The Quilt Maker-1

  Oheoryis,wemakeourdestinieslikeblindmenchugpaintatawall;weneveruandnorevehemarksweleavebehindus.Butnottoomuchofthegrandlyactalabstractexpressionistaboutmylife,Itrust;oh,no.Ialwaystrytoliveopossibletermswithmyunsciousamyrighthandknowwhatmyleftisdoingand,fresheverym,scrutinisemydreams.Abandon,therefore,orrather,destructtheblind-apaiaphor;takeitapart,formaliseit,putitbacktogetheragain,striveforsomethingatouchmorehard-edged,iional,altogetherlessarty,forIdobelieveweallhavetherighttochoose.

  Inpatchwork,aedhousehlected,obviously,becausemysexexcelledinit--well,thereyouare;thatsthewayitsbeen,isntit?NotthatIhaveanythingagainstfi,miheless,ittookahundredyearsforfiiststocatchupwiththekindofbrilliantabstrathatanyordinaryhousewifeusedtobeabletoputtogetherinonlyayear,fiveyears,tenyears,withoutmakingasonganddanceaboutit.

  However,inpatchwork,aninfinitelyflexibleyetharmoniousoveralldesigintheheadandworkedoutinwhatevermaterialhappenstoturnupintheragbag:partyfrocks,sackcloth,piecesofwedding-dress,ofshroud,ofbandage,dressshirtsetc.Thingsthathavebeenwornoutortorn,remnants,bitsandpiecesleftoverfrommakingblouses.Onemayappliquéupochworkbirds,fruitandflowersthathavebeenclippedoutofglazedtzleftoverfromcarmchairsormakingcurtains,anddoallmahingswiththisandthat.

  Thefinaldesignisindeedmodifiedbytheavailabilityofmaterials;butnot,necessarily,much.

  Forthepaperpatternsfromwhichshesregularreglesandhexagonsofcloth,thethriftyhousewifeoftenusedupoldloveletters.

  atchwork,youmuststartinthemiddleandworkoutward,evenonthekindtheycall"crazypatchwork",whichismadebyfeather-stitgtogetherarbitraryshapesscissoredoutatthemakerswhim.

  Patienceisagreatqualityinthemakerofpatchwork.

  ThemoreIthinkaboutit,themoreIlikethismetaphor.Youreallymakethisimageworkforitsliving;itsynthesisesperfectlyboththemiscellanyofexperieheusewemakeofit.

  BornandbredasIwasiestantnorthw-classtradition,Iamalsopleasedwiththemetaphorsovertohriftandhardwork.

  Patchwood.

  Somewherealongmythirtiethyeartoheaven--adecadeagonowIwasintheGreyhoundBusStationinHouston,Texas,withamanIwasthenmarriedto.HegavemeanAmerialldenomination(heusedtocarryaboutallourmoneyforusbecausehedidnottrustmewithit).Individualpartmentsinalargevendingmaeinthisbusstationtainedvariouscellophane-edsandwiches,biscuitsanddybars.Thereartmentwithtwopeachesinit,rough-cheekedDixieRedsthatlookedlikeVictorianpincushions.Onepeachwasbig.Theotherpeachwassmall.Istiouslyselectedthesmallerpeach.

  "Whydidyoudothat?"askedthemantowhomIwasmarried.

  "Somebodyelsemightwantthebigpeach,"Isaid.

  "Whatsthattoyou?"hesaid.

  Idatemymoraldeteriorationfromthispoint.

  No;holy.Dontyousee,fromthispeachstory,howIwasbroughtup?Itwasnt--trulyitwasnt--thatIdidntthinkIdeservedthebigpeach.Farfromit.Whatitwas,wasthatallmybasictraining,allmyinternalisedvalues,toldmetoleavethebigpeachthereforsomebodywhowamorethanIdid.

  Wa;desire,moreimperiousbyfarthanneed.Ihadthegreatestrespectforthedesiresofotherpeople,although,atthattime,myowndesiresremainedamysterytome.Agehasnotclarifiedthemexattersoftheflesh,inwhiowIknowverywellwhatIwant;andthatsquiteenoughofthat,thankyou.Ifyourelookingfortruefessionsofthattype,takeyourbusioanothershop.Thankyou.

