Part 2-4
Martihatmostpeoplewillhaveheardof,saidLinda.
Martin?Isthatwhatyoucallhim?Just"TheAngel",saidMartin.Helookedhappierthanthisonthenighthetriedtokillhimself.
Ijustcheething?saidLinda.Youdidseehim,Martin,didntyou?Martinshiftedinhisseat.Youcouldtellhewasscoutingaroundtheinsideofhishead,justtomakesurethattherewerenoescaperouteshedoverlooked.
Oh,yes,saidMartin.Isawhim,allright.Hewas…Hewasawesome.
Andwiththat,hefinallywalkedintothecagethatLindahadopenedforhim.Thepublicatlargewerenowfreetopokesticksathimandcallhimnames,ahadtositthereandtakeit,likeanexhibitinafreakshow.
Butthen,wewereallfreaksnow.Whenfriendsandfamilyandex-loversopeheirneersthem,theycouldetooneofonlytwopossibleclusions:)wedallloopedtheloop,or)wewerescamartists.OK,strictlyspeaking,therewasathirdclusion-weweretellih.WesawahatlookedlikeMattDamon,whoforreasoknowntohimselftoldustogetdownofftheroof.ButIgottosay,Idontknowanyonewhodbelievethat.Maybemygreat-auntIda,wholivesinAlabamaandhandlessnakeseverySundayminherchurch,butthestoo.
AndIdontknow,man,buttomeitseemedalongwaybathere.Ifyonnadra,youdsaythatmesaionshipsandjobsandallthatstuff,allthethingsthatstitutearegularlife,wereinlikeNewOrleans,andbyingoutwithallthishorseshitwedjustputourselvessomewherenorthofAlaska.Whosgoingtogiveajobtoaguywhoseesangels?Andwhosgoingtogiveajobtoaguywhosaysheseesangelsbecausehemightmakeafewbuself?No,wewerefinishedasseriouspeople.Wehadsoldourseriosityfortwelvehundredandfiftyofylishpounds,andasfarasIcouldtellthatmoneywasgoingtohavetolastusfortherestofourlives,unlesswesawGod,orElvis,orPrincessDi.Aimewedhavetoseethemforreal,andtakephotos.
Justovertwo,REMsmanagercametoseeBigYellow,andaskedwhetherwewereiedinhispanyrepresentingus,andwesaidwewerehappyehad.REM!Twenty-sixmonthsago!Weweresittingaroundinthisfancyoffidthisguy,hewastryingtopersuadeus,youknow?AndnowIwassittingaroundwithpeoplelikeMaureenaakingpartinapatheticattempttosqueezeafewbucksoutofsomeonewhowasdesperatetogiveittous,solongaswewerepreparedtototallyembarrassourselves.Ohicoupleofyearshastaughtmeisthattheresnothingyoutfuckupifyoutryhardenough.
MyonlysolationwasthatIdidnthaveanyfriendsandfamilyhere;noonekneas,exceptforafewfansoftheband,maybe,andIliketothinkthattheywereypetoreadLindaspaper.Andsomeoftheguysatthepizzaplacemightseeacopylyingaroundsomewhere,buttheydhavesmelledthecash,andthedesperation,andtheycouldhavecaredlessaboutthehumiliation.
SothatjustleftLizzie,andifshesaictureofmelookingihe.Youknowwhyshedumpedme?ShedumpedmebecauseIwasntgoingtobearorollstarafterall.youfugbelievethat?
Noyout,becauseitsbeyondbelief,andthereforeunbelievable.
ShittihynameisWoman.Thatwasmythinking,atthatpointintime,youknow,thatitwouldnthurthertoseehowshedmessedmeup.Infact,ifIcouldbetemporarilyinvisible,thehefirstthingsIddo,afterrobbingabankandgoingintothewomensshowersatthegymandalltheusualstuff,isputthepaperdowninfrontofherandwatchherreadit.
See,IdidntknowanythingaboutanythihoughtIkhings,butIdidnt.
<strong>MAUREEN</strong>
IdidntthinkIdeverbeabletogobacktothechurchagaiheinterviewwithLinda.Idbeenthinkingaboutitabit,thedaybefore;Imisseditterribly,andIwonderedwhetherGodwouldreallymindifIjustsatatthebaddidntgotofession-ssomehowbeforeunion.ButooldLindathatIdseenanangel,IkhatIdhavetokeepaway,thatIwouldntbeabletogobackbeforeIdied.IdidntklywhatsinIditted,butIwassurethatsinsinvolvingmakingupangelsweremortal.
IstillthoughtIwasgoingtokillmyselfwhenthesixweekswereup;whatwouldhavegedmymind?IwasbusierthanIdeverbeen,whatwiththepressinterviewsaings,andIsupposethattookmymindoffthings.Butalltherunningaroundjustfeltlikelast-miivity,asifIhadsomethingstogetdonebeforeIwentonholiday.Thatas,then:apersonwhowasgoingtokillherselfsoon,themomentIcouldgetroundtoit.
IwasgoingtosaythatIsawthefirstlittleglimmeroflightthatday,thedayoftheinterviewwithLinda,butitwasntreallylikethat.ItwasmoreasifIdalreadychosenwhatIwasgoingtowatTV;andIwasbeginningtolookforwardtoit,aicedthattherewassomethingelseonthatmightbemoreiing.Idontknowaboutyou,butchoitalwayswhatIwant.Youdupfligbetweenoneelandanother,andnotwatgeitherprogrammeproperly.Idontknowhowpeoplewiththecabletelevisioncope.
penedwasthataftertheinterview,IfoundmyselftalkingtoJJ.Hewasgoingbacktohisflat,andIwasheadingtowardsthebusstop,andweendedupwalkingalongtogether.Imnotsurehewao,really,becausewevehardlyspokensinceIslappedthatmanonNewYearsEve,butitwasohoseawkwardsituationswhereIwaswalkingfivepacesbehindhim,sohestoppedforme.
Thatwaskindofhard,wasntit?hesaid,andIwassurprised,becauseIthoughtIwastheonlyonewhodfounditdifficult.
Ihatelies,Isaid.
Helookedatmeandlaughed,andthenIrememberedabouthislie.
Nooffence,Isaid.Iliedtoo.Iliedabouttheangel.AndIliedtoMatty,aswell.AboutgoingtoapartyonNewYearsEve.Andtothepeopleintherespitehome.
Godllfiveyouforthose,Ithink.Wewalkedalongalittlebitmore,andthenhesaid,fornoreasonthatIcouldtell,Whatwouldittaketogeyourmind?Aboutwhat?About…youknow.WantiAll.
Ididntknowwhattosay.
IfyouakeadealwithGod,kindofthitiheBigGuy,acrossthetablefromyou.Andhessaying,OK,Maureen,welikeyou,butwereallywantyoutostayput,oh.Whatwedotopersuadeyou?Whatweofferyou?Godsaskingmepersonally?Yeah.
