A Return to the Frontier

  WhenIgotofftheplaaipeionmywaytoHongKong,IdidnotexpecttoseeanyoneIknew.Ihadaskedtheottomeetme,knowingtheywerebusyjustthen.Butitossiblethattheywouldgetsomebodyelsetoeiead,soIwasnotsurprisedwhenaneffit-lookingmawesternclothesapproachedme."YouareMrs.RichardNixon?"HesaidinEnglish.

  IhadseenmanyphotographsoftheblondeMrs.NixonandneverimaginedIresembledher.Besides,heshouldbeabletotellafelloweseevenbehindherdarkglasses.Butwithawomansinabilitytodisbelieveaplimentaltogether,nomatterhowflagrantlyuntrue,Irememberedthatshewasthin,whidoubtedlywas.Thentherewasthoseglasses."No,Iamsorry,"Isaid,andhewalkedawaytosearchamoherpassengers.

  ItstruckmeasalittleoddthatMrs.NixonshouldetoFormosa,evenifeverybodyisvisitingtheOrientjustnow.Anyhowtheremusthavebeensomemix-up,astherewasonlythisoneembassyemployeetogreether.

  "DidyouknowMrs.Nixonisingtoday?"IaskedmyfriendsMr.AndMrs.Chu,whohadturnedupafterall.

  "No,wehaventheard,"Mr.Chusaid.Itoldthemaboutthemanwhomistookmeforherandwhatajokethatwas."Um,"hesaidunsmiling.Thenhesaidsomewhatembarrassedly,"TheresamanwhoisalwayshangingaroundtheairporttomeetAmeridignitaries.Hesnotquitesane."

  Ilaughed,theunderFormosashugewaveofwistfulyearningfortheoutsideworld,particularlyAmerica,itsonlyfriendandthereforeinsomewaysafoe.

  "Howdoesitfeeltobeback?"Mr.Chuasked.AlthoughIhadneverbeentherebefore,theyweregoingalongwiththeofficialassumptionthatFormosaisa,themothertryofallese.Ilookedaroundthecroortanditreallywasa,notthestrangeoenyearsagouheunistsbuttheoneIkandthoughthadvanishedforever.ThebuzzofMandarinvoicesalsomadeitdifferentfromHongKong.Afeelingofologicalfusione.

  "Itfeelslikedreaming."Andtakinginallthefamiliarfacesspeakionesofhomeland,Iexclaimed,"Butitsnotpossible!"Mr.ChusmiledruefullyasifIhadsaid,"Butyhosts."

  Mrs.easwelefttheairport,"Thisisanuglycity,buttheminuteyougetoutoftownitisbeautiful."

  Theylodgedmeinamountaininn.IgottheGeneralsSuite,wherethegeneralsstaywhentheyeuphilltoreporttotheGeneralissimo,wholivesafewstepsawayacrosstheroad.Thesuitewasreachedthroughaseriesofdesertedlittlecourtyards,withitsardenandlotuspond.Inthesileherewasjustthesoundoftheeveningdrizzleonthebananapalmandihroomatapofsulphurwaterstantlyrunningoutofastonelionmouthandsplashiherimofthettank.Therewererattanfurnitureoamiflandawardrobeahstainedsheets.Itoldmyselfnottobefastidious.Buttherewerebedbugs.FinallyIhadtogetupneardawntosleepontheledgeofthehonorrecess,whereinJapaneselivingroomsthebestvaseandpicturescrollaredisplayed.Themaidwasfrightenedwhensheeinthemandcouldnotfindme.

  ItlainthatthegeneralshadfemininepanionshipwhilespendingthenightawaitingaudiehtheGeneralissimo.IwoheeaseofprirlsalmostdoortothatChristianandfufouheNewLifeMovement.Surelyitwasunseemlywith"Heavenstenanlyafootaway,"asweusedtodescribeanaudiehtheemperor.AfterIleftTaipeiforthetryside,Irealizedthatprostitutionwasmoreopenonthislandthanperhapsanywhereelseintheworld.Inasmall-townneerfiveorsixadvertisementsofthistypeappearedinoneday:"JoyandHappinessProstitutesDomicile,1stclass.124ShinMingRoad.Swarmsofprettygirlslikeclouds,thebestservices."

