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  Goldmundhadbeenwalkingforquitesometime;herarelyspenttwonightsinthesameplace.Everywherewomendesiredhimandmadehimhappy.Hewasdarkfromthesunandthinwithwalkingandfrugalmeals.Manywomensaidfarewellintheearlyhoursofthem,ahim,someintears.Occasionallyhethought:"Whydoeshemstaywithme?Why,iftheylovemeanditadulteryforthesakeofasinglenightoflove—whydotheyallrunbacktotheirhusbandsimmediatelyafterwards,eventhoughmostofthemareafraidofbeien?"Notonehadseriouslybeggedhimtostay,notonehadaskedhimtotakeheralong,hadlovedhimenoughtosharethejoysandhardshipsofhiswanderinglife.Ofcoursehehadneveraskedthatofthem,hadneverevenhiittoanyofthem,and,whenhequestionedhisheart,hekhathecherishedhisfreedom.Hecouldnotrememberasinglewomanforwhomhehadnotstoppedlonginginthearmsofthe.Still,itseemedalittleoddandsadthatlovehadtobesoextremelyshort-livedwhereverhewent,hisownloveaswellasthatofthewomen,andthatitwassatiatedasrapidlyasitwaskindled.Wasthathowitshouldbe?Wasthathowitwasalwaysandeverywhere?Orwasitbecauseofhim:erhapsfashionedinsuchawaythatwomenthoughthimdesirableaifulbutdidnotwishtobewithhimlohanthebrief,wordlessspaninthehayoronthemoss?Wasitbecausehelivedawandererslife,becausethesettledhaveaterrorofthehomeless?Orwasitsolelybecauseofsomethinginhimself,becauseofhimasaperson?Didwomendesirehimastheydesiredaprettydoll,tohugtotheirhearts,onlytorunbacktotheirhusbandsafterwards,inspiteofthebeatingsthatawaitedthem?Hecouldnttell.

  Hedidnotgrowtiredoflearningfromwomen.Actuallyhefeltmoredrawntogirls,totheveryyoung,asyetwithouthusbands,whokhing.Withthemhecouldfallinlovelongingly.Butmostyounggirlswereoutofreach;theywerethecherishedoimidandwellprotected.Buthealsoenjoyedlearningfromthewomen.Everyohimsomething,agesture,awayofkissing,aparticularplay,herownspecialwayofgivingherself,ofholdingbaundgaveintoeverything;hewasasinsatiableandpliableasachild,opentoeverysedu:andonlyforthatreasonwashesoseductive.Hisbeautyalonewouldnothavebeenenoughtodrawwomentohimsoeasily;itwashischildlikeopeheinquisitiveinnoceofhisdesire,hisabsolutereadinessforanythingawomanmightwishofhim.Withoutknowingit,hewastoeaanthelovershehadwishedforanddreamedof:delicateandpatientwithone,fastandgreedywithanother,aboywhoexperiencesloveforthefirsttime,ainartfulandknowing.Hewasreadytoplay,towrestle,tosighandlaugh,tobechaste,tobeshameless;hedidnothingbutwhatthewomandesired,nothingthatshedidnotprompthimtodo.Thiswaswhatanywomanwithintelligentsensessoonperceivedinhim,anditmadehimtheirdarling.

  Allthetimehewaslearning.Inashorttimehelearnedmanykindsoflove,manyartsoflove,absorbedtheexperienanywomen.Healsolearoseewomenintheirmultiplicity,howtofeel,totouellthem.Hiseargrewsensitivetoeverytoneofvoice;withcertainwomeaintoneinfalliblytoldhimthetypeandscopeoftheiramorouscapacities.Withunendingdelightheobservedtheirinfinitevariety:howtheheadwasfasteheneck,howtheforeheademergedfromtherootsofthehair,themovementofaknee.Helearelloypeofhairfromahedark,eyesclosed,withdiscreetlyprobingfingers,onekindofskin,ofdown,fromanother.Quitesooonoticethatthepurposeofhiswanderinglay,perhaps,inthisdistinguishing,thatheerhapsdrivenfromwomantowomaniolearnandexercisethisgiftnizinganddifferentiatingstillmoresubtly,moreprofoundly,withgreatervariation.Perhapshisdestinywastolearntoknowwomenandtolearhousandways,untilhereachedperfe,thewaysomemusiswereabletoplaynotonlyothree,four,reatnumberofinstruments.Buttourposehek,norwhereitwouldleadhim;hemerelyfeltthatthiswashisroad.HehadbeeolearnLatinandlogicwithoutbeingparticularlygiftedforeither—buthewasgiftedforlove,forthisgamewithwomen.Herehehadnodifficultylearning;heneverfotathing.Hereexperienceaccumulatedandclassifieditself.

