The Quilt Maker-2
Becausetheeffectofhennaisalsomodifiedbytherealcolourofthehairbeh.Thisiswhatitdoestowhitehair:
InTurkey,inasmalltrytownwithalineofpoplartreesalongthehorizonandadirt-flooredsquare,chis,motorbikes,apricotsellers,anddonkeys,awomanwashagglingforthosesesame-seed-coatedbraceletsofbreadyouwearonyourarm.Fromtheback,shewassmallandslender;shewaswearingloose,dark-bluetrousersinapeasantprintandascarfwoundroundherhead,butfrombehisscarftherefellthemostwonderfullong,thick,Rapunzel-likeplaitofgoldenhair.Puregold;goldasaweddingring.Thissingleplaitfellalmosttoherfeetandwasasthickasmytwoarmsheldtogether.Iwaitedimpatientlytoseethefaceofthisfairy-talecreature.
Stringingherbreadsonherwrist,sheturned;andshewasold.
"Whatalife,"saidLetty,asIbedherhair.
OfLettyslifeIknownothing.Iknowowothingsabouther:howlongshehaslivedinthisbasement--sincebeforeIwasborn,howsheusedtolivewithanolderbrother,wholookedafterher,anolderbrother.Thathe,lastNovember,felloffabus,whattheycalla"platformact",fellofftheplatformofamovingbuswhenitslowedforthestopatthebottomoftheroadand,falling,irreparablycrackedhisheadoone.
LastNovember,justbeforetheplatformact,herbrothercameknogatourdoortoseeifwecouldhelphimwithalightthatdidnotwork.Thelightintheirflatdidnotworkbecausethecablehadrottedaway.Thelandlordpromisedtoseributtheelectrievercame.Lettyandherbrotherusedtopaytwopoundsfiftypenceaweekrent.Fromthelandlordspointofview,thiswasnotaneit;itwouldnotcoverhisexpehehouse,ratesetthepointofviewofLettyaebrother,thiswasnotaneit,either,becausetheycouldnotaffordit.
Corre:Lettyandherbrothercouldnotafforditbecausehewastooproudtoallowthehouseholdtoavailitselfoftheservicesofthegprofessions,socialworkersandsoon.Afterherbrotherdied,thegprofessionsvisitedLettyenmasseandnowherfinancialpositioniseasier,herrentispaidforher.
Corre:aidforher.
WeknowhernameisLettybecauseshewasbangingoutblindlyinthedarkkitaswe/helookedatthefuseboxandherbrothersaidfretfully:"Letty,giveover!"
WhatLettyoncesawandheardbeforethefallibleserayedherintoaworldofhalftonesandmutedsoundsisunknowntome.Whatshetouched,whatmovedher,aremysteriestome.SheisAtlantistome.Howsheearnedherliving,whysheandherbrothercameherefirst,alltherealbridmortarofherlifehavecollapsedintoarubbleottenpast.
Iotguesswhatwereorareherdesires.
Shewassoftlyfretfulherself,shesaid:"Theyrenotgoingtotakemeaway,arethey?"Well,theywoherstayhereonherown,willthey,notnowshehasprovedthatshetbetrustedtoliestillinherowhouttumblingoutarseovertipinatrapofblas,incapablehtingherself.AfterIbedherhair,whenIbroughthersometea,sheaskedmetofetchherporcelaihfromasauthedressingtable,sothatshecouldeatthebiscuit."Sorryaboutthat,"shesaid.Sheaskedmewhothepersonstandingbesidemewas;itwasmyownrefleinthedressing-tablemirror,but,allthesame,oh,yes,sheerfectlysoundmind,ifyoustretchthedefinitionof"sound"onlyaverylittle.Omakeallowances.Onewilldosoforoneself.
Sheosituptodrinktea,Iliftedher.Shewassofrailitwaslikepigupawickerbasketwithnothingi;Ibracedmyselfforaburdenandtherewasnone,shewasaslightasifherboneswerefilledwithairlikethebonesofbirds.Ifeltsheneededweights,tokeepherfromfloatinguptotheceilingfollowingherairyvoice.Faintodourofthelionhouseinthebedroomanditwasfreezingcold,although,outside,agooddealofAprilsunshihefirstwhiteflakesofcherryblossomshakingloosefromthetightbuds.
Lettyscatcameandsatontheendofthebed."Hello,pussy,"saidLetty.
Ohoseill-kemptballsoffluffoldladieskeep,thiscatlooksasifhesunravelling,itsblackfurhasrustedandfadedatthesametime,butsomecatsarenaturalsforthegprofessions--theywillgiveyoumutepanylongafteranyoneelsehasstoppedtoleratingyourbabbling,theydontjudge,dontgiveadamnifyouwetthebedand,whentheeyesightfades,freelyofferthemselvesforthesolationofstillsefiips.Hekheshit-stainedquiltwithhispaurrs.
