17-2

  B:

  Heyson.Heyboy.Letsyouandmegooutandthrowtheballaround.Throwtheballaround.Youdontwanttogooutandthrowtheballaround?Howeyoudontwanttogooutandthrowtheballaround?Iknowwhyyoudontwanttogooutandthrowtheballaround.Itscauseyou...Letsdontdiscussit.Itdohinkinabout.Wellletssee,youdontwanttogooutandthrowtheballaround,youhepmeworkoio.Youwanttohepmeworkoio?Sureyoudo.Sureyoudo.Wegonnahaveusafine-lookinpatiothere,boy,whefihemfolksacrossthestreetarejustaboutgonnafalloutwhentheyseeit.kid,Illletyouholdthelevel.AndthistimeIwantyoutoholdthefugthingstraight.Iwantyoutoholditstraight.Itaintdifficult,anyidiotdoit.Aniggerdoit.Weregonnastickittothemmothersacrossthestreet,theythinktheyresofine.Fleefromthewrathtoe,boy,thatswhatIalwayssay.Seenitonasigime,FLEEFROMTHEWRATHTOE.Crazyguygoindowreetholdinthissign,see,FLEEFROMTHEWRATHTOE,ittickledme.Wentroundfordayssayinitoutloudtomyself,fleefromthewrathtoe,fleefromthewrathtoe.Couldoutamyhead.SeetheyretalkinboutGodthere,thatswhatthatsallabout,God,seeboy,God.ItsthisGodshittheytryandhandyou,see,theygotawholeroutine,see,letsdonttalkaboutit,getsmeallpissedoff.Itfriesmyass.Yourmoesforallthatshit,see,andofcourseyourmotherisafinewomanandasensiblewomanbutshesjustalittlebitapeonthischurchthidiscussit.ShehasherwayandIgotmidiscussit.Shesalittlebitapeonthissubjectsee,Idontblameheritwasthewayshewasraised.Hermothereonthissubject.Thatshowthechurchesmaketheirmoney,see,theygetthewomen.Allthesedumb-asswomen.Holditstraightkid.Thatsbetter.Nowrunmealinedownthatformwiththepencil.Igaveyouthepencil.Whatdyoudowiththefupencil?JesusChristkidfindthepencil.Okaygointhehouseameanotherpencil.HurryupItstandhereholdinthisallday.Waitaminuteheresthepencil.OkayIgotit.Nowholditstraightandrunmealinedownthatform.Notthatwaydummy,onthehorizontal.Youthinkwerebuildinabarn?Thatsright.Good.Nowruntheline.Good.Okaynowgooverthereachmethesquare.Squarestheflatone,lookslikeaL.Likethis,look.Good.Thankyou.Okaynowholdthatmainsttheformwhereyoumadethelihatssowegetthissideofitsquare,see?Okaynowholdtheboardandlemmejustputiakes.HOLDITSTILLDAMNIT.HowyouthinkIputiakeswithyouwavinthedamnthingaroundlikethat?Holditstill.Checkitwiththesquareagain.Okay,isitsquare?Nowholditstill.Still.Okay.Thatsgotit.Howeyouretremblin?Nothintoit,allyougottodoisholdolebittypieceofone-by-sixstraightfortwominutesandyougointoafit?Nowstopthat.Stopit.Isaidstopit.Nowjusttakeiteasy.Youlikeheppihthepatio,dontcha.Justthinkboutwhenitsfinishedandwebesittinoutherewithourdrinksdrinkinourdrinksandthemjackassescrossthestreetwillbeshittin.Fromgreenenvy.Fleefromthewrathtoe,boy,fleefromthewrathtoe.Hehe.