  Goldmundhadbeenwalkingtheroadsforayearortwowhenhecametothehomesteadofaprosperousknightwhohadtwobeautifulyoungdaughters.Itwasearlyautumn;soonthenightswouldbegettingcool.Hehadhadatasteofcoldweatherduriautumnandwinterandhewasworriedaboutthemonthsahead;wanderingwasdifficultinwinter.Heaskedforfoodandabedforthenight,wasreceivedwithcourtesy,aheknightheardthathehadstudiedGreek,hecalledhimawayfromtheservantstableaohisownaedhimalmostasanequal.Thedaughterskepttheireyescastdown.Theolderwaseighteen;theyoungerjustsixteen:LydiaandJulie.

  ThedayGoldmundwaotinueonhisroad.Hecouldnothopetowihesebeautifulblondyoungladies,andtherewerenootherwomenwhomighthaveenticedhimtostay.Butafterbreakfasttheknightdrewhimasideandledhimtoaroomfurnishedforaspecialpurpose.Modestlytheoldmantoldtheyoungoneofhisweaknessforlearningandbooks,andshowedhimasmallchestfilledwithscrollshehadcollected,awritingdeskhehadhadbuiltforhimself,andastockofthemostexquisitepaperandpart.ByandbyGoldmundlearhatthispiousknighthadbeenascholarinhisyouthbuthadpletelyabandonedhisstudiesforthesakeofwarfareandworldlyaffairsuntil,duringagraveillness,Godhadpromptedhimtogoonapilgrimageathesinsofhisyouth.HehadtraveledasfarasRomeandstantinople,hadfoundhisfatherdeaduponhisreturn,thehouseempty,hadsettleddownthenandmarried,losthiswife,raisedhisdaughters,andnow,atthebeginningofoldage,hehadbeguntowriteadetailedatofhislong-pastpilgrimage.Hehadwrittenseveralchapters,but—ashefessedtotheyoungman—hisLatinwassomewhatfaulty;itheldhimupstantly.Heoldmundnewclothesandfreeshelterifheagreedtocorredcopyoutallthathadbeenwrittensofar,andalsotohelphimpletethebook.

  Goldmuherealitiesofwanderinginthecold,norwerenewclothestobesedeither.Butmostofalltheyoungmaneheprospectofstayinginthesamehousewiththetwobeautifulsistersformanymonthstoe.Withoutahought,hesaidyes.Afewdayslaterthehousekeeperwasaskedtounlockthewardrobe,andinittheyfoundaboltoffinebrowncloth,fromwhichasuitandcapwereorderedfoldmund.Theknighthadfanciedblack,akindofschown,buthisguestwouldnothearofitandknewhowtocoaxuntilahandsome-lookingoutfit,halfthatofapage,halfthatofahuntsman,wasmadeforhim.Itsuitedhimwell.

  HisLatinwasnottoorustyeither.Togethertheywentoverallthathadbeenwritten.Goldmundnotonlycorrectedthemanyimprecise,faultyexpressions;healsoroutheknightsclumsy,shortsentenceshereandthereandmadethemintopleasingLatinstrus,withsolidgrammara,secutivetegavetheknightgreatpleasureandhewasnotstingywithpraise.Everydaytheyworkedatleasttwohours.