Thecowupstairscamedownatlastanddeniedallknowledgeoflastnightsrumpus;sheclaimedshehadsleptsosoundlyshedidhedoorbellorthefortry.Shemusthavepassedoutorsomething,orelsewasallbutoutoownwithhermanfriend.Or,hermanfriendwasherewithherallthetimeandshedidntwantanybodytoknowsokeptherheaddown.Weseehermanfriendowiceaweekashearrivescrabwisetoherdoorwiththefurtivenessoftheadulterer.Thecowupstairsisfiftyish,aswellpreservedasifshedsprayedherselfalloverwiththehairlacquerthatkeepsherbrightbrowncurlsintightdiscipline.
Nolovelostbetweenheray."Whatahealthhazard!Whatafirehazard!"Letty,downstairs,dreamilyhalluatingintheicybasementasthecowupstairswatchesmesweepupthebrokenglassonthehallfloor."Sheoughtnttobeleft.Sheoughttobeinahome."Thefinalcher:"Food."
Lettydreamilyapostrophisedthecat;theydosintoanyoldpeopleshomesthatIknowof.
Thenthesocialworkercame;aor;and,outofnreat-niece,probablysummohesocialwreat-nieherlatetwehagreat-great-gateddybear.Lettyispleasedtoseethegreat-great-niedthischildisthefirstcrackthatappearsiurethatIdbuiltupofLettyssecluded,lonelyoldage.Wehadntrealisedtherewerekin;ihegreat-susinourplacegoodandproper."Itsuptofamilynow,"shesaid,sowecurtsyareat,andthisgreat-nieceissharpasatack,busyasabee,proprietorialyettehtheoldlady."Letty,whathaveyougotuptonow?"Wardingusoutsidersoff;perhapssheisashamedoftheshit-stainedquilt,theplasticbucketofpissbesideLettysbed.
AstheywerepagLettysthingsinanairlihegreat-niecebrought,thelandlord--byacuriousstrokeoffate--chosethisverydaytocollectLettysrentandperkedupnoend,strokinghiswell-shaven,tohearthecowupstairsgoonandonabouthowLettycouldnolongercope,howsheendangeredpropertyandlifeonthepremisesbyfmentoeandbreakdowndoors.
Whatalife.
Thentheambulancecame.
Lettyisgoingtospendafewdaysinhospital.
Thisstreetis,asestateagentssay,rapidlyimproving;thelacecurtainsareingdown,theroundpaperlampshadesgoinguplikewhiteballoonsineachfrontroom.ThelandlordhadpromisedthecowupstairsfivethousandpoundsinherhandtomoveoutafterLettygoes,sothatherenovatethehouseawithvatpossessionforatremendousprofit.
Weliveinhard-imes.
Thestillunravishedbride,thecherrytree,takesflpossessionofthewildgarden;theex-peachthiefplatestheprospectofripefruitthebirdswilleat,notI.Curiouseuphemism"togo",meanih,todepartonajourney.
Somewherealonganotheryeartoheaven,Ielicitedthefollowinglaboriousexplanationofmalesexualresponse,whichistheothersideofthemoon,theabsolutemystery,theohingIeverknow.
"Youputitin,whitb.Thenyourockbackwardsandforwards.Thatgetquiteb.Thenyoue.Thatsn."
For"you",read"him".
"Youe;orasanesesay,go."
Justso."Ikimasu,"togo.TheJapaneseasmicdeparturereheEnglishasmicarrival,asiftheeventwerereflectedinthemirrorandthesignificeofitaltogetherdifferent--whateversignificeitmayhave,thatis.Desiredisappearsinitsfulfilment,whichiscoldfortforhotbloodandthereasonwhythereisnosuchthingasahappyending.
Besidesallthis,Japasallitsverbsattheendsofitssentences,whichhelpstofusethefnerallthemore,soitseemedtometheythemselvesneverquiteknewwhattheyweresayinghalfthetime.
"Everythinghereisarsy-varsy."
"No.Whereyouareisarsy-varsy."
Ahetwainshallmeet.Helovedtobebored;dontthinkhewasptuouslydismissiveoftheelementofboredomiinsexualactivity.Headoredandveedboredom.Hesaidthatdogs,forexample,wereneverbored,norbirds,so,obviously,thecapacitythatdistinguishedmanfromthehermammals,fromthescaledaheredthings,wasthatofboredom.Themoreboredonewas,themoreoneexpressedoneshumanity.Helikedredheads."Europeansaresocolourful,"hesaid.Hewasatrickybugger,thatone,aBigPeach,allright;faceofGerardPhilipe,soulofNechaev.Igrabbed,grabbedandgrabbedand,sinceIdidnothavemuchexperiengrabbing,oftenbitoffmorethanIcouldchew.Exemplaryfateoftheplumppeach-thief;someonerefusestobeassimilated.Onceayear,whenIlookatLettyscherrytreeinflower,Iputtheimagetowork,Iseethepetalsfallonafacethatlookedasifithadbeenhammeredoutofgold,likethemaskofAgamemnonwhichSchliemannfoundatTroy.