  C:

  Heysonehereaminute.Iwantyouaohavealittletalk.Youreturninpale.Howeyoualwaysturnpalewhenwehavealittletalk?Youdelicate?Poredelicatelittleflower?Nawyouaint,youreaman,son,orwillbesomedaythegoodLordwillin.Butyougottht.ThatswhatIwanttotalktoyouabout.Nowputdownthaticbookandeonoverhereandsitbyme.Sitrightthere.Makeyourselffortable.Now,youfortable?Good.Son,Iwanttotalktoyouaboutyourpersonalhabits.Yourpersonalhabits.Weaialkedaboutyourpersonalhabitsandnowitstime.Ibeenwatyou,kid.Yourpersonalhabitsareadmirable.Yestheyare.Theyareflatadmirable.Ilikethewayyoupickupyourroom.Yourunaroom,son,Igottohandittoyou.AndIlikethewayyouyourteeth.Youbrushright,intherightdire,andyoubrushalot.Yointohavegoodgums,kid,goodhealthygums.Weaintgonnahavetolayoutnomoogetyourteethfixed,yourmotherandI,andthatsablessingahankyou.Andyoukeepyourself,kid,clothes,hands,face,knees,thatsthewaytohop,waytohop.Theresjustolething,solethingthatpuzzlesme.IbeenstudyinboutitandIflatdontuandit.Howeyouspendsomuchtimewashinyourhands,kid?Ibeenwatyou.Youspendanhourafterbreakfastwashinyourhands.Thenyougowashemagainboutten-thirty,ten-forty,notherfifteenminuteswashinyourhands.Thenjustbeforelunch,maybeahalfhour,washinyourhands.Thenafterlunetimesanhour,sometimesless,itvaries.Ibeennoti.Theninthemiddleoftheafternoonbatherewashinyourhands.Thenbeforesupperandaftersupperandbeforeyougotobedandsometimesyougetupinthemiddleofthenightandgooninthereandwashyourhands.NowIdthinkyouwereinthereplayinwithyourlittleprick,yourlittleprick,ceptyouashadeyoungforplayinwithyourlittlepridbesidesyouleavethedooropen,mostkidsclosethedoorwhentheygoioplaywiththeirlittlepricksbutyouleaveitopen.SoIseeyouinthereandIseewhatyouredoin,yourewashinyourhands.AndIbeerackofitandson,youspendboutthreequartersofyourwakinhourswashinyourhands.AndIthinktheressomethinalittlebitstrangeaboutthat,son.Itaintnatural.SowhatIwanttoknowis,howeyouspendsomuchtimewashinyourhands,son?youtellme?Huh?yougivemearationalexplanation?Well,you?Huh?Yougotanythingtosayonthissubject?Well,whatsthematter?Yourejustsittinthere.Welleon,son,whatyougottosayforyourself?Whatstheexplanation?Nowitwontdoyounogoodtostart,son,thatdonthelpanything.Okaykidst.Isaidstopit!Imgointowhackyou,kid,youdontstop.Nowcutthatout.Thisminute.Nowcutitout.Goddamnbaby.eonnowkid,getaholdofyourself.Nowgowashyourfadeonbahere.Iwanttotalktoyousomemore.Washyourface,butdontdothatother.Nowgooninthereabahererightquick.Iwanttotalktoyouboutbumpinyourhead.Yourestillbumpinyourhead,son,againstthewall,foreyougotosleep.Idontlikeit.Youretoooldtodothat.Itdisturbsme.Ihearyouinthere,whenyougotobed,bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump.Itsdisturbing.Itsmonotonous.Itsaverydisturbingsound.Idontlikeit.Idontlikelistenintoit.Iwantyoutostopit.Iwantyoutogetaholdofyourself.IdontliketohearthatnoisewhenImsittiryihepaperorwhateverImdoin,IdontliketohearitanditbothersyourmetsherallupsetandIdontlikeyourmothertobeallupset,justonatayou.Bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump,whatareyou,kid,somekindofanimal?Itfigureyouout,kid.Ijustflattuandit,bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump.Duddenthurtcha?Duddenthurtchahead?Well,nevermindaboutthatrightnow.Gooninthereandwashyourfadtheneonbahereaalksomemore.Anddontdohatother,justwashyourface.Yougotthreeminutes.