IfHewasaskingmepersonally,Hewouldnthavetooffermeanything.
Really?IfGodinHisinfinitewisdomwaostayoh,thenhowcouldIaskforanything?JJlaughed.OK,then.NotGod.
Who,then?Asortof…Idontknow.Asortofic,youknow,President.OrPrimeMionyBlair.Someonewhogetthingsdone.YoudonthavetodowhatTonyBlairsayswithoutaskingforsomethingiurn.
hecureMatty?Nope.Helyarrahings.
Idlikeaholiday.
God.Youreacheapdate.YoudchoosetoliveouttherestofyournaturallifeforaweekinFlorida?Idliketogoabroad.Iveneverbeen.
Youveneverbeenabroad?HesaiditasthoughIshouldbeashamed,andforamomentIwas.
Whenwasthelasttimeyouhadaholiday?JustbeforeMattywasborn.
Andheshowold?Heseen.
OK.Well,asyourmanager,ImgoingtobeaskingtheBigGuyforaholidayayear.Maybetwo.
Youtdothat!Ireallyfeltsdalized.IseenowIwastakingitalltooseriously,butitfeltrealtome,anditseemedlikeaholidayayearwastoomuch.
Trustme,saidJJ.Iknowthemarket.iywontblinkaneye.
eon,whatelse?Oh,Icouldntaskforanythingelse.
Sayhedoesgiveyoutwoweeksholidayayear.Fiftyweeksisalongtimetowaitforit,youknow?Andyourenotgoingtogetanotherappoiwithiy.Yougoto.Everythingyouwant,youvegottoaskforinonego.
Ajob.
Youwantajob?Yes.Ofcourse.
Whatkindofjob?Anything.Winashop,maybe.Anythingtogetmeoutofthehouse.
Iusedtowork,beforeMattywasborn.IhadajobinanofficestationersinTufnellPark.Ilikedit;Ilikedallthedifferentpens,andsizesofpaperandenvelopes.Ilikedmyboss.Ihaventworkedsince.
OK.eon,eon.
Maybeabitofasociallife.Thechurchhasquizzessometimes.Likepubquizzes,butnotinthepub.Idliketohaveagoatohose.
Yep,weallowyouaquiz.
Itriedtosmile,becauseIknewJJwasjokingabit,butIwasfindingtheversationhard.Icouldntreallythinkofanythingverymudthatannoyedme.Anditmademefeelafraid,inastraofaway.Itwaslikefindingadoorthatyoudneverseenbeforeinyourownhouse.
Wouldyouwanttoknoasbehindit?Somepeoplewould,Imsure,butIwouldnt.Ididntwanttocarryontalkingaboutme.
Whataboutyou?IsaidtoJJ.Whatwouldyousaytoiy?Ha.Imnotsure,man.Hecallseveryoneman,evenifyourenotaman.Yougetusedtoit.Maybe,Idontknow.Livethelastfifteenyearsallainorsomething.Finishhighschool.Fetaboutmusic.Beethekindofpersonwhoshappytosettleforwhatheis,ratherthanwhathewantstobe,youknow?Butiytarra.
ly.
Soyoureworseoffthanme,really.iydothingsforme,butnotforyou.
No,no,shit,Imsorry,Maureen.Ididoimplythat.Youhavea…Youhaveareallyhardlife,andsyourfault,ahingthatshappeomeisjustyownstupidity,and…Theresnoparison.Really.ImsorryIevermentio.
ButIwasntsorry.IlikedthinkingaboutiuchmorethanIlikedthinkingaboutGod.
MARTINTheheadlineinLindaspaper-pageone,apahepictureofmeflatonmyfaceoutsideanightclub-readFORHARPS-SEESHARP.
Thestorydidnot,asLindahadpromiseditwould,emphasizethebeautyandmysteryofourexperieheroof;rather,itchosetotrateonanle,hesudden,gratifyingandamusinglunacyofaformertelevisionpersonality.Thejournalistinmesuspectsthatshegotthestoryabht.
Whatdoesthatmean?Jessaskedmeonthephom.
Itsanoldlagerad,Isaid."HARP-STAYSSHARP".
Whathaslagergottodowithanything?Nothing.Butthehelager.AndmynamesSharp,yousee.
OK.Thenwhathaveharpsgottodowithanything?Angelsaresupposedtoplaythem.
Arethey?Shouldwehavesaidhelayingaharp?Tomakeitmoreving?Itoldherthat,inmyopinion,theadditionofaharptotheportraitoftheAtDamonthataintedwasuohavehelpedvincepeopleofitsauthenticity.
Andanyway,howeitsallaboutyou?Wehardlygetafugmention.
Ihadmanyotherphonecallsthatm-fromTheo,whosaidthattheresbeenalotofiiory,andwhothoughtIdfinallygivenhimsomethinghecouldworkwith,aslongasIwasfortabletalkingtothepublicaboutwhatwasobviouslyaprivatespiritualmoment;fromPenny,whowaomeetandtalk;andfrommydaughters.
Ihadntbeenallowedtospeaktothemforweeks,butdysmaternalinstincthadobviouslytoldherthatthedayDaddywasinthepaperstalkingaboutseeingmessengersfromGodwasagooddaytoreinstatetact.
Didyouseeanangel,Daddy?No.
Mummysaidyoudid.
Well,Ididnt.
WhydidMummysayyoudid?Youdbetteraskher.
Mummy,whydidyousayDaddysawanangel?Iwaitedpatientlywhileabriefversationtookplaceawayfromthereceiver.
Shesaysshedidntsayit.Shesaystheneersaysit.
Itoldafib,sweetie.Tomakesomemoney.
Oh.
SoIbuyyouahdaypresent.
Oh.Whydoyougetmoneyforsayingyousawanangel?Illtellyouaime.
Oh.
AndthendyandIspoke,butnotforverylong.DuringourbriefversationImaorefertotwodifferenttypesofdomesticatedfemaleanimals.
IalsoreceivedaphonecallfrommybossatFeetUp.HewascallingtotellmethatIwasfired.Yourejoking.
IwishIwas,Sharpy.Butyouveleftmewithnoalternative.
Bydoingwhat,exactly?Haveyouseenthepaperthism?Thatsaproblemforyou?Youeacrossasabitofaobeho,Whataboutthepublicityfortheel?Allive,inmybook.
YouthinktheressuchathingasivepublicityforFeetUp?Howdoyoumean?Whatwithnooneeverhavingheardofus.You.Therewasalong,longsilence,duringwhichyoucouldheartherustingcogsofpoorDesmindturningover.
Ah.Isee.Verying.Thathadntoccurredtome.
Imnotgoingtobeg,Dec.Butitwouldseemalittleperversetome.