  InthetrysideFormosapeelsback,showingolderstrata.ThereweremorenativeFormosansthanrefugees.Themixedemotionsofmyhomeingaveuretouristenthusiasm.

  FromtimetotimeMrs.Chu,sittiomeinthebus,whisperiomeinthebus,whisperedurgently,"shandi,shandi!"Ijustcaughtaglimpseofashandi,ormountaindweller,agraylittlewraithwithwhiskerstattooedonhercheekscarryingababyonherbadloutsideashopalongthehighway."Shandi,shandi!"Againthebreathlesslittledanudge.IsawgypsylikechildreninraggedT-shirtsandskirts,carryingsmallerchildren."TheyalletotowheresaJapaureon,"Mrs.Chusaid.

  "Oh,dotheyspeakJapanese?"

  "Verywell."

  ManyofthebuspassealkedJapaheyweretheearlyesesettlers,andasurprisingheiryoungpeoplestillspokeJapahebusstoppedatwhatseemedtobethemiddleofnowhereandayoungmangotoff.Theductorfollowedhim.Suddenlytherewasafight,thetworollingoverahewayside."Chigaruyo!Chigaruyo!"IakeouttheoneJapanesewordtheyoungmashouting:"Mistake!Mistake!"Thedrivergotofftohelpbeathim.Thepassengerlearhatthismanwasalwaysstealingrides.Ithoughthowun-esethesepeoplewere.InHongKongIhadseenastreetcarductorfollowingafreeridertothestreetandgradholdofhisie,inplaceofthepigtailwhichusedtobethefirstthingreachedforinabrawl.Butthatwasjustascuffleandexgeofwords.Lastyearabusductorwastakentothepolicestationontheplainofawomanhehadhitwithhisticketpuncher,amurderoustoolductorswereforeverrattlingtoremindpeopletobuytickets.Buttherewereneveranyrealfightslikethis.

  Finallythedriverandductorletthemango.Hegotonhisfeetpantinganddustinghimself.Theydroveoff.Hestoodatattentioninhistornkhakishirtandsalutedthebusasitpassed.HedidnotlookoldenoughtohavebeeninthearmyinJapanesedays,butthatreverencewasdistinctlyJapanese.Oddlyenough,italsoremindedmeoftheunisteseliningupalltheporters,sweepers,andpeddlersontheraillatform,eachpresentinghisbroom,pole,andbasketlikearmsasthetrainpulledout.Workershavebeentoldtolovetheirmae,buttohavethempaytheirrespectstoitinthislittleritualseemedstrange.

  FromFormosaIwentontoHongKong,whichIhadnotseenforsixyears.Thecitywasbeingtorndownandrebuiltintohighapartmentbuildings.Wholestreetsweredugup,ostboxburieduptoitsneck,stillfuning.Therefugeesweresettleddown,hopingonlytoliveouttheirlivesinHongKong.Theyoungergeionspeaktoneseinschoolandrefusetospeakanythingelseathome,agoodexottotalktotheirparentsthatotherteenagersmayenvy.

  Themoreorlesswell-to-dohomesIsawweregettingincreasinglyAmeriized,withamahsbeingtooexpensiveandwashingmaestakingtheirplacealohthelastest-modelrefrigeratorsandhi-fiphonographsboughtoallmentplan.Christmashadbeeagreatoccasiiftsandpartiesfornon-Christianstoo.BoysandgirlshandedeachotherChristmascardsinschool.Onegirlwrotetoawomannist:"Iameenyearsold.MyfatherandIescapedfromnorthaayearago,crossingthetrywithgreatdifficulty.Wemadethelaststretaasmallboatwhichwasfiredonbytheunists.MyfathercoveredmewithhisbodysohegotwoundedahehospitalinMacao.IcametoHongKong,whereafriendoffathersgotmeajobpayingaboutHK</strong>100amonth[lessthayAmeridollars],justenoughtokeepaliveaabunk.IamtheonlyohoutChristmasinallHongKong.PleasetellmeifIshouldgobackthemainland."