  Goldmundhadnotroublepassinghistimeile—whichwasiyaspacious,fortifiedfarmhouse.Hewenthunting,andhuntsmanHeinrichtaughthimhowtouseacrossbow;hemadefriendswiththedogsandwasallowedtorideasmuchashepleased.Hewasrarelyaloherbetalkingtoad,ortoHeinrich,orLea,thehousekeeper,afatoldwomanwithamansvoicewholikedalaugha,orthekennelboy,orashepherd.Itwouldhavebeeneasyforhimtostartaloveintriguewiththemillerswifewholivedcloseby,butheheldhimselfaloofandplayedi.

  Hetookgreatjoyintheknightstwodaughters.Theyoungerwasthemorebeautiful,butsoprimshehardlyspoketoGoldmureatedbothofthemwithgreatrespedcourtesy,butbothfelthispreseobeatinuouscourtship.Theyoungeroherselfoffpletely,stubbornwithshyness.Lydia,theolder,foundaspecialtoneforhim,treatedhimwithamixtureofrespedmockery,asthoughhewereamonsteroflearning.Sheaskedhimmanycuriousquestions,andalsoabouthislifeinthecloister,buttherewasalwaysaslightironyione,andthesuperiorityofthelady.Hegaveintoeverything,treatedLydialikealadyandJulielikealittlenun,andwheneverhisversatioaihegirlsalittlelohanusualatthetableaftermeals,orifLydiaspoketohimoutsidethehouse,intheyardorinthegarden,atedherselftoteasehim,hewastentahathewasmakingprogress.

  Thatautumntheleavesstayedlateoallashinthecourtyardandtherewerestillastersinthegarden,androses.Onedayvisitorsarrived.Aneighborwithhiswifeandhorsemancameridingin;themildnessofthedayhadtemptedthemtotravelfartherthanusual.Nowtheywerethereandaskedshelterforthenight.Theywerecourteouslyreceived;Goldmundsbedwasmovedoutoftheguestroomintothewritingroom;hisroomforthevisitors,chiswerekilled,servantsrantothemillpondtogetfish.WithpleasureGoldmundtookpartiivitiesandtheexcitement;heimmediatelyfelttheunknownladysawarenessofhim.Andassooicedheriinhimandherdesire,byacertaihinginhervoidinhereyes,healsonoticedwithgrowingihowgedLydiawas,howsilentaeshebecameandhowshesatwatghimandtheunknownlady.DuringtheelaboratediheladysfootcametoplaywithGoldmundsuhetable;hetookgreatdelightinthisgame,butstillgreaterdelightinthebrooding,silenttensionwithwhichLydiawatchedit,withinquisitive,burningeyes.Finallyhedroppedaknifeonpurpose,bentdowntoreachforituhetableandtouchedtheladysfootandcalfwithacaressinghand.HesawLydiaturnpaleandbiteherlipashetiellaesfromhiscloisterdaysaheunknownladylistely,notsomuchtohisstoriesastothewooinginhisvoice.Theothers,too,satlistening,hismasterwithbenevoleheguestwithastonyface,althoughhe,too,wasaffectedbythefirethatburheyoungman.Lydiahadneverheardhimspeakthisway.Hehadblossomed,lusthungintheair,hiseyesshoasysanginhisvoice,lovepleaded.Thethreewome,eaherownfashion:littleJuliewithvioleandreje,theknightswifewithradiantsatisfa,andLydiaainfulotioninherheart,amixtureofdeeplonging,softresistandthemostviolentjealousy,whichmadeherfacelooknarrowandhereyesburn.Goldmuallthesewaves.Likesecretaohiscourtshiptheycamefloodingba.Likebirds,thoughtsofloveflutteredabouthim,givingiing,fightingeachother.

  AfterthemealJuliewithdrew;nighthadlongsincefallen;withherdleinaclaydlestick,sheleftthehall,frigidasalittlecloisterwomahersstayedupforanotherhour,andwhilethetwomendiscussedtheharvest,theemperor,andthebishop,LydialistenedardentlytotheidlechatterthatwasbeingspuweenGoldmundandtheunknownlady,amongtheloosethreadsofwhichathicksweetofgiveandtake,ofglandintonationsandsmallgestureshadeintobeing,eaeoverchargedwithmeaning,overheatedwithdesire.Greedilythegirldrankimosphere,butalsofeltdisgustwhenshesaw,orsensed,Goldmundtouchtheunknownladyskneeuhetable.Shefeltthetaherownfleshandgaveastart.Afterwardsshecouldnotfallasleepandlaylisteninghalfthenight,withpoundi,surethatthetwowouldetogether.Inherimaginationsheperformedwhatwasdehem,sawthemembrace,heardtheirkisses,tremblingwithexcitementallthewhile,wishingasmuchasfearingthatthebetrayedknightmightsurprisetheloversandsinkhiskotheodiousGoldmu.

