Kayaks and Forgotten Dreams
Alliewokeearlythem,forcedbytheincessantchirpingofstarlings,andrubbedhereyes,feeliiffnessinherbody.Shehadwell,wakingaftereverydream,andsherememberedseeingthehandsoftheclodifferentpositionsduringthenight,asifverifyingthepassageoftime.
Shedsleptishirthedgivenher,andshesmelledhimonceagainwhilethinkingabouttheeveningtheydspenttogether.Theeasylaughterandversationcamebacktoher,andsheespeciallyrememberedthewayhedtalkedaboutherpainting.
Itwassoued,yetuplifting,andasthewordsbegantoreplayinhermind,sherealizedhowsorryshewouldhavebeenhadshedecidednottoseehimagain.
Shelookedoutthewindowandwatchedthechatteringbirdssearchforfoodinearlylight.Noah,sheknew,hadalwaysbeenampersonwhogreeteddawninhisownway.Sheknewhelikedtokayakoroe,andsherememberedtheonemshedspentwithhiminhisoe,watgthesuneup.Shedhadtosneakoutherwindowtodoitbecauseherparentswouldntallowit,butshehadntbeencaughtandsherememberedhowNoahhadslippedhisarmaroundherandpulledhercloseasdawounfold."Lookthere,"hedwhispered,achedherfirstsuhherheadonhisshoulder,wifanythingcouldbebetterthanwhateningatthatmoment.
Andasshegotoutofbedtotakeherbath,feelingthecoldfloorbehherfeet,shewonderedifhedbeenoerthismwatganotherdaybegin,thinkingsomehowheprobablyhad.
Shewasright.
Noahbeforethesunanddressedquickly,samejeansaslastnight,undershirt,flannelshirt,bluejacket,andboots.Hebrushedhisteethbefoingdownstairs,drankaquickglassofmilk,andgrabbedtwobiscuitsonthewayoutthedoor.AfterClemgreetedhimleofsloppylicks,hewalkedtothedockwherehiskayakwasstored.Helikedtolettheriverworkitsmagic,looseninguphismuscles,warminghisbody,clearinghismind.
Theoldkayak,wellusedandriverstained,hungontworustyhooksattachedtohisdockjustabovethewaterliokeepoffthebarnacles.Helifteditfreefromthehooksaathisfeet,ieditquickly,thentookittothebank.Inacoupleofseasonedmoveslongsieredbyhabit,hehaditierwitsstreamwithhimselfasthepilotandengine.
Theairwascoolonhisskin,almostcrisp,andtheskywasahazeofdifferentcolors:blackdirectlyabovehimlikeamountaihenbluesofinfiniterange,beinglighteruntilitmetthehorizon,wheregraytookitsplace.Hetookafewdeepbreaths,smellingpireesandbrackishwater,aoreflect.Thishadbeenpartofwhathedmissedmostwhenhehadlivedupnorth.Becauseofthelonghoursatwork,therehadbeenlittletimetospendoer.Camping,hiking,paddlingonrivers,dating,w...somethinghadhadtogo.ForthemostparthedbeeoexploreNewJerseystrysideonfootwheneverhedhadextratime,butinfourteenyearshehadntoedorkayakedohadbeehefirstthingsheddonewheurned.
Theressomethingspecial,almostmystical,aboutspendingdawnoer,hethoughttohimself,andhediditalmosteverydaynow.
Sunnyandclearorcoldandbitter,itteredashepaddledinrhythmtomusihishead,wabovewaterthecolorofiron.Hesawafamilyofturtlesrestingonapartiallysubmergedlogandwatchedasaheronbrokefht,skimmingjustabovethewaterbeforevanishingintothesilvertwilightthatprecededsunrise.
Hepaddledouttothemiddleofthecreek,wherehewatchedtheeglowbegintostretchacrossthewater.Hestoppedpaddlinghard,givingjustenoughefforttokeephiminplace,staringuntillightbegantobreakthroughthetrees.Healwayslikedtopauseatdaybreak-therewasamomehevieectacular,asiftheworldwerebeingbain.Afterwardhebegantopaddlehard,woffthetension,preparingfortheday.
Whilehedidthat,questionsdanhismindlikewaterdropsinafryingpan.HewonderedaboutLonandeofmanhewas,wonderedabouttheirrelationship.Mostofall,though,hewonderedaboutAllieandwhyshehade.
Bythetimehereachedhome,hefeltrenewed.Cheghiswatch,hewassurprisedtofindthatithadtakentwohours.Timeallayedtricksoutthere,though,aoppedquestioningitmonthsago.
Hehungthekayaktodry,stretchedforacoupleofminutes,aotheshedwherehestoredhisoe.Hecarriedittothebank,leavingitafewfeetfromthewater,andasheturowardthehouse,hehathislegswerestillalittlestiff.
Themhazehadntburnedoffyet,andhekhestiffnessinhislegsusuallypredictedrain.Helookedtothewesternskyandsawstormclouds,thidheavy,faroffbutdefinitelypresent.Thewiblowinghard,buttheywerebringingthecloudscloser.Fromthelooksofthem,hedidntwanttobeoutsidewhehere.Damn.Howmuchtimedidhehave?Afewhours,maybemore.Maybeless.
Heshowered,putonnewjeans,aredshirt,andblackcowboyboots,brushedhishair,adownstairstothekit.Hedidthedishesfromthenightbefore,pickedupalittlearoundthehouse,madehimselfsomecoffee,aotheporch.Theskywasdarkernow,andhecheckedthebarometer.Steady,butitwouldstartdroppingsooernskypromisedthat.
Hedlearnedlongagotoneveruimatetheweather,andhewonderedifitwasagoodideatogoout.Therainhecoulddealwith;lightningwasadifferentstory.Especiallyifhewasoer.Aoelacetobewhericitysparkedinhumidair.
Hefinishedhiscoffee,puttingoffthedecisionuntillater.Hewenttothetoolshedandfoundhisax.Afterchegthebladebypressinghisthumbtoit,hesharpewithawhetstoilitwasready."Adullaxismoredangerousthanasharpone,"hisdaddyusedtosay.
Hespetwentyminutessplittingandstaglogs.Hediditeasily,hisstrokeseffit,anddidntbreakasweat.Hesetafewlogsofftothesideforlaterandbroughttheminsidewhenhewasfinished,puttihefireplace.
HelookedatAlliespaintingagainandreachedouttotouchit,bringingbackthefeelingsofdisbeliefatseeingheragain.God,whatwasitaboutherthatmadehimfeelthisway?Evenafteralltheseyears?Whatsortofpowerdidshehaveoverhim?
Hefinallyturnedaway,shakinghishead,abacktotheporch.Hecheckedthebarometeragain.Ithadntged.Thenhelookedathiswatch.Allieshouldbeheresoon.