  Thepointofthisstoryis,ifthemanwhowasthenmyhusbandhadnttoldmeIwasafooltotakethelittlepeach,thenIwouldneverhavelefthimbecause,intruth,hewas,inamannerofspeaking,alwaysthelittlepeae.

  Formerly,Ihadbeenalavishpeachthief,butIlearakethesmallonebecauseIhadneverbeenpunished,asfollows:

  edfruitwasaverybigdealinmysocialclasswhenIwasakidandduringtheAgeofAusterity,food-rationingandsoon.Sundayteatime;guests;aglassbowlofedpeachslithetable.Everybodygossipingandmillingaboutand,bythetimemymotherputtheteapotoable,Ihadsurreptitiouslytrivedtoputawayagoodthirdofthosepeaches,thievioftheglassbowlwithmycrookedforepawthewayacatcatchesgoldfish.Iwouldhavebeenshallwesay,forthesakeofsymmetry--tenyearsold;andchubby.

  MymhtmeligmystickyfingersandlaughedandsaidIdalreadyhadmyshareandwouldanymore,butwhenshefilledthedishesup,Igotjustasmuchasanybodyelse.

  Ihopeyouuand,therefore,how,bythetimetwomoredecadeshadrolledaway,iterfeaturalformetotakethelittlepeach;hadInotalwaysbeenlovedenoughtofeelIhadsometospare?WhatadangerousstateofmindIwasin,then!

  Asanyfoolcouldhavetoldhim,myex-husbandismuchhappierwithhisnewwife;asforme,theretheneenyearsrab,grabdidomakeupforlosttime.

  Untilitislikecrashingasoftbarrier,thiscollisionofmyinternaldar,onwhichdatesmeltlikefudge,withthetenderinexorabilityoftimeofwhichIamnot,quite,yet,theruins(althoughmyskinfitslesswellthanitdid,mygumsrecedeapace,Icrumplelikechiffonihigh).Forty.

  Thesignifice,therealsignifice,oftheageoffortyisthatyouare,alongtheallottedspan,odeaththantobirth.AlongthelifelineIamnowpastthehalfwaymark.But,indeed,arewenotever,insomesense,pastthathalfwaymark,becauseweknoewerebornbutwedonotknow...

  So,havingknockedaboutthefourersoftheworldawhile,theex-peachthiefcamebacktoLondon,tothefamiliarseclusionofprivethedgesandsoiledlacecurtainsinthewindowsoftall,narrowterraces.Thosestreetsthatalwaysseemtobesleeping,thesecrecyofperpetualSundayafternoons;andinthelong,brick-walledbackgardens,wherethelittletownfoxeswhosubsistoffmidgarbagebarkatnight,therewillbethesoftpounetimes,ofanowl.Thecityisathiopofawilderhatpokesthroughthepavingstones,hereandthere,intuftsofgrassandragwort.Wooddoveswithmuckypinkbosomsireesatthebottomofthegarden;wedouble-barthedainstburglars,butthatsnothingnew.

  -doorscherryisingoutagain.ItsAprilsquick-geaeday,bare;thedrippingitscurdsofbloom.

  Oneday,onetimeaftertheiwiththelittlepeach,whenIhadputtwoosandatibetweenmyselfandmyex-husband,whileIwasearningaSadieThompsonesquelivingasabarmaidintheOrient,Ifoundmyself,onafreeweekend,ridingthroughaflroveohersideoftheworldwithayoungmanwhosaid:"MeButterfly,youPion."And,thoughIdehotlyatthetime,soitproved,except,wheaway,itwasfood.IurhanAmerifriend,grantmesuffitgoodtaste.

  Asmall,moist,greenwihepetalsofthescatteringcherryblosshtheopenwindowsofthestoppingtrain.Theybrushedhisforeheadandcaughtonhiseyelashesandshookoffontotheslattedwoodes;wemighthavebeenaweddingparty,exceptthatwewerepelted,notwithfetti,butwiththeimageryofthebeauty,thefragility,thefleetingnessofthehumandition.

  "Theblossomsalwaysfall,"hesaid.

  "year,theylleagain,"Isaidfortably;Iwasastrangerhere,Iwasnotattuhesensibility,Ibelievedthatlifewasforlivingnret.

  "Whatsthattome?"hesaid.

