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NOVEMBER, 1943

  WEDNESDAY,NOVEMBER3,1943

  DearestKitty,

  Totakeourmindsoffmattersaswellastodevelopthem,Fatherorderedacatalogfromacorrespondencesargotporedthroughthethickbrochurethreetimes

  withoutfindinganythingtoherlikingandwithinherbudget.Fatherwaseasiertosatisfyanddecidedtowriteandaskforatriallessonin"ElementaryLatin."Nosoonersaidthahelessonarrived,Margotsettoworkenthusiasticallyanddecidedtotakethecourse,despitetheexpesmuchtoohardforme,thoughIdreallyliketolearnLatin.

  Togivemeanewprojectaswell,FatheraskedMr.KleimanforachildrensBiblesoIcouldfinallylearhingabouttheament.

  "AreyouplanningtogiveAnneaBibleforHanukkah?"Margotasked,someerturbed.

  "Yes...Well,maybeSt.NicholasDaywouldbeabetteroccasion,"Fatherreplied.

  JesusandHanukkahdolygotogether.

  Sihevacuumersbroken,Ihavetotakeanoldbrushteverynight.

  Thewindowsclosed,thelightsoovesburning,andthereIambrushingawayattherug."Thatssuretobeaproblem,"Ithoughttomyselfthefirsttime."Therereboundtobeplaints."Iwasright:Motaheadachefromthethickcloudsofdustwhirlingaroundtheroom,Margotsindiarywascakedwithdirt,andrimgrumbledthatthefloordidntlookanydifferentanyway.Smallthanksformypains.

  Wevedecidedthatfromnowooveisgoingtobelitatseven-thirtyonSundaymsinsteadoffive-thirty.Ithinkitsrisky.Whatwilltheneighborsthinkofoursmokingey?

  Itsthesamewiththecurtains.Eversincewefirstwentintohiding,theyvebeentackedfirmlytothewindows.Sometimesoheladiesentlementresisttheurgetopeekoutside.Theresult:astormofreproaches.Theresponse:"Oh,nobodywillnotice."Thatshoweveryactofcarelessnessbeginsandends.Noonewillnotioonewillhear,noonewillpaytheleastbitofattentioosay,butisittrue?

  Atthemoment,thetempestuousquarrelshavesubsided;onlyDusselandthevanDaaillatloggerheads.WhenDusselistalkingaboutMrs.vanD.,heinvariablycallsherthatoldbat"or"thatstupidhag,"andversely,Mrs.vanD.referstooureversentlemanasan"oldmaid"ora"toueurotister,etc.

  Thepotcallileblack!

  Yours,Anne

  MONDAYEVENING,NOVEMBER8,1943

  DearestKitty,

  Ifyouweretoreadallmylettersiing,youdbestruckbythefactthattheywerewritteninavarietyofmoods.ItannoysmetobesodepeonthemoodshereintheAnnex,butImnottheonlyone:wereallsubje.IfImengrossedinabook,IhavetemythoughtsbeforeImihotherpeople,becauseotherwisetheymightthinkIwasstrange.Asyousee,Imcurrentlyinthemiddleofadepression.Icouldntreallytellyouwhatsetitoff,butIthinkitstemsfrommycowardice,whifroeveryturn.Thisevening,whenBepwasstillhere,thedoorbellranglongandloud.Iinstantlyturnedwhite,mystomached,andmyheartbeatwildly--andallbecauseIwasafraid.

  AtnightinbedIseemyselfaloneinadungeon,withoutFatherandMother.OrImroamireets,ortheAnnexisoheyeinthemiddleofthenighttotakeusawayandIcrawlundermybedindesperation.Iseeeverythingasifitwereactuallytakingpladtothinkitmightallhappensoon!

  Miepoftensayssheenviesusbecausewehavesuchpeadquiethere.Thatmaybetrue,butshesobviouslynotthinkingaboutourfear.

  Isimplytimagiheworldwilleverbenormalagainforus.Idotalkabout"afterthewar,"butitsasifIweretalkingaboutacastleintheair,somethingthatIineveretrue.

  IseetheeightofusintheAnnexasifweatchofblueskysurroundedbymenagblackclouds.Theperfectlyroundspotonwhichwerestandingisstillsafe,butthecloudsaremovinginonus,andtheriweenusandtheapproagdangerisbeingpulledtighterandtighter.Weresurroundedbydarknessanddanger,andinourdesperatesearchforawayoutwekeepbumpingintoeachother.Welookatthefightingdownbelowandthepeadbeautyupabove.Inthemeantime,wevebeencutoffbythedarkmassofclouds,sothatwegoherupnordown.Itloomsbeforeuslikearablewall,tryingtocrushus,butableto.Ilycryoutandimplore,",ring,openwideausout!”