Themaskturnsintoashiningcarpandflipsoffthehookattheendofthefishingliheogotaway.
Letmenotromanticiseyoutoomuch.BecausewhatwouldIdoifyoudidresurrectyourself?Cameknogatmydoorinallyourfoul,cool,chicofdesignerjeansaherblousonandyourpocketstuffedwithG.N.P.,arrivingsomewhatlateiomakeawomanofmeasyousometimesusedtothreatenthatyoumight?"Whenyoureleastexpegit..."God,Imforty,now.Forty!IhadyoumarkeddownforaDemonLover;whatifindeedyoupoppedupoutofthegraveoftheheartbrightasabuttonwithanAmericarpurringoutsidewaitingtowhiskmeawaytowheretheliliesgrowoomofthesea?"Iamnowmarriedtoahousecarpenter,"asthegirlinthesongexclaimedhurriedly.Butallthesame,offshewentwiththelovelycloven-footedoIwouldnt.NotI.
Andhowveryinappropriatetoo,thelanguageofantiqueballadsinwhichtoaddressonewhokheiionallanguageofthejukebox.YoudhaveohoseWurlitzerCadillacsyouliked,thatyouenviedG.I.sfor,allreadytohumiliatemewith;itwouldbebellowingoutquadraphonid.TheEverlyBrothers.JerryLeeLewis.EarlyPresley.("WhenIgrowup,"youreveried,"ImgoingtoMemphistomarryPresley.")Youwerealtogethertoomuch,youpurechildofthelatetwehtury,youpersonfromtheothersideofthemoonormirror,andyourhypotheticalarrivalisacatastrophetooterrifyingtoplate,eveniplaateretforonesyouth.
IleadaquietlifeinSouthLondon.Igrindmycoffeebeansanddrinkmyearlycuptoaspotofearlybaroqueontheradio.Iamnowmarriedtoahousecarpenter.Liketheculturethatcreatedme,Iamregintothepastatarateofknots.SoonIllneedawholerowoffootnotesifanybodyuhirty-fiveisgoingtoprehendtheleastthingIsay.A...
Goingoutintothebackgardentopiarytoputinsideachi,thedaffodilsintheuncutgrass,enoughblackbirdsouttomakeapie.
Lettyscatsitsoyswindowsill.Theblindsaredrawn;thesocialworkerdrewthemfivedaysagobeforeshedroveoffitleFiattothehospital,followiyintheambulance.IcalltoLettyscatbuthedoesntturnhishead.Hisfluffhasturospikes,helooksspinyasahorse-chestnuthusk.
Lettyisinhospitalsuppingbrothfromaspoutedd,forallmyki,ofwhichIamsoproud,myempathyandsoon,Imyselfhadnotgiveyspanionahoughtuntiltoday,goingouttopiarywithwhichtostuffaroastfreedydinners.
Icalledhimagain.Atthethirdcall,heturnedhishead.Hiseyeslookedasifmilkhadbeenpouredintothem.ThegardenwalltoohightoclimbsinlesslimberthanIwas,Ichuckedhalfthetentsofaguiltytinofcatfoodover.ea.
Lettysevermoved,onlystaredatmewithitscurtainedeyes.Andthenallthefat,sleekcatsfromeverygardenupanddowncamejumping,leaping,creepingtotheuedfeastandgobbledalldown,everycrumb,quickasawink.Whatalessiverofcharity!AttheclusionofthisheartlessbawhichIdbeehoughtlesshost,thepanyofwell-cared-forbeastsstretchedtheirswollenbelliesinthesunandlickedthemselves,alast,Lettyscatheaveduponitsshakylegsandlauself,plopontothegrass.
Ithought,perhapshegotabelatedwhiffofcatfoodandcameforhisshare,toolate,allgoheothercatsignoredhim.Hestaggeredwhenhelashtedhimself.Hetooknoialliainsofcatfood,though.Hemanagedafewdstepsamongthedandelions.ThenIthoughthemightbegoingtochewoemsofmedialgrass;buthedidnotsomuchlowerhisheadtowardsitaslethisheaddrop,asifhehadnthlefttoliftit.Hissideswerecaved-iiff,voluminousfur.Hehadakingself.Hepeeredvaguelyaround,swaying.
Youcouldalmosthavebelieved,notthathewaswaitingforthepersonwhoalwaysfedhimtoeandfeedhimagainasusual,butthatheiningforLettyherself.
Thenhishindlegsbegantoshudderinvoluntarily.Hesovulsedhimselfwithshudderingthathishindlegsjerkedofftheground;hedanced.Hejerkedandshuddered,shudderedandjerked,untilatlasthevomitedupasmallamountofwhiteliquid.Thenhepulledhimselftohisfeetagainandlurchedbacktothewindowsill.Withagiganticeffort,hedraggedhimselfup.