  Fathersarelikebloarble,giantcubes,highlypolished,withveinsandseams,placedsquarelyinyourpath.Theyblockyourpath.Theyotbeclimbedover,hertheybeslitheredpast.Theyarethe"past,"andverylikelytheslither,iftheslitheristhoughtofasthataodatingmaneuveryoumaketoesotice,etbyunscathed.Ifyouattempttogoaroundone,youwillfindthatanother(winkingatthefirst)hasmysteriouslyappearedathwartthetrail.Ormaybeitisthesameone,movingwiththespeedofpaternity.Lookcloselyatcoloraure.Isthisgiantsquarebloarblesimilarincolorauretoasliceofrareroastbeef?Yourveryfathersplexion!Donottrytodrawtoomanyclusionsfromthis;theobviousonesaresuffitandcorreefathersliketodressupinblackrobesandgooutandgiveawaythesacraments,addingtotheirblackrobesthechasuble,stole,andalb,inreverseorder.Ofthese"fathers"Ishallnotspeak,excepttoendthemfortheirlabitionandsacrifice,especiallythesacrificeofthe"frankingprivilege,"ortheprivilegeofnamingthefirstmalechildafteryourself:FranklinEdwardAalbiel,Jr.Ofallpossiblefathers,thefaheristheleastdesirable.Ifyougetyourlariataroundoneofhisfangs,andquicklytheotherendofitseveraltimesaroundyoursaddlehorn,andifyourhorseisatrainedropinghorseandknowswhattodo,howtoplanthisfroandthenbackupwithsmallnervoussteps,keepingthelariattaut,thenyouhaveace.Donottrytoropebothfangsatthesametime;trateontheright.Dothethingfangbyfang,andthenyouwillbesafe,ormorenearlyso.Ihaveseensomeold,yellowed,six-ingsthatweredrawninthisway,andonawhalingmuseuminaseaporttown,atwelve-ing,mistakenlylabeledasthetuskofawalrus.ButIreizeditatowasafatherfang,whichhasitsownpeculiarlyshaped,six-pointedroot.Iampleasedohavemetthatfather...

  IfyourfathersnameisHiramorSaul,fleeintothewoods.Forthesenamesarethenamesofkings,andyourfatherHiram,oryourfatherSaul,willnotbeaking,butwillretain,inhiddenplahisbody,thememoryofkingship.Andthereisnoonemoreblackheartedandsurlythananex-king,orapersonwhoharbors,inthedarkelsofhisbody,thememoryofkingship.FatherssonamedsidertheirhomestobeCamelots,andtheirkithandkincourtiers,tobeelevatedordepressedinrankacctothelightestwhiheirowalweather.Andoneeverknowforsureifoneis"up"or"down,"ataparticularmoment;oneisafeather,floating,onehasnoplacetostand.Oftherageoftheking-fatherIwillspeaklater,butuandthatfathersnamedHiram,Saul,Charles,Francis,ee(whentheyrage)exactlyinthemaheirgoldenandnoblenamesakes.Fleeintothewoods,atsuchtimes,orearlier,beforethemightyscimitaroryataghanleapsfromitsscabbard.Theproperattitudetowardsuchfathersisthatofthetoad,lickspittle,smell-feast,carpetknight,pickthank,ortuft-hunter.Whenyouotescapetothetrees,ge,andstaydownthere,onohbowedheadandclaspedhands,untildawn.Bythistimehewillprobablyhavedrunkhimselfintoasleep,andyoumaycreepawayandseekyourbed(ifithasakenawayfromyou)or,ifyouarehungry,approachthetableahasbeehere,uheever-effitcookhascoveredeverythingwithclearplastidputitaway.Inthatcase,youmaysuckyourthumb.