Alliehadfinishedherbathandwasalreadydressed.Earliershedopehewindowtocheckthetemperature.Itwasntcoldoutside,andsheddecidedonacream-coloredspringdresswithlongsleevesandahighneck.Itwassoftandfortable,maybealittlesnug,butitlookedgood,andshehadselectedsomewhitesandalsthatmatched.
Shespentthemwalkingarounddowntown.TheDepressionhadtakenitstollhere,butshecouldseethesignsofprosperitybeginningtoworktheirwayback.TheMasonictheater,theoldestactivetheaterinthetry,lookedalittlemorerun-downbutwasstilloperatingleofretmovies.FortTottenParklookedexactlythesameasithadfourteenyearsago,andsheassumedthekidswhoplayedontheswingsafterschoollookedthesameaswell.Shesmiledatthememorythen,thinkingbacktowhenthingsweresimpler.Oratleasthadseemedtobe.
Now,itseemed,nothingwassimple.Itseemedsoimprobable,everythingfallingintoplaceasithad,andshewonderedwhatshewouldhavebeendoingnow,hadsheneverseeithepaper.Itwasntverydifficulttoimagine,becauseherroutinesseldomged.ItwasWednesday,whichmeantbridgeatthetryclub,thenontotheJuniorWomensLeague,wheretheywouldprobablybearranginganotherfund-raiserfortheprivateschoolorhospital.Afterthat,avisitwithhermother,theogetreadyfordihLon,becausehemadeitapointtoleaveworkbyseven.Itwastheonenightaweekshesawhimregularly.
Shesuppressedafeelingofsadnessaboutthat,hopingthatonedayhewouldge.Hehadoftenpromisedtoandusuallyfollowedthroughforafewweeksbeforedriftingbacktothesameschedule."Ittonight,honey,"hewouldalwaysexplain."Imsorry,butIt.Letmemakeituptoyoulater."
Shedidntliketuewithhimaboutit,mostlybecauseshekellih.Trialworkwasdemanding,bothbeforehandanddurishecouldnthelpwsometimeswhyhehadspentsomuchtimecherifhedidntwanttospeimewithhernow.
Shepassedanartgallery,almostwalkedbyitinherpreoccupatiournedaback.Shepausedatthedoorforased,surprisedathowlongithadbeensinceshedbeenileastthreeyears,maybelonger.Whyhadsheavoidedit?
ShewentihadopehtherestoftheshopsonFrontStreet-andbrowsedamongthepaintings.Manyoftheartistswerelocal,andtherewasastrongseaflavortotheirworks.Lotsofoses,sandybeaches,pelis,oldsailingships,tugboats,piers,andseagulls.Butmostofall,waves.Wavesofeveryshape,size,andaginable,andafterawhiletheyalllookedalike.Theartistswereeitheruninspiredorlazy,shethought.
Ononewallthough,thereaintingsthatmoresuitedhertastes.Allwerebyanartistshedneverheardof,Elayn,andmostappearedtohavebeeninspiredbythearchitectureoftheGreekislands.Inthepaintingshelikedthebest,sheheartisthadpurposelyexaggeratedthesewithsmaller-than-lifefigures,widelines,andheavysweepsofcolor,asifnotpletelyfocused.Yetthecolorswerevividandswirling,drawingtheeyein,almostdiregwhatitshouldsee.Itwasdynamic,dramatic.Themoreshethoughtaboutit,themoreshelikedit,andshesideredbuyingitbeforesherealizedthatshelikeditbecauseitremindedherofherownwork.SheexamimorecloselyandthoughttoherselfthatmaybeNoahwasright.Maybesheshouldstartpaintingagain.
AthirtyAllieleftthegalleryaoHoffman-Lane,adepartmentstoredowntown.Ittookafewmiofindwhatshewaslookingfor,butitwasthere,intheschoolsupplyse.Paper,drawingchalk,andpencils,nothighqualitybutgoodenough.Itainting,butitwasastart,andshewasexcitedbythetimeshegotbacktoherroom.Shesatatthedeskandstartedw:nothingspecific,justgettingthefeelofitagaiingshapesandcolorsflowfromthememoryofheryouth.Afterafewminutesofabstra,shedidaroughsketchofthestreetseasseenfromherroom,amazedathoweasilyitcame.Itwasalmostasifshedopped.
Sheexamiwhenshewasfinished,pleasedwiththeeffort.Shewonderedwhattotryandfinallydecided.Sinceshedidnthaveamodel,shevisualizeditinherheadbeforestarting.Andthoughitwasharderthareetse,itaturallyaotakeform.
Minutespassedquickly.Sheworkedsteadilybutcheckedthetimefrequentlysoshewoulde,andshefialittlebeforenoon.Ithadtakenalmosttwohours,buttheesurprisedher.Itlookedasthoughithadtakedeallonger.Afterrollingitup,sheputitinabagandcollectedtherestofherthings.Onherwayoutthedoor,shelookedatherselfinthemirror,feelingoddlyrelaxed,lysurewhy.
Dowairsagainandoutthedoor.Assheleftsheheardavoicebehindher.
"Miss?"
Sheturned,knowingitwasdirectedather.Themanager.Samemaerday,acuriouslookonhisface.
"Yes?"
"Youhadsomecallslastnight."
Shewasshocked."Idid?"
"Yes.AllfromaMr.Hammond."
Oh,God."Loncalled?"
"Yes,maam,fourtimes.Italkedtohimwhenhecalledthesedtime.Hewasratheredaboutyou.Hesaidhewasyourfiancé."
Shesmiledweakly,tryingtohidewhatshewasthinking.Fourtimes?Four?Whatcouldthatmean?Whatifsomethinghadhappenedbae?
"Didhesayanything?Isitanemergency?"
Heshookhisheadquickly."Hereallydidntsay,miss,buthedidionanything.Actually,hesoundedmoreedaboutyou,though."
Good,shethought.Thatsgood.Andthen,justassuddenly,apanginherchest.
Whytheurgency?Whysomanycalls?Hadshesaidanythierday?Whywouldhebesopersistent?Itwaspletelyunlikehim.Isthereanywayhecouldhavefoundout?No...thatossible.Unlesssomeonesawherhereyesterdayandcalled...ButtheywouldhavehadtofollowherouttoNoahs.Noonewouldhavedo.
Shehadtocallhimnow;nowaytogetaroundit.Butshedidntwanttely.Thiswashertime,aedtospenditdoingwhatshewanted.Shehadntplannedonspeakingtohimuntillater,andforsomereasoalmostasiftalkingtohimnowwouldspoiltheday.Besides,whatwasshegoingtosay?Howcouldsheexplainbeingoutsolate?Alatedinnerandthenawalk?Maybe.Oramovie?Or...
"Miss?"
Almostnoohought.Wherewouldhebe?Hisoffice,probably...No.Incourt,shesuddenlyrealized,andimmediatelyfeltasifshedbeenreleasedfromshackles.
Therewasnowayshecouldtalktohim,evenifshewao.Shewassurprisedbyherfeelings.Sheshouldhisway,sheknew,adidntbotherher.Shelookedatherwatch,agnow."Isitreallyalmosttwelve?"