Lateron,somebodyjumpedoverthewall,moresprightlythanIaabowlofbreadandmilk.Butthecatighattoo.day,bothwerestillthere,untouched.
Thedayafterthat,onlythebowlofsoursops,andcherryblossompetalsdriftingacrossthevatwindowsill.
Smallsinsofomissionremihegreatersinsofomission;atleastsinsofissioheexcuseofchoice,ofiion.However:
May.Ablowy,bright-blue,bright-greenm;IgooutonthefrontstepswithashiftingplasticsackeandwhatdoIseebutthesocialworkersredFiatputtertoahaltdoor.
Inthehospitaltheydheny.Anoctogenarianredhead,mybigbabushkawhotainsmyforty,mythirty,mytwenty,mytenyearswithinherfragilebasketofbones,shehasreturned,notinahumiliatingambulaonherowntwofeetthatshesetsdownmorefirmlythanshedid.Shehasputonalittleweight.Shehasabettercolour,notonlyinherhairbutinhercheeks.
Thelandlord,foiled.
Escortedbythesocialworker,thedistriurse,thehomehelp,theabrasiveyetnotuletyisescorteddowntheu,grass-growstairsintoherownscarcelyusedfrontdoorthatsomeohakeyhasrememberedtounboltfrominsideforherreturn.Hernewcockatoocrest--whoeverhennadherreallyuoodhenna--pointsthiswayandthatwayasshemakessurethatnothingireethasged,evenifsheseeonlylargeblocksoflightandshadow,hear,nottheshriekingblackbirds,butonlythetwitchofthevoiherearthatshout:"Carefullydoesit,Letty."
"Imanage,"shesaidtetchily.
Thedoorthepolibatteredinclosesuponherandherchatterie.
Thewindowofthefrontroomofthecowupstairsslamsdown,bang.
AndwhatamItomakeofthat?Idsetitupsocarefully,anenigmaticstructureaboutevanesdageingasoftime,shadowslengthening,cherryblossom,fetting,,regret...thesadhesadnessofitall...
But.Letty.Lettycamehome.
Intheershop,thecowupstairs,madasfire:"Theyshouldhavecertifiedher";thefivegrandthelandlordpromisedhersothathecouldsellthehousewithvatpossessionhasblownawayontheMaywindthatdisiedthedandelionclocks.Iysgardennowisthetimeforfierceyellowbuttercups;thecherryblossomisover,s.
Ihopesheistoooldandtoomissthecat.
Fatce.
Ihopesheneverwondersifthenicewarmcoupledoorthoughtoffeedinghim.
Butshehasehometodieatheroarentlyampleleisureinthefortandprivacyofherbasement;shehasexercised,hasshenot,herrighttochoose,shehasturnedallthisintocrazypatchwork.
Somewherealongmythirtiethyear,IleftahusbandinabusstationinHouston,Texas,atowntowhichIhaveurned,overaquarrelaboutapeachwhich,atthetime,seemedtosumupthewholequestionoftherightsofindividualswithiionships,and,indeed,perhapsitdid.
AsyoutellfromthecolourfulscrapsoforientalbrocadeandTurkishhomespunIhavesewnintothisbedcover,Ithen(callmeIshmael)wanderedaboutforawhileandsowed(orsewed)awildoatortwointothisusefuldomesticarticle,thisproductofthriftandimagination,withwhichIhopetoyselfinmyoldagetokeepmybrittleboneswarm.(Howcolditisiysbasement.)
But,okay,soIalwayssaidtheblossomwouldebackagain,butLettysreturnfromthewhitegraveofthegeriatricwardisridiculous!And,furthermore,wheoutintothegardentopickafewtulips,thereheis,ohersideofthebrickwall,lollingvoluptuouslyamongthecreepingbuttercups,fatasbutterhimself--Lettysbeenfeedinghimup.
"Impleasedtoseeyou,"Isaid.
InaJapanesefolktaleitwouldbetheghostofhercat,rustyandtactileasihepoorcatpiningitselffromdeathtolifeagaintoetothebackdooratthesoundofhervoice.ButweareinSouthLondononaspringm.LorriesfartandsplutteralongtheWandsworthRoad.CapitalRadioisbrayingfromanupperwindow.Anoldcat,palpableasased-handfurcoat,drowsesamoercups.
Weknoewerebornbut--
thetimesofourreprievesareequallyrandom.