  Thecoloroffathers:Thebay-coloredfatherbetrusted,mostly,whetherheisstandardbay,bloodbay,ormahoganybay.Heisuseful(1)iiatioweenwarringtribes,(2)asacatcherofred-hotrivetswhenyouarebuildingabridge,(3)inauditioningpossiblebishopsfortheSynodofBishops,(4)intheco-pilotsseat,and(5)forcarryingoneerofaeeer-squaremirrhthecitysstreets.Dun-coloredfatherstendtoshyatobstacles,andthereforeyoudonotwantafatherofthiscolor,becauselife,inonesense,isnothingbutobstacles,andhistinualshyingwillreduceyourogrease.Theliverchestnut-coloredfatherhasareputationfordedgoodsense;ifGodandshimtotakeouthisknifeandslicethroughyourneckwithit,hewillprobablysay"No,thanks."Thedusty-chestnutfatherwillreachforhiskhelight-chestnutfatherwillaskforanotheropinioandard-chestnutfatherwilllooktheotherway,totheeast,whereanotherceremony,withmoreiingdances,isbeingheld.Sorrel-coloredfathersareeasilyexcitableandareemployedmostoftenwhereacrowd,ormob,iswanted,asforations,lyngs,andthelike.Thebright-sorrelfather,whoglows,isaion:heistentwithhisglow,withhisname(John),andwithhislifemembershipintheKnightsoftheInvisibleEmpire.Inbungledassassinations,theassassinwillfrequentlybeablond-sorrelfatherwhottotakethelenscapoffhistelescopicsight.Buckskin-coloredfathersknowtheLawanditsmangledpromise,andhelpyouinyourdarkerprojects,suchasexplainingwhyabuckskin-coloredfathersometimeshasablackstripedownthespinefromthemaherootofthetail:itisbecausehehasbeenwhafterBeauty,andthinkshimselfmorebeautifulwiththeblackstripe,whichsetsoffhistanneddeer-hideostwonderfully,thanwithoutit.Redroan-coloredfathers,blueroan-coloredfathers,rosegray-coloredfathers,grulla-coloredfathersaremuotedforbawdiness,andthisshouldbeenced,forbawdinessisasacramentwhichdoesnot,usually,resultinfatherhood;itisitsownreward.Spots,paints,pintos,piebaldsandAppaloosashaveasweetdignitywhichproceedsfromtheirinferiority,andexcellentsensesofsmell.Thecolorofafatherisnotanabsoluteguidetothecharacterandductofthatfatherbuttendstobeaself-fulfillingprophecy,becausewhenheseeswhatcolorheis,hehastensoutintotheworldtosellmoodsandservices,sothathemaykeeppacewithhisdestiny.

  Fathersanddandling:Ifafatherfathersdaughters,thenourlivesareeased.Daughtersarefordandling,aendandledupuntiltheirsevehhteehehazardhere,whichmustbefaced,isthatthefatherwillwanttosleepwithhisbeautifuldaughter,whoisafterallhisinawaythatevenhiswifeisnot,inawaythatevenhismostdeliistressisnot.Somefathersjustsay"Publishandbedamned!"andgoaheadandsleepwiththeirnewandamazinglysexualdaughters,andacceptangsaccumulateafterward;mostdonot.Mostfathersaresuffitlydisciplihisregard,bymentalstraps,sothatthequestionneverarises.Whenfathersaregivingtheirdaughterstheir"health"instru(thatistosay,talkingtothemaboutthereproductiveprocess)(butthisismostoftendonebymothers,inmyexperieistruethatasubtlerinseofdesiremaybetintiuationslightly(whenygingandkissingthesmallwomansittingonyourlapitishardtoknowwhentostop,itishardtostopyourselffromproceedingasifshewereabiggerwomanedtoyoubyblood).Butinmostcases,thetabooisobserved,andadditionalstricturesimposed,suchas,"Mary,youareoallowthatfilthyJohnWilkesBoothtolayahanduponyourbare,white,newbreast."Althoughinthemesomefathersaremovingrapidlyintheoppositedire,towardthefuture,saying,"Here,Mary,hereisyourbluefifty-gallondrumofbabykillingfoam,withyourinitialsstampedonitinadarkerblue,see?thereoop."Buttheimportantthingaboutdaughter-fathersisthat,asfathers,theydontt.Nottotheirdaughters,Idontmean--Ihavehearddaughter-storiesthatwouldtoastyourhair--buttothemselves.Fathersofdaughtersseethemselvesashorscoursinthegreatexhibition,andthisisagreatrelief.Theydonothavetoteachhurlingthecaber.Theytend,therefore,totakeamilder,gentlerhand(meanwhileholdingon,withanirongrip,toallthefierceprerogativesthatfatherhoodofanykindveys--theguidaemofaslapisanexample).Tosaymorethanthisaboutfathersofdaughtersisbeyondme,eventhoughIamfatherofadaughter.