Themanagererlookingattheclock."Yes,aquartertill,actually."
"Unfortunately,"shestarted,"hesinchtnowandItreachhim.Ifhedoescallagain,couldyoutellhimImshoppingandthatIlltrytocallhimlater?"
"Ofcourse,"heanswered.Shecouldseethequestioninhiseyes,though:Butwherewereyoulastnight?
Hehadklywhenshedein.Toolateforasinglewomaninthissmalltown,shewassure.
"Thankyou,"shesaid,smiling."Idappreciateit."
Twomiershewasinhercar,drivingtoNoahs,anticipatingtheday,largelyunedaboutthephonecalls.Yesterdayshewouldhavebeen,andshewonderedwhatthatmeant.
Asshewasdrivihedrawbridgelessthanfourmiershedlefttheinn,Loncalledfromthecourthouse.
Noahwassittinginhisrocker,drinkiea,listeningforthecar,whenhefinallyhearditturnupthedrive.Hewentaroundfrontandwatchedthecarpullupandparkbeheain.Samespotasyesterday.Clembarkedagreetingathercardoor,tailwagging,andhesawAlliewavefromihecar.
Shesteppedout,pattedClemontheheadwhileshecooedather,thenturned,smilingatNoahashewalkedtowardher.Shelookedmorerelaxedthaerday,morefident,andagaiaslightshockatseeiwasdifferentfromyesterday,though.Newerfeelingsnow,notsimplymemoriesanymore.Ifanything,hisattrafrownstrongerht,moreintense,anditmadehimfeelalittlenervousinherpresence.
Alliemethimhalfway,carryingasmallbaginonehand.Shesurprisedhimbykissinghimgentlyonthecheek,herfreehandlingeringathiswaistaftershepulledback.
"Hi,"shesaid,radianhereyes,"wheresthesurprise?"
Herelaxedalittle,thankingGodforthat."NotevenaGoodafternoonorHowwasyht?"
Shesmiled.Patiencehadneverbeenoneofherstrotributes."Fine.Goodafternoon.Howwasyht?Ahesurprise?"
Hechuckledlightly,thenpaused."Allie,Ivegotsomebadnews."
"What?"
"Iwasgoingtotakeyousomeplace,butwiththosecloudsingin,Imnotsureweshouldgo."
"Why?"
"Thestorm.Wellbeoutsideandmightgetwet.Besides,theremightbelightning."
"Itsnotraini.Howfarisit?"
"Upthecreekaboutamile."
"AndIveneverbeentherebefore?"
"Notwhenitwaslikethis."
Shethoughtforasedwhileshelookedaround.Whenshespoke,hervoicewasdetermined.
"Thenwellgo.Idontcareifitrains."
"Areyousure?"
"Absolutely."
Helookedatthecloudsagain,notingtheirapproach."Thetergonow,"hesaid."Ibringthatinforyou?"
Shenodded,handingherbagtohim,andhejoggedtothehouseandbroughtitinside,whereheplaceditonachairinthelivingroom.Thenhegrabbedsomebreadandputitinabag,bringingitwithhimasheleftthehouse.
Theywalkedtotheoe,Alliebesidehim.Alittlecloserthaerday.
"Whatexactlyisthisplace?"
"Youllsee."
"Yourenotevengoingtogivemeahint?"
"Well,"hesaid,"doyourememberwheooktheoeoutandwatchedthesuneup?"
"Ithoughtaboutitthism.Irememberitmademecry."
"Whatyoingtoseetodaymakeswhatyousawthenseemordinary."
"IguessIshouldfeelspecial."
Hetookafewstepsbeforeresponding.
"Youarespecial,"hefinallysaid,andthewayhesaiditmadeherwonderifhewaoaddsomethingelse.Buthedidnt,andAlliesmiledalittlebeflangaway.Asshedid,shefeltthewindinherfadnoticedithadpickedupsihem.Theyreachedthedoentlater.Aftertossingthebagintheoe,Noahquicklycheckedtomakesurehehadntmissedanything,thenslidtheoetothewater.
"Idoanything?"
"No,justgetin."
Aftersheclimbedin,hepushedtheoefartherintothewater,closetothedock.
Thenhegracefullysteppedoffthedototheoe,plaghisfeetcarefullytopreventtheoefromcapsizing.Allieressedbyhisagility,knowingthatwhathehaddonesoquicklyandeasilywasharderthanitlooked.
Alliesatatthefrontoftheoe,fagbackward.Hehadsaidsomethingaboutmissingtheviewwheartedtopaddle,butshedshakenherhead,sayingshewasfihewayshewas.Anditwastrue.
Shecouldseeeverythingshereallywaoseeifsheturnedherhead,butmostofallshewaowatoah.Itwashimshedetosee,notthecreek.Hisshirtwasunbuttohetop,andshecouldseehischestmusclesflexwitheverystroke.Hissleeveswererolledup,too,andshecouldseethemusclesinhisarmsbulgingslightly.Hismuscleswerewelldevelopedtherefrompaddlingeverym.
Artistic,shethought.Theressomethingalmostartisticabouthimwhenhedoesthis.
Somethingnatural,asifbeingoerwerebeyondhistrol,partofagenepassedontohimfromsomeobscurehereditarypool.Whechedhim,shewasremindedofhowtheearlyexplorersmusthavelookedwhentheydfirstdiscoveredthisarea.
Shecouldntthinkofanyoneelsewhoremotelyresembledhim.Hewasplicated,almosttradictoryinsomanyways,yetsimple,astrangelyerotibination.Onthesurfacehewasatryboy,homefromwar,andheprobablysawhimselfinthoseterms.Yettherewassomuchmoretohim.Perhapsitwasthepoetrythatmadehimdifferent,orperhapsitwasthevalueshisfatherhadinstilledinhim,growingup.Eitherway,heseemedtosavorlifemorefullythanothersappearedto,andthatwaswhathadfirstattractedhertohim.
"Whatareyouthinking?"
ShefeltherinsidesjumpjustabitasNoahsvoicebroughtherbacktothepresent.Sherealizedshehadntsaidmucetheydstarted,andsheappreciatedthesilencehehadallowedher.Hedalwaysbeensideratelikethat.
"Goodthings,"sheansweredquietly,andshesawihatheknewshewasthinkingabouthim.Shelikedthefactthathek,andshehopedhehadbeenthinkingaboutheraswell.
Sheuoodthenthatsomethingwasstirringwithinher,asithadsomanyyearsago.Watghim,watghisbodymove,madeherfeelit.Andastheireyeslingeredforased,shefelttheheatinhernedbreasts,andsheflushed,turningawaybeforehenoticed.
"Howmuchfarther?"sheasked.
"Anotherhalfmileorso.Notanymorethanthat."
Apause.Then,shesaid:"Itsprettyouthere.So.Soquiet.Itsalmostlikegoingbatime."