Shakeitoutandlookatitagain,theflowers,fruitandbrightstainofhenna,theRussiandolls,thewrinklingchiffonoftheflesh,theoldsongs,thecat,thewomay;thewomanofforty,withdyedhairandmostofherowh,whoismasemblable,masoeur.Whonowrecedesintothedeceptiveprivacyofageure,aneedlewoman,aquiltmaker,amiddle-agedwomansewingpatchworkinacitygarden,turningherfacevigorouslyagainsttherodtreesofthepatientwildernesswaitingroundus.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
InTurkey,inasmalltrytownwithalineofpoplartreesalongthehorizonandadirt-flooredsquare,chis,motorbikes,apricotsellers,anddonkeys,awomanwashagglingforthosesesame-seed-coatedbraceletsofbreadyouwearonyourarm.Fromtheback,shewassmallandslender;shewaswearingloose,dark-bluetrousersinapeasantprintandascarfwoundroundherhead,butfrombehisscarftherefellthemostwonderfullong,thick,Rapunzel-likeplaitofgoldenhair.Puregold;goldasaweddingring.Thissingleplaitfellalmosttoherfeetandwasasthickasmytwoarmsheldtogether.Iwaitedimpatientlytoseethefaceofthisfairy-talecreature.
Stringingherbreadsonherwrist,sheturned;andshewasold.
"Whatalife,"saidLetty,asIbedherhair.
OfLettyslifeIknownothing.Iknowowothingsabouther:howlongshehaslivedinthisbasement--sincebeforeIwasborn,howsheusedtolivewithanolderbrother,wholookedafterher,anolderbrother.Thathe,lastNovember,felloffabus,whattheycalla"platformact",fellofftheplatformofamovingbuswhenitslowedforthestopatthebottomoftheroadand,falling,irreparablycrackedhisheadoone.
LastNovember,justbeforetheplatformact,herbrothercameknogatourdoortoseeifwecouldhelphimwithalightthatdidnotwork.Thelightintheirflatdidnotworkbecausethecablehadrottedaway.Thelandlordpromisedtoseributtheelectrievercame.Lettyandherbrotherusedtopaytwopoundsfiftypenceaweekrent.Fromthelandlordspointofview,thiswasnotaneit;itwouldnotcoverhisexpehehouse,ratesetthepointofviewofLettyaebrother,thiswasnotaneit,either,becausetheycouldnotaffordit.
Corre:Lettyandherbrothercouldnotafforditbecausehewastooproudtoallowthehouseholdtoavailitselfoftheservicesofthegprofessions,socialworkersandsoon.Afterherbrotherdied,thegprofessionsvisitedLettyenmasseandnowherfinancialpositioniseasier,herrentispaidforher.
Corre:aidforher.
WeknowhernameisLettybecauseshewasbangingoutblindlyinthedarkkitaswe/helookedatthefuseboxandherbrothersaidfretfully:"Letty,giveover!"
WhatLettyoncesawandheardbeforethefallibleserayedherintoaworldofhalftonesandmutedsoundsisunknowntome.Whatshetouched,whatmovedher,aremysteriestome.SheisAtlantistome.Howsheearnedherliving,whysheandherbrothercameherefirst,alltherealbridmortarofherlifehavecollapsedintoarubbleottenpast.
Iotguesswhatwereorareherdesires.
Shewassoftlyfretfulherself,shesaid:"Theyrenotgoingtotakemeaway,arethey?"Well,theywoherstayhereonherown,willthey,notnowshehasprovedthatshetbetrustedtoliestillinherowhouttumblingoutarseovertipinatrapofblas,incapablehtingherself.AfterIbedherhair,whenIbroughthersometea,sheaskedmetofetchherporcelaihfromasauthedressingtable,sothatshecouldeatthebiscuit."Sorryaboutthat,"shesaid.Sheaskedmewhothepersonstandingbesidemewas;itwasmyownrefleinthedressing-tablemirror,but,allthesame,oh,yes,sheerfectlysoundmind,ifyoustretchthedefinitionof"sound"onlyaverylittle.Omakeallowances.Onewilldosoforoneself.
Sheosituptodrinktea,Iliftedher.Shewassofrailitwaslikepigupawickerbasketwithnothingi;Ibracedmyselfforaburdenandtherewasnone,shewasaslightasifherboneswerefilledwithairlikethebonesofbirds.Ifeltsheneededweights,tokeepherfromfloatinguptotheceilingfollowingherairyvoice.Faintodourofthelionhouseinthebedroomanditwasfreezingcold,although,outside,agooddealofAprilsunshihefirstwhiteflakesofcherryblossomshakingloosefromthetightbuds.
Lettyscatcameandsatontheendofthebed."Hello,pussy,"saidLetty.
Ohoseill-kemptballsoffluffoldladieskeep,thiscatlooksasifhesunravelling,itsblackfurhasrustedandfadedatthesametime,butsomecatsarenaturalsforthegprofessions--theywillgiveyoumutepanylongafteranyoneelsehasstoppedtoleratingyourbabbling,theydontjudge,dontgiveadamnifyouwetthebedand,whentheeyesightfades,freelyofferthemselvesforthesolationofstillsefiips.Hekheshit-stainedquiltwithhispaurrs.