Youhiremewhennooneelseintheworldwouldgivemethetimeofday.
AndthenyoufiremewhenImhot.Howmanyofyourpresentersarealloverthepaperstoday?No,no,fairpoint,fairpoint.Iseewhereyoureingfrom.Whatyouresaying,ifIreadyoucorrectly,isthattheresnosuchthingasbadpublicityfora…afledglingcableel.
ObviouslyIcouldnthaveputitaselegantlyasthat.Butyes,thatsthelongandtheshortofit.
OK.Youveturnedmeround,Sharpy.Whovewegotonthisafternoon?Thisafternoon?Yeah.ItsThursday.
Ah.
Hadyotten?Isortofhad,really,yeah.
Sowevegotnoone?IreIcouldgetJJ,Maureenaoeon.
Whoarethey?Theotherthree.
Theotherthreewho?Haveyoureadthestory?Ioheoneaboutyouseeingtheangel.
Theywereuptherewithme.
Upwhere?Thewholeahing,De,cameaboutbecauseIwasgoingtokillmyself.AndthenIbumpedintothreeotherpeopleoopofatower-blockwhowerethinkingofdoingthesamething.Andtheocutalongstoryshort,theaoldustoedownagain.
Fuckme.
Exactly.
Andyoureyougettheotherthree?Almostsureofit.
JesusChrist.Howmuchwilltheycost,dyoure?Threehundredquidforthethreeofthem,maybe?Plusexpenses.Ohemsa…Well,shesasingleparent,andherkidwillneedlookingafter.
Goon,then.Fuckit.Fucktheexpense.
Topmahinkitsagoodidea.Impleasedwiththat.OldDesstillgotit,eh?Tht.Youreanewshound.YouretheNewshoundoftheBaskervilles.
Whatyouvegottotellyourself,Itoldthem,isthatnoonewillbewatg.
Thatsoneofyouroldprotricks,right?saidJJknowingly.
No,Isaid.Believeme.Literallynoonewillbewatg.Ihaveanyonewhohaseverseenmyshow.
TheworldheadquartersofFeetUpTV!-knowably,toitsstaffasTitsUpTV!-isinasortofshedinHoxton.Theshedtainsasmallreceptiowodressingroomsandastudio,whereallfourofourhomegrrammesaremade.Everym,awomancalleddy-Annsellsetics;IsplitThursdayafternoonwithamancalledDJGoodnews,whospeakstothedead,usuallyonbehalfofthereceptionist,thewindower,theminicabdriverbookedtotakehimhome,oranyoneelseenstobepassingthrough:DoestheletterAmeananythingtoyou,Asif?andsooherafternooakenupbytapesofolddogracesfromtheUS-onceuponatimetheiionwastoofferviewersthecetobet,butnothingevercameofit,andinmyopinion,ifyoutbet,thendograg,especiallyolddograg,losessomeofitsappeal.Duringtheevening,twowomensittalkingtoeachother,inandusuallyabouttheirunderwear,whileviewerstextthemlewdmessages,whichtheyignore.Andthatsmoreorlessit.DeruiononbehalfofamysteriousAsianbusinessman,andthoseofuswhoworkforFeetUpTV!lypresumethatsomehow,inwaystooobtuseandsophisticatedforustodecipher,weareinvolvediraffigofclassAdrugsandchildpraphy.Oheoryisthatthedogsintheracesaresendingoutenessagestothetraffickers:if,say,thedogisidelanewins,thenthatisamessagetotheThaitactthatheshouldsendacoupleofkilosofheroinandfourthirteen-year-oldsfirstthinginthem.Somethinglikethat,anyway.
MyguestsonSharpWordstendtobeoldfriendswhowanttodosomethingtohelp,orformercelebritiesinaboatnotdissimilartomyown-holeduhewaterlineandsinkingfast.SomeweeksIgethas-beens,andeveryoswildlyover-excited,butmostweeksitshad-beens.
dy-Ann,DJGoodNewsawosemi-clothedladieshaveappearedonmyshownotjustoseveraltimes,iogiveviewersacetogettoknowthemalittlebetter.(SharpWordsistwohourslong,andthoughtheadvertisiment,namelyKareiosbest,wearerarelyinterruptedbymessagesfromoursponsors.Thetheoreticalviewerishighlyuofeelasthoughwehavebarelyscratchedtheversationalsurface.)AttragpeopleofthecalibreofMaureenahen,stitutedsomethingofacoup:onlyrarelyhavemyguestsappearedontheshthesamedecadethattheyhaveappearedintheneers.
Itookprideinmyinterviewing.Imean,Istilldo,butatatimewheobeabletodonothingelseproperly,IhungontomypetenastudioasIwouldtoatreerootonthesideofacliff.Ihave,inmytime,intervieweddrunken,maudlinactorsateightinthemanddrunken,aggressivefootballersateightintheevening.Ihaveforcedlyingpolitistotellsomethinglikethetruth,andIhavehadtocopewithmotherswhosegriefhasmadethemunfortablyverbose,andnotoncehaveIletthingsbeesloppy.Mystudiosofawasmyclassroom,andIdidnttolerateanywaywardness.EveninthosedesperateFeetUpTV!monthsspenttalkingtonobodiesandnever-weres,peoplewithnothingtosayandnoabilitytosayit,itwasftothinkthattherewassomeareaofmylifeinwhichIwaspetent.SowhenJessandJJdecidedthatmyprogrammewasajokeandactedaccly,Isufferedsomethingofasenseofhumourfailure.Iwish,ofcourse,thatIhadnt;IwishthatIcouldhavefounditiobealittlelesspompous,alittlemorerelaxed.True,Iwasencialkaboutanunfettableexperietheyhadnthad,andwhiewtheyhadnthad.Andgrahatimaginaryunfettableexperiencereposterous.A,despitetheseimpediments,Ihadsomehowexpectedahigherlevelofprofessionalism.
Idontwishtooverstatemycase;itsnotbloodyrocketsce,doingaTVinterview.Youchattuestsbeforehand,agreehversationalcourse,remiheirhilariousaesand,inthiscase,oftheknownfactsaboutthefiswewereabouttodiscuss,asprovidedbyJessinherinalinterview-hattheangellookedlikeMattDamon,hefloatedabovetheroof,andhewaswearingabaggywhitesuit.Dontfuckaboutwiththosebits,Itoldthem,orwellgetintoamess.Sopens?Almostimmediately?IaskJJwhattheangelwaswearing,aellsmethattheangelwaswearingapromotionalT-shirtfortheSandraBullockfilmWhileYouWereSleeping-afilmwhich,asluckwouldhaveit,JesshadseenonTV,andwasthusabletosynopsizeatsiderablelength.
Ifwejuststicktothesubject,Isaid.LotsofpeoplehaveseenWhileYouWereSleeping.Veryfewpeoplehaveseenanangel.