"Inawayitis,Ithink.Thecreekflowsfromtheforest.Theresnotasinglefarmbetweenhereastarts,aerispureasrain.Itsprobablyaspureasitseverbeen."
Sheleaowardhim."Tellme,Noah,whatdoyouremembermostfromthesummerwespenttogether?"
"Allofit."
"Anythinginparticular?"
"No,"hesaid.
"Youdontremember?"
Heansweredafteramoment,quietly,seriously."No,itsnotthat.Itsnotwhatyourethinking.IwasseriouswhenIsaidallofit.Iremembereverymomentweweretogether,andineachofthemtherewassomethingwonderful.Itreallypiyoimethatmeantmorethananyother.Theentiresummererfect,thekindofsummereveryoneshouldhave.HowcouldIpiomentoveranother?
"Poetsoftendescribeloveasaionthatwettrol,ooverwhelmslogidonsehatswhatitwaslikeforme.Ididntplanonfallingihyou,andIdoubtifyouplannedonfallingihme.Buto,itwasclearthatherofuscouldtrolwhateningtous.Wefellinlove,despiteourdifferences,andoncewedid,somethingrareaifulwascreated.Forme,lovelikethathashappenedonlyondthatswhyeveryminutewespenttogetherhasbeenseared(brand)inmymemory.Illneverfetasinglemomentofit."
Alliestaredathim.Noonehadeversaidanythinglikethattoherbefore.Ever.Shedidntknowwhattosayandstayedsilent,herfacehot.
"ImsorryifImadeyoufeelunfortable,Allie.Idido.Butthatsummerhasstayedwithmeandprobablyalwayswill.Iknowittbethesamebetweenus,butthatdoesntgethewayIfeltaboutyouthen."
Shespokequietly,feelingwarm."Itdidntmakemeunfortable,Noah...ItsjustthatIdonteverhearthingslikethat.Whatyousaidwasbeautiful.Ittakesapoettotalkthewayyoudo,andlikeIsaid,youretheonlypoetIveevermet."
Peacefulsilencedesdedonthem.Anospreycriedsomewhereiance.Amulletsplashedhebank.Thepaddlemovedrhythmically,causingbafflesthatrockedtheboateversoslightly.Thebreezehadstopped,andthecloudsgrewblackerastheovedtowardsomeunknowination.
Allienoticeditall,everysound,everythought.Hersenseshadealive,invigoratingher,aherminddriftingthroughthelastfewweeks.Shethoughtabouttheayingherehadcausedher.Theshockatseeiicle,thesleeplessnights,hershorttemperduringdaylight.Eveerdayshehadbeenafraidandwaorunaway.Thetensionwasgonenow,everybitofit,replacedbysomethingelse,andshewasgladaboutthatassherodeinsileheoldredoe.
Shefeltstrangelysatisfiedthatshede,pleasedthatNoahhadturothetypeofmahoughthewould,pleasedthatshewouldliveforeverwiththatknowledge.Shehadseentoomahepastfewyearsdestroyedbywar,ortime,orevetothtoholdontoinnerpassion,andNoahhaddo.
Thiswasaworkersworld,notapoets,andpeoplewouldhaveahardtimeuandingNoah.Americawasinfullswingnow,allthepaperssaidso,andpeoplewererushingforward,leavingbehindthehorrorsofwar.Sheuoodthereasons,buttheywererushing,likeLon,towardlonghoursandprofits,ihingsthatbroughtbeautytotheworld.
WhodidsheknowinRaleighwhotooktimeofftofixahouse?OrreadWhitma,findingimagesinthemind,thoughtsofthespirit?Orhunteddawnfromthebowofaoe?Thesewerehingsthatdrovesociety,butshefelttheyshouldreatedasunimportant.Theymadelivingworthwhile.Toheritwasthesamewithart,thoughshehadrealizeditonlyuponinghere.
Orrather,rememberedit.Shehadknownitoncebefore,andagainshecursedherselffettingsomethingasimportantascreatiy.Paintingwaswhatshewasmeanttodo,shewassureofthatnow.Herfeelingsthismhadfirmedit,andshekhatwhateverhappened,shewasgoingtogiveitanothershot.Afairshot,nomatterwhatanyonesaid.
WouldLonenceherpainting?Sherememberedshowinghimoneofherpaintingsacoupleofmonthsaftertheyhadfirststartedgoingout.Itwasanabstractpaintingandwasmeanttoinspirethought.Inaway,itresembledthepaintingaboveNoahsfireplace,theoneNoahuoodpletely,thoughitmayhavebeenatouchlesspassionate.Lonhadstaredatit,studieditalmost,andthenhadaskedherwhatitposedtobe.Shehadntbotheredtoanswer.
Sheshookherheadthen,knowingshewasntbeingpletelyfair.ShelovedLon,andalwayshad,forotherreasons.ThoughhewasntNoah,Lonwasagoodman,thekindofmanshedalwaysknownshewouldmarry.WithLontherewouldbenosurprises,andtherewasfortinknowingwhatthefuturewouldbring.Hewouldbeakindhusbandtoher,andshewouldbeagoodwife.Shewouldhaveahomenearfriendsandfamily,children,arespectableplasociety.Itwasthekindoflifeshedalwaysexpectedtolive,thekindoflifeshewaolive.Andthoughshewouldntdescribetheirsasapassionaterelationship,shehadvincedherselflongagothatthiswasntnecessarytobefulfillediionship,evenersoeomarry.Passionwouldfadeintime,andthingslikepanionshipandpatibilitywouldtakeitsplace.SheandLonhadthis,andshehadassumedthiswasallsheneeded.
Butnow,asshewatoahrowing,shequestiohisbasicassumption.Heexudedsexualityihinghedid,everythinghewas,andshecaughtherselfthinkingabouthiminawaythatanengagedwomanshouldnt.Shetriednottostareandglancedawayoften,buttheeasywayhemovedhisbodymadeithardtokeephereyesfromhimf.
"Hereweare,"Noahsaidasheguidedtheoetowardsometreeshebank.
Allielookedaround,notseeinganything."Whereisit?"
"Here,"hesaidagain,pointingtheoeatanoldtreethathadfallenover,obsganopeningalmostpletelyhiddenfromview.
Heguidedtheoearouree,andbothofthemhadtolowertheirheadstokeepfrombumpingthem.
"Closeyoureyes,"hewhispered,andAlliedid,bringingherhandstoherface.Sheheardthebafflesofthewaterandf松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
Shedsleptishirthedgivenher,andshesmelledhimonceagainwhilethinkingabouttheeveningtheydspenttogether.Theeasylaughterandversationcamebacktoher,andsheespeciallyrememberedthewayhedtalkedaboutherpainting.
Itwassoued,yetuplifting,andasthewordsbegantoreplayinhermind,sherealizedhowsorryshewouldhavebeenhadshedecidednottoseehimagain.