Thecowupstairscamedownatlastanddeniedallknowledgeoflastnightsrumpus;sheclaimedshehadsleptsosoundlyshedidhedoorbellorthefortry.Shemusthavepassedoutorsomething,orelsewasallbutoutoownwithhermanfriend.Or,hermanfriendwasherewithherallthetimeandshedidntwantanybodytoknowsokeptherheaddown.Weseehermanfriendowiceaweekashearrivescrabwisetoherdoorwiththefurtivenessoftheadulterer.Thecowupstairsisfiftyish,aswellpreservedasifshedsprayedherselfalloverwiththehairlacquerthatkeepsherbrightbrowncurlsintightdiscipline.
Nolovelostbetweenheray."Whatahealthhazard!Whatafirehazard!"Letty,downstairs,dreamilyhalluatingintheicybasementasthecowupstairswatchesmesweepupthebrokenglassonthehallfloor."Sheoughtnttobeleft.Sheoughttobeinahome."Thefinalcher:"Food."
Lettydreamilyapostrophisedthecat;theydosintoanyoldpeopleshomesthatIknowof.
Thenthesocialworkercame;aor;and,outofnreat-niece,probablysummohesocialwreat-nieherlatetwehagreat-great-gateddybear.Lettyispleasedtoseethegreat-great-niedthischildisthefirstcrackthatappearsiurethatIdbuiltupofLettyssecluded,lonelyoldage.Wehadntrealisedtherewerekin;ihegreat-susinourplacegoodandproper."Itsuptofamilynow,"shesaid,sowecurtsyareat,andthisgreat-nieceissharpasatack,busyasabee,proprietorialyettehtheoldlady."Letty,whathaveyougotuptonow?"Wardingusoutsidersoff;perhapssheisashamedoftheshit-stainedquilt,theplasticbucketofpissbesideLettysbed.
AstheywerepagLettysthingsinanairlihegreat-niecebrought,thelandlord--byacuriousstrokeoffate--chosethisverydaytocollectLettysrentandperkedupnoend,strokinghiswell-shaven,tohearthecowupstairsgoonandonabouthowLettycouldnolongercope,howsheendangeredpropertyandlifeonthepremisesbyfmentoeandbreakdowndoors.
Whatalife.
Thentheambulancecame.
Lettyisgoingtospendafewdaysinhospital.
Thisstreetis,asestateagentssay,rapidlyimproving;thelacecurtainsareingdown,theroundpaperlampshadesgoinguplikewhiteballoonsineachfrontroom.ThelandlordhadpromisedthecowupstairsfivethousandpoundsinherhandtomoveoutafterLettygoes,sothatherenovatethehouseawithvatpossessionforatremendousprofit.
Weliveinhard-imes.
Thestillunravishedbride,thecherrytree,takesflpossessionofthewildgarden;theex-peachthiefplatestheprospectofripefruitthebirdswilleat,notI.Curiouseuphemism"togo",meanih,todepartonajourney.
Somewherealonganotheryeartoheaven,Ielicitedthefollowinglaboriousexplanationofmalesexualresponse,whichistheothersideofthemoon,theabsolutemystery,theohingIeverknow.
"Youputitin,whitb.Thenyourockbackwardsandforwards.Thatgetquiteb.Thenyoue.Thatsn."
For"you",read"him".
"Youe;orasanesesay,go."
Justso."Ikimasu,"togo.TheJapaneseasmicdeparturereheEnglishasmicarrival,asiftheeventwerereflectedinthemirrorandthesignificeofitaltogetherdifferent--whateversignificeitmayhave,thatis.Desiredisappearsinitsfulfilment,whichiscoldfortforhotbloodandthereasonwhythereisnosuchthingasahappyending.
Besidesallthis,Japasallitsverbsattheendsofitssentences,whichhelpstofusethefnerallthemore,soitseemedtometheythemselvesneverquiteknewwhattheyweresayinghalfthetime.
"Everythinghereisarsy-varsy."
"No.Whereyouareisarsy-varsy."
Ahetwainshallmeet.Helovedtobebored;dontthinkhewasptuouslydismissiveoftheelementofboredomiinsexualactivity.Headoredandveedboredom.Hesaidthatdogs,forexample,wereneverbored,norbirds,so,obviously,thecapacitythatdistinguishedmanfromthehermammals,fromthescaledaheredthings,wasthatofboredom.Themoreboredonewas,themoreoneexpressedoneshumanity.Helikedredheads."Europeansaresocolourful,"hesaid.Hewasatrickybugger,thatone,aBigPeach,allright;faceofGerardPhilipe,soulofNechaev.Igrabbed,grabbedandgrabbedand,sinceIdidnothavemuchexperiengrabbing,oftenbitoffmorethanIcouldchew.Exemplaryfateoftheplumppeach-thief;someonerefusestobeassimilated.Onceayear,whenIlookatLettyscherrytreeinflower,Iputtheimagetowork,Iseethepetalsfallonafacethatlookedasifithadbeenhammeredoutofgold,likethemaskofAgamemnonwhichSchliemannfoundatTroy.
