17-1

  Anoutpostofcivilizationorhumanhabitation.Dwellingsirowsbacktobacktobacktoback.Childrenatplayonroofs.

  Wherearethestreets?askedtheDeadFather.

  Thereappeartobenone,saidJulie.

  Perhapstunnelsih?

  Ormaybetheysqueezebetweenthehouses,makingthemselvesallteensy-weensyandnettingtogazeintothewindowsastheypass.

  ItisPlanning,saidThomas,aowachievetherimtobekilledbyauto.

  Circulationisnotabigthinghere,saidastander-by.Whyisthatman,thatoneofyou,thedistinguished-lookingone,beingdragged?Whathasheitted?Whyarethoseeenpuffingaingaway,onthecable?Whyareyouthreenotpuffingaingawayonthecable?Idonotuandyourtableanization.

  Heisafather,saidThomas.

  Terriblenews,saidtheman,youtbringhiminhere.

  Heisfatigued.Wearefatigued.ay.

  Youllhavetodeballockhimandwipeyourfeeto,saidtheman,whosefatainedbeardesculesatoddpoints,suchasthelipsaeroftheforehead.Doyouneedadeballogknife?Scissors?Razor?Papercutter?Shardofglass?Letteropener?Fingernailclippers?

  Heisasacredobjeasehomassaid.Nomoreofyourbubblegum.Whichwayistheflophouse?

  Therearetwo,thecitizensaid.Thegoodohebadohebadohebestgirls.Thegoodohebestpaté.Thebadohebestbeds.Thegoodohebestcellar.Thebadohebestperiodicals.Thegoodohebestsecurity.Thebadohebestband.Thegoodohebestroaches.Thebadohebestmartinis.Thegoodohebestcreditcards.Thebadohebesttablesilver.Thegoodohebestviews.Thebadohebestroomservice.Thegoodohebestreputation.Thebadohebestfa?ade.Thegoodohebestdelier.Thebadohebestcarpet.Thegoodohebestbathrooms.Thebadohebestbar.ThegoodohebestDun&Bradstreet.Thebadohebestportraits.Thegoodohebestbellmen.Thebadohebestpottedplants.Thegoodohebestashtrays.Thebadohebestsnails.Thegoodohebestpostcards.Thebadohebestbreakfast.Thegoodone--

  Betweenthegoodohebadone,Juliesaid,thereappearstobelittlechoice.

  Therearealsoprivatehousesbutnonelargeenoughorfoolishenoughtoattempttoaodateyourparty,saidtheman.Thatthingtherewouldscarethechildrenoutoftheirwigs,didtheygetbutaglimpseofit.

  Heistalkingaboutyou,EmmasaidtotheDeadFather.

  TheDeadFatherbeamed.

  Hesaysyoullfrightenthechildren.

  HappinessoftheDeadFather.

  Him,thecitizensaid,himtbebroughtinwithoutthefixing.IlendyouaSkilsaw.;

  Iwouldprefernotto,saidtheDeadFather.

  Heprefersnotto,Thomastoldthecitizen.

  Welldamnandblast,saidthecitizen,whowouldimagiherwise?Yetaruleisarule.

  Edmund,Thomascalled.

  Edmuedhimself.

  Howwouldyouliketobuyadrinkorsoforthiscitizenofthisfineunity?Thomasasked.Youmaychargeittome.

  TrembleofhappinessrunningthroughEdmundfromtoptobottom(visible).

  Edmundaizenofftothealehousearm-in-arm.

  Now,Thomassaid,letsiheaodations.

  Afterlookingatthegoodoheychosethebadone.

  JulieandThomasintheirroom,sittingonthebed.Pictureonthewall,DeathofSigismur.

  Amazinghowheholdsontohisballs,saidJulie,thatisacuriousthing,Idontuandit.

  Iuandit,saidThomas.

  Doesntknowwhenitstimetohangitup,shesaid,howolddoyouthinkheis?