Shelookedoutthewindowandwatchedthechatteringbirdssearchforfoodinearlylight.Noah,sheknew,hadalwaysbeenampersonwhogreeteddawninhisownway.Sheknewhelikedtokayakoroe,andsherememberedtheonemshedspentwithhiminhisoe,watgthesuneup.Shedhadtosneakoutherwindowtodoitbecauseherparentswouldntallowit,butshehadntbeencaughtandsherememberedhowNoahhadslippedhisarmaroundherandpulledhercloseasdawounfold."Lookthere,"hedwhispered,achedherfirstsuhherheadonhisshoulder,wifanythingcouldbebetterthanwhateningatthatmoment.
Andasshegotoutofbedtotakeherbath,feelingthecoldfloorbehherfeet,shewonderedifhedbeenoerthismwatganotherdaybegin,thinkingsomehowheprobablyhad.
Shewasright.
Noahbeforethesunanddressedquickly,samejeansaslastnight,undershirt,flannelshirt,bluejacket,andboots.Hebrushedhisteethbefoingdownstairs,drankaquickglassofmilk,andgrabbedtwobiscuitsonthewayoutthedoor.AfterClemgreetedhimleofsloppylicks,hewalkedtothedockwherehiskayakwasstored.Helikedtolettheriverworkitsmagic,looseninguphismuscles,warminghisbody,clearinghismind.
Theoldkayak,wellusedandriverstained,hungontworustyhooksattachedtohisdockjustabovethewaterliokeepoffthebarnacles.Helifteditfreefromthehooksaathisfeet,ieditquickly,thentookittothebank.Inacoupleofseasonedmoveslongsieredbyhabit,hehaditierwitsstreamwithhimselfasthepilotandengine.
Theairwascoolonhisskin,almostcrisp,andtheskywasahazeofdifferentcolors:blackdirectlyabovehimlikeamountaihenbluesofinfiniterange,beinglighteruntilitmetthehorizon,wheregraytookitsplace.Hetookafewdeepbreaths,smellingpireesandbrackishwater,aoreflect.Thishadbeenpartofwhathedmissedmostwhenhehadlivedupnorth.Becauseofthelonghoursatwork,therehadbeenlittletimetospendoer.Camping,hiking,paddlingonrivers,dating,w...somethinghadhadtogo.ForthemostparthedbeeoexploreNewJerseystrysideonfootwheneverhedhadextratime,butinfourteenyearshehadntoedorkayakedohadbeehefirstthingsheddonewheurned.
Theressomethingspecial,almostmystical,aboutspendingdawnoer,hethoughttohimself,andhediditalmosteverydaynow.
Sunnyandclearorcoldandbitter,itteredashepaddledinrhythmtomusihishead,wabovewaterthecolorofiron.Hesawafamilyofturtlesrestingonapartiallysubmergedlogandwatchedasaheronbrokefht,skimmingjustabovethewaterbeforevanishingintothesilvertwilightthatprecededsunrise.
Hepaddledouttothemiddleofthecreek,wherehewatchedtheeglowbegintostretchacrossthewater.Hestoppedpaddlinghard,givingjustenoughefforttokeephiminplace,staringuntillightbegantobreakthroughthetrees.Healwayslikedtopauseatdaybreak-therewasamomehevieectacular,asiftheworldwerebeingbain.Afterwardhebegantopaddlehard,woffthetension,preparingfortheday.
Whilehedidthat,questionsdanhismindlikewaterdropsinafryingpan.HewonderedaboutLonandeofmanhewas,wonderedabouttheirrelationship.Mostofall,though,hewonderedaboutAllieandwhyshehade.
Bythetimehereachedhome,hefeltrenewed.Cheghiswatch,hewassurprisedtofindthatithadtakentwohours.Timeallayedtricksoutthere,though,aoppedquestioningitmonthsago.
Hehungthekayaktodry,stretchedforacoupleofminutes,aotheshedwherehestoredhisoe.Hecarriedittothebank,leavingitafewfeetfromthewater,andasheturowardthehouse,hehathislegswerestillalittlestiff.
Themhazehadntburnedoffyet,andhekhestiffnessinhislegsusuallypredictedrain.Helookedtothewesternskyandsawstormclouds,thidheavy,faroffbutdefinitelypresent.Thewiblowinghard,buttheywerebringingthecloudscloser.Fromthelooksofthem,hedidntwanttobeoutsidewhehere.Damn.Howmuchtimedidhehave?Afewhours,maybemore.Maybeless.
Heshowered,putonnewjeans,aredshirt,andblackcowboyboots,brushedhishair,adownstairstothekit.Hedidthedishesfromthenightbefore,pickedupalittlearoundthehouse,madehimselfsomecoffee,aotheporch.Theskywasdarkernow,andhecheckedthebarometer.Steady,butitwouldstartdroppingsooernskypromisedthat.
Hedlearnedlongagotoneveruimatetheweather,andhewonderedifitwasagoodideatogoout.Therainhecoulddealwith;lightningwasadifferentstory.Especiallyifhewasoer.Aoelacetobewhericitysparkedinhumidair.
Hefinishedhiscoffee,puttingoffthedecisionuntillater.Hewenttothetoolshedandfoundhisax.Afterchegthebladebypressinghisthumbtoit,hesharpewithawhetstoilitwasready."Adullaxismoredangerousthanasharpone,"hisdaddyusedtosay.
Hespetwentyminutessplittingandstaglogs.Hediditeasily,hisstrokeseffit,anddidntbreakasweat.Hesetafewlogsofftothesideforlaterandbroughttheminsidewhenhewasfinished,puttihefireplace.
HelookedatAlliespaintingagainandreachedouttotouchit,bringingbackthefeelingsofdisbeliefatseeingheragain.God,whatwasitaboutherthatmadehimfeelthisway?Evenafteralltheseyears?Whatsortofpowerdidshehaveoverhim?
Hefinallyturnedaway,shakinghishead,abacktotheporch.Hecheckedthebarometeragain.Ithadntged.Thenhelookedathiswatch.Allieshouldbeheresoon.
Alliehadfinishedherbathandwasalreadydressed.Earliershedopehewindowtocheckthetemperature.Itwasntcoldoutside,andsheddecidedonacream-coloredspringdresswithlongsleevesandahighneck.Itwassoftandfortable,maybealittlesnug,butitlookedgood,andshehadselectedsomewhitesandalsthatmatched.
Shespentthemwalkingarounddowntown.TheDepressionhadtakenitstollhere,butshecouldseethesignsofprosperitybeginningtoworktheirwayback.TheMasonictheater,theoldestactivetheaterinthetry,lookedalittlemorerun-downbutwasstilloperatingleofretmovies.FortTottenParklookedexactlythesameasithadfourteenyearsago,andsheassumedthekidswhoplayedontheswingsafterschoollookedthesameaswell.Shesmiledatthememorythen,thinkingbacktowhenthingsweresimpler.Oratleasthadseemedtobe.