  Atongue-lashing:"Whosoeverhathwithinhimselfthedeceivablenesshteousnessandhathpleasureinunrighteousnessandwalkethdisorderlyandhathturnedasideintovainjanglingandhathbeanstealerandliarandperjuredpersonandhathgivenoverhimselftowrathanddoubtingandhathbeenunthankfulandhathbeenaloverofhisownselfandhathgerifewithfoolishandunlearnedquestionsandhathcreptintohousesleadingawaysillywomenwithdiverslustsandhathbeentheiorofevilthingsandhathembracedtentiousnessandobeyedslanderousnessandhathfilledhismouthwithcursingandbitternessandhathmadeofhisthroatanopensepulcherandhaththepoisonofaspsunderhislipsandhathboastedandhathhopedagainsthopeandhathbeenweakinfaithandhathpollutedthelandwithhiswhoredomsandhathprofanedholythingsandhathdespisedmineholythingsandhathittedlewdnessandhathmockedandhathdaubedhimselfwithuntemperedmortars,andwhosoever,ifawoman,hathjourheAssyriaohaveherbreastspressedbyloversclothedinblue,captainsandrulers,desirableyoungmen,horsemenridinguponhorses,horsemenridinguponhorsesonheranddiscoveredhernakednessandbruisedthebreastsinityandpouredtheirwhoredomsuponher,andhathdoteduponthemcaptainsandrulersclothedmostgeously,horsemenridinguponhorses,girdledwithgirdlesupontheirloins,andhathmultipliedherwhoredomswithherparamourswhosefleshisasthefleshofassesandwhoseissueisliketheissueofhorses,greatlordsandrulersclothedinblueandridingonhorses:thismanandthiswoman,Isay,shallbefilledwithdrunkennessandsorrowlikeapotwhosescumisthereinandwhosescumhathnotgoofitandunderwhichthepileforthefireisandonwhichthewoodisheapedandthefirekindledaspidthebonesburnedahepotsetemptyonthecoalsthatthebrassofitmaybehotandmayburnandthatthefilthinessofitmaybemolteninit,thatthesaybeed,foryehaveweariedyourselveswithliesandyreatscumwentnotforthoutofyou,yourscumshallbeinthefireandIwilltakeawaythedesireofthineeyes.RememberyenotthatwhenIwasyetwithyouItoldyouthesethings?"

  Therearetwenty-twokindsoffathers,ofwhilyeenareimportant.Thedruggedfatherisnotimportant.Thelioher(rare)isnotimportant.TheHolyFatherisnotimportant,forourpurposes.Thereisacertainfatherwhoisfallingthroughtheair,heelswherehisheadshouldbe,headwherehisheelsshouldbe.Thefallingfatherhasgravemeaningforallofus.Thewindthrowshishairineverydire.Hischeeksareflapsalmosttoughisears.Hisgarmentsareshreds,telltales.Thisfatherhasthepowerthebitesofmaddogs,andthepowerofchraphierestrates.Whatishethinkingabout,onthewaydowhinkingaboutemotioravagaheRomantient,withitsexploitationofthesensational,themorbid,theoccult,theerotic!Thefallingfatherhasnotiantidenciesinseveralofhissons.Thesonshavetakentslicesofrawbatheircaps,andspeakingoutagainsttheirates.Afterallhehasdohem!Manybicycles!Manygardes-bébés!Electricguitarsuntable!Falling,thefallingfatherdeviseshisironpunishment,resolvednottainonthesideofirresponsiblemercy.Heisalsothinkingabouthisuprogress,whichdoesobedoingsowellatthemoment.Thereisonlyohingtodo:workharder!Hedecidesthatifheeverhaltthe"downturn"thatheseemstobein,hewillredoublehisefforts,reallyputhisbatoit,thistime.Thefallingfatherisimportantbecauseheembodiesthe"workethic,"whichisadumbohe"fearethic"shouldbesubstituted,assoonaspossible.Peeringskywardathisendlesshurtliussimplyshrug,foldupthetrampolineweweregoingtotryandcatchhimin,andplaceitonceagainontopoftherafters,inthegarage.