  Yours,Anne

  THURSDAY,NOVEMBER11,1943

  DearestKitty,

  Ihaveagoodtitleforthischapter:

  OdetoMyFountainPenInMemoriamMyfountainpenwasalwaysoneofmymostprizedpossessions;Ivaluedithighly,especiallybecauseithadathiib,andIlywritelywiththiibs.Ithasledalongandiingfountain-penlife,whichIwillsummarizebelow.

  WhenIwasnine,myfountainpen(packedincotton)arrivedasa"sampleofnoercialvalue"allthewayfromAa,wheremygrandmother(thekindlydonor)

  usedtolive.Ilayihtheflu,whiletheFebruarywindshowledaroundtheapartmenthouse.Thissplendidfountainpencameinaredleathercase,andIshowedittomygirlfriendsthefirste,AnneFrank,theproudownerofafountainpen.

  WhenIwasten,Iwasallowedtotakethepentoschool,andtomysurprise,theteacherevemewritewithit.WhenIwaseleven,however,mytreasurehadtobetuckedawayagain,becausemysixth-gradeteacherallowedustouseonlyschoolpensandinkpots.WhenIwastwelve,IstartedattheJewishLyceumandmyfountainpenwasgivenanewcaseinhonoroftheoccasion.Notonlydidithaveroomforapencil,italsohadazipper,whichwasmupressive.WhenIwasthirteen,thefountainpewithmetotheAnnex,andtogetherweveracedthroughtlessdiariesandpositions.Idturnedfourteenandmyfountainpenwasenjoyiyearofitslifewithmewhen...

  ItwasjustafterfiveonFridayafternoon.IcameoutofmyroomandwasabouttositdownatthetabletowritewhenIwasroughlypushedtoonesidetomakerootandFather,whowaopracticetheirLatin.Thefountainpenremaineduhetable,whileitshing,wasforakedowithaverytinyerofthetable,whereshebeganrubbingbeans.Thatshowweremovemoldfromthebeansaorethemtotheirinalstate.AtaquartertosixIsweptthefloor,dumpedthedirtintoaneer,alongwiththerottenbeans,andtosseditintothestove.Agiantflameshotup,andIthoughtitwaswonderfulthatthestove,whichhadbeengaspingitslastbreath,hadmadesuchamiraculousrecovery.

  Allwasquietagaiinstudentshadleft,andIsatdownatthetabletopick

  upwhereIdleftoff.ButnomatterwhereIlooked,myfountainpenwasnowhereinsight.Itookanotherlook.Margotlooked,Motherlooked,Fatherlooked,Dussellooked.

  Butithadvanished.

  "Maybeitfelliove,alongwiththebeans!"Margotsuggested.

  "No,itcouldnthave!"Ireplied.

  Butthatevening,whenmyfountaiillhadntturnedup,weallassumedithadbeenburned,especiallybecausecelluloidishighlyinflammable.OurdarkestfearswerefirmedthedaywhenFatherweythestoveanddiscoveredtheclip,usedtofastenittoapocket,amongtheashes.Notatraceofthegoldnibwasleft.

  "Itmusthavemeltedintostone,"Fatherjectured.

  Imleftwithonesolation,smallthoughitmaybe:myfountainpenwascremated,justasIwouldliketobesomeday!

  Yours,Anne

  WEDNESDAY,NOVEMBER17,1943

  DearestKitty,

  Reteventshavethehouserogonitsfoundations.OwingtoanoutbreakofdiphtheriaatBeps,shewontbeallowedtoeintactwithusforsixweeks.

  Withouther,thecookingandshoppingwillbeverydifficult,nottomentionhowmuchwellmissherpany.Mr.Kleimanisstillinbedandhaseatennothingbutgruelforthreeweeks.Mr.Kuglerisuptohisnework.

  Margotseinlessonstoateacher,whocorredtheurnsthem.

  ShesregisteredunderBepsheteachersverynidwittytoo.Ibethesgladtohavesuchasmartstudent.