Now,itseemed,nothingwassimple.Itseemedsoimprobable,everythingfallingintoplaceasithad,andshewonderedwhatshewouldhavebeendoingnow,hadsheneverseeithepaper.Itwasntverydifficulttoimagine,becauseherroutinesseldomged.ItwasWednesday,whichmeantbridgeatthetryclub,thenontotheJuniorWomensLeague,wheretheywouldprobablybearranginganotherfund-raiserfortheprivateschoolorhospital.Afterthat,avisitwithhermother,theogetreadyfordihLon,becausehemadeitapointtoleaveworkbyseven.Itwastheonenightaweekshesawhimregularly.
Shesuppressedafeelingofsadnessaboutthat,hopingthatonedayhewouldge.Hehadoftenpromisedtoandusuallyfollowedthroughforafewweeksbeforedriftingbacktothesameschedule."Ittonight,honey,"hewouldalwaysexplain."Imsorry,butIt.Letmemakeituptoyoulater."
Shedidntliketuewithhimaboutit,mostlybecauseshekellih.Trialworkwasdemanding,bothbeforehandanddurishecouldnthelpwsometimeswhyhehadspentsomuchtimecherifhedidntwanttospeimewithhernow.
Shepassedanartgallery,almostwalkedbyitinherpreoccupatiournedaback.Shepausedatthedoorforased,surprisedathowlongithadbeensinceshedbeenileastthreeyears,maybelonger.Whyhadsheavoidedit?
ShewentihadopehtherestoftheshopsonFrontStreet-andbrowsedamongthepaintings.Manyoftheartistswerelocal,andtherewasastrongseaflavortotheirworks.Lotsofoses,sandybeaches,pelis,oldsailingships,tugboats,piers,andseagulls.Butmostofall,waves.Wavesofeveryshape,size,andaginable,andafterawhiletheyalllookedalike.Theartistswereeitheruninspiredorlazy,shethought.
Ononewallthough,thereaintingsthatmoresuitedhertastes.Allwerebyanartistshedneverheardof,Elayn,andmostappearedtohavebeeninspiredbythearchitectureoftheGreekislands.Inthepaintingshelikedthebest,sheheartisthadpurposelyexaggeratedthesewithsmaller-than-lifefigures,widelines,andheavysweepsofcolor,asifnotpletelyfocused.Yetthecolorswerevividandswirling,drawingtheeyein,almostdiregwhatitshouldsee.Itwasdynamic,dramatic.Themoreshethoughtaboutit,themoreshelikedit,andshesideredbuyingitbeforesherealizedthatshelikeditbecauseitremindedherofherownwork.SheexamimorecloselyandthoughttoherselfthatmaybeNoahwasright.Maybesheshouldstartpaintingagain.
AthirtyAllieleftthegalleryaoHoffman-Lane,adepartmentstoredowntown.Ittookafewmiofindwhatshewaslookingfor,butitwasthere,intheschoolsupplyse.Paper,drawingchalk,andpencils,nothighqualitybutgoodenough.Itainting,butitwasastart,andshewasexcitedbythetimeshegotbacktoherroom.Shesatatthedeskandstartedw:nothingspecific,justgettingthefeelofitagaiingshapesandcolorsflowfromthememoryofheryouth.Afterafewminutesofabstra,shedidaroughsketchofthestreetseasseenfromherroom,amazedathoweasilyitcame.Itwasalmostasifshedopped.
Sheexamiwhenshewasfinished,pleasedwiththeeffort.Shewonderedwhattotryandfinallydecided.Sinceshedidnthaveamodel,shevisualizeditinherheadbeforestarting.Andthoughitwasharderthareetse,itaturallyaotakeform.
Minutespassedquickly.Sheworkedsteadilybutcheckedthetimefrequentlysoshewoulde,andshefialittlebeforenoon.Ithadtakenalmosttwohours,buttheesurprisedher.Itlookedasthoughithadtakedeallonger.Afterrollingitup,sheputitinabagandcollectedtherestofherthings.Onherwayoutthedoor,shelookedatherselfinthemirror,feelingoddlyrelaxed,lysurewhy.
Dowairsagainandoutthedoor.Assheleftsheheardavoicebehindher.
"Miss?"
Sheturned,knowingitwasdirectedather.Themanager.Samemaerday,acuriouslookonhisface.
"Yes?"
"Youhadsomecallslastnight."
Shewasshocked."Idid?"
"Yes.AllfromaMr.Hammond."
Oh,God."Loncalled?"
"Yes,maam,fourtimes.Italkedtohimwhenhecalledthesedtime.Hewasratheredaboutyou.Hesaidhewasyourfiancé."
Shesmiledweakly,tryingtohidewhatshewasthinking.Fourtimes?Four?Whatcouldthatmean?Whatifsomethinghadhappenedbae?
"Didhesayanything?Isitanemergency?"
Heshookhisheadquickly."Hereallydidntsay,miss,buthedidionanything.Actually,hesoundedmoreedaboutyou,though."
Good,shethought.Thatsgood.Andthen,justassuddenly,apanginherchest.
Whytheurgency?Whysomanycalls?Hadshesaidanythierday?Whywouldhebesopersistent?Itwaspletelyunlikehim.Isthereanywayhecouldhavefoundout?No...thatossible.Unlesssomeonesawherhereyesterdayandcalled...ButtheywouldhavehadtofollowherouttoNoahs.Noonewouldhavedo.
Shehadtocallhimnow;nowaytogetaroundit.Butshedidntwanttely.Thiswashertime,aedtospenditdoingwhatshewanted.Shehadntplannedonspeakingtohimuntillater,andforsomereasoalmostasiftalkingtohimnowwouldspoiltheday.Besides,whatwasshegoingtosay?Howcouldsheexplainbeingoutsolate?Alatedinnerandthenawalk?Maybe.Oramovie?Or...
"Miss?"
Almostnoohought.Wherewouldhebe?Hisoffice,probably...No.Incourt,shesuddenlyrealized,andimmediatelyfeltasifshedbeenreleasedfromshackles.
Therewasnowayshecouldtalktohim,evenifshewao.Shewassurprisedbyherfeelings.Sheshouldhisway,sheknew,adidntbotherher.Shelookedatherwatch,agnow."Isitreallyalmosttwelve?"
Themanagererlookingattheclock."Yes,aquartertill,actually."
"Unfortunately,"shestarted,"hesinchtnowandItreachhim.Ifhedoescallagain,couldyoutellhimImshoppingandthatIlltrytocallhimlater?"
"Ofcourse,"heanswered.Shecouldseethequestioninhiseyes,though:Butwherewereyoulastnight?
Hehadklywhenshedein.Toolateforasinglewomaninthissmalltown,shewassure.
"Thankyou,"shesaid,smiling."Idappreciateit."
Twomiershewasinhercar,drivingtoNoahs,anticipatingtheday,largelyunedaboutthephonecalls.Yesterdayshewouldhavebeen,andshewonderedwhatthatmeant.
