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A Very, Very Great Lady and Her Son at Home

  "WhenIwasadolest,mymhtmeacharm,gavemeatalisman,hahekeyoftheworld.ForIlivedinterror,I,soyoung,soshyofsomanypeople--i.e.thosewhospokewithsoftvoidsouhehinwhich;emausheretteswho,inthosedaysworewidesatinpyjamaswhichmockedmyunawakehunashamedlasciviousness;suavemenwhoputcoldhandsonmydefenceless,barelyformedbreastsoopsoflonelyNovemberbuses.Somany,manypeople.

  "Mymothersaid:Child,ifsuchfolksaweyou,thenpicturethemonthelavatory,straining,stipated.Theywillatonceseemsmall,pathetiageable.Andshewhisperedtomeagreat,universaltruth:thebowelsaregreatlevellers.

  "Shewasaroughwoman,mymother.Shepickedherteethceaselesslywithaforkandshewouldtakeoffherfeltslippers,intheevenings,andprobeoutthecaked,flakedskinanddirtfrombetweeoeswithasensual,inquisitivefinger.Butsheossessedofgreatwisdom--thebrutal,yetwithalvital,wisdomofapeasant."

  Thewomansvoice,highandclearasthesoundofaglassrappedoontosummonawaiter,ceasediationforamoment.Onlytwoendlesslylongmiraculouslyslenderlegsemergedfromthepoolofcoagulatedshadowintheerwhereshesat.

  Petalsdroppedfromaredroseinasilverbowlontothelow,round,blood-colouredmahoganytablewithasoft,faint,exhaustedsound,asofapigeonsfart.Thewomanrecrossedherlegs;raspingplanesofsilkflashedoutastheycaughtthelight,likethebladesofscissors,sligallthatcamebetweenthem.Sheresumedhernarrative.

  "Ihadbeenashychild.Alonelychild,lostinthemiddleofalargefamily--twenty-threechildren,ofwhomeighteenreachedmaturity!--coopedupinameagredwelling,theloftabovemyfathersstable.Ah!"shecried,"howoftenIlayawakeatnightfortedbythegentlewhickeringofgreat,greyDapple,withtheruffsoverhishooves,likeapierrot!"

  Againshepausedforamomentsrecolle;thenresumedhernarrative.

  "Bytragicparadox,socrowdedwasourhome,sotinualtheto-ingandfro-ing,thatmyisolationwastotal.Iwasalone,soaloentative,uograspthefayselfasay,apersonality.

  "Iwasintrovertedtothepoiin,andinthatgreat,surgingmeleeofhumanity--myfamily--onlybehaviourextrovertedtothepointofsheerexhibitioentiontooneself.

  "Irememberhowoneofmybrothers--orperhapsitwasasister:onefets,onefets--plungedhislittlebarefeetinthesuppertimesouponenight,ttomyparentsattentionhowgreathisneedwasfornewboots.Orshoes.Orsandals.Orsocks..."

  Thevoicediedawayandthenwelledoutagaininpassionateregret:"Thesignifitdetail--onefetsit!Onefetsit!"Butsoonsheresumedhernarrative.

  "Poorlittlefellow,he--orwasitshe--wasscaldedalmosttothekhesuppertimesoup,thecabbageleavesbobbinginit--Iremember,though,thesuppertimesoup.Andthefacesrouable,somany,manyfaces.Andsuchmeagresoupthatmanyatime,mysmallstomaorousasapairofmaracas,IwouldcreepdowninthesilehenighttoscoopupalittleofDapplessteamingmashonmyfingers,formyself.

  "Ihoughonewouldscarcelycreditit,formanyyearsmymother,inerror,calledmebythenameofaneldersisterwhohaddiedininfancy.Myfather,oherhand,agrey,precisemanwhosmelledofhorsedungaalistofallourogetherwithbriefdescriptivenotes)sewntotheinsideofhisblackgreasyhat,scrupulouslyreferredtomebymybaptismalnamewheneverhee,removinghishatandrunningagnarledfingerdownthensuntilhecametothethumbnailsketchwhichtalliedwiththewide-eyed,pigtailedchildbeforehim.ThoseweretheonlyoccasionsonwhichIrecallhimtakingoffhishat.

  "Jason,cigarettes."

  Theboy,cross-leggedatherfeet,leaptintodarkness;camethesoundofanunsnappedcase,aclickedlighter.Theredtipofthecigaretteglowedintheshadowslikeawarningtraffic-light--STOP--aalsonanotherfull-blowrembledbutdidnotfall.

  "Fortomyself,Ibecamebookish,walkingfivemilestothefreelibraryinmycrackedclogs.Iread,Iread,Iread.Anything,everything...Myfather,dippingthequillinthepennybottleofink,laboriouslyaddedsteel-rimmedspectaclestothenotebesidemynameinhisdirectory.Charityspectacles.Iwassoashamed.

  "ButIlessaddict;sopreciouswerethosebookstomethatIcarriedthemarouomyheart,beheraggedlibertyvestfromtheparishpoor-boxbutabovethelayerofneerthat,forwarmth,mymothersewedaroundus,renewingiteachautumn.

  "Mymihedarknesslikeaflower.Butmyisolationincreased.Icouldnotunicatemylove,mywonder,myveritablelustforthingsofthespirit,theintellect,withmyparents--nor,indeed,withmyteachers,forthemIhated.Theyboundmyfairon:firstmyeyes,theh.

  "Teethinbrace,myfatheramehegutteringlightofthefarthingdle.Orwasitapennydle?Orahalfpennyrushdip?Onefets--onefets."

