GOVINDA

  Togetherwithothermonks,Govindausedtospeimeofrestbetweenpilgrimagesinthepleasure-grove,whichthecourtesanKamalahadgiventothefollotamafift.Heheardtalkofanoldferryman,wholivedonedaysjourneyawaybytheriver,andwhardedasawisemanbymany.WhenGovibahisway,hechosethepathtotheferry,eagertoseetheferryman.Because,thoughhehadlivedhisentirelifebytherules,thoughhewasalsolookeduponwithveionbytheyoungermonksonatofhisageandhismodesty,therestlessnessandtheseargstillhadnotperishedfromhisheart.

  Hecametotheriverandaskedtheoldmantoferryhimover,aheygotofftheboatoherside,hesaidtotheoldman:"Youreverygoodtousmonksandpilgrims,youhavealreadyferriedmanyofusacrosstheriver.Arentyoutoo,ferryman,asearcherfortherightpath?"

  QuothSiddhartha,smilingfromhisoldeyes:"Doyoucallyourselfasearcher,ohvenerableohoughyouarealreadyofanoldinyearsandarewearingtherobeofGotamasmonks?"

  "Itstrue,Imold,"spokeGovinda,"butIhaventstoppedsearg.NeverIllstopsearg,thisseemstobemydestiny.Youtoo,soitseemstome,havebeensearg.Wouldyouliketotellmesomething,ohhonourableone?"

  QuothSiddhartha:"WhatshouldIpossiblyhavetotellyou,ohvenerableone?Perhapsthatyoureseargfartoomuch?Thatinallthatsearg,youdontfiimeforfinding?"

  "Howe?"askedGovinda.

  "Whensomeoneissearg,"saidSiddhartha,"thenitmighteasilyhappenthattheonlythinghiseyesstillseeisthatwhathesearchesfor,thatheisuofindanything,toletanythierhismind,becausehealwaysthinksofnothingbuttheobjectofhissearch,becausehehasagoal,becauseheisobsessedbythegoal.Seargmeans:havingagoal.Butfindingmeans:beingfree,beingopen,havingnogoal.You,ohvenerableone,areperhapsindeedasearcher,because,strivingforyoal,therearemanythingsyoudontsee,whicharedirectlyinfrontofyoureyes."

  "Idontquiteua,"askedGovinda,"whatdoyoumeanbythis?"

  QuothSiddhartha:"Alongtimeago,ohvenerableone,manyyearsago,youveoncebeforebeenatthisriverandhavefoundasleepingmanbytheriver,andhavesatdownwithhimtoguardhissleep.But,ohGovinda,youdidnhesleepingman."

  Astonished,asifhehadbeentheobjeagicspell,themonklookedintotheferrymanseyes.

  "AreyouSiddhartha?"heaskedwithatimidvoice."Iwouldnthavereisedyouthistimeaswell!Frommyheart,Imgreetingyou,Siddhartha;frommyheart,Imhappytoseeyouonceagain!Youvegedalot,myfriend.--Andsoyouvenowbeeaferryman?"

  Inafriendlymanner,Siddharthalaughed."Aferryman,yes.Manypeople,Govinda,havetogealot,havetowearmanyarobe,Iamohose,mydear.Bewele,Govinda,ahenightinmyhut."

  GovindastayedthenightiaonthebedwhichusedtobeVasudevasbed.Maionsheposedtothefriendofhisyouth,manythingsSiddharthahadtotellhimfromhislife.

  Whenimthetimehadetostartthedaysjourney,Govindasaid,notwithouthesitation,thesewords:"BeforeIlltinueonmypath,Siddhartha,permitmetoaskonemorequestion.Doyouhaveateag?Doyouhaveafaith,oraknowledge,youfollow,whichhelpsyoutoliveandtht?"

  QuothSiddhartha:"Youknow,mydear,thatIalreadyasayoungman,inthosedayswhenwelivedwiththepesintheforest,startedtodistrustteachersandteagsandtoturnmyba.Ihavestuckwiththis.heless,Ihavehadmanyteacherssiheifulcourtesanhasbeenmyteacherforalongtime,andarichmertwasmyteacher,andsomegamblerswithdice,evenafollowerofBuddha,travellingonfoot,hasbeenmyteacher;hesatwithmewhenIhadfallenasleepintheforest,onthepilgrimage.Ivealsolearnedfromhim,Imalsogratefultohim,verygrateful.Butmostofall,Ihavelearnedherefromthisriverandfrommypredecessor,theferrymanVasudeva.Hewasaverysimpleperson,Vasudeva,hewasnothinker,butheknewwhatisnecessaryjustaswellasGotama,heerfe,asaint."

