathing.Youcouldrootforthepersonyouwaogoover,saidJJ.
Jesslookeddubious.Idontknowaboutthat,shesaid.Butyouknowaboutpapersandthat,Martin.Weakesomemoney,couldntwe?HasitoccurredtoyouthatIvehadenoughtroublewiththepapers?Oh,itsalwaysaboutyou,isntit?saidJess.Whataboutiftheresafewquidinitforus?Butwhatsthestory?saidJJ.Theresnostory.Wewentup,wecamedown,thatsit.Peoplemustdothatallthetime.
Ivebeenthinkingaboutthis.Howaboutifwesawsomething?saidJess.
Likewhat?Whatarewesupposedtohaveseen?OK.Howaboutifwesawanangel?Anangel,saidJJflatly.Yeah.
Ididntseeanangel,saidMaureen.Whendidyouseeanangel?Noonesawanangel,Iexplained.Jessisproposingthatweiaspiritualexperienceforfinancialgain.
Thatsterrible,saidMaureen,ifonlybecauseitwassoclearlyexpectedofher.
Itsnotreallyiing,isit?saidJess.No?Inwhatsensedidweactuallyseeanangel?Whatdoyoucallitinpoems?Imsorry?Youknow,inpoems.AndinEnglishLiterature.Sometimesyousaysomethingislikesomethingandsometimesyousaysomethingissomething.Youknow,myloveislikeafuck-bloodyroseorwhatever.
Similesaaphors.
Yeah.Exactly.Shakespeareiedthem,didhatswhyhewasagenius.
No.
Whowasit,then?Nevermind.
SowhywasShakespeareagenius?Whatdidhedo?Aime.
OK.Anyway.Sowhichistheonewhereyousaysomethingissomething,like"Youareaprick"evenifyourenotactuallyaprick.Asinapenis.Obviously.
Maureenlookedclosetotears.Oh,fodssake,Jess,Isaid.
Sorry.Sorry.Ididntknowifwehadthesameswearingrulesifitwasonlyfordiscussionaboutgrammarandthat.
Wedht.Sorry,Maureen.OK,"Youareapig"whenyourenotapig.
Metaphor.
Exactly.Wedidntliterallyseeanangel.Butwesortofdidmetaphorically.
Wesortofmetaphoricallysawanangel,repeatedJJ.Hehadtheflatdisbeliefthingoffpatnow.
Yeah.Yeah.Imean,somethingturnedusbaethingsavedourlives.Whynotanangel?Becausetherewasntone.
OK,wedidntseeoyoucouldsaythatanythingwasanangel.
Anygirl,anyway.Me,orevenMaureen.
Anygirlcouldbeanangel.JJagain.
Yeah.Becauseofangels.Girls.
HaveyoueverheardoftheAngelGabriel,forexample?No.
Well,he-he-wasanangel.
Yeah?ForsomereasonIsuddenlylostpatience.
Whatisthisnonsense?youhearyourself,Jess?WhathaveIsaidnow?Wedidntseeanangel,literallyormetaphorically.And,ially,seeingsomethiaphorically,whateverthatmeans,isnotthesameasseeingsomething.Withyoureyes.Which,asIuandit,iswhatyoureproposingwesay.Thatsnotembellishing.Thatstalkingbullshit,sorry,Maureen.Tobeho,Idkeepthistoyourself.Iwouldnttellanyoneabouttheangel.henationalpress.
Butsayifwegetontellyaaceto,youknow,spreadourmessage?Weallstaredather.
Whatthehellisourmessage?Well.Thatssortofuptous,isntit?Howwasonesupposedtuewithamindlikethis?Thethreeofusnevermaofindaway,sowetentedourselveswithridiculeandsarcasm,aernoohanunspokenagreementthatasthree-quartersofushadntreallyenjoyedourbriefmomentofmediaexposure,wewouldallowthecurrentiinourmentalhealthtodwindleawaytonothing.Andthen,acoupleofhoursafterIgothome,therehonecallfromTheo,askingmewhyIhadnttoldhimthatIdseenanangel.
<strong>JESS</strong>
Theywerenthappy.Martinwastheworst:hewentupthefugwall.
Hecalledmeathomeaoffononeforabouttenminutes.ButIknewhewasgoingtobeallrightaboutit,becauseDadahephone,andMartinneversaidanythingtohim.IfhedsaidanythingtoDad,theorywouldhaveeapart.Ithefourofustosticktuns,andaslongaswedidthat,wecouldsaywedseenwhateverwewaohaveseehingis,itwastoogoodaowaste,wasntit?Andtheykhat,whichiswhyIthoughttheyderoundtoitintheend-whichtheydid,sortof.Andforme,itwasourfirstbigtestasagroup.Theyallhadastraightforwardchoiake:weretheyonmysideornot?Andtobeho,iftheyddecidedthattheywerent,IdoubtwhetherIdhavehadanythingmoretodowiththem.Itwouldhavesaidalotaboutthemaspeople,good.
IadmitIwasabitsneaky.FirstofallIaskedJJthehewomanwhoderoundtoseehimthatm,aoldmeherhepapersheworkedfor,whichwasabonus.HethoughtIwasjustmakingversation,butIthoughtitmighteinhandyatsomestage.AndthenwhenIgothome,Icalledthepaper.IsaidIdonlyspeaktoher,aoldthemmyheygavemehermobilenumber.