  Themtheskywasovercast,awetwiheguestsdeedallurgingtostaylongerandinsistedoedeparture.Lydiastoodbywhiletheguestsmounted.Sheshookhandsandspokewordsoffarewell,butshewasnotawareofwhatshewasdoing.AllhersenseswerefocusedinhereyesasshewatchedtheknightswifeplaceherfootinGoldmundsprofferedhands,watchedhisrighthandaroundtheshoe,wideandfirm,andclutchthewomansfootforcefullyforaninstant.

  Thestrangershadriddenoff;Goldmundwasiudy,w.HalfanhourlaterheheardLydiasvoicegivingordersuhewindow,heardahorsebeingledfromthestable.Hismastersteppedtothewindow,lookingdown,smiling,shakinghishead.ThenbothwatchedLydiarideoutofthecourtyard.TheyseemedtobemakinglessprogressintheirLatinpositiontoday.Goldmundwasdistracted;withafriendlyword,hismasterreleasedhimearlierthanusual.

  NoonesawGoldmundsneakahorseoutofthecourtyard.Herodeagainstthecoolwetwindintothediscoloredlandscape,gallopingfasterandfaster;hefeltthehrowwarmunderhim,felthisownbloodcatchfire.Herodethroughthegrayday,acrossstubblefields,heath,andsyspotsrownwithshavegrassandreeds,breatheddeeply,crossedsmallvalleysofalder,rottingpineforest,andonceagainbrownish,bareheath.

  Onthehighridgeofahill,sharplyoutlinedagainstthepalegray,cloudysky,hesawLydiassilhouette,sittinghighonherslowlytrottinghorse.

  Heracedtowardher;shesawthathewasfollowingherandspurredherhorseandfled.Shewouldappearandthendisappear,herhairflowingbehindher.Hegavechaseasthoughshewereafox;hisheartlaughed.Withbrief,tendercallsheencedhishorse,sedthelandscapewithhappyeyesasheflewpastlow-crougfields,analderforest,maples,theclay-coveredbanksofponds.Againandagainhiseyesreturohistarget,tothebeautiful,fleeingwoman.Soonhewouldcatchupwithher.

  WhenLydiasawthathewasclose,sheabaheradletherhorsewalk.Shedidnotturnherheadtolookatherpursuer.Proudly,apparentlycasually,shetrottedaheadofhimasthoughnothinghadhappened,asthoughshewerealone.Hepushedhishorseuptohers;thetwohorseswalkedgentlysidebyside,buttheanimalsandtheirriderswerehotfromthechase.

  "Lydia!"hecalledsoftly.

  Therewasnoanswer.

  "Lydia!"

  Sheremainedsilent.

  "Howbeautifulthatwas,Lydia,towatchyouridefromadistance,yourhairtrailingafteryoulikeagoldenflashoflightning.Thatwassobeautiful!Howwonderfulofyoutofleefromme.ThatswhenIrealizedthatyoucareformealittle.Ididntknow,Idoubteduntillastnight.Butwhenyoutriedtofleefrommesuddenly,Iuood.Youmustbetired,mybeauty,mylove,letsdismount."

  Hejumpedfromhishorse,seizingthereinsofherhorseinthesamemotiontokeepherfromgallopingoffoncemore.Hersnow-whitefacelookeddownathim.Asheliftedherfromhersaddle,shebrokeintotears.Carefullyheledherafewsteps,madehersitdowniedgrass,abesideher.Thereshesat,fightinghersobs.Shefoughtbravelyandovercamethem.

  "Oh,whyareyousobad?"shebeganwhenshewasabletospeak.Shecouldhardlyutterthewords.

  "AmIsobad?"