Fuckoff.g.Yousaid.
Thatwasjustoneofmyoldprostricks.
Wellbeintroublenow,then.BecauseIjustsaid"Fuckoff".Youllgetloadsofplaintsforthat.
Ithinkthatourviewersaresophisticatedenoughtoknowthatextremeexperienetimesproduceextremelanguage.
Good.Fuckofffuckofffuckoff.ShemadeherapologeticwaveatMaureen,aothecamera,attheedpeopleofBritain.
Anyway,watgrubbishSandraBullockfilmsisntaveryextremeexperience.
Weweretalkingabouttheangel,notSandraBullock.
Whatangel?Andsoon,andon,untilDewalkedinwiththeeticsladyandusheredusofftheair,intothestreetand,inmycase,outofajob.
<strong>JESS</strong>
SomeoneshouldwriteasongorsomethingcalledTheyfuckyouup,yourmumanddad.Somethinglike,Theyfuckyouup,yourmumanddad.
Theymakeyoufeelfugbad.Becausetheydo.Especiallyyourdad.
Thatswhyhegetstherhyme.Hewouldntlikemesayingthis,butifitwasntformeandJen,noonewouldeverhaveheardofhim.HesnotlikethebossofEducation-thatstheSecretaryofState.Thereareloadsofministers,andhesonlyohem,soheswhattheycallajuniorminister,whichisalaughandahalfbecausehesnotveryjunioratall.Sohessortofaloserpoliti,really.YouwouldntmindifhewasaloserbecauseheshothismouthoffandsaidwhathethoughtaboutIraqorwhatever,buthedoesnt;hesayswhathestoldtosay,anditstilldoesntdohimmuchgood.
Mostpeoplehavearopethattiesthemtosomeone,andthatropebeshortoritbelong.(Belong.Belo?)Youdontknowhowlong,though.Itsnotyourchoice.MaureensropetieshertoMattyanditsaboutsixincheslonganditskillingher.Martinsropetieshimtohisdaughters,and,likeastupiddog,hethinksitisntthere.Hegoesrunningoffsomewhere-intoanightclubafteragirl,upabuilding,whatever-andthensuddenlyitbringshimupshortandchokeshimassurprised,andthenhedoesthesamethingagaiday.IthinkJJistiedtothisblokeEddiehekeepstalkingabout,theoneheusedtobeinthebandwith.
AndImlearningthatImtiedtoJen,andnottomymumanddad-nottohome,whichiswheretheropeshouldbe.Jenthoughtshewastiedtothemtoo,Imsureofit.Shefeltsafe,justbecauseshewasakidwithparents,soshekeptwalkingandwalkingandwalkinguntilshewalkedoffaclifforintothedesertorofftoTexaswithhermeic.Shethoughtshedgetjerkedbackbytherope,buttherewasntone.Shelearhatthehardway.SoImtiedtoJennow,butJenisntsolid,likeahouse.Shesfloating,blowingaround,nooneknowswheresheis;shessortoffuguseless,really,isntshe?
Anyway,IdontoweMumandDadanything.Mumuandsthat.
Shegaveupexpeganythingagesago.ShesstillamessbecauseofJen,aesDad,andshesgivenuponme,soeverythingsallaboveboardthere.ButDadreallythinksthathesentitledtosomething,whichisajoke.Forexample:hekeptshowihesearticlesthatpeoplewerewritingabouthim,sayingheshnbecausehisdaughterwasinsuchafugstate,asifitwasanyofmybusiness.AndIwaslike,So?
Resign.Ordont.Whatever.Healktoacareeradviser,notadaughter.
Itwasntasifwewereinthepapersf,anyway.Wemadeonemorekofmoney,fromanewelchatshoeregoingtoreallytryanddoitstraightthattime,butthewomanwhointerviewedusreallygotonmytits,soItoldherwedmadeitalluptoearnafewbob,aoldusoff,andallthesestupidbrain-deadoldbagsintheaudiencebooedus.Andthatwasit,edtospeaktousanymore.Wewerelefttoeainourselves.Itwasnttoohard.Ihadloadsofideas.
Forexample:itwasmyideathatwemetforacoffeeregularly-eitheratMaureensorsomewhereinIslington,ifwecouldfindsomeoositwithMatty.Wedidntmindspendingbitsofthemoneyonbabysittersorwhateveryouwanttocallthem;wepretendedwewereupforitbecausewewantedMaureentohaveabreak,butreallyitwasbecausewedidntwanttogoroundhersallthetime.NooffeMattyputlikearealdownerohing.
Martindidntlikemyidea,ofcourse.Firsthewaoknowwhatregularlymeant,becausehedidntwanttoithimself.AndIwaslike,Yeah,well,whatwithnokidsandnowifeandnogirlfriendandnojob,itmustbehardtofiime,andhesaiditwasntaquestionoftimeactuallyitwasaquestionofchoice,soIhadtoremindhimthathehadagreedtobepartofagang.Andhewaslike,Sowhat,soIwent,Well,whatsthepointofagreeing?Andhesaid,Nopoint.Whichhethoughtwasfunny,becauseitwasmoreorlesswhatIdsaidontheroofonNewYearsEve.AndIwaslike,Well,yourealotolderthanme,andmyyoungmindisntfullyformedyet,a,Yousaythatagain.
Andthenwecouldntagreeonwherewedmeet.IwaogotoStarbucks,becauseIlikefrappuosandallthat,butJJsaidhewasntintoglobalfranchises,andMartinhadreadinsomeposeymagazineaboutasnootylittlecoffeebariweenEssexRoadandUpperStreetwheretheygrowtheirownbeanswhileyouwaitedorsomething.Sotokeephimhappy,wemetupthere.
Anyway,thisplacehadjustgeditsnameanditsvibe.Thesnootinesshadntworkedout,soitwasntsnootyanymore.ItusedtobecalledTresMarias,whichisthenameofadaminBrazil,buttheguywhoranitthoughtthenamefusedpeople,becausewhatdidoneMaryhavetodowithcoffee,letalohree?AndhedidntevenhaveoneMary.SonowitwascalledCaptainCoffee,andeveryoneknewwhatitsold,butitdidomakemuchdifferewasstillempty.
Wewalkedin,ahatranitwaswearingthisoldarmyuniform,andhesalutedus,andsaid,CaptainCoffeeatyourservice.Ithoughthewasfunny,butMartinwaslike,JesusChrist,ariedtoleave,butCaptainCoffeewouldus,hewasthatdesperate.Hetolduswecouldhaveourcoffeeforfreeonourfirstvisit,andacake,ifwewanted.Sowedidntwalkout,buttheproblemwasthattheplacewastiny.Therewerelikethreetables,aablewassixinchesawayfromtheter,whichmeantthatCaptainCoffeewasleaningontheterlisteningtoeverythingwesaid.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
Martin?Isthatwhatyoucallhim?Just"TheAngel",saidMartin.Helookedhappierthanthisonthenighthetriedtokillhimself.