  Heclaimsonehundredandnine,saidThomas,buthemaybestretgit.Hemaybeshrinkingit.Idontknow.

  ThreeofourpeopleareesIthink.

  Whichthree?

  Thethreewiththeredhairandthelimp.

  Thomaslaybackuponthebed.

  Whatadisgustingidea,hesaid.

  Howisitthatyougavehimbackhislegafteryouhadwhackeditoff?

  Purelypractical.Hestaggersbetterwithit.Wehaveendsinview.

  Sowedo,shesaid,sowedo.

  Aknothechamberdoor.

  Whosthere?calledavoice,fromoutsidethedoor.

  Shallweanswer?Julieasked.

  Whosthere?thevoicecalledagain.

  Whowantstoknow?Julieshouted.

  Therewasasileer,thevoicesaid,atlength.

  Doweknowanyoneer?

  Iknownooneer.

  Whatdoyoueter?shecalled.

  Ihavetomisttheplaercalled.

  Thomaslookedabouthim.Acactussatonthedressingtable.

  Doesoacactus?Julieasked.

  Lethimin,Thomassaid.

  Julieopehedoor.

  Somepeopleknowwhattheyaredoiersaid,andsomedont.

  Hebeganicheeseclotharouus.

  Welltheretallthinfellow,saidJulie,whyareyouhere?

  Iheardtherewerestrangers.Wedontofterangers.Iwaogiveittoyou.

  Waogivewhattous?

  Heappearstobeadoltofsomekind,Thomassaid,sottovoce.

  Thebook,Petersaid.

  Whatisthebookabout?

  Peterhadafrayedtattereddisiingvolumewithshowersofratsfallingoutofitclutchedtohischest.

  Itisamanual,hesaid.Mightbeofsomesmallusetoyou.Oherhand,mightnot.

  Areyoutheauthor?Julieasked.

  Ohno,saidPeter.Iamthetranslator.

  Fromwhatlanguagewasittranslated?

  ItwastranslatedfromEnglish,hesaid,intoEnglish.

  YoumusthavestudiedEnglish.

  YesIdidstudyEnglish.

  Isitlong?Thomasasked,lookingatthethinbook.

  Itisnotloersaid,andatthesametime,toolong.

  Then,furiously:

  Doyouknowwhattranslatorsarepaid?

  Notmyfault,Juliesaid,aswithmuchelseintheworld,notmyfault.

  Pennies!Peterproclaimed.

  Areyousellingusthisbook?

  ersaidnobly,Iamgivingittoyouasagift.Itisnotworthselling.

  Heunedthecheeseclothfromthecactus.

  Editionofforty,hesaid,printedinallyonpieperhisisthesededition.

  Wemustgiveyousomething,Thomassaid,whatitbe?

  Youarestrangers,Petersaid.Yourapprovalwouldbeenough.

  Youhaveit,saidJulie.ShekissedPeterontheforehead.

  Iamjustified,Petersaid,forthetimebeing.Istruggleon,forthetimebeing.Iamreified,forthetimebeing.

  ExitofPeter.

  Hedidntaskmuch,saidThomas.

  Hisbargainingpositionisnotthebest,Juliesaid.Heisatranslator.

  Theylayoomathebed,lookingatthebook.

  ThebookwastitledAManualforSons.

  Theauthorwasnotcredited.

  "TranslatedfromtheEnglishbyPeterScatterpatter"wasfoundolepage.

  Theybegahebook.

  A

  MANUAL

  FORSONS

  TRANSLATEDFROMTHEENGLISH

  BYPETERSCATTERPATTER

  (1)Madfathers

  (2)Fathersasteachers

  (3)Onhorseback,etc.

  (4)Theleapingfather

  (5)Bestwaytoapproach

  (6)Ys

  (7)Namesof

  (8)Voicesof

  (9)Samplevoice,ABC

  (10)Fac.