  Youusedtosayyouwouldneverfetme.Thatmademefeellikethecherryblossom,heretodayandgoomorrow;itisnotthekindofthingonesaystoapersonwithwhomoneproposestospeofoneslife,afterall.And,afterallthat,forthreehundredandfifty-twoineachleapyear,Ihinkofyou,sometimes.Icasttheimageintothepast,likeafishingline,andupiteswithagoldmaskonthehook,amaskwithrealtearsattheendsofitseyes,buttearswhicharenolongeranybodystears.

  Timehasdriftedoveryourface.

  Thecherrytreei-dardenisfortyfeethigh,tallasthehouse,andithassurvivedmanyyearsof.Infact,ithasnotowotricksupitsarborealsleeve;eachtrivolvesthreesetsoftransformationsaperfularlyasclockworkeachyear,thefirstinearly,thesedinlatespring.Thus:

  oneday,inApril,sticks;thedayafter,flowers;thethirdday,leaves.Then--

  throughMayandearlyJuhecherriesformandripenuntil,onefineday,theyarerosyandthebirdse,thetreeturnsintoabusytowerofbirdsadmiredbyatrancedcircleofcatsbelow.(Weareaneighbourhoodricats.)Thedayafter,thetreebearsnothingbutcherrypitspickedperfectlybyquick,cleverbeaks,astoree.

  ThecherryistheprincipalmoofLettyswildgarden.Howwonderfullyunattendedhergardengrowsallthesoftmonthsoftheyear,fromAprilthroughSeptember!Dandelionsebeforetheswallowdoesandlanguorouslyblowawayindriftsoffuzzyseed.Thenupsproutsalongbolsterofcreepingbuttercups.Afterthat,bindweeddistributesitswhiteetseverywhere,itclimbsovereverythingiysgarden,itswarmsupthecretepostthatsustaiheslineonwhichtheladywholivesiaboveLettyhangsherunderclothesouttodry,bymeansofapulleyfromherupstairskitwindow.Shenevergoesintothegarden.Sheayhavenotbeenonspeakingtermsfortwentyyears.

  IdontknowwhyLettyandtheladyupstairsfellouttwentyyearsagowheerwasyouhanI,butLettyalreadyanoldwoman.yisalmostblindandalmostdeafbut,allthesame,enjoys,Ithink,thegingcoloursofthisdisorder,thekaleidoscopeoftheseasonsvariegatingthegardenthathersheebrotherhavetouchedsiheerhapsforsomenottenreason,perhapsfornoreason.

  Lettylivesinthebasementwithhercat.

  Corre.Usedtolive.

  Oh,thesaltyrealismwithwhichtheMiddleAgesputskeletonsongravestones,withthemotto:"AsIamnow,soyewillbe!"Thebirdswilleandpeckusbare.

  Iheardadreadfulwailingingthroughthewallinthemiddleofthenight.Itcouldhavebeeherofthem,Lettyortheladyupstairs,pissedoutoftheirminds,perhaps,lettingitallhangout,shriekingandhowling,alone,driveedbytheheavyanonymousLondonsilehefox-hauntednight.Putmyearnervouslytothewalltoseekthesourceofthesound."Help!"saidLettyinthebasement.Thecowthatlivesupstairslaterclaimedsheneverheardacheep,tuckedupuheeavesindreamlandsleepwhileIleahedoorbellfortwentyminutes,seekingtorouseher.Lettywentoncalling"Help!"ThenItelephohepolice,whocameflashinglights,wailingsirens,anddouble-parkeddramatically,leapingoutofthecar,leavingthedoorsswinging;emergencycall.

  Buttheywerewonderful.Wonderful.(Werenotblayofus,ofcourse.)First,theytriedthebasementdoor,butitwasboltedontheinsideasaprecautionagainstburglars.Theriedtoforcethefrontdoor,butitwouldntbudge,sotheysmashedtheglassinthefrontdoorandunfastehecattheiLettyforfearlars,hadlockedherselfsecurelyinherbasementbedroom,andhervoicefloatedupthestairs:"Help!"