ShewascalledLinda,andshewasreallyfriendly.Ithoughtshemightthinkitwasallabitweird,butshewasveryiedandencing,really.Ifshehadafaultasajournalist,Idsayitwasthatshewastooencing,ifanything.Toobelievingandtrusting.Youdexpectagoodjournalisttobeall,youknow,HowdoIknowyouretellih,butIcouldhavetoldheranythingandshedhavewrittenitdown.Shewasslightlyunprofessional,betweenyouandme.
Soshewasall,Whatdidthisangellooklike,Jess?ShesaidJessalot,toshowthatwewerefriends.
Idthoughtaboutthis.Thestupidthingtosaywouldhavebeenthathe-Iddecidedhewasahe,becauseofGabriel-lookedlikeachurgel,withwingsandallthat.Thatwouldgiveoffthewrongsignals,Ithought.
Notwhatyoudexpect,Isaid.AndLi,What,nowingsorhaloes,Jess?Andshelaughed-like,Whatkindofberkwouldsaytheydseenahwingsandahalo?SoIknewIdmadetherightdecision.
Ilaughedaswell,a,No,helookedallmodern,andshewaslike,Really?
(Ialwaysdothis,whenImtalkingaboutwhatsomeonesaid.Imalways,like,SoIwaslike,and,Shewent,andalllikethat.Butwhenaversationgoesonabit,itsadrag,isntit?Like,went,like,went.SoImgoingtodoitlikeaplayfromnowon,OK?Imnotsogoodonspeechmarksorwhatever,butIrememberplaysfromreadisE:Yeah.Hewasdressedmodern.Helookedlikehecouldhavebeeninabandorsomething.
LINDA:Aband?Whid?
ME:Idontknow.Radioheadorsomeonelikethat.
LINDA:WhyRadiohead?
(Youcouldntsayanythingwithoutheraskingaquestion.IsaidRadioheadbecausetheydontlooklikeanythingmuch.Theyrejustblokes,arentthey?)ME:Idontknow.OrBlur.Or…Whosthatguy?Inthatfilm?HesnottheonewhosnotmarriedtoJenniferLopez,hestheotherone,andtheywonanOscar,becausehewasgoodatmathseventhoughhewasonlyaer…Theblot.
LINDA:TheangellookedlikeMattDamon?
ME:Yeah,Isuppose.Abit.
LINDA:So.AhandsomeangelwholookedlikeMattDamon.
ME:Hesnotallthat,MattDamon.But,yeah.
LINDA:Andwhendidheappear,thisangel?
ME:When?
LINDA:Yes,when.Imean,howcloseto…tojumpingwereyou?
ME:Oh,reallyan.Hecameinatthelastminute.
LINDA:Wow.Soyouwerestandingontheledge?Allofyou?
ME:Yeah.Weddecidedweweregoingtogether.Forpany,sortofthing.Sowewerestandingtheresayingoodbyestoeachotherandthat.AndweweregoingtodoOwo,Three,Jumpandweheardthisvoicebehindus.
LINDA:Youmusthavebeenfrighteofyourwits.
ME:Yeah…LINDA:Itwasawonderyoudidntfalloff.
ME:Yeah.
LINDA:Soyouallturnedaround…ME:Yeah.Weallturnedaround,andhesaid…LINDA:Sorry.Whatwashewearing?
ME:Justasortof…Likeabaggysuit,sortofthing.Abaggywhitesuit.Quitefashionable,really.Lookedlikeithadsethimbackafewquid.
LINDA:Adesignersuit?
ME:Yeah.
LINDA:Tie?
ME:No.Notie.
LINDA:Aninformalangel.
ME:Yeah.Smart-casual,anyway.
LINDA:Anddidyouknowimmediatelyhewasntahumanman?
ME:Oh,yeah.
LINDA:How?
ME:Hewasall…fuzzy.Likehewasnttunedinproperly.Andyoucouldseerightthroughhim.Youcouldntseehisliveroranythinglikethat.
Youcouldjustseelikethebuildingsohersideofhim.Oh,yeah-plus,hewashabovetheroof.
LINDA:Howhigh?
ME:High,man.WhenIfirstsawhim,Iwaslike,thatguyisfivemetrestall.ButwhenIlookeddownathisfeet,theywereametreabovetheground.
LINDA:Sohewasabouttwelvefeettall?
ME:Twometresabovetheground,then.
LINDA:Sohewastall.
ME:Threemetres.Whatever.
LINDA:Sohisfeetwereaboveyourheads.
ME:(Beingfuckedoffwithhergoingonaboutmetres,buttryingnottoshowit)Tobeginwith.Buttheofworkedoutthathedoverdo,andhe,youknow.Camedownabit.Igottheimpressionthathehadntdoneanyhforawhile.Hewasabitrusty.
(IwasjustmakingthisstuffupasIwentalong.Imean,youknowalreadyIwasmakingitup.ButseeingashowIdcalledherwithoutthinkinganyofitthrough,IthoughtIwasdoingreallywell.Sheseemedtolikeit,anyway.)LINDA:Amazing.ME:Yeah.Itreallywas.LINDA:Sowhatdidhesay?
ME:Hesaid,youknow,Dontjump.Buthesaiditverypeacefully.
Calmly.Hehadthislikeinnerwisdom.YoucouldtellhewasamessengerfromGod.LINDA:Didhesaythat?