Ijustcheething?saidLinda.Youdidseehim,Martin,didntyou?Martinshiftedinhisseat.Youcouldtellhewasscoutingaroundtheinsideofhishead,justtomakesurethattherewerenoescaperouteshedoverlooked.
Oh,yes,saidMartin.Isawhim,allright.Hewas…Hewasawesome.
Andwiththat,hefinallywalkedintothecagethatLindahadopenedforhim.Thepublicatlargewerenowfreetopokesticksathimandcallhimnames,ahadtositthereandtakeit,likeanexhibitinafreakshow.
Butthen,wewereallfreaksnow.Whenfriendsandfamilyandex-loversopeheirneersthem,theycouldetooneofonlytwopossibleclusions:)wedallloopedtheloop,or)wewerescamartists.OK,strictlyspeaking,therewasathirdclusion-weweretellih.WesawahatlookedlikeMattDamon,whoforreasoknowntohimselftoldustogetdownofftheroof.ButIgottosay,Idontknowanyonewhodbelievethat.Maybemygreat-auntIda,wholivesinAlabamaandhandlessnakeseverySundayminherchurch,butthestoo.
AndIdontknow,man,buttomeitseemedalongwaybathere.Ifyonnadra,youdsaythatmesaionshipsandjobsandallthatstuff,allthethingsthatstitutearegularlife,wereinlikeNewOrleans,andbyingoutwithallthishorseshitwedjustputourselvessomewherenorthofAlaska.Whosgoingtogiveajobtoaguywhoseesangels?Andwhosgoingtogiveajobtoaguywhosaysheseesangelsbecausehemightmakeafewbuself?No,wewerefinishedasseriouspeople.Wehadsoldourseriosityfortwelvehundredandfiftyofylishpounds,andasfarasIcouldtellthatmoneywasgoingtohavetolastusfortherestofourlives,unlesswesawGod,orElvis,orPrincessDi.Aimewedhavetoseethemforreal,andtakephotos.
Justovertwo,REMsmanagercametoseeBigYellow,andaskedwhetherwewereiedinhispanyrepresentingus,andwesaidwewerehappyehad.REM!Twenty-sixmonthsago!Weweresittingaroundinthisfancyoffidthisguy,hewastryingtopersuadeus,youknow?AndnowIwassittingaroundwithpeoplelikeMaureenaakingpartinapatheticattempttosqueezeafewbucksoutofsomeonewhowasdesperatetogiveittous,solongaswewerepreparedtototallyembarrassourselves.Ohicoupleofyearshastaughtmeisthattheresnothingyoutfuckupifyoutryhardenough.
MyonlysolationwasthatIdidnthaveanyfriendsandfamilyhere;noonekneas,exceptforafewfansoftheband,maybe,andIliketothinkthattheywereypetoreadLindaspaper.Andsomeoftheguysatthepizzaplacemightseeacopylyingaroundsomewhere,buttheydhavesmelledthecash,andthedesperation,andtheycouldhavecaredlessaboutthehumiliation.
SothatjustleftLizzie,andifshesaictureofmelookingihe.Youknowwhyshedumpedme?ShedumpedmebecauseIwasntgoingtobearorollstarafterall.youfugbelievethat?
Noyout,becauseitsbeyondbelief,andthereforeunbelievable.
ShittihynameisWoman.Thatwasmythinking,atthatpointintime,youknow,thatitwouldnthurthertoseehowshedmessedmeup.Infact,ifIcouldbetemporarilyinvisible,thehefirstthingsIddo,afterrobbingabankandgoingintothewomensshowersatthegymandalltheusualstuff,isputthepaperdowninfrontofherandwatchherreadit.
See,IdidntknowanythingaboutanythihoughtIkhings,butIdidnt.
<strong>MAUREEN</strong>
IdidntthinkIdeverbeabletogobacktothechurchagaiheinterviewwithLinda.Idbeenthinkingaboutitabit,thedaybefore;Imisseditterribly,andIwonderedwhetherGodwouldreallymindifIjustsatatthebaddidntgotofession-ssomehowbeforeunion.ButooldLindathatIdseenanangel,IkhatIdhavetokeepaway,thatIwouldntbeabletogobackbeforeIdied.IdidntklywhatsinIditted,butIwassurethatsinsinvolvingmakingupangelsweremortal.
IstillthoughtIwasgoingtokillmyselfwhenthesixweekswereup;whatwouldhavegedmymind?IwasbusierthanIdeverbeen,whatwiththepressinterviewsaings,andIsupposethattookmymindoffthings.Butalltherunningaroundjustfeltlikelast-miivity,asifIhadsomethingstogetdonebeforeIwentonholiday.Thatas,then:apersonwhowasgoingtokillherselfsoon,themomentIcouldgetroundtoit.
IwasgoingtosaythatIsawthefirstlittleglimmeroflightthatday,thedayoftheinterviewwithLinda,butitwasntreallylikethat.ItwasmoreasifIdalreadychosenwhatIwasgoingtowatTV;andIwasbeginningtolookforwardtoit,aicedthattherewassomethingelseonthatmightbemoreiing.Idontknowaboutyou,butchoitalwayswhatIwant.Youdupfligbetweenoneelandanother,andnotwatgeitherprogrammeproperly.Idontknowhowpeoplewiththecabletelevisioncope.
penedwasthataftertheinterview,IfoundmyselftalkingtoJJ.Hewasgoingbacktohisflat,andIwasheadingtowardsthebusstop,andweendedupwalkingalongtogether.Imnotsurehewao,really,becausewevehardlyspokensinceIslappedthatmanonNewYearsEve,butitwasohoseawkwardsituationswhereIwaswalkingfivepacesbehindhim,sohestoppedforme.
Thatwaskindofhard,wasntit?hesaid,andIwassurprised,becauseIthoughtIwastheonlyonewhodfounditdifficult.
Ihatelies,Isaid.
Helookedatmeandlaughed,andthenIrememberedabouthislie.
Nooffence,Isaid.Iliedtoo.Iliedabouttheangel.AndIliedtoMatty,aswell.AboutgoingtoapartyonNewYearsEve.Andtothepeopleintherespitehome.
Godllfiveyouforthose,Ithink.Wewalkedalongalittlebitmore,andthenhesaid,fornoreasonthatIcouldtell,Whatwouldittaketogeyourmind?Aboutwhat?About…youknow.WantiAll.
Ididntknowwhattosay.
IfyouakeadealwithGod,kindofthitiheBigGuy,acrossthetablefromyou.Andhessaying,OK,Maureen,welikeyou,butwereallywantyoutostayput,oh.Whatwedotopersuadeyou?Whatweofferyou?Godsaskingmepersonally?Yeah.