  Sidebysidewithharrowingescapeslikethis,thereisalotofwhatseemstobeneedlessandfool-hardytrafficeesgoingbackforvisits."Wevegrownpoorfromsendingparcels,"mylandladytoldmeohalittlelaugh.Shenevercouldleaveoffexplainingwhytheyhadtotakeinalodger.Sheandherhusbahsetsofparentsandotherdepesnoodles,poprice,preservedmeatsandherbs,sugar,soy,peanutoil,andsoapeathandclothinginseason.OfonebrandofBritish-madechicubes,hermother-in-lawhadwritteatically:"Thesecubeshavesolvedalltheproblemsofourtwomealsaday."Thesugartheydissolvedinwateranddrankasatonic.Herbrother,inalaborcampforharbafriendaccusedofbeingaNationalistspy,isstillabletowriteheraskingforpillsforhisailingkidneyandswollenlegs.Herbrother,inalaborcampforharbafriendaccusedofbeingaNationalistspy,isstillabletowriteheraskingforpillsforhisailingkidneyandswollenlegs.Heryoungersisterisdoctorassigoworkinthetry."Shehastogooutonsickcallsatnight,whereitspitchdarkandthegroundisunevenandshesafraidofsnakes.Youknowhowyounggirlsare,"shesaid,justassheapologizedfhtersmonopolizihroom:"Youknowhowyounggirlsare."

  Iwastheretoseeagreatpag.Thelandladyhadarelativegoingback-awomaninherseventies-whocouldtakethingsinforthem.Thelandladyshusbaledwithloadsandropesalloverthekitfloor.Shebakedacakeandmadestewedpork.

  "Theyusethepottoo,"shesaid.

  "HowisoocarryapotofstewedporkallthewaytoShanghai?"

  "Itwillbefrozerainisarefrigerator."

  Shegotupatdawheoldladyoff,aogoaloohelpcarrytheluggagepasttheiionsattheLohuborder.Thedayshecriedoutwhenshecameuponme:"Ha-ya,Missg!Ialmostdidnteback."

  "Butpened?"

  "Huh-yee-ya!Tobeginwith,therewerealtogethertoomanythings.Theoldladysfault,too-shehadsomanythingsofherown.Oildrums,cratesofsaltedfish,wholecartonsofs.Clothes,bedding,potsandpans,enoughtofurnishahouse.Theanwaslosinghistemper.Thenhecameuponsomegeinherpurse,twenty,thirtytsofJenMingPiaoshehadwithherwhenshecameoutlasttimeandfottogetridof.Yourenotsupposedtotakeunistmoneyin,soallhellbrokeloose.Wheredidthisefrom?Ha?AndWhatdoyoumeanbythis?Ha?Turnedonmenow:Whoareyou?AH?"Mylandladyscrewedupherslant-eyedbabefacetoroaroutthe"Ahs"and"Has"."Ai-ya-IsaidIkhingaboutthis,Ijustcametoseeheroff,butallthetimeIwasworriedtodeath."Shefrownedandcluckedwithannoyanddroppedhervoicetoawhisper."Thisoldladyhaddozensofnylonstogssewnihickpaddedgown."

  "Tosell?"Iasked.

  "No,justtogiveaspresents;womehemiheirslacks."

  "Butwhy?Whentheytevenbeseen?"Andwithallthehungerweheardwasaround,Ithought.

  "Notfull-lengthones."Thelandladygesturedtowardhercalves."Forthewivesofofficials.Shelikesteverybodysomething.Verycapableoldlady.SheimportsmoviesmadeinHongKong.Whatdoesshewantsomueyfor?Ha?Seventyandnochildren?Ha?"

  Irememberedingouttenyearsago,walkistretchacrosstheLewithitsroughwoodfloorclosedinonbothsidesbyguardhousesandfences.AgroupofusstoodwaitingaftertheHongKongpolitheothersideofthebarbedwirehadtakenourpapersawaytobestudied.Theytookalongtimeoverit.Itwasmidsummer.TheHongKongpoli,aleantalltohmonstrousdarkglasses,lookedcoolandarrogantashepacedaroundinhisuniformandshorts,smartlybeltedandcreased.Besideusstoodtheunistsentry,around-cheekednorthtryboyinrumpledbaggyuniform.Afteranhourisuntheyoungsoldiermutteredangrily,speakingforthefirsttime,"Thesepeople!Keepyououthereinthisheat.Gostandintheshade."Hejerkedhisheadatthepatchofshadealittledistanceback.Butnoneofuswouldlookathim.Wejustsmiledslightly,pressingclosetothewirefenceasifafraidtobeleftout.Still,foramomehewarmthofracewashovermeforthelasttime.