ME:Notinsomanywords.Butyoucouldworkitout.LINDA:Becauseoftheinnerwisdom.
ME:Yeah.Hehadthatsortofairabouthim,likehedmetGodpersonally.Itwaswicked.LINDA:Thatsallhesaid?
ME:Hewaslike,Yourtimehasnteyet.Gobackdownandsendpeoplethismessageoffortandjoy.Ahemthatwarisstupid.
WhichissomethingIpersonallybelieve.
(Thatlastbit,theWhichIpersonallybelievebit,artoftheplay.
Imjustgivingyouextrainformation,soyougetabetterpictureofthekindofpersonIam.)LINDA:Anddoyouiospreadthatmessage?ME:Yeah.Course.Thatsohereasotodothisinterview.Andifanyofyourreadersarelikeworldleaderseneralsorterroristsorwhatever,thentheyshouldknowthatGodisnotahappybunnyatthemoment.Heswellpissedoffwiththatsideofthings.
LINDA:Imsureourreaderswillfindthatverythought-provoking.
Andyouallsawit?
ME:Oh,yeah.Youcouldntmisshim.
LINDA:MartinSharpsawit?
ME:Oh,yeah.Course.Hesawit…hesawitmorethananyofus.
(Ididntquiteknowwhatthatmeant,butIcouldtellitortanttoherthatMartinwasinvolved.)LINDA:Sonowwhat?
ME:Well.Wevegottoworkoutwhatweregoingtodo.
LINDA:Ofcourse.Willyoubetalkingtoanyotherneers?
ME:Oh,yeah.Definitely.
Ileasedwiththat.Igotheruptofivegrandintheend.Ihadtopromisethatshedhaveacetospeaktoeverybody,though.
JJItdidntseemlikeitwasgoingtobetoodifficult,atfirst.OK,noneofuswasthrilledthatJesshadgotusintothisahing,butitdidntseemworthfallingoutover.Wedgritourteeth,saywedseenaakethemoneyandtryandfetiteverhappened.Butthedayyouresittinginfrontofajournalist,andyoureallagreeingwithastraightfacethatthisfugangellookedlikeMattDamon,andloyaltyseemedlikethedumbestofallthevirtues.Itwasntlikeyoucouldjustghthemotioher,whenyouresupposedtohaveseenanangel.Youtjustsay,Yeah,blah,angel,whatever.Seeinganangelisclearlyabigdeal,soyouvegottoactlikeitsabigdeal,withexcitementandopen-mouthedawe,anditshardtodoopen-mouthe松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
ThatswhyIwashere.
Therewasasilence.
Thatsit?saidJess.
Thatsit.
Thatspathetic.Iseewhyyoucameoutwithallthatcrapaboutthediseasenow.YoudratherdiethannotbeinabandthatsoundsliketheRollingStones?Idbetheopposite.IdratherdieifIwas.DopeoplestillliketheminAmerioonedoeshere.
ThatsMickJagger,isntit,theRollingStones?Maureeheywerequitegood,wereheydidwellforthemselves.MickJaggersnotsittinghereeatingstaleCustardCreamslikeJJ,ishe?TheywerenewrightbeforeChristmas,saidMaureen.MaybeIdidntputthelidbathebiscuittinproperly.
Iwasstartingtothinkwewerelosingfoyissues.
TheStohing…Thatskindofnotimportant.Thatwasjustlikeanillustration.Ijustmeant…songs,guitars,energy.
Hesabouteighty,saidJess.Hehasntgotanyenergy.
Isawthemin,saidMartin.ThenightEnglandlosttoGermanyintheWorldpenalties.AchapfromGuiookawholecrowdofus,andeveryomostoftheeveninglisteningtotheradio.Anyway,hehadalotofehen.
Hewasoythen,saidJess.
Willyoushutthefuckup?Sorry,Maureen.(Fromnowon,justpresumethateverytimeIspeakIsayfuck,fugormotherfuckerandSorry,Maureen,OK?)Imtryingtotellyouaboutmywholelife.
oppingyou,saidJess.Butyouvegottomakeitmoreiing.Thatswhywedriftoffandtalkaboutbiscuits.
OK,allright.Look,theresnothingelseforme.Imqualifiedfornothing.Ididntgraduatefromhighschool.Ijusthadtheband,andnowitsgone,andIdidntmakeatoutofit,andImlookingatalifeofflippingburgers.
Jesssnorted.
Nowwhat?Justsoundsfunny,hearingaYanksay"flipping"insteadof…youknowwhat.
Idontthinkhemeant"flipping"like"flippingheck",saidMartin.Ithinkhemeantflippingasinturningthemover.Thatswhattheycallit.
Oh,saidJess.
AndImworrieditwillkillme.