  Govindasaid:"Still,ohSiddhartha,youloveabittomockpeople,asitseemstome.Ibelieveinyouandknowthatyouhaventfollowedateacher.Buthaventyoufoundsomethingbyyourself,thoughyouvefoundnoteags,youstillfouainthoughts,certaininsights,whichareyourownandwhichhelpyoutolive?Ifyouwouldliketotellmesomeofthese,youwoulddelightmyheart."

  QuothSiddhartha:"Ivehadthoughts,yes,andinsight,againandagain.Sometimes,foranhourorforaireday,Ihavefeltknowledgeinme,asonewouldfeellifeino.Therehavebeenmanythoughts,butitwouldbehardformetoveythemtoyou.Look,mydearGovinda,thisisoneofmythoughts,whichIhavefound:wisdomotbepassedon.Wisdomwhichawisemaopassontosomeonealwayssoundslikefoolishness."

  "Areyoukidding?"askedGovinda.

  "Imnotkidding.ImtellingyouwhatIvefound.Knowledgebeveyed,butnotwisdom.Itbefound,itbelived,itispossibletobecarriedbyit,miraclesbeperformedwithit,butitotbeexpressedinwordsandtaught.ThiswaswhatI,evenasayoungman,sometimessuspected,whathasdrivenmeawayfromtheteachers.Ihavefoundathought,Govinda,whichyoullagainregardasajokeorfoolishness,butwhichismybestthought.Itsays:Theoppositeofeverytruthisjustastrue!Thatslikethis:anytruthlybeexpressedandputintowordswhenitisone-sided.Everythingisone-sidedwhibethoughtwiththoughtsandsaidwithwords,itsallone-sided,alljustonehalf,alllapleteness,roundness,oneness.WheedGotamaspokeinhisteagsoftheworld,hehadtodivideitintoSansaraandNirvana,iionandtruth,intosufferingandsalvation.Itotbedonedifferently,thereisnootherwayforhimwhowantstoteach.Buttheworlditself,whatexistsaroundusandinsideofus,isneverone-sided.ApersonoranaeverentirelySansaraorentirelyNirvana,apersonisirelyholyorentirelysinful.Itdoesreallyseemlikethis,becausewearesubjecttodeception,asiftimewassomethiimeisnotreal,Govinda,Ihaveexperiehisoftenandoftenagain.Andiftimeishenthegapwhichseemstobebetweentheworldaernity,betweensufferingandblissfulness,betweenevilandgood,isalsoadeception."

  "Howe?"askedGovindatimidly.

  "Listenwell,mydear,listehesinner,whichIamandwhichyouare,isasinner,butioehewillbeBrahmaagain,hewillreachtheNirvana,willbeBuddha--andhese"timestoe"areadeception,areonlyaparable!ThesinnerisnotonhiswaytobeeaBuddha,heisnotintheprocessofdeveloping,thoughourcapacityforthinkiknowhowelsetopicturethesethings.No,withinthesinnerisnowandtodayalreadythefutureBuddha,hisfutureisalreadyallthere,youhavetoworshipinhim,inyou,ineveryoheBuddhawhichisingintobeing,thepossible,thehiddenBuddha.Theworld,myfriendGovinda,isnotimperfect,oronaslowpathtoerfe:no,itisperfeeverymoment,allsinalreadycarriesthedivinefivenessinitself,allsmallchildrenalreadyhavetheoldpersoninthemselves,allinfantsalreadyhavedeath,alldyingpeopletheeternallife.Itisnotpossibleforanypersontoseehowfaranotheronehasalreadyprogressedonhispath;intherobberanddice-gambler,theBuddhaiswaiting;intheBrahman,therobberiswaiting.Indeepmeditation,thereisthepossibilitytoputtimeoutofexisteoseealllifewhichwas,is,andwillbeasifitwassimultaneous,andthereeverythingisgood,everythingisperfect,everythingisBrahman.Therefore,Iseewhateverexistsasgood,deathistomelikelife,sinlikeholiness,wisdomlikefoolishness,everythinghastobeasitis,everythingonlyrequiresmysent,onlymywillingness,mylovingagreement,tobegoodforme,todonothingbutworkformybe,tobeuoeverharmme.IhaveexperienybodyandonmysoulthatIneededsinverymueededlust,thedesireforpossessions,vanity,ahemostshamefuldespair,iolearnhowtogiveupallresistanordertolearnhowtolovetheworld,iostopparingittosomeworldIwished,Iimagined,somekindofperfeIhadmadeup,buttoleaveitasitisandtoloveitandtoenjoybeingapartofit.--These,ohGovinda,aresomeofthethoughtswhichhaveeintomymind."