  (11)HiramorSaul

  (12)Coloroffathers

  (13)Dandling

  (14)Atongue-lashing

  (15)Thefallingfather

  (16)Lostfathers

  (17)Rescueoffathers

  (18)Sexualans

  (19)Namesof

  (20)Yamos

  (21)"Responsibility"

  (22)Deathof

  (23)Patricideapooridea,andsummation

  Madfathersstalkupanddowntheboulevards,shouting.Avoidthem,orembracethem,ortellthemyourdeepestthoughts--itmakesnodiffereheyhavedeafears.Iftheirdressiscoveredwithsewn-ontinsandtheirspittleislikeastringofredboiledcrayfishrunnio-taildownthefrontoftheirtins,seriousimpairmentoftheleftbrainispresent.If,oherhand,theyaresimplybarking(notins,spittleheldsecurelyinthepouchofthecheek),theyhavebeendriventodistrabytheintricaciesoflivingwithouptothem,and,stillingtheirwoodenclappersbyputtingyourlefthaweenthehingedparts,sayyouresorry.Ifthebarkingceases,thisdoeshattheyhaveheardyou,itoheyareexperiengeroticthoughtsofabomier.Permitthemtoenjoytheseimagesforaspadthenstrikethemsharplyinthehthebladeofyourtannedrighthand.Sayyouresain.Itwohroughtothem(becausetheirbrainsaremush)butinpronoungthewords,yourbodywillassumeanattitudethatveys,ineverytryoftheworld,sorrow--thislanguagetheyderstalyfeedthemwithbitsofleftovermeatyouarecarryinginyourpockets.Firstholdthemeatinfrontoftheireyes,sothattheyseewhatitis,andthenpointtotheirmouths,sothattheyknowthatthemeatisforthem.Mostly,theywillopentheirmouths,atthispoint.Iftheydonot,throwthemeatiweenbarks.Ifthemeatdoesallthewayintothemouthbutlandsupon(say)theupperlip,hitthemagaininthehisoftencausesthemouthtopopopenastigtotheupperliptofallintothemouth.NothingmayworkoutinthewayIhavedescribed;inthiseventuality,youuadfatherexceptlisten,forawhile,tohisbabble.Ifhecriesaloud,"Stompit,emptor!"thenyoumustattempttofigureoutthecode.Ifhecriesaloud,"Thefiendshavekilledyourhorse!"notedowninyournotebookthefrequencywithwhichthewords"the"and"your"ochistirade.Ifhecriesaloud,"Thecatsinitscassodflitter-te-heemoresostompit!"rememberthathehasalreadyaskedyouoo"stompit"andthatthismustrefertosomethingyouaredoing.Sostompit.

  Fathersareteachersofthetrueandnot-true,andnofathereverknowinglyteacheswhatisnottrue.Inacloudofunknowing,theherproceedswithhisinstru.Toughmeatshouldbehammeredwellbetweentwostonesbeforeitisplathefire,andshouldbebedwithahairbandbrushedwithahairbrushbeforeitisplathefire.Ironlungsandcyclotronsarealsousefulforthepurpose.Onarrivingatnight,withthirstycattle,atawellofdoubtfulcharacter,onedeepensthewellfirstwithariflebarrel,thenigsticker,thenencil,thenwitharamrod,thenwithanicepick,&quingthewellin"finallywithneedleandthread.Donettoyourriflebarrelimmediately.Tofindhoieafeatherorstrawtothelegofabee,throwhimintotheair,andpeeralertlyafterhimashefliesslowlybacktothehive.Nails,boiledforthreehiveoffarustyliquidthat,whenbihoxtailsoup,driestoaflamecolor,usefulfofftuberculosisorattragnativewomen.Donettohugthenativewomeely.Toprevefromblistering,soaptheihestogwithalathergandsteelwool,whichtogethergreatlysofteherofthefoot.Delicateinstruments(suchassurveyinginstruments)shouldbeentrustedtoaporterwhoisoldandenfeebled;hewilltotteralongmostcarefully.Forawayofmakinganassnottobrayatnight,lashaheavychildtohistail;itappearsthatwhenanasswishestobrayheelevateshistail,andifthetailotbeelevated,hehasnottheheart.Savagesareeasilysatisfiedwithcheapbeadsinthefollowingcolors,dullwhite,darkblue,andvermilionred--expensivebeadsareoftenspurhem.Non-savagesshouldbegivencheapbooksinthefollowingcolors,deadwhite,brown,andseaweed--bookspraisingtheseaaremuchsoughtafter.SatanicoperationsshouldnotbeductedwithoutfirstsultingtheBibliothèqueNationale.WhenSatanatlastappearstoyou,trynottoactsurprised.Thedowntohardbargaining.Ifhelikesherthebeadsnorthebooks,offerhimacoldbeer.Then--