Hardworkneverkilledanyone,saidMaureen.Idontmindhardwork,youknow?Buteretandrec…Thatwasme,thatas,and,andIjustfeelemptyandfrustratedand,and…See,whenyouknowyood,youthinkthatwillbeenough,thatllgetyouthere,adoesnt…Whatareyousupposedtodowithitall?Wheredoyouputit,huh?Theresnowhereforittogo,and,anditwas…Man,itusedtoeatmeupevehingsweregoingOK,becauseevehingsweregoingOK,Iwasntonstageorreclikeeverymiheday,andsometimesitfeltlikeIobe,otherwiseIdexplode,youknow?Sonow,nowtheresnowhereforittogo.Weusedtohavethissong…IhavenoideawhyIstarteduponthis.Weusedtohavethissong,thislittlelikeMotownythingcalled"IGotYourBack",whichmeandEddiewrotetogether,reallytogether,whichwedidntusuallydo,anditwaslike,youknow,atributetoourfriendshipandhowfarbackwewentandblahblah.Anyhow,itwasonourfirstalbumanditwasliketwominutesandthirtysedslongandnoonereallynoticedit,Imean,peoplewhoactuallyboughtthealbumdidiceit.Butwestartedplayingitlive,anditkindofgotlonger,andEddieworkedoutthissweetsolo.Itwasntlikearockguitarsolo;itwasmorelikesomethingmaybe,Idontknow,CurtisMayfieldorErnieIsleymighthaveplayed.Andsometimes,whenweplayedaroundChicagoandwedjamwithfriendsonstage,wedhavemaybeasaxsoloorapianosoloormaybeevenlikeapedalsteelorsomething,andafterlikeayearortwoitgottobethisliketen-,twelve-minuteshowstopper.Andwedopenwithitorclosewithitorstickitinthemiddlesomewhereifwewereplayingalo,andtomeitbecamethesoundofpurefugjoy,sorryMaureen,youknow?Purejoy.Itfeltlikesurfing,or,orwhatever,anaturalhigh.Youcouldridethosechordslikewaves.Ihadthatfeelingmaybeahuimesayear,andnotmanypeoplegetiteveheirlives.AndthatswhatIhadtogiveup,man,theabilitytocreatethatroutinely,wheneverIfeltlikeit,aspartofmywday,and…Youknow,nowthatIthinkaboutit,IseewhyImadeupthatbullshit,sorryMaureen,aboutdyingofsomefugdisease,sain.Becausethatswhatitfeelslike.Imdyingofsomediseasethatdriesupallthebloodinyourveinsandallyoursapand,ahingthatmakesyoufeelalive,and…Yeah,and?saidMartin.Youseemtohaveomittedthepartaboutwhyyouwanttokillyourself.
Thatsit,Isaid.Thisdiseasethatdriesupallthebloodinyourveins.
Thatsjustpenstoeveryone,saidMartin.Itscalled"gettingolder".IfeltlikethatevenbeforeIdbeentoprison.EvenbeforeIsleptwiththatgirl.ItsprobablywhyIsleptwithher,etothinkofit.
No,Igetit,saidJess.
Yeah?CourseIdo.Yourefucked.ShewavedanapologetidinMaureensdire,likeatennisplayeraowledgingaluetcord.Youthoughtyoingtobesomeonowitsobviousyourenobody.Youhaventgotasmuchtalentasyouthoughtyouhad,andtherelanB,andyougotnoskillsandnoeducation,andnowyourelookingatfortyorfiftyyearsofnothihannothing,probably.Thatsprettyheavy.Thatsworsethanhavingthebrainthing,becausewhatyougotnowwilltakealotlookillyou.Youvegotthechoiceofaslowpainfuldeath,oraquickmercifulone.
Sheshrugged.
Shewasright.Shegotit.
<strong>MAUREEN</strong>
IwouldhavegotawaywithitifJesshadntgohetoilet.Butyoutstoppeoplegoingtothetoilet,you?Iwasgreen.Itneveroccurredtomethatshedbenosingaroundwhereshehadnobusiness.
Shewasgoneawhile,andshecamebackgrinningalloverherstupidface,holdingacoupleoftheposters.
Inonehaheposterofthegirl,andihertheposteroftheblackfella,thefootballer.
Sowhosearethesethen?shesaid.
Istoodupandshoutedather.Putthoseback!Theyrenotyours!Idneverhavethoughtitofyou,shesaid.Soletsworkthisout.Youreadykewhohasabitofathingforblackguyswithbigthighs.Kinky.
Hiddehs.
IticalofJess,Ithought.Sheonlyhasafilthyimagination,whichistosay,noimaginationatall.
Doyouevenknowwhothesepeopleare?shesaid.
TheyreMattys,theposters,notmine.Hedoesntknowtheyrehis,ofcourse,buttheyare;Ichosethemforhim.IkhatthegirlwascalledBuffy,becausethatswhatitsaidoer,butIdidntreallyknowwhoBuffywas;Ijustthoughtitwouldbeniattytohaveanattractiveyoungwomanaroundtheplace,becausehesthatagenow.AndIkhattheblackfellaplayedforArsenal,butIonlycaughthisfirstname,Paddy.ItookadviJohnatthechurch,whogoesalongtoHighburyeveryweek,andhesaideveryonelovedPaddy,soIaskedhimifhedbringmebackapictureformyladimehewenttoagame.Hesani,John,andheboughtagreatbigpictureofPaddycelebratingagoal,andhedidntevenayingforit,butthingsgotalittleawkwardafterwards.
Forsomereasonhedecidedmyladwasalittlelad,tenortwelve,andhepromisedtotakehimtoagame.AndsometimesonSundayms,whenArsenalhadlostourday,heaskedhowMattywastakingit,andsometimeswhentheydwonabiggamehedsay,Illbetyourladshappy,andsoon.AndthenoneFridaymwhenIwaswheelingMattybatheshops,webumpedintohim.AndIcouldhavesaidnothing,butsometimesyouhavetoadmittoyourselfandtoeveryoneelse,ThisisMatty.Thisismylad.SoIdid,andJohnnevermentionedArsenalagaihat.IdontmissthatonaSundaym.Therearelotsofgoodreasonstoloseyourfaith.