  Siddharthabentdown,pickedupastonefromtheground,andweigheditinhishand.

  "Thishere,"hesaidplayingwithit,"isastone,andwill,afteracertaintime,perhapsturnintosoil,andwillturnfromsoilintoaplantoranimalorhumanbeing.I,Iwouldhavesaid:Thisstoneisjustastoisworthless,itbelongstotheworldoftheMaja;butbecauseitmightbeabletobeealsoahumanbeingandaspiritinthecycleoftransformations,thereforeIalsograntitimportahus,Iwouldperhapshavethoughti.ButtodayIthink:thisstoneisastoisalsoanimal,itisalsogod,itisalsoBuddha,Idonotveeandloveitbecauseitcouldturnintothisorthat,butratherbecauseitisalreadyandalwayseverything--anditisthisveryfact,thatitisastohatitappearstomenowandtodayasastohisiswhyIloveitahandpurposeineachofitsveinsandcavities,intheyellow,inthegray,inthehardness,inthesounditmakeswhenIknockatit,inthedrynessorwetnessofitssurface.Therearestoneswhichfeellikeoilorsoap,andotherslikeleaves,otherslikesand,andeveryoneisspecialandpraystheOminitsownway,eaeisBrahman,butsimultaneouslyandjustasmuchitisastone,isoilyorjuidthisisthisveryfactwhichIlikeandregardaswonderfulandworthyofworship.--Butletmespeaknomoreofthis.Thewordsarenotgoodforthesecretmeaning,everythingalwaysbeesabitdifferent,assoonasitisputintetsdistortedabit,abitsilly--yes,andthisisalsood,andIlikeitalot,Ialsoverymuchagreewiththis,thatthiswhatisonemanstreasureandwisdomalwayssoundslikefoolishoanotherperson."

  Govindalistenedsilently.

  "Whyhaveyoutoldmethisaboutthestone?"heaskedhesitantlyafterapause.

  "Ididitwithoutanyspecifitention.OrperhapswhatImeantwas,thatlovethisverystone,andtheriver,andallthesethingswearelookingatandfromwhichwelearn.Iloveastone,Govinda,andalsoatreeorapieceofbark.Thisarethings,andthingsbeloved.ButIotlovewords.Therefore,teagsarenogoodforme,theyhavenohardness,nosoftness,nocolours,noedges,nosmell,notaste,theyhavenothingbutwords.Perhapsitarethesewhichkeepyoufromfindingpeace,perhapsitarethemanywords.Becausesalvationandvirtueaswell,SansaraandNirvanaaswell,aremerewovinda.ThereisnothingwhichwouldbeNirvana;thereisjustthewordNirvana."

  QuothGovinda:"Notjustaword,myfriend,isNirvana.Itisathought."

  Siddharthatinued:"Athought,itmightbeso.Imustfesstoyou,mydear:Idontdifferentiatemuchbetweenthoughtsandwords.Tobeho,Ialsohavenohighopinionofthoughts.Ihaveabetteropinionofthings.Hereonthisferry-boat,forinstance,amanhasbeenmypredecessorandteacher,aholyman,whohasformanyyearssimplybelievedintheriver,nothingelse.Hehadnoticedthattheriversspoketohim,helearnedfromit,iteducatedandtaughthim,theriverseemedtobeagodtohim,formanyyearshedidnotknowthateverywind,everycloud,everybird,everybeetlewasjustasdivineandknowsjustasmudteachjustasmuchastheworshippedriver.Butwhenthisholymaintotheforests,hekneweverything,knewmorethanyouahoutteachers,withoutbooks,onlybecausehehadbelievedintheriver."