IfHewasaskingmepersonally,Hewouldnthavetooffermeanything.
Really?IfGodinHisinfinitewisdomwaostayoh,thenhowcouldIaskforanything?JJlaughed.OK,then.NotGod.
Who,then?Asortof…Idontknow.Asortofic,youknow,President.OrPrimeMionyBlair.Someonewhogetthingsdone.YoudonthavetodowhatTonyBlairsayswithoutaskingforsomethingiurn.
hecureMatty?Nope.Helyarrahings.
Idlikeaholiday.
God.Youreacheapdate.YoudchoosetoliveouttherestofyournaturallifeforaweekinFlorida?Idliketogoabroad.Iveneverbeen.
Youveneverbeenabroad?HesaiditasthoughIshouldbeashamed,andforamomentIwas.
Whenwasthelasttimeyouhadaholiday?JustbeforeMattywasborn.
Andheshowold?Heseen.
OK.Well,asyourmanager,ImgoingtobeaskingtheBigGuyforaholidayayear.Maybetwo.
Youtdothat!Ireallyfeltsdalized.IseenowIwastakingitalltooseriously,butitfeltrealtome,anditseemedlikeaholidayayearwastoomuch.
Trustme,saidJJ.Iknowthemarket.iywontblinkaneye.
eon,whatelse?Oh,Icouldntaskforanythingelse.
Sayhedoesgiveyoutwoweeksholidayayear.Fiftyweeksisalongtimetowaitforit,youknow?Andyourenotgoingtogetanotherappoiwithiy.Yougoto.Everythingyouwant,youvegottoaskforinonego.
Ajob.
Youwantajob?Yes.Ofcourse.
Whatkindofjob?Anything.Winashop,maybe.Anythingtogetmeoutofthehouse.
Iusedtowork,beforeMattywasborn.IhadajobinanofficestationersinTufnellPark.Ilikedit;Ilikedallthedifferentpens,andsizesofpaperandenvelopes.Ilikedmyboss.Ihaventworkedsince.
OK.eon,eon.
Maybeabitofasociallife.Thechurchhasquizzessometimes.Likepubquizzes,butnotinthepub.Idliketohaveagoatohose.
Yep,weallowyouaquiz.
Itriedtosmile,becauseIknewJJwasjokingabit,butIwasfindingtheversationhard.Icouldntreallythinkofanythingverymudthatannoyedme.Anditmademefeelafraid,inastraofaway.Itwaslikefindingadoorthatyoudneverseenbeforeinyourownhouse.
Wouldyouwanttoknoasbehindit?Somepeoplewould,Imsure,butIwouldnt.Ididntwanttocarryontalkingaboutme.
Whataboutyou?IsaidtoJJ.Whatwouldyousaytoiy?Ha.Imnotsure,man.Hecallseveryoneman,evenifyourenotaman.Yougetusedtoit.Maybe,Idontknow.Livethelastfifteenyearsallainorsomething.Finishhighschool.Fetaboutmusic.Beethekindofpersonwhoshappytosettleforwhatheis,ratherthanwhathewantstobe,youknow?Butiytarra.
ly.
Soyoureworseoffthanme,really.iydothingsforme,butnotforyou.
No,no,shit,Imsorry,Maureen.Ididoimplythat.Youhavea…Youhaveareallyhardlife,andsyourfault,ahingthatshappeomeisjustyownstupidity,and…Theresnoparison.Really.ImsorryIevermentio.
ButIwasntsorry.IlikedthinkingaboutiuchmorethanIlikedthinkingaboutGod.
MARTINTheheadlineinLindaspaper-pageone,apahepictureofmeflatonmyfaceoutsideanightclub-readFORHARPS-SEESHARP.
Thestorydidnot,asLindahadpromiseditwould,emphasizethebeautyandmysteryofourexperieheroof;rather,itchosetotrateonanle,hesudden,gratifyingandamusinglunacyofaformertelevisionpersonality.Thejournalistinmesuspectsthatshegotthestoryabht.
Whatdoesthatmean?Jessaskedmeonthephom.
Itsanoldlagerad,Isaid."HARP-STAYSSHARP".
Whathaslagergottodowithanything?Nothing.Butthehelager.AndmynamesSharp,yousee.
OK.Thenwhathaveharpsgottodowithanything?Angelsaresupposedtoplaythem.
Arethey?Shouldwehavesaidhelayingaharp?Tomakeitmoreving?Itoldherthat,inmyopinion,theadditionofaharptotheportraitoftheAtDamonthataintedwasuohavehelpedvincepeopleofitsauthenticity.
Andanyway,howeitsallaboutyou?Wehardlygetafugmention.
Ihadmanyotherphonecallsthatm-fromTheo,whosaidthattheresbeenalotofiiory,andwhothoughtIdfinallygivenhimsomethinghecouldworkwith,aslongasIwasfortabletalkingtothepublicaboutwhatwasobviouslyaprivatespiritualmoment;fromPenny,whowaomeetandtalk;andfrommydaughters.
Ihadntbeenallowedtospeaktothemforweeks,butdysmaternalinstincthadobviouslytoldherthatthedayDaddywasinthepaperstalkingaboutseeingmessengersfromGodwasagooddaytoreinstatetact.
Didyouseeanangel,Daddy?No.
Mummysaidyoudid.
Well,Ididnt.
WhydidMummysayyoudid?Youdbetteraskher.
Mummy,whydidyousayDaddysawanangel?Iwaitedpatientlywhileabriefversationtookplaceawayfromthereceiver.
Shesaysshedidntsayit.Shesaystheneersaysit.
Itoldafib,sweetie.Tomakesomemoney.
Oh.
SoIbuyyouahdaypresent.
Oh.Whydoyougetmoneyforsayingyousawanangel?Illtellyouaime.
Oh.
AndthendyandIspoke,butnotforverylong.DuringourbriefversationImaorefertotwodifferenttypesofdomesticatedfemaleanimals.
IalsoreceivedaphonecallfrommybossatFeetUp.HewascallingtotellmethatIwasfired.Yourejoking.
IwishIwas,Sharpy.Butyouveleftmewithnoalternative.
Bydoingwhat,exactly?Haveyouseenthepaperthism?Thatsaproblemforyou?Youeacrossasabitofaobeho,Whataboutthepublicityfortheel?Allive,inmybook.
YouthinktheressuchathingasivepublicityforFeetUp?Howdoyoumean?Whatwithnooneeverhavingheardofus.You.Therewasalong,longsilence,duringwhichyoucouldheartherustingcogsofpoorDesmindturningover.
Ah.Isee.Verying.Thathadntoccurredtome.
Imnotgoingtobeg,Dec.Butitwouldseemalittleperversetome.
Youhiremewhennooneelseintheworldwouldgivemethetimeofday.