IchosethepostersthesameasIchosealltheotherthingsthatJesshadprobablybeenrummagingthrough,thetapesandthebooksaballbootsandtheputergamesandthevideos.Thediariesarendyaddressbooks.(Addressbooks!DearGod!Ofallthethingsthatspellitout.
Iputatapeonforhim,andhopehewaslisteningtoit,butwhatamIgoingtofillanaddressbookwith?Ihaveoneofmyown.)Thejazzypens,thecameraandtheWalkman.Lotsofwatches.Theresawholeueenagelifeinthere.
Thisallbeganyearsago,whenIdecidedtodecoratehisbedroom.
Hewaseight,aillsleptinanursery-soains,bunnyrabbitsonthefriezeroundthewall,allthethingsIdchosenwhenIwaswaitingforhimandIdidntknowwhathewas.Anditeelingaway,anditlookedterrible,andIhadntdohingaboutitbecauseitmademethinktoomuchaboutwhatwasnthappeningtohim,allthewayshewasntgrowingup.WhatwasIgoingtoreplacethebunnyrabbitswith?
Hewaseight,soperhapstrainsandrocketshipsandmaybeevenfootballersweretherightsortofthingforhim-butofcoursehedidntknowwhatanyofthosethingswere,whattheymeant,whattheydid.Butthereagain,hedidntknowwhattherabbitswereeither,orthes.SowhatwasIsupposedtodo?Everythingretending,wasntit?TheonlythingIcoulddothatwasntmake-believeaintthewallswhite,getaplainpairofcurtains.ThatwouldbeawayoftellinghimandmeandanyoneelsewhocameinthatIknewhewasavegetable,acabbage,andIwasnttryingtohideit.Butthen,wheredoesitstop?DoesthatmeanyoueverbuyhimaT-shirtwithawordonit,orapicture,becausehellneverread,amakeanysenseofpictures?Andwhoknowswhetherheevesanythingoutofcolours,orpatterns?Anditgoeswithoutsayingthattalkingtohimisridiculous,andsmilingathim,andkissinghimonthehead.EverythingIdoispretending,sowhynotpretendproperly?
Intheend,Iwentfortrainsoains,andyourmanfromStarWarsonthelampshade.AndsoohatIstartedbuyingicseverynowandagain,justtoseewhataladofhisagemightbereadingandthinkingabout.AchedtheSaturdaymtelevisioher,soIlearnedalittlebitaboutpopsingershemightlike,andsometimesabouttheTVprogrammeshedbewatg.Isaidbeforethatoheworstthingswasnevermovingon,aendingtomoveogeanything.Butithelps.Withoutit,whatisthereleft?Andanyway,thinkingaboutthesethingshelpedmetoseeMatty,inastraofaway.IsupposeitmustbewhattheydowhehinkofanewcharacterforEastEheymustsaytothemselves,well,whatdoesthispersonlike?Whatdoeshelistento,whoarehisfriends,whatfootballteamdoeshesupport?ThatswhatIdid-Imadeupason.HesupportsArsenal,helikesfishing,althoughhedoesnthavearodyet.Helikespopmusic,butnotthesortofpopmusicwherepeoplesinghalf-nakedaofswearwords.Veryoccasionally,peopleaskwhathewantsforhisbirthdayorChristmas,ahem,andtheykerthantoactsurprised.
Mostdistantfamilymembershavehim,andneveraskedto.Alltheyknowabouthimisjustthathesnotallthere,ortheressomethingnhtwithhim.Theydontwanttoknowanymore,sotheyneversay,Oh,hefish?Or,intheyUncleMichael,Oh,heswimuerandthenlookathiswatchwhilehesdowheyrejustgratefultobetoldwhattodo.Mattytookoverthewholeflat,intheend.
Youknowhowkidsdo.Stuffeverywhere.
ItdoesntmatterwhetherIknowwhotheyareornot,Isaid.TheybelongtoMatty.
Oh,hesabigfanof…Justdoasyouretoldandputthemback,saidMartin.Putthembacketout.Howmuchofabitchdoyoureallywanttobe?Oneday,Ithought,Illlearntosaythatformyself.
MARTINMattysposterswereionedagainthatday.Wewereallcurious,ofcourse,butJesshadehatJJandIcouldntexpressthiscuriosity:Jesssetthingsupsothatyouwereeitherfainsther,andinthismatter,asinsomanyothers,wewereagainsther-whichmeantstayingquietonthisissue.Butbecauseweresentedbeingmadetostayquiet,webecameaggressiveandnoisyonanyotherissuewecouldbringtomind.
Youtstandyourdad,you?Iaskedher.
No,coursenot.Hesatosser.
Butyoulivewithhim?So?Howyoustickit,man?JJaskedher.
taffordtomoveout.Plustheyvegotaerandcableandbroadbandandallthat.
Ah,tobeyoungandidealistidprincipled!Isaid.Anti-globalization,pro-er,eh?Yeah,Imreallygoingtobelecturedbyyoutwojerks.Plustherestheotherthing.TheJenthing.Theyworry.