  "Youareaseduen,Goldmumefetthosewordsyousaidtome;theywereimpudentwords;itdoesnotbeeyoutospeaktomethatway.HowagiIcareforyou?Letusfetthat!ButhowamItetthethingsIwasforcedtoseelastnight?"

  "Lastnight?Butwhatdidyouseelastnight?"

  "Oh,stoppretending,dontlielikethat!Itwashorribleandshameless,thewayyouplayeduptothatwomanundermyeyes!Haveyounoshame?Youevenstrokedherleguhetable,underourtable!Beforeme,undermyeyes!Andnowthatshesgone,youechasingafterme.Youreallydontknowwhatshamemeans."

  Goldmundhadlongsitedthewordshehadsaidbeforeliftingheroffherhorse.Howstupidofhim;wordswereunnecessaryinlove;heshouldhavekeptsilent.

  Hesaidnomore.Hekbyherside;shelookedathim,sobeautifulandunhappythathermiserybecamehismisery;he,too,feltthattherewassomethingtobedeplored.Butinspiteofallshehadsaid,hestillsawloveinhereyes,andthepainonherquiveringlipswasalsolove.Hebelievedhereyesmorethanhebelievedherwords.

  Butshehadexpectedananswer.Asitwasnotforthing,Lydiaslipstookonaneveerexpression.Shelookedathimsomewhattearfullyaed:"Haveyoureallynoshame?"

  "Fiveme,"hesaidhumbly."Weretalkingaboutthingsthatshouldalkedabout.Itismyfault,fiveme.YouaskifIhavenoshame.Yes,Ihaveshame.ButIalsoloveyou,andloveknowsnothingofshame.Dontbeangrywithme."

  Sheseemedhardlytohearhim.Shesatwithabittermouth,lookingintothedistahoughshewerealone.Hehadneverbeeninsuchasituation.Thiswastheresultofusingwords.

  Gentlyhelaidhisfaceagainstherknee;immediatelythetactmadethier.Yethefeltalittlefusedandsad,aooseemedtobesad.Shesatmotionless,sayingnothing,lookingintothedistance.Allthisembarrassmentandsadness!Butthekneeacceptedhisleaningcheekwithfriendliness;itdidhim.Eyesclosed,hisfacelayonherknee;slowlyittookinthekneesnobleshape.WithjoyaionGoldmundthoughthowmuchthiskhitsdistinguishedyouthfulformcorrespo,beautiful,lyroundedfingernails.Gratefullyheembracedthekhischeekandmouthspeaktoit.

  herhandposingitselfbird-lightandfearfulonhishair.Dearhand,hecouldfeelhersoftly,childishlystrokehishair.Manytimesbefore,hehadexaminedherhandidetailandadmiredit;hekalmostaswellashisown,thelong,slenderfingerswiththeirloifullyroundedpinknails.Nowthelong,delicatefingerswerehavingatimidversationwithhiscurls.Theirlanguagewaschildlikeandfearful,butitwaslove.Gratefullyheledhisheadintoherhand,feelingherpalmwithhisneck,withhischeeks.

  Thenshesaid:"Itstime,wemustgo."

  Heraisedhisheadandlookedathertenderly.Gentlyhekissedherslenderfingers.

  "Please,getup,"shesaid."Wemustgohome."

  Heobeyedinstantly.Theystoodup,mounted,rode.

  Goldmuwasfilledwithjoy.HowbeautifulLydiawas,howlikeachild,pureanddelicate!Hehadnotevenkissedher,ahefeltsoshoweredwithgiftsbyher,andfulfilled.Theyrodebriskly.

  Onlyattheirarrivalafewyardsbeforetheentrahecourtshegrewfearfulandsaid:"Weshouldnthavebothebackatthesametime.Howfoolishweare!"Andatthelastmoment,whiletheydismountedandaservantcamerunning,shewhisperedquicklyandhotlyinhisear:"Tellmeifyouwerewiththatwomanlastnight!"Heshookhisheadmanytimesandbeganunsaddlingthehorse.

  Iernoon,afterherfatherhadgo,sheappearediudy.

  "Isitreallytrue?"sheaskedatondwithpassion.Heknewwhatshemeant.