  Tofindalostfather:Thefirstprobleminfindingalostfatheristolosehim,decisively.Oftenhewillwanderawayfromhomeandlosehimself.Oftenhewillremainathomebutstillbe"lost"iruesense,lockedawayinanupperroom,orinaworkshop,oriemplatioy,oriemplationofasecretlife.Hemay,everyevening,pickuphisgold-headede,himselfinhiscloak,a,leavingbehind,onthecoffeetable,asealedlaundrybaginwhichthereisanaddressatwhichhemaybereached,incaseofwar.War,asiswellknown,isaplaceatwhiyfathersarelost,sometimestemporarily,sometimesforever.Fathersarefrequentlylostoionsofvariouskinds(thejourheinterior).ThefivebestplacestoseekthiskindoflostfatherareNepal,RupertsLand,MountElbrus,Paris,andtheagora.Thefivekindsofvegetationinwhichfathersmostoftehemselvesareneedle-leavedforest,broad-leavedforestmainlyevergreen,broad-leavedforestmainlydeixedneedle-leavedandbroad-leavedforest,andtundra.Thefivekindsofthingsfatherswerewearingwhenlastseeans,bushjackets,parkas,federategray,andordinarybusinesssuits.Armedwiththesecluesthen,youmayplaadvertisementintheneer:Lost,inParis,onoraboutFebruary24,abroad-leaf-lovingfather,62",wearingabluecaftan,maybearmedanddangerous,wedontknow,aothenameOldHickory.Reward.Havingpletedthisfutileexercise,youarethehinkaboutwhatisreallyimportant.Doyoureallywanttofindthisfather?Whatif,whenyoufindhim,hespeakstoyouinthesametoneheusedbeforehelosthimself?Willheagainplaailsinyourmother,inherelbowsandbackoftheknee?Rememberthejavelin.Haveyouanyreasontobelievethatitwillnot,onceagain,flashthroughtheseven-oclo-the-eveningair?Whatweareattemptingtodetermineissimple:Underwhatditionsdoyouwishtolive?Yes,he"nervouslytwiddlesthestemofhiswineglass."Doyouwishtowatchhimdosoonintothelastquarterofthepreseury?Idontthinkso.Lethimtakethosemannerisms,andwhattheyportend,toBorheywillbeoBorneo.PerhapsinBorneohewillalsonervouslytwiddlethestemof,etc.,buthewillnotbebraveenoughtomanufacture,theretheexplosionofwhichthisisasign.Throwingtheroastthroughthemirror.Thrustingabelchbigasanopenedumbrellaintothemiddleofsomethingsomeoneelseistryingtosay.Beatingyou,eitherwithawet,knottedrawhide,orwithanordinarybelt.Igemptychairattheheadofthetable.Givethanks.

  Ontherescueoffathers:Ohtheyhackedhimprettybad,theyhackedathimwithaxesandtheyhackedathimwithhacksawsbutmeandmymengottherefast,wasntasbadasitmighthavebeen,firstwefiredsmokegrenadesindifferentcolors,yellowandblueahatputafrightintothembuttheywouldntquit,theyopeneduponuswith81-mm.mortarsandmeanwhiletiohack.Isentsomeoftheboysouttothelefttoflatheydputsomepeopleovertheretopreventjustthatandmymengotinthtwiththeirsupportpatrol,nootherwaytodothethingbutemployafrontalassault,whichwedid,atleastittookthepressureoffhim,theycouldnttiohaddealwithourassaultatthesametime.Weedtheirclocksforthem,Iwillsaythat,theyfellbacktotheleftandlinkedupwiththeirpeopleoverthere,myflankingpartybrokeofftactasIhadinstructedahemfleeunpursued.Wecameoutofitprettywell,hadafewwouthatsall.Weturnedimmediatelytothetaskofbandaginghiminthehackedplaces,bloodygreatwoundsbutourmedicswereverygood,theywerealloverhim,henevermadeaplaintorutteredasound,notawhimperoutofhim,notasign.Thistookplaceattherightarm,justabovetheelbow,weleftsomepicketsthereforafewdaysuntilthearmhadbeguntoheal,Ithinkitwasasuccessfulrescue,wereturoourhomestowaitfortheime.Ithinkitwasasuccessfulrescue.Itwasaerescue.