Ah,yes.TheJenthing.JJandIweremomentarilychastened.Lookedatiainlight,thepreviousversationcouldbesummarizedasfollows:amalyimprisonedforhavihaminor,andanotherwhohadfabricatedafataldiseasebecausetodososavedhimsometime,troubleandfacehadridiculedagrievingteenagerforwantingtobeathomewithhergrievingparents.ImadeaoputasidesometimelatersothatIcouldsynopsizeitdifferently.
Weweresorrytohearaboutyoursister,saidMaureen.
Yeah,well,itdidnthappeerday,didit?Weweresorryanyway,saidJJwearily.gthemoralhighgroundtoJesssimplymeantthatshecouldpissallovereveryoilshegotthrownoffagain.
Gotusedtoitnow.
Haveyou?Iasked.
Sortof...
Mustbeastrahingtohavetogetusedto.
Bit.
Dontyouthinkaboutitallthetime?JJaskedher.
twetalkaboutwhatweresupposedtobetalkingabout?Whichiswhat,exactly?Aboutwhatweregoingtodo.Aboutthepapersandallthat.
Dowehavetodoanything?Ithinkso,saidJJ.
Theyllfetaboutussoon,youknow,Isaid.Itsonlybecausefuckallhappens,sorry,Maureen,atthebeginningoftheyear.
Whatifwedontwaetaboutus?saidJess.
Whythehellwouldwewaoremember?Iaskedher.
Weakesomedosh.Anditdbesomethingtodo.
Whatwouldbesomethingtodo?Idunno.Ijust…Igetthefeelingthatweredifferent.Thatpeoplewouldlikeus,aerestedinus.
Youremad.
Yeah.Exactly.Thatswhytheydbeiedinme.Icouldevenplayitupabit,ifyoulike.
Imsurethatwontbenecessary,Isaidquickly,onbehalfofthethreeofus,andindeedonbehalfoftheentirepopulationofBritain.Yourefineasyouare.
Jesssmiledsweetly,surprisedbytheunsoughtpliment.Thanks,Martin.Soareyou.Andyou-theydwanttoknowhowyoufuckedupyourlifewiththegirl.Andyou,JJ,theydwanttoknowaboutpizzasandallthat.AndMaureencouldtelleveryoneabouthowshititislivingwithMatty.See,wedbelikesuperheroes,theX-Menorwhatever.Weveallgotsomesecretsuperpower.
Yeah,saidJJ.Righton.Ihavethesuperpowerofdeliveringpizzas.
AndMaureenhasthesuperpowerofadisabledson.
Well,allright,superpoweristhewrongword.But,youknow.Something.
Ah,yes."Thing".Lemotjuste,asever.
Jessscowled,butwastoobesottedbyherthemetohitmewiththeinsultmyknowledgeofafnphrasedemandedanddeserved.Andwecouldsaythatwestillhaventdecidedwhetherweregoingtoactuallytopourselves-theydlikethat.
AndifwelikeactuallysoldtheTVrightstoValentinesNight…MaybetheycouldturnitintoaBigBrotherkindathing.Youcouldrootforthepersonyouwaogoover,saidJJ.
Jesslookeddubious.Idontknowaboutthat,shesaid.Butyouknowaboutpapersandthat,Martin.Weakesomemoney,couldntwe?HasitoccurredtoyouthatIvehadenoughtroublewiththepapers?Oh,itsalwaysaboutyou,isntit?saidJess.Whataboutiftheresafewquidinitforus?Butwhatsthestory?saidJJ.Theresnostory.Wewentup,wecamedown,thatsit.Peoplemustdothatallthetime.
Ivebeenthinkingaboutthis.Howaboutifwesawsomething?saidJess.
Likewhat?Whatarewesupposedtohaveseen?OK.Howaboutifwesawanangel?Anangel,saidJJflatly.Yeah.
Ididntseeanangel,saidMaureen.Whendidyouseeanangel?Noonesawanangel,Iexplained.Jessisproposingthatweiaspiritualexperienceforfinancialgain.
Thatsterrible,saidMaureen,ifonlybecauseitwassoclearlyexpectedofher.
Itsnotreallyiing,isit?saidJess.No?Inwhatsensedidweactuallyseeanangel?Whatdoyoucallitinpoems?Imsorry?Youknow,inpoems.AndinEnglishLiterature.Sometimesyousaysomethingislikesomethingandsometimesyousaysomethingissomething.Youknow,myloveislikeafuck-bloodyroseorwhatever.
Similesaaphors.
Yeah.Exactly.Shakespeareiedthem,didhatswhyhewasagenius.
No.
Whowasit,then?Nevermind.
SowhywasShakespeareagenius?Whatdidhedo?Aime.
OK.Anyway.Sowhichistheonewhereyousaysomethingissomething,like"Youareaprick"evenifyourenotactuallyaprick.Asinapenis.Obviously.
Maureenlookedclosetotears.Oh,fodssake,Jess,Isaid.
Sorry.Sorry.Ididntknowifwehadthesameswearingrulesifitwasonlyfordiscussionaboutgrammarandthat.
Wedht.Sorry,Maureen.OK,"Youareapig"whenyourenotapig.
Metaphor.
Exactly.Wedidntliterallyseeanangel.Butwesortofdidmetaphorically.
Wesortofmetaphoricallysawanangel,repeatedJJ.Hehadtheflatdisbeliefthingoffpatnow.
Yeah.Yeah.Imean,somethingturnedusbaethingsavedourlives.Whynotanangel?Becausetherewasntone.