AndthenyoufiremewhenImhot.Howmanyofyourpresentersarealloverthepaperstoday?No,no,fairpoint,fairpoint.Iseewhereyoureingfrom.Whatyouresaying,ifIreadyoucorrectly,isthattheresnosuchthingasbadpublicityfora…afledglingcableel.
ObviouslyIcouldnthaveputitaselegantlyasthat.Butyes,thatsthelongandtheshortofit.
OK.Youveturnedmeround,Sharpy.Whovewegotonthisafternoon?Thisafternoon?Yeah.ItsThursday.
Ah.
Hadyotten?Isortofhad,really,yeah.
Sowevegotnoone?IreIcouldgetJJ,Maureenaoeon.
Whoarethey?Theotherthree.
Theotherthreewho?Haveyoureadthestory?Ioheoneaboutyouseeingtheangel.
Theywereuptherewithme.
Upwhere?Thewholeahing,De,cameaboutbecauseIwasgoingtokillmyself.AndthenIbumpedintothreeotherpeopleoopofatower-blockwhowerethinkingofdoingthesamething.Andtheocutalongstoryshort,theaoldustoedownagain.
Fuckme.
Exactly.
Andyoureyougettheotherthree?Almostsureofit.
JesusChrist.Howmuchwilltheycost,dyoure?Threehundredquidforthethreeofthem,maybe?Plusexpenses.Ohemsa…Well,shesasingleparent,andherkidwillneedlookingafter.
Goon,then.Fuckit.Fucktheexpense.
Topmahinkitsagoodidea.Impleasedwiththat.OldDesstillgotit,eh?Tht.Youreanewshound.YouretheNewshoundoftheBaskervilles.
Whatyouvegottotellyourself,Itoldthem,isthatnoonewillbewatg.
Thatsoneofyouroldprotricks,right?saidJJknowingly.
No,Isaid.Believeme.Literallynoonewillbewatg.Ihaveanyonewhohaseverseenmyshow.
TheworldheadquartersofFeetUpTV!-knowably,toitsstaffasTitsUpTV!-isinasortofshedinHoxton.Theshedtainsasmallreceptiowodressingroomsandastudio,whereallfourofourhomegrrammesaremade.Everym,awomancalleddy-Annsellsetics;IsplitThursdayafternoonwithamancalledDJGoodnews,whospeakstothedead,usuallyonbehalfofthereceptionist,thewindower,theminicabdriverbookedtotakehimhome,oranyoneelseenstobepassingthrough:DoestheletterAmeananythingtoyou,Asif?andsooherafternooakenupbytapesofolddogracesfromtheUS-onceuponatimetheiionwastoofferviewersthecetobet,butnothingevercameofit,andinmyopinion,ifyoutbet,thendograg,especiallyolddograg,losessomeofitsappeal.Duringtheevening,twowomensittalkingtoeachother,inandusuallyabouttheirunderwear,whileviewerstextthemlewdmessages,whichtheyignore.Andthatsmoreorlessit.DeruiononbehalfofamysteriousAsianbusinessman,andthoseofuswhoworkforFeetUpTV!lypresumethatsomehow,inwaystooobtuseandsophisticatedforustodecipher,weareinvolvediraffigofclassAdrugsandchildpraphy.Oheoryisthatthedogsintheracesaresendingoutenessagestothetraffickers:if,say,thedogisidelanewins,thenthatisamessagetotheThaitactthatheshouldsendacoupleofkilosofheroinandfourthirteen-year-oldsfirstthinginthem.Somethinglikethat,anyway.
MyguestsonSharpWordstendtobeoldfriendswhowanttodosomethingtohelp,orformercelebritiesinaboatnotdissimilartomyown-holeduhewaterlineandsinkingfast.SomeweeksIgethas-beens,andeveryoswildlyover-excited,butmostweeksitshad-beens.
dy-Ann,DJGoodNewsawosemi-clothedladieshaveappearedonmyshownotjustoseveraltimes,iogiveviewersacetogettoknowthemalittlebetter.(SharpWordsistwohourslong,andthoughtheadvertisiment,namelyKareiosbest,wearerarelyinterruptedbymessagesfromoursponsors.Thetheoreticalviewerishighlyuofeelasthoughwehavebarelyscratchedtheversationalsurface.)AttragpeopleofthecalibreofMaureenahen,stitutedsomethingofacoup:onlyrarelyhavemyguestsappearedontheshthesamedecadethattheyhaveappearedintheneers.
Itookprideinmyinterviewing.Imean,Istilldo,butatatimewheobeabletodonothingelseproperly,IhungontomypetenastudioasIwouldtoatreerootonthesideofacliff.Ihave,inmytime,intervieweddrunken,maudlinactorsateightinthemanddrunken,aggressivefootballersateightintheevening.Ihaveforcedlyingpolitistotellsomethinglikethetruth,andIhavehadtocopewithmotherswhosegriefhasmadethemunfortablyverbose,andnotoncehaveIletthingsbeesloppy.Mystudiosofawasmyclassroom,andIdidnttolerateanywaywardness.EveninthosedesperateFeetUpTV!monthsspenttalkingtonobodiesandnever-weres,peoplewithnothingtosayandnoabilitytosayit,itwasftothinkthattherewassomeareaofmylifeinwhichIwaspetent.SowhenJessandJJdecidedthatmyprogrammewasajokeandactedaccly,Isufferedsomethingofasenseofhumourfailure.Iwish,ofcourse,thatIhadnt;IwishthatIcouldhavefounditiobealittlelesspompous,alittlemorerelaxed.True,Iwasencialkaboutanunfettableexperietheyhadnthad,andwhiewtheyhadnthad.Andgrahatimaginaryunfettableexperiencereposterous.A,despitetheseimpediments,Ihadsomehowexpectedahigherlevelofprofessionalism.
Idontwishtooverstatemycase;itsnotbloodyrocketsce,doingaTVinterview.Youchattuestsbeforehand,agreehversationalcourse,remiheirhilariousaesand,inthiscase,oftheknownfactsaboutthefiswewereabouttodiscuss,asprovidedbyJessinherinalinterview-hattheangellookedlikeMattDamon,hefloatedabovetheroof,andhewaswearingabaggywhitesuit.Dontfuckaboutwiththosebits,Itoldthem,orwellgetintoamess.Sopens?Almostimmediately?IaskJJwhattheangelwaswearing,aellsmethattheangelwaswearingapromotionalT-shirtfortheSandraBullockfilmWhileYouWereSleeping-afilmwhich,asluckwouldhaveit,JesshadseenonTV,andwasthusabletosynopsizeatsiderablelength.
Ifwejuststicktothesubject,Isaid.LotsofpeoplehaveseenWhileYouWereSleeping.Veryfewpeoplehaveseenanangel.