  Theackedhimwithsumowrestlers,giantfatmeninloincloths.Weteredwithloinclothsnatchers--someofourbestloinclothsnatchers.Weweresuccessful.Thehundredmenfled.Ihadrescuedhimagain.Thenwesang"Genevieve,Oh,Genevieve."Allthesergeantsgatheredbeforetheverandaandsangit,andsomeenlistedmentoo--someenlistedmenwhohadbeenwiththeoutfitforalongtime.Theysangit,iwilight,pileofdamploinclothsblazingfitfullyofftotheleft.Whenyouhaverescuedafatherfromwhateverterriblethreatmenaceshim,thenyoufeel,foramoment,thatyouarethefatherandheisnot.Foramoment.Thisistheonlymomentinyourlifeyouwillfeelthisway.

  Thesexualansoffathers:Thepenisesoffathersaretraditionallyhiddenfromtheiionofthosewhoarenot"clubbable,"astheexpressionruns.Thesepenisesaremagical,butnotmostofthetime.Mostofthetimetheyare"atrest."Inthe"atrest"positiontheyaresmall,almostshriveled,andeasilycealedincarpentersaprons,chaps,bathingsuits,orordinarytrousers.Actuallytheyarenotanythingthatyouwouldwanttoshowahisstate,theyareratherlikemushroomsor,possibly,largesnails.Themagic,atthesetimes,residesinotherpartsofthefather(fiips,rightarm)andnotinthepenis.Occasionallyachild,usuallyaboldsix-year-olddaughter,willrequestpermissio.Thisrequestshouldbegranted,oonlyintheearlym,whenyouareinbed,andonlywhenanearlymereisnotpresent.Yes,lethertouchit(lightly,ofcourse),butbriefly.Dohertolingerettooied.Bematter-of-fact,kind,andundramatic.Pretend,forthemoment,thatitisasmundaneasabigtoe.Andthencalmly,withoutunseemlyhaste,coveritupagain.Rememberthatsheisbeingallowedto"touchit,"not"holdit";thedistinisimportant.Aboutsonsyoumustuseyourownjudgment.Itisinjudicious(aswellasunnecessary)toterrifythem;youhavemanyotherwaysofaplishingthat.creisagoodreasonfornotdoinganyofthis.Whenthepenisesoffathersaresemi-erect,titillatedbysomestrayeroticobservation,suchasaglimpseofanattractivefemalehoof,bereftofitsslipper,knowingsmilesshouldbeexgedwiththeotherfatherspreseer:halfsmiles)aerletdrop.Semi-ereessisahalfmeasure,asAristotlekhatiswhymostofthepenisesinmuseumshavebeenknockedoffwithamallet.TheinalartificerscouldheideaofAristotlesdisapproval,andmutilatedtheirworkratherthahesofthegreatPeripatetic.Thenotionthatthismutilationwascarriedoutbylater(Christian)"upsquads"isuntrue,purelegend.ThematterisasIhaveprese.Theexcited,mad,fullyereisshouldbedisplayedonlytotheonewhohasexcitedit,forhisorherlips,forthekissofamelioration.Manyotherthingsbedohthepenisesoffathers,butthesehavealreadybeeelydescribedbyotherpeople.Thepenisesoffathersareineveryrespectsuperiortothepenisesofnonfathers,notbecauseofsizehtoranysiderationofthatsortbutbecauseofametaphysical"responsibility."Thisistrueevenofpoor,bad,orihers.Afriartifactsreflectthisspecialsituation.Pre-bianartifacts,forthemostpart,donot.

  Thenamesoffathers:Fathersarenamed

  Badgal

  Balberith

  Baldwin

  Balthial

  Basus

  Bathor

  BatQol

  Bealphares

  Beli

  Bigtha

  Binah

  Biqu

  Birch

  Bird

  Blaef

  Blake

  Bludon

  Boamiel

  Bob

  Bodiel

  Bualu

  Buhair

  Bull

  Butator

  Byleth

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