OK,wedidntseeoyoucouldsaythatanythingwasanangel.
Anygirl,anyway.Me,orevenMaureen.
Anygirlcouldbeanangel.JJagain.
Yeah.Becauseofangels.Girls.
HaveyoueverheardoftheAngelGabriel,forexample?No.
Well,he-he-wasanangel.
Yeah?ForsomereasonIsuddenlylostpatience.
Whatisthisnonsense?youhearyourself,Jess?WhathaveIsaidnow?Wedidntseeanangel,literallyormetaphorically.And,ially,seeingsomethiaphorically,whateverthatmeans,isnotthesameasseeingsomething.Withyoureyes.Which,asIuandit,iswhatyoureproposingwesay.Thatsnotembellishing.Thatstalkingbullshit,sorry,Maureen.Tobeho,Idkeepthistoyourself.Iwouldnttellanyoneabouttheangel.henationalpress.
Butsayifwegetontellyaaceto,youknow,spreadourmessage?Weallstaredather.
Whatthehellisourmessage?Well.Thatssortofuptous,isntit?Howwasonesupposedtuewithamindlikethis?Thethreeofusnevermaofindaway,sowetentedourselveswithridiculeandsarcasm,aernoohanunspokenagreementthatasthree-quartersofushadntreallyenjoyedourbriefmomentofmediaexposure,wewouldallowthecurrentiinourmentalhealthtodwindleawaytonothing.Andthen,acoupleofhoursafterIgothome,therehonecallfromTheo,askingmewhyIhadnttoldhimthatIdseenanangel.
<strong>JESS</strong>
Theywerenthappy.Martinwastheworst:hewentupthefugwall.
Hecalledmeathomeaoffononeforabouttenminutes.ButIknewhewasgoingtobeallrightaboutit,becauseDadahephone,andMartinneversaidanythingtohim.IfhedsaidanythingtoDad,theorywouldhaveeapart.Ithefourofustosticktuns,andaslongaswedidthat,wecouldsaywedseenwhateverwewaohaveseehingis,itwastoogoodaowaste,wasntit?Andtheykhat,whichiswhyIthoughttheyderoundtoitintheend-whichtheydid,sortof.Andforme,itwasourfirstbigtestasagroup.Theyallhadastraightforwardchoiake:weretheyonmysideornot?Andtobeho,iftheyddecidedthattheywerent,IdoubtwhetherIdhavehadanythingmoretodowiththem.Itwouldhavesaidalotaboutthemaspeople,good.
IadmitIwasabitsneaky.FirstofallIaskedJJthehewomanwhoderoundtoseehimthatm,aoldmeherhepapersheworkedfor,whichwasabonus.HethoughtIwasjustmakingversation,butIthoughtitmighteinhandyatsomestage.AndthenwhenIgothome,Icalledthepaper.IsaidIdonlyspeaktoher,aoldthemmyheygavemehermobilenumber.
ShewascalledLinda,andshewasreallyfriendly.Ithoughtshemightthinkitwasallabitweird,butshewasveryiedandencing,really.Ifshehadafaultasajournalist,Idsayitwasthatshewastooencing,ifanything.Toobelievingandtrusting.Youdexpectagoodjournalisttobeall,youknow,HowdoIknowyouretellih,butIcouldhavetoldheranythingandshedhavewrittenitdown.Shewasslightlyunprofessional,betweenyouandme.
Soshewasall,Whatdidthisangellooklike,Jess?ShesaidJessalot,toshowthatwewerefriends.
Idthoughtaboutthis.Thestupidthingtosaywouldhavebeenthathe-Iddecidedhewasahe,becauseofGabriel-lookedlikeachurgel,withwingsandallthat.Thatwouldgiveoffthewrongsignals,Ithought.
Notwhatyoudexpect,Isaid.AndLi,What,nowingsorhaloes,Jess?Andshelaughed-like,Whatkindofberkwouldsaytheydseenahwingsandahalo?SoIknewIdmadetherightdecision.
Ilaughedaswell,a,No,helookedallmodern,andshewaslike,Really?
(Ialwaysdothis,whenImtalkingaboutwhatsomeonesaid.Imalways,like,SoIwaslike,and,Shewent,andalllikethat.Butwhenaversationgoesonabit,itsadrag,isntit?Like,went,like,went.SoImgoingtodoitlikeaplayfromnowon,OK?Imnotsogoodonspeechmarksorwhatever,butIrememberplaysfromreadisE:Yeah.Hewasdressedmodern.Helookedlikehecouldhavebeeninabandorsomething.
LINDA:Aband?Whid?
ME:Idontknow.Radioheadorsomeonelikethat.
LINDA:WhyRadiohead?
(Youcouldntsayanythingwithoutheraskingaquestion.IsaidRadioheadbecausetheydontlooklikeanythingmuch.Theyrejustblokes,arentthey?)ME:Idontknow.OrBlur.Or…Whosthatguy?Inthatfilm?HesnottheonewhosnotmarriedtoJenniferLopez,hestheotherone,andtheywonanOscar,becausehewasgoodatmathseventhoughhewasonlyaer…Theblot.
LINDA:TheangellookedlikeMattDamon?
ME:Yeah,Isuppose.Abit.
LINDA:So.AhandsomeangelwholookedlikeMattDamon.
ME:Hesnotallthat,MattDamon.But,yeah.
LINDA:Andwhendidheappear,thisangel?