  Govindasaid:"Butisthatwhatyoucall`things,actuallysomethingreal,somethingwhichhasexistence?IsntitjustadeceptionoftheMaja,justanimageandillusion?Yourstone,yourtree,yourriver--aretheyactuallyareality?"

  "Thistoo,"spokeSiddhartha,"Idonotcareverymuchabout.Letthethingsbeillusionsornot,afterallIwouldthenalsobeanillusion,andthustheyarealwayslikeme.Thisiswhatmakesthemsodearandworthyofveionforme:theyarelikeme.Therefore,Ilovethem.Andthisisnowateagyouwilllaughabout:love,ohGovinda,seemstometobethemostimportantthingofall.Thlyuandtheworld,toexplainit,todespiseit,maybethethihinkersdo.ButImonlyiedinbeingabletolovetheworld,nottodespiseit,nottohateitaobeabletolookuponitandmeandallbeingswithloveandadmirationarespect."

  "ThisIuand,"spokeGovinda."Butthisverythingwasdiscoveredbytheexaltedoobeadeception.Heandsbenevolence,clemency,sympathy,toleranotlove;heforbadeustotieourheartioearthlythings."

  "Iknowit,"saidSiddhartha;hissmileshonegolden."Iknowit,Govinda.Andbehold,withthiswearerightinthemiddleofthethicketofopinions,inthedisputeaboutwords.ForIotdeny,mywordsofloveareinatradi,aseemingtradiwithGotamaswords.Forthisveryreason,Idistrustinwordssomuch,forIknow,thistradiisadeception.IknowthatIaminagreementwithGotama.Howshouldhenotknowlove,he,whohasdiscoveredallelementsofhumaeheirtransitoriness,intheirmeaninglessness,alovedpeoplethusmuch,tousealong,laboriouslifeonlytohelpthem,toteachthem!Evenwithhim,evenwithyreatteacher,Ipreferthethihewords,plaportanhisadlifethanonhisspeeches,moreouresofhishandthanhisopinions.Notinhisspeeotinhisthoughts,Iseehisgreatness,onlyinhisas,inhislife."

  Foralongtime,thetwooldmensaidnothing.ThenspokeGovinda,whilebowingforafarewell:"Ithankyou,Siddhartha,fortellingmesomeofyourthoughts.Theyarepartiallystrahoughts,notallhavebeeninstantlyuandabletome.Thisbeingasitmay,Ithankyou,andIwishyoutohavecalmdays."

  (Butsecretlyhethoughttohimself:ThisSiddharthaisabizarreperson,heexpressesbizarrethoughts,histeagssoundfoolish.Sodifferentlysoundtheexaltedonespureteags,clearer,purer,moreprehensible,nothingstrange,foolish,orsillyistaihem.ButdifferentfromhisthoughtsseemedtomeSiddharthashandsa,hiseyes,hisforehead,hisbreath,hissmile,hisgreeting,hiswalk.Neveragain,afterourexaltedGotamahasbeeohtheNirvana,neversiheapersonofwhomIfelt:thisisaholyman!Onlyhim,thisSiddhartha,Ihavefoundtobelikethis.Mayhisteagsbestrange,mayhiswordssoundfoolish;outofhisgazeandhishand,hisskinandhishair,outofeverypartofhimshinesapurity,shinesaess,shinesacheerfulnessandmildnessandholiness,whichIhaveseeninnootherpersonsihefihofourexaltedteacher.)

  AsGovindathoughtlikethis,andtherewasaflihisheart,heonceagaioSiddhartha,drawnbylove.Deeplyhebowedtohimwhowascalmlysitting.

  "Siddhartha,"hespoke,"wehavebeen.Itisunlikelyforoneofustoseetheaininthisination.Isee,beloved,thatyouhavefoundpeace.IfessthatIhaventfoundit.Tellme,ohhonourableone,onemorewivemesomethingonmywaywhichIgrasp,whichIderstand!Givemesomethingtobewithmeonmypath.Ititoftenhard,mypath,oftendark,Siddhartha."

  Siddharthasaidnothingandlookedathimwiththeeverunged,quietsmile.Govindastaredathisface,withfear,withyearning,suffering,aernalsearchwasvisibleinhislook,eternalnot-finding.