Fuckoff.g.Yousaid.
Thatwasjustoneofmyoldprostricks.
Wellbeintroublenow,then.BecauseIjustsaid"Fuckoff".Youllgetloadsofplaintsforthat.
Ithinkthatourviewersaresophisticatedenoughtoknowthatextremeexperienetimesproduceextremelanguage.
Good.Fuckofffuckofffuckoff.ShemadeherapologeticwaveatMaureen,aothecamera,attheedpeopleofBritain.
Anyway,watgrubbishSandraBullockfilmsisntaveryextremeexperience.
Weweretalkingabouttheangel,notSandraBullock.
Whatangel?Andsoon,andon,untilDewalkedinwiththeeticsladyandusheredusofftheair,intothestreetand,inmycase,outofajob.
<strong>JESS</strong>
SomeoneshouldwriteasongorsomethingcalledTheyfuckyouup,yourmumanddad.Somethinglike,Theyfuckyouup,yourmumanddad.
Theymakeyoufeelfugbad.Becausetheydo.Especiallyyourdad.
Thatswhyhegetstherhyme.Hewouldntlikemesayingthis,butifitwasntformeandJen,noonewouldeverhaveheardofhim.HesnotlikethebossofEducation-thatstheSecretaryofState.Thereareloadsofministers,andhesonlyohem,soheswhattheycallajuniorminister,whichisalaughandahalfbecausehesnotveryjunioratall.Sohessortofaloserpoliti,really.YouwouldntmindifhewasaloserbecauseheshothismouthoffandsaidwhathethoughtaboutIraqorwhatever,buthedoesnt;hesayswhathestoldtosay,anditstilldoesntdohimmuchgood.
Mostpeoplehavearopethattiesthemtosomeone,andthatropebeshortoritbelong.(Belong.Belo?)Youdontknowhowlong,though.Itsnotyourchoice.MaureensropetieshertoMattyanditsaboutsixincheslonganditskillingher.Martinsropetieshimtohisdaughters,and,likeastupiddog,hethinksitisntthere.Hegoesrunningoffsomewhere-intoanightclubafteragirl,upabuilding,whatever-andthensuddenlyitbringshimupshortandchokeshimassurprised,andthenhedoesthesamethingagaiday.IthinkJJistiedtothisblokeEddiehekeepstalkingabout,theoneheusedtobeinthebandwith.
AndImlearningthatImtiedtoJen,andnottomymumanddad-nottohome,whichiswheretheropeshouldbe.Jenthoughtshewastiedtothemtoo,Imsureofit.Shefeltsafe,justbecauseshewasakidwithparents,soshekeptwalkingandwalkingandwalkinguntilshewalkedoffaclifforintothedesertorofftoTexaswithhermeic.Shethoughtshedgetjerkedbackbytherope,buttherewasntone.Shelearhatthehardway.SoImtiedtoJennow,butJenisntsolid,likeahouse.Shesfloating,blowingaround,nooneknowswheresheis;shessortoffuguseless,really,isntshe?
Anyway,IdontoweMumandDadanything.Mumuandsthat.
Shegaveupexpeganythingagesago.ShesstillamessbecauseofJen,aesDad,andshesgivenuponme,soeverythingsallaboveboardthere.ButDadreallythinksthathesentitledtosomething,whichisajoke.Forexample:hekeptshowihesearticlesthatpeoplewerewritingabouthim,sayingheshnbecausehisdaughterwasinsuchafugstate,asifitwasanyofmybusiness.AndIwaslike,So?
Resign.Ordont.Whatever.Healktoacareeradviser,notadaughter.
Itwasntasifwewereinthepapersf,anyway.Wemadeonemorekofmoney,fromanewelchatshoeregoingtoreallytryanddoitstraightthattime,butthewomanwhointerviewedusreallygotonmytits,soItoldherwedmadeitalluptoearnafewbob,aoldusoff,andallthesestupidbrain-deadoldbagsintheaudiencebooedus.Andthatwasit,edtospeaktousanymore.Wewerelefttoeainourselves.Itwasnttoohard.Ihadloadsofideas.
Forexample:itwasmyideathatwemetforacoffeeregularly-eitheratMaureensorsomewhereinIslington,ifwecouldfindsomeoositwithMatty.Wedidntmindspendingbitsofthemoneyonbabysittersorwhateveryouwanttocallthem;wepretendedwewereupforitbecausewewantedMaureentohaveabreak,butreallyitwasbecausewedidntwanttogoroundhersallthetime.NooffeMattyputlikearealdownerohing.
Martindidntlikemyidea,ofcourse.Firsthewaoknowwhatregularlymeant,becausehedidntwanttoithimself.AndIwaslike,Yeah,well,whatwithnokidsandnowifeandnogirlfriendandnojob,itmustbehardtofiime,andhesaiditwasntaquestionoftimeactuallyitwasaquestionofchoice,soIhadtoremindhimthathehadagreedtobepartofagang.Andhewaslike,Sowhat,soIwent,Well,whatsthepointofagreeing?Andhesaid,Nopoint.Whichhethoughtwasfunny,becauseitwasmoreorlesswhatIdsaidontheroofonNewYearsEve.AndIwaslike,Well,yourealotolderthanme,andmyyoungmindisntfullyformedyet,a,Yousaythatagain.
Andthenwecouldntagreeonwherewedmeet.IwaogotoStarbucks,becauseIlikefrappuosandallthat,butJJsaidhewasntintoglobalfranchises,andMartinhadreadinsomeposeymagazineaboutasnootylittlecoffeebariweenEssexRoadandUpperStreetwheretheygrowtheirownbeanswhileyouwaitedorsomething.Sotokeephimhappy,wemetupthere.
Anyway,thisplacehadjustgeditsnameanditsvibe.Thesnootinesshadntworkedout,soitwasntsnootyanymore.ItusedtobecalledTresMarias,whichisthenameofadaminBrazil,buttheguywhoranitthoughtthenamefusedpeople,becausewhatdidoneMaryhavetodowithcoffee,letalohree?AndhedidntevenhaveoneMary.SonowitwascalledCaptainCoffee,andeveryoneknewwhatitsold,butitdidomakemuchdifferewasstillempty.
Wewalkedin,ahatranitwaswearingthisoldarmyuniform,andhesalutedus,andsaid,CaptainCoffeeatyourservice.Ithoughthewasfunny,butMartinwaslike,JesusChrist,ariedtoleave,butCaptainCoffeewouldus,hewasthatdesperate.Hetolduswecouldhaveourcoffeeforfreeonourfirstvisit,andacake,ifwewanted.Sowedidntwalkout,buttheproblemwasthattheplacewastiny.Therewerelikethreetables,aablewassixinchesawayfromtheter,whichmeantthatCaptainCoffeewasleaningontheterlisteningtoeverythingwesaid.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
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