ME:When?
LINDA:Yes,when.Imean,howcloseto…tojumpingwereyou?
ME:Oh,reallyan.Hecameinatthelastminute.
LINDA:Wow.Soyouwerestandingontheledge?Allofyou?
ME:Yeah.Weddecidedweweregoingtogether.Forpany,sortofthing.Sowewerestandingtheresayingoodbyestoeachotherandthat.AndweweregoingtodoOwo,Three,Jumpandweheardthisvoicebehindus.
LINDA:Youmusthavebeenfrighteofyourwits.
ME:Yeah…LINDA:Itwasawonderyoudidntfalloff.
ME:Yeah.
LINDA:Soyouallturnedaround…ME:Yeah.Weallturnedaround,andhesaid…LINDA:Sorry.Whatwashewearing?
ME:Justasortof…Likeabaggysuit,sortofthing.Abaggywhitesuit.Quitefashionable,really.Lookedlikeithadsethimbackafewquid.
LINDA:Adesignersuit?
ME:Yeah.
LINDA:Tie?
ME:No.Notie.
LINDA:Aninformalangel.
ME:Yeah.Smart-casual,anyway.
LINDA:Anddidyouknowimmediatelyhewasntahumanman?
ME:Oh,yeah.
LINDA:How?
ME:Hewasall…fuzzy.Likehewasnttunedinproperly.Andyoucouldseerightthroughhim.Youcouldntseehisliveroranythinglikethat.
Youcouldjustseelikethebuildingsohersideofhim.Oh,yeah-plus,hewashabovetheroof.
LINDA:Howhigh?
ME:High,man.WhenIfirstsawhim,Iwaslike,thatguyisfivemetrestall.ButwhenIlookeddownathisfeet,theywereametreabovetheground.
LINDA:Sohewasabouttwelvefeettall?
ME:Twometresabovetheground,then.
LINDA:Sohewastall.
ME:Threemetres.Whatever.
LINDA:Sohisfeetwereaboveyourheads.
ME:(Beingfuckedoffwithhergoingonaboutmetres,buttryingnottoshowit)Tobeginwith.Buttheofworkedoutthathedoverdo,andhe,youknow.Camedownabit.Igottheimpressionthathehadntdoneanyhforawhile.Hewasabitrusty.
(IwasjustmakingthisstuffupasIwentalong.Imean,youknowalreadyIwasmakingitup.ButseeingashowIdcalledherwithoutthinkinganyofitthrough,IthoughtIwasdoingreallywell.Sheseemedtolikeit,anyway.)LINDA:Amazing.ME:Yeah.Itreallywas.LINDA:Sowhatdidhesay?
ME:Hesaid,youknow,Dontjump.Buthesaiditverypeacefully.
Calmly.Hehadthislikeinnerwisdom.YoucouldtellhewasamessengerfromGod.LINDA:Didhesaythat?
ME:Notinsomanywords.Butyoucouldworkitout.LINDA:Becauseoftheinnerwisdom.
ME:Yeah.Hehadthatsortofairabouthim,likehedmetGodpersonally.Itwaswicked.LINDA:Thatsallhesaid?
ME:Hewaslike,Yourtimehasnteyet.Gobackdownandsendpeoplethismessageoffortandjoy.Ahemthatwarisstupid.
WhichissomethingIpersonallybelieve.
(Thatlastbit,theWhichIpersonallybelievebit,artoftheplay.
Imjustgivingyouextrainformation,soyougetabetterpictureofthekindofpersonIam.)LINDA:Anddoyouiospreadthatmessage?ME:Yeah.Course.Thatsohereasotodothisinterview.Andifanyofyourreadersarelikeworldleaderseneralsorterroristsorwhatever,thentheyshouldknowthatGodisnotahappybunnyatthemoment.Heswellpissedoffwiththatsideofthings.
LINDA:Imsureourreaderswillfindthatverythought-provoking.
Andyouallsawit?
ME:Oh,yeah.Youcouldntmisshim.
LINDA:MartinSharpsawit?
ME:Oh,yeah.Course.Hesawit…hesawitmorethananyofus.
(Ididntquiteknowwhatthatmeant,butIcouldtellitortanttoherthatMartinwasinvolved.)LINDA:Sonowwhat?
ME:Well.Wevegottoworkoutwhatweregoingtodo.
LINDA:Ofcourse.Willyoubetalkingtoanyotherneers?
ME:Oh,yeah.Definitely.
Ileasedwiththat.Igotheruptofivegrandintheend.Ihadtopromisethatshedhaveacetospeaktoeverybody,though.
JJItdidntseemlikeitwasgoingtobetoodifficult,atfirst.OK,noneofuswasthrilledthatJesshadgotusintothisahing,butitdidntseemworthfallingoutover.Wedgritourteeth,saywedseenaakethemoneyandtryandfetiteverhappened.Butthedayyouresittinginfrontofajournalist,andyoureallagreeingwithastraightfacethatthisfugangellookedlikeMattDamon,andloyaltyseemedlikethedumbestofallthevirtues.Itwasntlikeyoucouldjustghthemotioher,whenyouresupposedtohaveseenanangel.Youtjustsay,Yeah,blah,angel,whatever.Seeinganangelisclearlyabigdeal,soyouvegottoactlikeitsabigdeal,withexcitementandopen-mouthedawe,anditshardtodoopen-mouthe松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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