  Fathersteachmuchthatisofvalue.Muchthatisnot.

  Fathersinsometriesarelikecottonbales;inothers,likeclaypotsorjars;inothers,likereading,inaneer,alongatofafilmyouhavealreadyseenandlikedimmenselybutdonotwishtoseeagain,orreadabout.Somefathershavetriangulareyes.Somefathers,ifyouaskthemforthetimeofday,spitsilverdollars.Somefathersliveinoldfilthyshighinthemountains,andmakemurderousnoisesdeepihroatswhentheiramazinglysharpearsdetethefloorofthevalley,aep.Somefatherspisseitherperfumeormedialalcohol,distilledbypowerfulbodyprocessesfromwhattheyhavebeen,alldaylong,drinking.Somefathershaveonlyonearm.Othershavearaarm,inadditiontothenormaltwo,hiddeniheircoats.Onthatarmsfingersareelaboratelywroughtgoldenringsthat,whespringispressed,dispensecharity.Somefathershavemadethemselvesoverintovingreplicasofbeautifulseaanimals,andsomeintovingreplicasofpeopletheyhatedaschildren.Somefathersaregoats,somearemilk,someteachSpanishincloisters,someareexceptions,somearecapableofattagworldeisandkillingthem,buthavedoheyarewaitingforovitalpieceofdata.Somefathersstrutbutmostdonot,exceptinside;somefathersposeonhorsebackbutmostdonot,exceptieeury;somefathersfalloffthehorsestheymountbutmostdonot;somefathers,afterfallingoffthehorse,shootthehorse,butmostdonot;somefathersfearhorses,butmostfear,instead,women;somefathersmasturbatebecausetheyfearwomen;somefatherssleepwithhiredwomenbecausetheyfearwomenwhoarefree;somefathersneversleepatall,butareendlesslyawake,staringattheirfutures,whicharebehindthem.

  Theleapingfatherisnotenteredoften,butexists.Tingfatherstogetherinaroomcauseacts.Thebestideaistoheavy-dutytrucktirestothem,oneinfront,oneinback,sothattheirleapsbeepatheticsmallhops.Thatisalltheirlivesamounttoanyhow,anditisgoodforthemtobeabletosee,inthemirror,theirwholelifehistoriesperformed,inasequenceperhapsfiveminuteslong,ofupwardmovementswhiot,really,getveryfar,orachieveverymuch.Withoutthetires,theleapingfatherhasanuisancevaluewhichmayrapidlytransformitselfintoaseriousthreat.Ambitionisthecoreofthisproblem(itmayevenbeambitionforyou,inwhichcaseyouareineveerdahanhadbeensupposed),andtheayberemovedbyopen-liversurgery(theliverbeingthehomeofthehumours,asweknow).Isaingfatherinthepark,hewastwofeetoffthegroundandholdingaone-foot-in-diameter,browherobjectthatheushingawayfromhimself--asinofsomesort,Ijudged.Hewasaimingitatasupportedbyasteelringbutthehadnobottom,therewasnowayohthatthewouldretainthesihefatherhadbeeoplacethesinsafelyi.Thefutilityofhisprojectsaddethisropriateemotion.Thereissomethingverysadaboutallleapingfathers,aboutleapingitself.Iprefertokeepmyfeetontheground,insituatiohegroundhasnotbeencutoutfromunderme,bythetunnelingfather.Thelatterisusuallypiebaldincolor,andsupremelynotableforhisnonflogitiousness.