  Sotheybatteredherbedroomdooropentoo,splinteringthejamb,makingaterriblemess.Thecowupstairs,mind,sleepilythroughout,orsoshelaterclaimed.Lettyhadfallenoutofbed,bringingthebedclotheswithher,knottingherselfupinblas,inagreysheet,anoldpatchworkbedchtlystreakedatoneedgewithdriedshit,andshehadntbeeopickherselfupagain,hadlaininahelplesstahefloorcallingforhelpuntilthecopperscameandscoopedherupandtuckedherinandmadeallcosy.Shewasntsurprisedtoseethepolice;hadntshebeencalling:"Help"?Hadnthelpe?

  "Howoldareyou,love,"thecopperssaid.Deafassheis,sheheardthequestion,thegeriatricsarytrigger."Eighty,"shesaid.Herageisthelastthiobeproudof.(Seehow,withage,onedefinesoneselfbyage,asonedidinchildhood.)

  Thinkofaen.Doubleit.Twenty.Addtenagain.Thirty.Andagain.Forty.Doublethat.Eighty.Ifyoureversethisimage,youobtaihinglikethoseRussianwoodendolls,inwhichbigbabushkatainsamiddlingbabushkawhotainsasmallbabushkawhotainsatinybabushkaandsoonadinfinitum.

  ButIamfurtherawayfromthechildIwas,thechildwhostolethepeaches,thanIamfromLetty.Forohing,thepeachthieflumpbrue;Iamaskinnyredhead.

  Henna.Ihavehadredhairfortwentyyears.(Wheyhadalreadypassedthroughmiddleage.)IfirstdyedmyhairredwhenIwastwenty.Ifreshlyhennadmyhairyesterday.

  Hennaisadriedherbsoldintheformofascum-green-colouredpowder.Youpourthispowderintoabowlandaddboilingwater;youmixthepowderintoapasteusing,say,thehandleofawoodenspoon.(Itisbestnottolethennatouchmetal,orsotheysay.)Thishennapasteisnolreyish,butnowadarkvividgreen,asifthehotwaterhadrevivedtherealcolourofthelivingleaf,anditsmellsdeliciouslyofspinach.Youalsoaddthejuiceofahalfalemon;thisissupposedto"fix"thefinalcolour.Thenyourubthishot,stiffpasteintotherootsofyourhair.

  (Howeverdidtheyfirstthinkofit?)

  Youresupposedtowearrubberglovesforthispartoftheprocess,butIeverbebotheredtodothat,so,forthefirstfewdaysafterIhaverefreshedmyhenna,myfiipsareasifheavilynie-stained.Ohegreenmudhasbeenthicklyappliedtothehair,youitinanimpermeablesubstance--apolythenebag,orkitfoilandleaveittocook.Foronehour:auburnhighlights.Forthreehours:asortofvaguerussethaloaroundthehead.Sixhours:redasfire.

  Mindyou,hennafromdifferentpaysdineshasdifferenteffects--Persianheianhenna,Pakistanihenna,alltheseproducedifferenttonesofred,fromthatbrickredusuallyassociatedwiththeideaofhennatoadark,burning,courtesanplumorcockatooscarlet.Iamaoisseurofhenna,bynow,"anuioushennafromthesouthernslope",thatkindofthing.Ivebeeneveryredheadinthebook.ButpeoplethinkIamnaturallyredheadedandeveaintempestuousallowane,astheydidforRitaHayworth,whopurchasedredhairatthesamemythopoeiterwhereMarilynMonroeacquiredherfatalfairness.PerhapsIfirststarteddyeingmyhairioacquiretheprivilegedirrationalityofredheads.Somemensaytheyadoreredheads.Thesemenusuallyhaveveryiingpsycho-sexualproblemsandshouldoutwithouttheirmothers.

  WhenIbedLettyshairm,togetherreadyfortheambulance,Isawtelltalescalesofhennaddandrufflyingalongherscalp,althoughherhairitselfisnowavaguesaltandpeppercolourand,Ihazard,hasnotbeenwashedsinceaboutthetimeIwasmakingthepeachdecisionintheHouston,Texas,busstation.Atthattime,Ihadappropriatelyfruity--tangerine-coloured--hairin,Irecall,acrewcutasbrutalasthatofJoanofArcatthestakesuchaswedarentrisknow,oh,no.Nowweneedshadows,myvainfadI;Iwearmyhairdowntomyshouldersnow.Atthemoment,hennaproducesareddish-goldtingeohatisbecauseIamgoinggrey.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读

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