Themaskturnsintoashiningcarpandflipsoffthehookattheendofthefishingliheogotaway.
Letmenotromanticiseyoutoomuch.BecausewhatwouldIdoifyoudidresurrectyourself?Cameknogatmydoorinallyourfoul,cool,chicofdesignerjeansaherblousonandyourpocketstuffedwithG.N.P.,arrivingsomewhatlateiomakeawomanofmeasyousometimesusedtothreatenthatyoumight?"Whenyoureleastexpegit..."God,Imforty,now.Forty!IhadyoumarkeddownforaDemonLover;whatifindeedyoupoppedupoutofthegraveoftheheartbrightasabuttonwithanAmericarpurringoutsidewaitingtowhiskmeawaytowheretheliliesgrowoomofthesea?"Iamnowmarriedtoahousecarpenter,"asthegirlinthesongexclaimedhurriedly.Butallthesame,offshewentwiththelovelycloven-footedoIwouldnt.NotI.
Andhowveryinappropriatetoo,thelanguageofantiqueballadsinwhichtoaddressonewhokheiionallanguageofthejukebox.YoudhaveohoseWurlitzerCadillacsyouliked,thatyouenviedG.I.sfor,allreadytohumiliatemewith;itwouldbebellowingoutquadraphonid.TheEverlyBrothers.JerryLeeLewis.EarlyPresley.("WhenIgrowup,"youreveried,"ImgoingtoMemphistomarryPresley.")Youwerealtogethertoomuch,youpurechildofthelatetwehtury,youpersonfromtheothersideofthemoonormirror,andyourhypotheticalarrivalisacatastrophetooterrifyingtoplate,eveniplaateretforonesyouth.
IleadaquietlifeinSouthLondon.Igrindmycoffeebeansanddrinkmyearlycuptoaspotofearlybaroqueontheradio.Iamnowmarriedtoahousecarpenter.Liketheculturethatcreatedme,Iamregintothepastatarateofknots.SoonIllneedawholerowoffootnotesifanybodyuhirty-fiveisgoingtoprehendtheleastthingIsay.A...
Goingoutintothebackgardentopiarytoputinsideachi,thedaffodilsintheuncutgrass,enoughblackbirdsouttomakeapie.
Lettyscatsitsoyswindowsill.Theblindsaredrawn;thesocialworkerdrewthemfivedaysagobeforeshedroveoffitleFiattothehospital,followiyintheambulance.IcalltoLettyscatbuthedoesntturnhishead.Hisfluffhasturospikes,helooksspinyasahorse-chestnuthusk.
Lettyisinhospitalsuppingbrothfromaspoutedd,forallmyki,ofwhichIamsoproud,myempathyandsoon,Imyselfhadnotgiveyspanionahoughtuntiltoday,goingouttopiarywithwhichtostuffaroastfreedydinners.
Icalledhimagain.Atthethirdcall,heturnedhishead.Hiseyeslookedasifmilkhadbeenpouredintothem.ThegardenwalltoohightoclimbsinlesslimberthanIwas,Ichuckedhalfthetentsofaguiltytinofcatfoodover.ea.
Lettysevermoved,onlystaredatmewithitscurtainedeyes.Andthenallthefat,sleekcatsfromeverygardenupanddowncamejumping,leaping,creepingtotheuedfeastandgobbledalldown,everycrumb,quickasawink.Whatalessiverofcharity!AttheclusionofthisheartlessbawhichIdbeehoughtlesshost,thepanyofwell-cared-forbeastsstretchedtheirswollenbelliesinthesunandlickedthemselves,alast,Lettyscatheaveduponitsshakylegsandlauself,plopontothegrass.
Ithought,perhapshegotabelatedwhiffofcatfoodandcameforhisshare,toolate,allgoheothercatsignoredhim.Hestaggeredwhenhelashtedhimself.Hetooknoialliainsofcatfood,though.Hemanagedafewdstepsamongthedandelions.ThenIthoughthemightbegoingtochewoemsofmedialgrass;buthedidnotsomuchlowerhisheadtowardsitaslethisheaddrop,asifhehadnthlefttoliftit.Hissideswerecaved-iiff,voluminousfur.Hehadakingself.Hepeeredvaguelyaround,swaying.
Youcouldalmosthavebelieved,notthathewaswaitingforthepersonwhoalwaysfedhimtoeandfeedhimagainasusual,butthatheiningforLettyherself.
Thenhishindlegsbegantoshudderinvoluntarily.Hesovulsedhimselfwithshudderingthathishindlegsjerkedofftheground;hedanced.Hejerkedandshuddered,shudderedandjerked,untilatlasthevomitedupasmallamountofwhiteliquid.Thenhepulledhimselftohisfeetagainandlurchedbacktothewindowsill.Withagiganticeffort,hedraggedhimselfup.