  Siddharthasawitandsmiled.

  "Bentdowntome!"hewhisperedquietlyinGovindasear."Benddowntome!Likethis,evencloser!Veryclose!Kissmyforehead,Govinda!"

  ButwhileGovindawithastonishment,adrawnbygreatloveandexpectation,obeyedhiswords,bentdowncloselytohimandtouchedhisforeheadwithhislips,somethingmiraculoushappeohim.WhilehisthoughtswerestilldwellingonSiddharthaswondrouswords,whilehewasstillstrugglinginvainandwithrelucetothinkawaytime,toimagineNirvanaandSansaraasone,whileeveainptforthewordsofhisfriendwasfightinginhimagainstanimmenseloveandveion,thishappeohim:

  HenolongersawthefaceofhisfriendSiddhartha,insteadhesawotherfaces,many,alongsequence,aflowingriveroffaces,ofhundreds,ofthousands,whichallcameanddisappeared,aallseemedtobetheresimultaneously,whichallstantlygedandrehemselves,andwhichwerestillallSiddhartha.Hesawthefaceofafish,acarp,withaninfinitelypainfullyopenedmouth,thefaceofadyingfish,withfadingeyes--hesawthefaceofanew-bornchild,redandfullofwrinkles,distortedfr--hesawthefaurderer,hesawhimplungingakothebodyofanotherperson--hesaw,inthesamesed,thiscriminalinbondage,kneelingandhisheadbeingchoppedoffbytheexecutiohoneblowofhissword--hesawthebodiesofmenandwomen,nakedinpositionsandcrampsoffrenziedlove--hesawcorpsesstretotionless,cold,void--hesawtheheadsofanimals,ofboars,ofcrocodiles,ofelephants,ofbulls,ofbirds--hesawgods,sawKrishna,sawAgni--hesawallofthesefiguresandfaathousaionshipswithoher,eaehelpiher,lovingit,hatingit,destroyingit,givingre-birthtoit,eaewasawilltodie,apassionatelypainfulfessionoftransitoriness,ahemdied,eaeonlytransformed,wasalwaysre-born,receivedevermoreanewface,withoutanytimehavingpassedbetweentheoheotherface--andallofthesefiguresandfacesrested,flowed,geedthemselves,floatedalongandmergedwitheachother,andtheywereallstantlycoveredbysomethingthin,withoutindividualityofitsown,butyetexisting,likeathinglassorice,likeatransparentskin,ashellormoldormaskofwater,andthismaskwassmiling,andthismaskwasSiddharthassmilingface,whichhe,Govinda,inthisverysamemomenttouchedwithhislips.And,Govindasawitlikethis,thissmileofthemask,thissmileofonenessabovetheflowingforms,thissmileofsimultaneousnessabovethethousandbirthsahs,thissmileofSiddharthareciselythesame,reciselyofthesamekindasthequiet,delicate,imperable,perhapsbenevolent,perhapsmog,wise,thousand-foldsmileofGotama,theBuddha,ashehadseenithimselfwithgreatrespectahuimes.Likethis,Govindakheperfectedonesaresmiling.

  Notknowinganymorewhethertimeexisted,whetherthevisionhadlastedasedorahundredyears,notknowinganymorewhetherthereexistedaSiddhartha,aGotama,ameandayou,feelinginhisinnermostselfasifhehadbeenwoundedbyadivinearrow,theinjuryofwhichtastedsweet,beingentedanddissolvedinhisinnermostself,GovindastillstoodforalittlewhilebentoverSiddharthasquietface,whichhehadjustkissed,whichhadjustbeentheseofallmaions,alltransformations,allexistehefacewasunged,afterussurfacethedepthofthethousandfoldnesshadclosedupagain,hesmiledsilently,smiledquietlyandsoftly,perhapsverybenevolently,perhapsverymogly,preciselyasheusedtosmile,theexaltedone.

  Deeply,Govindabowed;tearshekhingof,randownhisoldface;likeafireburntthefeelingofthemostintimatelove,thehumblestveioninhisheart.Deeply,hebowed,tougtheground,beforehimwhowassittingmotionlessly,whosesmileremindedhimofeverythinghehadeverlovedinhislife,whathadeverbeenvaluableandholytohiminhislife.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读

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