  Againthebriefcry;thensheresumedhernarrative.

  "Lifewenton.Theyearspassed.Thebrightpeohemenstrualflowblossomed.Mybreastsgrewlikeyoungdoves.Ihadafeverandtheycroppedmyhair.Tomywonderanddelightitgrewagaininlittlesoftcurls.

  "IstaredatmyrefleinDapplestrough.Itookoffmyspectaclesandpulledthebraouth.IdimlysawthiswhitefadthisgoldentopknotandIwasafraid,forthechildIhadbeenwasdead;deadandreplacedbyabeautifulwomanwhomIdidnotknow.

  "Jason,thedles."

  He--theboy;slight,fair,delicate--struckmatches,andthebrancheddlestickssprangtolife.

  Herfaceaintedmaskofbeauty.Eyesbluerthantheirblue-stainedlids,precisediscsofscarletonherwhitecheeks,lambenthairpiledabovethewinkinglightsofhertiara.Andthediamondsburhnomoredangerousfirethandidherwhitebreasts,exposedtothenipplesbytheblackchiffofellawayfrhs.

  ShewasasbeautifulasVenusrisingfromthewavesinthecelebratedpicturebyBotticelli,onlymoreso.ShewasasbeautifulasthecelebratedbustofiintheLouvre,onlymoreso.ShewasasbeautifulasthestatueoftheyoungDavidbythecelebratedMichelahatgazesohroraffiilanwithsuchserenity,onlymoreso.

  Slowlyshegroundouthercigaretteinthewoundedonyxofanashtrayonthearmofherchair.Sheresumedhernarrative.

  "Atfifteewalkinginthepark.Iglowedwithbeautyoingpond,inaoe,athalfaanhour.IdisputedaboutPlato,whosebooksIreaddeeply,withasmallbrownmaninaloincloth,andallthetimeIgazedonmyrefleintheripplingwater.

  "WhenItratedonmyrefle,Iwasthatlovelybeing.Jesuisunautre.Dizzied,drunkonthemiracleofarrivingatapersonalitywiththesuddennessofepiphany,Iturnedfromthepooltomakesomebrilliantpointtomypanion--andmynewselffellawaylikeacloak.Iwept,stammered:tenyearsoldagain.

  "Iran,stumbling,backtothefamiliarwarmthofthestable,toweepsaltilyintoDappleswarmmane.Andtheremymother,ingfromthestreetswithherhandsfullofpotatopeelingsthatshegleanedfromtheashshbours(whennoonewaslooking;shehadafiercepride),toenrichDapplesmash...mymother,returning,sawme.

  "Susan,shesaid,hushyourmoitherings.Andthenshepaused,bewildered,laidherburdenonanearbyteachestandcameclosetome,soclosethatIcouldtthegreyhairsgrowingfromhernostrils.Herrheumyeyesfilled,overflowed.

  "ButyoubenotmySusan!shecried.MySusandidntlivetobeasoldasyou!Andsheburiedherheadinherapronandhershouldersheavedwithsobbing.But,selfishly,IdriedmyowntearsonDapplestail,formymotherhadatlastreisedmytrueidentityandIperceivedaglimmerofhope.

  "Jason,myknee."

  Hekondbegantomassageherkhebonesclickedunderhislongfingers.Adleflameflickered,castingamomentaryshadowoverthelowerpartofherfaceresemblingasmallblackmoustadimperial.

  "Mother,Isaid,Iamsoshy.ItwasthefirstremarkIrememberaddressingtoherinmywholelife.Mother,Irepeated;thewordtastedwholesomeasbreadandmilkinmymouth.

  "Shegazedatmethoughtfully,rollingaerofherapronintoaprobeandingwaxfromherearwithit.Thenshegavemetheformula,irradiatingmylife.

  "Ifyoupicturethemallonthelavatory,stipated,straining,thenallthetoffee-nosedbastardswillseemdefencelessandpathetic,shesaid.

  "THEBOWELSAREGREATLEVELLERS.

  "Itwasarevelation.Irushedoutintotheworld,oreturingthosewords,livingbythem.

  "Jason,theworldwasmyoyster!"

  Hervlikeasudden,brass-throatedtrumpet.Thefull-blowlastalloweditselftocollapse,almostwiththequalityofmuffledapplause.Thewomaywassoihatitseemedtohavethequalityofadeformity,sofarwasitfromthehumannorm.Thebonesinherkneesjostledoherwithafaintmumbling.

  Asifrecollegvague,soft,fragrant,long-agothings,shemurmured(moretoherselfthantotheboy):"Ah,Jason,thechildishthighsandbabybuttocksofgreatmen.Youstopmassaging."

  Hedrewaway.Shelitanaretteatthedleflame.Blinking,hedrewahandthroughhishair.Thedlelightshonealongthebrahisteeth,madeblindingpoolsieel-rimmedspectaclesoverhiseyes.Hebacked,bumpingagainstthemahoganytablewherethepetalspooledredly.

  "Jason,"sheaskedsharply,"whyareyoustaringatme?Jason?"

  Hecoughed.Hefidgeted,thetoesofhisbarefeetcurlinganduncurlingihickcarpet.

  "Jason?"mently.

  "Anddoyoulookpathetithelavatory,mother?"

  Thecigarettefellfromnervelessfingers;sheopenedandclosedhermouthbutnotasoundcameout.Shecrashedforwardontothecarpetandlaythere,atreefelled,motionless.

  Theboywenttothedoorandvanished,laughing,intothenight.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读