Asshewasdrivihedrawbridgelessthanfourmiershedlefttheinn,Loncalledfromthecourthouse.
Noahwassittinginhisrocker,drinkiea,listeningforthecar,whenhefinallyhearditturnupthedrive.Hewentaroundfrontandwatchedthecarpullupandparkbeheain.Samespotasyesterday.Clembarkedagreetingathercardoor,tailwagging,andhesawAlliewavefromihecar.
Shesteppedout,pattedClemontheheadwhileshecooedather,thenturned,smilingatNoahashewalkedtowardher.Shelookedmorerelaxedthaerday,morefident,andagaiaslightshockatseeiwasdifferentfromyesterday,though.Newerfeelingsnow,notsimplymemoriesanymore.Ifanything,hisattrafrownstrongerht,moreintense,anditmadehimfeelalittlenervousinherpresence.
Alliemethimhalfway,carryingasmallbaginonehand.Shesurprisedhimbykissinghimgentlyonthecheek,herfreehandlingeringathiswaistaftershepulledback.
"Hi,"shesaid,radianhereyes,"wheresthesurprise?"
Herelaxedalittle,thankingGodforthat."NotevenaGoodafternoonorHowwasyht?"
Shesmiled.Patiencehadneverbeenoneofherstrotributes."Fine.Goodafternoon.Howwasyht?Ahesurprise?"
Hechuckledlightly,thenpaused."Allie,Ivegotsomebadnews."
"What?"
"Iwasgoingtotakeyousomeplace,butwiththosecloudsingin,Imnotsureweshouldgo."
"Why?"
"Thestorm.Wellbeoutsideandmightgetwet.Besides,theremightbelightning."
"Itsnotraini.Howfarisit?"
"Upthecreekaboutamile."
"AndIveneverbeentherebefore?"
"Notwhenitwaslikethis."
Shethoughtforasedwhileshelookedaround.Whenshespoke,hervoicewasdetermined.
"Thenwellgo.Idontcareifitrains."
"Areyousure?"
"Absolutely."
Helookedatthecloudsagain,notingtheirapproach."Thetergonow,"hesaid."Ibringthatinforyou?"
Shenodded,handingherbagtohim,andhejoggedtothehouseandbroughtitinside,whereheplaceditonachairinthelivingroom.Thenhegrabbedsomebreadandputitinabag,bringingitwithhimasheleftthehouse.
Theywalkedtotheoe,Alliebesidehim.Alittlecloserthaerday.
"Whatexactlyisthisplace?"
"Youllsee."
"Yourenotevengoingtogivemeahint?"
"Well,"hesaid,"doyourememberwheooktheoeoutandwatchedthesuneup?"
"Ithoughtaboutitthism.Irememberitmademecry."
"Whatyoingtoseetodaymakeswhatyousawthenseemordinary."
"IguessIshouldfeelspecial."
Hetookafewstepsbeforeresponding.
"Youarespecial,"hefinallysaid,andthewayhesaiditmadeherwonderifhewaoaddsomethingelse.Buthedidnt,andAlliesmiledalittlebeflangaway.Asshedid,shefeltthewindinherfadnoticedithadpickedupsihem.Theyreachedthedoentlater.Aftertossingthebagintheoe,Noahquicklycheckedtomakesurehehadntmissedanything,thenslidtheoetothewater.
"Idoanything?"
"No,justgetin."
Aftersheclimbedin,hepushedtheoefartherintothewater,closetothedock.
Thenhegracefullysteppedoffthedototheoe,plaghisfeetcarefullytopreventtheoefromcapsizing.Allieressedbyhisagility,knowingthatwhathehaddonesoquicklyandeasilywasharderthanitlooked.
Alliesatatthefrontoftheoe,fagbackward.Hehadsaidsomethingaboutmissingtheviewwheartedtopaddle,butshedshakenherhead,sayingshewasfihewayshewas.Anditwastrue.
Shecouldseeeverythingshereallywaoseeifsheturnedherhead,butmostofallshewaowatoah.Itwashimshedetosee,notthecreek.Hisshirtwasunbuttohetop,andshecouldseehischestmusclesflexwitheverystroke.Hissleeveswererolledup,too,andshecouldseethemusclesinhisarmsbulgingslightly.Hismuscleswerewelldevelopedtherefrompaddlingeverym.
Artistic,shethought.Theressomethingalmostartisticabouthimwhenhedoesthis.
Somethingnatural,asifbeingoerwerebeyondhistrol,partofagenepassedontohimfromsomeobscurehereditarypool.Whechedhim,shewasremindedofhowtheearlyexplorersmusthavelookedwhentheydfirstdiscoveredthisarea.
Shecouldntthinkofanyoneelsewhoremotelyresembledhim.Hewasplicated,almosttradictoryinsomanyways,yetsimple,astrangelyerotibination.Onthesurfacehewasatryboy,homefromwar,andheprobablysawhimselfinthoseterms.Yettherewassomuchmoretohim.Perhapsitwasthepoetrythatmadehimdifferent,orperhapsitwasthevalueshisfatherhadinstilledinhim,growingup.Eitherway,heseemedtosavorlifemorefullythanothersappearedto,andthatwaswhathadfirstattractedhertohim.
"Whatareyouthinking?"
ShefeltherinsidesjumpjustabitasNoahsvoicebroughtherbacktothepresent.Sherealizedshehadntsaidmucetheydstarted,andsheappreciatedthesilencehehadallowedher.Hedalwaysbeensideratelikethat.
"Goodthings,"sheansweredquietly,andshesawihatheknewshewasthinkingabouthim.Shelikedthefactthathek,andshehopedhehadbeenthinkingaboutheraswell.
Sheuoodthenthatsomethingwasstirringwithinher,asithadsomanyyearsago.Watghim,watghisbodymove,madeherfeelit.Andastheireyeslingeredforased,shefelttheheatinhernedbreasts,andsheflushed,turningawaybeforehenoticed.
"Howmuchfarther?"sheasked.
"Anotherhalfmileorso.Notanymorethanthat."
Apause.Then,shesaid:"Itsprettyouthere.So.Soquiet.Itsalmostlikegoingbatime."
"Inawayitis,Ithink.Thecreekflowsfromtheforest.Theresnotasinglefarmbetweenhereastarts,aerispureasrain.Itsprobablyaspureasitseverbeen."
Sheleaowardhim."Tellme,Noah,whatdoyouremembermostfromthesummerwespenttogether?"
"Allofit."
"Anythinginparticular?"
"No,"hesaid.
"Youdontremember?"
Heansweredafteramoment,quietly,seriously."No,itsnotthat.Itsnotwhatyourethinking.IwasseriouswhenIsaidallofit.Iremembereverymomentweweretogether,andineachofthemtherewassomethingwonderful.Itreallypiyoimethatmeantmorethananyother.Theentiresummererfect,thekindofsummereveryoneshouldhave.HowcouldIpiomentoveranother?