  Thebestwaytoapproachafatherisfrombehind.Thusifhechoosestohurlhisjavelinatyou,hewillprobablymiss.Forioftwistinghisbodyaround,anddrawingbackhishurlingarm,andsightingalongtheshaft,hewillgiveyoutimetorun,tomakereservationsforaflighttoanothertry.ToRukmini,therearenofathersthere.Inthattryvirgingodshuddletogetherunderablaofrubychipsandflexiblet,throughtheloRukminianwinter,andinsomewaynotknowntousproduceoffspring.Theizensaregreetedwithdalmsaificatesofworth,areled(ordrawnonrunnerlesssleds)outintothezocalo,themainsquareofthetry,andtheiraugensheinlichparentagesrecordeduposilverbowl,andtheirfingerprintspeeledaway,sothatnothingeverbeproved.Look!Inthewalnutpanelingofthedininghall,ajavelin!Thepanelingiswoundedinahundredplaces.

  IknewafathernamedYswhohadmanymanychildrenandsoldeveryohemtotheboories.Theboorieswillnotacceptangryorsulkingchildren,thereforeYswas,tohischildren,thekiandmostamiablefatherimaginable.Hefedthemhugeamountsofcalciumdyandthemilkofminks,toldthemiingandfunnystories,ahemeachdayintheirbone-buildingexercises."Tallsons,"hesaid,"arebest."OnceayearthebooriessentalittlebluevantoYsshouse.

  Thenamesoffathers.Fathersarenamed:

  Aalbiel

  Aariel

  Aaron

  Aba

  Ababaloy

  Abaddon

  Aban

  Abathur

  Abbott

  Abdia

  Abel

  Abiou

  Achsah

  Adam

  Adeo

  Adityas

  Adlai

  Adnai

  Adoil

  Adossia

  Aeon

  Aeshma

  Af

  Afkiel

  Agaswend

  Albert

  Fathershavevoices,andeachvoicehasaterribilitàofitsown.Thesoundofafathersvoiceisvarious:likefilmburning,likemarblebeingpulledscreamingfromthefaceofaquarry,liketheclashofpaperclipsbynight,limeseethinginalimepit,orbatsong.Thevoiceofafathershatterylasses.Somefathershavetetchyvoices,otherstetched-in-the-headvoices.Itisuoodthatfathers,whennotrobediher-role,maybefarmers,heldentenors,tinsmiths,ragdrivers,fist-fighters,orsalesmen.Mostaresalesmen.Manyfathersdidnotwish,especially,tobefathers,thethingcameuponthem,seizedthem,byact,orbysomeoneelsescarefuldesign,orbysimpleclumsinessonsomeonespart.helessthisclassoffather--theient--isoftenamotactful,light-handed,aifuloffathers.Ifafatherhasfatheredtwelveortwenty-seveiswelltogivehimacuriouslook--thisfatherdoesnotloathehimselfenough.Thisfatherfrequentlywearsabluewoolwatchcap,onstormynights,toremindhimselfofamanlypast--aihAtlantiyfathersareblamelessinallways,andthesefathersareeithersacredrelicspeoplearetouchedwithtohealincurableillnesses,ortextstobestudied,geionaftergeion,todetermihisidiosyncrasymaybemaximized.Text-fathersareusuallyboundinblue.

  Thefathersvoiceisaninstrumentofthemostterriblepertinaciousness.