  "Butthen,whydidyouplaywithherlikethat,inthatdisgustingfashion,andmakeherfallihyou?"

  "Thatwasforyou,"hesaid."Believeme,Iwouldhaveathousandtimesrathercaressedyourfootthanhers.Butyourfootnevercametomeuhetable;itneveraskedmeifIlovedyou."

  "Doyoureallyloveme,Goldmund?"

  "Yes,indeed."

  "Butwhatwillhappen?"

  "Idontknow,Lydia.NordoIworryaboutit.Itmakesmehappytoloveyou.Idontthinkofwhatwillhappen.IamhappywhenIseeyouride,andwhenIhearyourvoidwhenyerscaressmyhair.Illbehappywhenyoullallowmetokissyou."

  "Amanisonlyallowedtokisshisbride,Goldmund.Haveyouhoughtofthat?"

  "No,Ivehoughtofthat.WhyshouldI?YouknowaswellasIthatyouotbeybride."

  "Thatstrue.Andsinceyouotbeyhusbandandstaywithmeforever,itwasverywrongofyoutospeaktomeaboutlove.Didyouthinkthatyouwouldbeabletoseduceme?"

  "Ithoughtandbelievednothing,Lydia.Ithinkmuchlessthanyouimagine,Iwishnothingexceptthatyoumightwishtokissme.Wetalksomuch.Loversdontdothat.Ithinkyoudontloveme."

  "Thismyousaidjusttheopposite."

  "Andyoudidjusttheopposite!"

  "I?Whatdoyoumean?"

  "Firstyoufledbeforemewhenyousawme.ThatswhenIthoughtthatyoulovedme.Thenyoucried,andIthoughtthatwasbecauseyoulovedme.Thenmyheadlayonyourkneeandyoucaressedme,andIthoughtthatwaslove.Butnowyourenotbehavinginalovingmahme."

  "Imnotlikethatwomanwhosefootyoustrokedyesterday.Youseemtobeacedtowome."

  "No,thankGodyouremuchmorebeautifulandrefihansheis."

  "ThatsnotwhatImeant."

  "Oh,butitstrue.Dontyouknowhowbeautifulyouare?"

  "Ihaveamirror."

  "Haveyoueverlookedatyourforeheadinthemirror,Lydia?Andatyourshoulders,atyernails,atyourknees?Andhaveyouevernoticedhoartblendsintoandrhymeswitheachpart,howtheyallhavethesameshape,aneloaut,firm,veryslendershape?Haveyounoticedthat?"

  "Thewayyoutalk!Iveicedthat,actually,butnowthatyousayit,Idoknowwhatyoumean.Listen,youreallyareaseduowyouretryingtomakemevain."

  "WhatashamethatIdonothingrightwithyou.WhyshouldIbeiedinmakingyouvain?YourebeautifulandIdliketotrytoshowyouthatImgratefulforyourbeauty.Youforcemetotellyouwithwords;Icouldsayitathousandtimesbetterwithoutwords.WithwordsIgiveyounothing!WithwordsItlearnfromyou,noryoufromme."

  "Whatisthereformetolearnfromyou?"

  "Formefromyou,Lydia,andforyoufromme.Butyoudontwantto.Youonlywanttolovethemanwhosebrideyoullbe.Helllaughwhenhediscoversthatyouhaventlearnedanything,notevenhowtokiss."

  "Soyouwishtogivemekissinglessons,youlearnedman?"

  Hesmiledather.Hedidntlikeherwords,buthecouldsensehergirlhoodfrombehindherslightlybrusque,false-ringingtalk,couldsensedesiretakingpossessionofherandfearfightingagainstit.