Lateron,somebodyjumpedoverthewall,moresprightlythanIaabowlofbreadandmilk.Butthecatighattoo.day,bothwerestillthere,untouched.
Thedayafterthat,onlythebowlofsoursops,andcherryblossompetalsdriftingacrossthevatwindowsill.
Smallsinsofomissionremihegreatersinsofomission;atleastsinsofissioheexcuseofchoice,ofiion.However:
May.Ablowy,bright-blue,bright-greenm;IgooutonthefrontstepswithashiftingplasticsackeandwhatdoIseebutthesocialworkersredFiatputtertoahaltdoor.
Inthehospitaltheydheny.Anoctogenarianredhead,mybigbabushkawhotainsmyforty,mythirty,mytwenty,mytenyearswithinherfragilebasketofbones,shehasreturned,notinahumiliatingambulaonherowntwofeetthatshesetsdownmorefirmlythanshedid.Shehasputonalittleweight.Shehasabettercolour,notonlyinherhairbutinhercheeks.
Thelandlord,foiled.
Escortedbythesocialworker,thedistriurse,thehomehelp,theabrasiveyetnotuletyisescorteddowntheu,grass-growstairsintoherownscarcelyusedfrontdoorthatsomeohakeyhasrememberedtounboltfrominsideforherreturn.Hernewcockatoocrest--whoeverhennadherreallyuoodhenna--pointsthiswayandthatwayasshemakessurethatnothingireethasged,evenifsheseeonlylargeblocksoflightandshadow,hear,nottheshriekingblackbirds,butonlythetwitchofthevoiherearthatshout:"Carefullydoesit,Letty."
"Imanage,"shesaidtetchily.
Thedoorthepolibatteredinclosesuponherandherchatterie.
Thewindowofthefrontroomofthecowupstairsslamsdown,bang.
AndwhatamItomakeofthat?Idsetitupsocarefully,anenigmaticstructureaboutevanesdageingasoftime,shadowslengthening,cherryblossom,fetting,,regret...thesadhesadnessofitall...
But.Letty.Lettycamehome.
Intheershop,thecowupstairs,madasfire:"Theyshouldhavecertifiedher";thefivegrandthelandlordpromisedhersothathecouldsellthehousewithvatpossessionhasblownawayontheMaywindthatdisiedthedandelionclocks.Iysgardennowisthetimeforfierceyellowbuttercups;thecherryblossomisover,s.
Ihopesheistoooldandtoomissthecat.
Fatce.
Ihopesheneverwondersifthenicewarmcoupledoorthoughtoffeedinghim.
Butshehasehometodieatheroarentlyampleleisureinthefortandprivacyofherbasement;shehasexercised,hasshenot,herrighttochoose,shehasturnedallthisintocrazypatchwork.
Somewherealongmythirtiethyear,IleftahusbandinabusstationinHouston,Texas,atowntowhichIhaveurned,overaquarrelaboutapeachwhich,atthetime,seemedtosumupthewholequestionoftherightsofindividualswithiionships,and,indeed,perhapsitdid.
AsyoutellfromthecolourfulscrapsoforientalbrocadeandTurkishhomespunIhavesewnintothisbedcover,Ithen(callmeIshmael)wanderedaboutforawhileandsowed(orsewed)awildoatortwointothisusefuldomesticarticle,thisproductofthriftandimagination,withwhichIhopetoyselfinmyoldagetokeepmybrittleboneswarm.(Howcolditisiysbasement.)
But,okay,soIalwayssaidtheblossomwouldebackagain,butLettysreturnfromthewhitegraveofthegeriatricwardisridiculous!And,furthermore,wheoutintothegardentopickafewtulips,thereheis,ohersideofthebrickwall,lollingvoluptuouslyamongthecreepingbuttercups,fatasbutterhimself--Lettysbeenfeedinghimup.
"Impleasedtoseeyou,"Isaid.
InaJapanesefolktaleitwouldbetheghostofhercat,rustyandtactileasihepoorcatpiningitselffromdeathtolifeagaintoetothebackdooratthesoundofhervoice.ButweareinSouthLondononaspringm.LorriesfartandsplutteralongtheWandsworthRoad.CapitalRadioisbrayingfromanupperwindow.Anoldcat,palpableasased-handfurcoat,drowsesamoercups.
Weknoewerebornbut--
thetimesofourreprievesareequallyrandom.
Shakeitoutandlookatitagain,theflowers,fruitandbrightstainofhenna,theRussiandolls,thewrinklingchiffonoftheflesh,theoldsongs,thecat,thewomay;thewomanofforty,withdyedhairandmostofherowh,whoismasemblable,masoeur.Whonowrecedesintothedeceptiveprivacyofageure,aneedlewoman,aquiltmaker,amiddle-agedwomansewingpatchworkinacitygarden,turningherfacevigorouslyagainsttherodtreesofthepatientwildernesswaitingroundus.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读