  Dusselisinaturmoilaknowwhy.ItallbeganwithDusselssayingnothingwhenhestairs;hedidntexgesomuchasawordwitheitherMr.

  orMrs.vanDaan.Weallnoticedit.Thiswentonforafewdays,ahertooktheopportunitytowarnhimaboutMrs.vanD.,whoakelifemiserableforhim.DusselsaidMr.vanDaanhadstartedthesilementandhehadnoiionofbreakingit.IshouldexplainthatyesterdaywasNovember16,thefirstanniversaryofhislivingintheAnnex.Motherreceivedaplantinhonoroftheoccasion,butMrs.vanDaan,whohadalludedtothedateforweeksandmadeno

  bonesaboutthefactthatshethoughtDusselshouldtreatustodinner,receivednothing.Insteadofmakiheopportunitytothankus--forthefirsttime--forunselfishlytakinghimin,hedidntutteraword.Andonthemofthesixteenth,whenIaskedhimwhetherIshouldofferhimmygratulationsormydolences,herepliedthateitheronewoulddo.Mother,havingcastherselfintheroleofpeacemaker,madenoheadwaywhatsoever,auationfinallyendedinadraw.

  IsaywithoutexaggerationthatDusselhasdefinitelygotascrewloose.Weoftenlaughtoourselvesbecausehehasnomemory,nofixedopinionsandnoonsense.Hesamusedusmoretharyingtopassonthenewshesjustheard,sihemessageinvariablygetsgarbledintransmission.Furthermore,heanswerseveryreproachoraccusationwithaloadoffine1promises,whievermaokeep.

  "DerMannhateinengrosseUnaistsokleinvanTaten!"*[*Awell-knownexpression:

  "Thespiritofthemanisgreat,Howpunyarehisdeeds.”

  Yours,Anne

  SATURDAY,NOVEMBER27,1943

  DearestKitty,

  Lastnight,justasIwasfallingasleep,Hannelisuddenlyappearedbeforeme.

  Isawherthere,dressedinrags,herfacethinandworn.ShelookedatmewithsuchsadnessandreproaherenormouseyesthatIcouldreadthemessageinthem:

  "Oh,Anne,whyhaveyoudesertedme?Helpme,helpme,rescuemefromthishell!”

  AndIthelpher.Ilystandbyandwatchwhileotherpeoplesufferanddie.

  AllIdoispraytoGodtherbacktous.IsawHanneli,andnooneelse,andIuoodwhy.Imisjudgedher,wasntmatureenoughtouandhowdifficultitwasforher.Shewasdevotedtirlfriend,anditmusthaveseemedasthoughIweretryingtotakeheraway.Thepoorthing,shemusthavefeltawful!Iknow,becauseIreizethefeelinginmyself!Ihadanoccasionalflashofuanding,butthengotselfishlyedupagaininmyownproblemsandpleasures.

  Itwasmeareatherthatway,andnowshewaslookingatme,ohsohelplessly,withherpalefadbeseegeyes.IfonlyIcouldhelpher!DearGod,IhaveeverythingIcouldwishfor,whilefatehasherinitsdeadlyclutches.ShewasasdevoutasIam,maybeevenmoreso,aoowaodowhatwasright.

  ButthenwhyhaveIbeenchosentolive,whileshesprobablygoingtodie?Whatsthediffereweenus?Whyarewenoart?

  Tobeho,Ihadntthoughtofherformonths--no,foratleastayear.Ihadntfotteirely,awasntuntilIsawherbeforemethatIthoughtofallhersuffering.

  Oh,Hanneli,Ihopethatifyoulivetotheendofthewaraurntous,IllbeabletotakeyouinandmakeupforthewrongIvedoneyou.

  ButevenifIwereeverinapositiontohelp,shewouldmorethanshedoesnow.Iwonderifsheeverthinksofme,andwhatshesfeeling?

  MercifulGod,forther,sothatatleastshewontbealone.Oh,ifonlyYoucouldtellherImthinkingofherwithpassionandlove,itmighthelphergoon.

  Ivegottostopdwellingonthis.Itwomeanywhere.Ikeepseeingherenormouseyes,andtheyhauntme.DoesHannelireallyandtrulybelieveinGod,orhasreligionmerelybeenfoisteduponher?Idontevenknowthat.Iookthetroubletoask.

  Hanneli,Hanneli,ifonlyIcouldtakeyouaway,ifonlyIcouldshareeverythingIhavewithyou.Itstoolate.Ithelp,orundothewrongIvedoIllneverfetheragainandIllalrayforher!

  Yours,Anne松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读