  Hegavenoanswer.Hesmiledather,caughtherrestlessglanhiseyes,andwhileshesurrehespell,notwithoutresistance,heslowlybroughthisfaceclosetohersuntiltheirlipsmet.Gentlyhebrushedhermouth;itansweredwithalittlechildlikekissandopened,asthoughinpainfulsurprise,whenhedidgo.Gentlyc,hefollowedherretreatingmouthuntilithesitatinglycamebaeethisaaughtthespellboundgirlwithoutviolehereceivingandgivingofakiss,until,exhausted,shepressedherfaceagainsthisshoulder.Thereheletitrest,smelledwithdelightherthickblondhair,murmuredtender,calmingsoundsintoherearandrememberedhowhe,anignorantpupil,hadoncebeenintroducedtothesecretbyLise,thegypsy.Howblackherhairhadbeen,howbrownherskin,howthesunhadburneddownonhim,howthewiltingJohns-worthadsmelled!Andhowfarbackitwas,fromwhatdistacameflashingacrosshismemory.Thatwashowfasteverythingwilted,ithadhardlytimetobloom!

  SlowlyLydiastoodupstraight,herfacewastransformed,herlovingeyeslookedlargeandear.

  "Letmego,Goldmund,"shesaid."Ivestayedwithyousolong,mylove."

  Everydaytheyfoundtheirsecrethour,andGoldmuhimselfbeguidedihingbyher.Thisgirlishlovetouchedanddelightedhimmostwonderfully.Sometimesshedonlyholdhishandinhersforawholehourandlookintohiseyesawithachildskiss.Othertimes,orary,shedkisshiminsatiablybutwouldhimtotouchher.Once,deeplyblushingandstrugglingwithherself,shelethimseeoneofherbreasts,withtheiionofgivinghimagreatjoy;timidlyshebroughtthesmallwhitefruitoutofherdress;hekandkisseditandshecarefullycovereditupagain,stillblushingallthewaydowntoherheyalsospoke,butinanewway,differentlythanonthefirstday.Theyiednamesforeachother;shelikedtotellhimaboutherchildhood,herdreamsandgames.Shealsooftensaidthatherlovewaswrongsincehecouldnotmarryher;sadlyandwithresignationshespokeofitanddrapedherlovewiththesecrecyofthissadnessaswithablackveil.

  ForthefirsttimeGoldmunotonlydesiredbyawomanbutloved.

  OnceLydiasaid:"Youaresohandsomeandyoulooksohappy.Butdeepinsideyoureyesthereisnogaiety,thereisonlysorrow,asthoughyoureyeskhathappinessdidandthatallthatisbeautifulandlovelydoesnotstaywithuslong.YouhavethemostbeautifuleyesofanyoneIknow,andthesaddest.Ithinkthatthatsbecauseyourehomeless.Youcametomeoutofthewoods,andonedayyoullgooffagainandsleeponmossandwalktheroads.—Butwhereismyhome?Whenyougoaway,IllstillhavemyfatherandmysisterandmyroomandawindowwhereIsitandthinkofyou;butIllnolongerhaveahome."

  Hedlethertalk.Sometimeshedsmileatherwords,andsometimeshedgrowsad.Heneversoledherwithwords,onlywithgentlecaresses,onlybyholdingherheadagainsthischest,hummingsoft,meaningless,magidsthatnurseshumtofortchildreheycry.OnceLydiasaid:"Idreallyliketoknoillbeeofyou,Goldmund.Ioftenthinkaboutit.Youllhavenoordinarylife,anditwontbeeasy.Oh,Ihopeyoulldowell!SometimesIthinkyououghttobeeapoet,amanwhohasvisionsanddreamsandknowshowtodescribethembeautifully.Ah,youllwanderoverthewholeworldandallwomenwillloveyou,ayoullalwaysremainalone.Youdbettergobacktothecloistertoyourfriendofwhomyouvetoldmesomuch!Illprayforyouthatyouwillnotbemadetodiealoheforest."

  Shedspeakthatway,indeepear,withlosteyes.Butthenagainshedridelaughinglywithhimacrossthelate-autumnlandoraskhimfunnyriddles,orthrowdeadleavesandshinyasathim.

  OnenightGoldmundwaslyinginhisbedinhisroom,waitingforsleep.Hisheartwasheavywithasoftpain;fullandheavyitwasbeatinginhischest,brimmihlove,andwithgrief;hedidntknowwhattodo.HeheardtheNovemberwindrattleattheroof;hehadgrownacedtolyinglikethatforquitesometimebeforefallingasleep;sleepwouldnote.Softly,aswashisintheevenionedattotheVirgin:

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