"Poetsoftendescribeloveasaionthatwettrol,ooverwhelmslogidonsehatswhatitwaslikeforme.Ididntplanonfallingihyou,andIdoubtifyouplannedonfallingihme.Buto,itwasclearthatherofuscouldtrolwhateningtous.Wefellinlove,despiteourdifferences,andoncewedid,somethingrareaifulwascreated.Forme,lovelikethathashappenedonlyondthatswhyeveryminutewespenttogetherhasbeenseared(brand)inmymemory.Illneverfetasinglemomentofit."
Alliestaredathim.Noonehadeversaidanythinglikethattoherbefore.Ever.Shedidntknowwhattosayandstayedsilent,herfacehot.
"ImsorryifImadeyoufeelunfortable,Allie.Idido.Butthatsummerhasstayedwithmeandprobablyalwayswill.Iknowittbethesamebetweenus,butthatdoesntgethewayIfeltaboutyouthen."
Shespokequietly,feelingwarm."Itdidntmakemeunfortable,Noah...ItsjustthatIdonteverhearthingslikethat.Whatyousaidwasbeautiful.Ittakesapoettotalkthewayyoudo,andlikeIsaid,youretheonlypoetIveevermet."
Peacefulsilencedesdedonthem.Anospreycriedsomewhereiance.Amulletsplashedhebank.Thepaddlemovedrhythmically,causingbafflesthatrockedtheboateversoslightly.Thebreezehadstopped,andthecloudsgrewblackerastheovedtowardsomeunknowination.
Allienoticeditall,everysound,everythought.Hersenseshadealive,invigoratingher,aherminddriftingthroughthelastfewweeks.Shethoughtabouttheayingherehadcausedher.Theshockatseeiicle,thesleeplessnights,hershorttemperduringdaylight.Eveerdayshehadbeenafraidandwaorunaway.Thetensionwasgonenow,everybitofit,replacedbysomethingelse,andshewasgladaboutthatassherodeinsileheoldredoe.
Shefeltstrangelysatisfiedthatshede,pleasedthatNoahhadturothetypeofmahoughthewould,pleasedthatshewouldliveforeverwiththatknowledge.Shehadseentoomahepastfewyearsdestroyedbywar,ortime,orevetothtoholdontoinnerpassion,andNoahhaddo.
Thiswasaworkersworld,notapoets,andpeoplewouldhaveahardtimeuandingNoah.Americawasinfullswingnow,allthepaperssaidso,andpeoplewererushingforward,leavingbehindthehorrorsofwar.Sheuoodthereasons,buttheywererushing,likeLon,towardlonghoursandprofits,ihingsthatbroughtbeautytotheworld.
WhodidsheknowinRaleighwhotooktimeofftofixahouse?OrreadWhitma,findingimagesinthemind,thoughtsofthespirit?Orhunteddawnfromthebowofaoe?Thesewerehingsthatdrovesociety,butshefelttheyshouldreatedasunimportant.Theymadelivingworthwhile.Toheritwasthesamewithart,thoughshehadrealizeditonlyuponinghere.
Orrather,rememberedit.Shehadknownitoncebefore,andagainshecursedherselffettingsomethingasimportantascreatiy.Paintingwaswhatshewasmeanttodo,shewassureofthatnow.Herfeelingsthismhadfirmedit,andshekhatwhateverhappened,shewasgoingtogiveitanothershot.Afairshot,nomatterwhatanyonesaid.
WouldLonenceherpainting?Sherememberedshowinghimoneofherpaintingsacoupleofmonthsaftertheyhadfirststartedgoingout.Itwasanabstractpaintingandwasmeanttoinspirethought.Inaway,itresembledthepaintingaboveNoahsfireplace,theoneNoahuoodpletely,thoughitmayhavebeenatouchlesspassionate.Lonhadstaredatit,studieditalmost,andthenhadaskedherwhatitposedtobe.Shehadntbotheredtoanswer.
Sheshookherheadthen,knowingshewasntbeingpletelyfair.ShelovedLon,andalwayshad,forotherreasons.ThoughhewasntNoah,Lonwasagoodman,thekindofmanshedalwaysknownshewouldmarry.WithLontherewouldbenosurprises,andtherewasfortinknowingwhatthefuturewouldbring.Hewouldbeakindhusbandtoher,andshewouldbeagoodwife.Shewouldhaveahomenearfriendsandfamily,children,arespectableplasociety.Itwasthekindoflifeshedalwaysexpectedtolive,thekindoflifeshewaolive.Andthoughshewouldntdescribetheirsasapassionaterelationship,shehadvincedherselflongagothatthiswasntnecessarytobefulfillediionship,evenersoeomarry.Passionwouldfadeintime,andthingslikepanionshipandpatibilitywouldtakeitsplace.SheandLonhadthis,andshehadassumedthiswasallsheneeded.
Butnow,asshewatoahrowing,shequestiohisbasicassumption.Heexudedsexualityihinghedid,everythinghewas,andshecaughtherselfthinkingabouthiminawaythatanengagedwomanshouldnt.Shetriednottostareandglancedawayoften,buttheeasywayhemovedhisbodymadeithardtokeephereyesfromhimf.
"Hereweare,"Noahsaidasheguidedtheoetowardsometreeshebank.
Allielookedaround,notseeinganything."Whereisit?"
"Here,"hesaidagain,pointingtheoeatanoldtreethathadfallenover,obsganopeningalmostpletelyhiddenfromview.
Heguidedtheoearouree,andbothofthemhadtolowertheirheadstokeepfrombumpingthem.
"Closeyoureyes,"hewhispered,andAlliedid,bringingherhandstoherface.Sheheardthebafflesofthewaterandf松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
推荐自己的新书《天命讨债人》齐天大魔猴
桀骜齐天圣，铮铮大魔猴
第817章 四公子当真与众不同？清穿后每天被迫撩
【欢脱独宠，沙雕撩夫日
新书《谜城》开启神峰
一次偶然， 他踏足修
第270章 酒吧偶遇网游之影子大师
我，在黑夜中行走 我
007儿女成群婚城难入
十八岁的她，一心想用高
第四百一十六章 邀请剑神之剑弑乾坤
《剑神之剑弑乾坤》是一
声明：本站所收录之:The Notebook- Kayaks and Forgotten Dreams、言情小说、玄幻、网游小说、及短篇作品、均为本站作者及网友上传。
并不代表本站立场!本站亦无法严格审:The Notebook最新章节其版权归属。如您对The NotebookTXT下载持有版权方面的异议，请联系本站客服。我们将于72小时内处理。
Copyright (C) 2019 All Rights Reserved 版权所有：松语文学
并不代表本站立场!本站亦无法严格审:The Notebook最新章节其版权归属。如您对The NotebookTXT下载持有版权方面的异议，请联系本站客服。我们将于72小时内处理。
Copyright (C) 2019 All Rights Reserved 版权所有：松语文学