  SamplevoiceA:

  Son,Igotbadnewsforyou.Youwontuandthewholepurportofit,causeyoureonlysix,alittlesoftintheheadtoo,thatfontanelleneverdidcloseproperly,Iwonderwhy.ButItdelayitnolonger,son,Igottotellyouthehereaintnomaliit,son,Ihopeyoubelieveme.Thethingis,yougottogotoschool,son,asocialized.Thatsthenews.Youreturninpale,son,Idontblameyou.Itsaterriblething,butthereitis.Wedsocializeyouhereathome,yourmotherandI,exceptthatwetstandtowatchit,itsthatdreadful.AndyourmotherandIwholoveyouandalwayshaveandalwayswillareatousitive,sowanttohearyourhowlsandscreams.Itsgoingtobemiserable,son,butyouwonthardlyfeelit.AndIknowyoulldowellandwontdoanythingtomakeussad,yourmotherandIwholoveyou.Iknowyoulldowellandwontrunawayorfalldowninfitseither.Son,yourlittlefaceispitiful.Sojustletyouroamthestreetslikesomekindofcrazyanimal.Son,yougottogetyournaturalimpulsescurbed.Youvegottogetyourersknockedoff,son,yougottogetrealistic.Theygoingtovamponyouatthatschool,kid.Theygoingtotearupyourass.Theygoingtolearnyouhowtothink,youllgetyourlettersthere,yourlettersandyures,yourverbsandallthat.YourmotherandIcouldsocializeyouhereathomebutitwouldbetoopainfulforyourmotherandIwholoveyou.Yoingtomeetthestick,soickgoingtotoyouandsayhowdy-do.Yoingtolearnaboutyourtryatthatschool,son,ohbeautifulforspaciousskies.TheygoingtolayjustaraftofstuffonyouatthatschoolandIcautionyounottoresist,itaintappreciated.Justtakeitasitesandyoullbefine,son,justfine.Yougottht,son,yougottoberealistic.Theyllbeotherkidsinthatschool,kid,andeverlastoneofemwillbeafteryourluney.Butdontgiveemyourluney,son,putitinyourshoe.Iftheyeupagainstyoutellemtheotherkidsalreadygotit.Thatwayyoufoolem,yousee,son?Whatsthematterwithyou?Andwatchoutforthecustodian,son,hesmealikehisjob.Hewaobepresidentofaba.Itsmadehimmean.Watchoutforthatsaphecarriesonhiship.Watchoutfortheteacher,son,shessour.Watchoutfue,itllcutyou.Shesgotabadmouthonher,son,dontbalkherifyouhelpit.Igotnothinagainsttheschools,kid,theyjustdointheirjob.Heykidwhatsthematterwithyoukid?Andifthisschooldontdothejobwellfi.Wererightbehindyou,son,yourmotherandIwholoveyou.Youllbegettinyoursportsthere,yourballsportsandyourbloodsportsandwatchoutforthecoach,hesadisappointedman,somesayasadistbutIdontknowaboutthat.Yougottodevelopyourbody,son.Iftheyshoveyou,shoveback.Donttakenothinoffnobody.Dontshowfear.Laybadwatchtheguyoyou,dowhathedoes.Exceptifhesadamnfool.Ifhesadamnfoolyoullknowhesadamnfoolcauseeverybodyllbehittinonhim.Letmetellyouboutthatschool,son.TheydowhattheydocauseItoldthemtodoit.Thatswhytheydoit.Theydidntthinkupthoseideastheirownselves.Itoldthemtodoit.Meandyourmotherwholoveyou,wetoldthemtodoit.Behaveyourself,kid!Dht!Youllbefihere,kid,justfine.Whatsthematterwithyou,kid?Doway.Iheartheice-creammanoutside,son.Youwanttogoaheice-creamman?Gogetyouanicecream,son,andmakesureyougetyoursprinkles.Gogivetheice-creammanyourquarter,son.Andhurryback.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读

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