  ThatfatefulbridgehasoftenbeenparedtotheNaihebetweentherealmsofthelivingandthedead.Likemostclichés,itistruewhenyouexperieyourself.Itmakesmeimpatienttohearwesternersquibbleaboutthefreeworldnotbeingreallyfree.Toobadthatmanyofushavetogobackoverthebridgewhemakealivingoutside.

  IhaveanauntwhohasstayedinShanghaibecauseshecouldnotleavehernewhouse.Herson,justoutofcollege,joinedhisfatherinHongKongbutdidnotlikeitthere.Hewentba1952,justwhenIwasabouttoleave.Hismothertookhimtohavehisfortuoldoneeveningaalong.Hewouldfindajobsoouellersaid.Buttheremightbetrouble.Hemightgotoprison.Thepredisoundedreasohetime,withamovementonagainstbusinessmenandmanysuicidesandarrests.Theyoungishfortuellerlookedlikeashopassistantinhisgabardinegown.IhadnofidenhimandresolutelyavoidedhiseyealthoughIneededbadlytohavemyownfortuold.

  MycousingotasmalljobinPekingaspredicted.Lifewashard,hewrotehismetmarried,hismotherwroteback.Itstheonlywaytohavesomehappiness.Buthewasaquietboy,slohismind.TenyearslaterwhenIsawhisfatherinHongKongthistime,Iheardthesonhadwaogetoutagain.Cheghisapplicationforpermittoleave,theauthoritiesseizedothathehadoncejoinedaNationalistgroupincollege.Hewassentehreeyearshousearrestinhismothersmodernistision,whichtheytooktheopportunitytosearch,probingthesofasforAmeridollars.Hehasallforts,evenservantstostandihedailyrations.ButthreeyearswithMotherisevidentlysideredenoughpunishment.

  Iheardaboutmymothersfamilyfromonofmyunclesmarrieddaughters,theonlyo.Theothertwostayedinbecausetheirhusbands,adoctorandthesonofahighNationalistofficial,chosetostay.Ohesistershaddied.

  "Sodidmybrotherswife,"saidmycousininHongKong."Andbothmenremarriedbeforetheirwivesboneswerecold.Fatherdiedofcerafterlosihinginthelandreform.MotheriswretchedlivingwithBrother.Hedoesntearnenoughandhisnewwifeisashrew.WeHuangsarefinished."

  Lookingback,Isawhowmyfamilyaiveshadallbeentaughtbyouraorstohangontoland,theonlyandsolidthing,byparisontowhichallotherpossessionsareshowy,immoral,thereforeimperma.Nomatterwhatfoolsoneschildrenwere,aslongastheydidnotslaplanddeedsonagamblingtabletheyweresafe.Despitearaladmonitions,intimeofcoursealltheirdesdantstriedtheirhandsatotherimentsforbetterandquickerprofits.Manysoonfoundtheywerenotcleverenoughandresighemselvestotheyearlyinefromtheland-cutdownbywars,famines,inflations-andgrewpoorerandpoorer.Theunistsmerelyhasteheend.

  NooneIknowisinauneorknowsanybodywhoisihtheexceptionofatoneseamahwhowentbacktosweepthegraveshisspring.Herfamilybelongstothevillageuisstillthefarmers,alwaystheworstoff,whettingtheworstofit.Havingheardofthefoodshe,theamahbroughtinabitofcookingoilandsaltedfishofherownuse.

  Whenshearrivedforatwentydayvisit,theuneallowedhertobuyalargequantityofridsmallquantitiesofcookingoilandporkasaspecialfavor.Theporkwasdividedamongherfamilyandneighborsbecausetheyhadnottastedmeatallyear.Sowenthersaltedfish.Herlasttendaysthereshelivedonsnailsthatalittlegirlgatheredforherfromapond.

  Therewasnounitydininghall.Everybodyqueuedupwithstogettheridithit,servedthroughtwoholesduginthekennel-sizedtempleoftheearthgod.Whehomethefoodwascold,ofcourse.

  Everydayatfourinthemamaagongtosummoneverybodytothefields.Breakfastatnine.Workatten.Lunchattwelve.Wainatone.Supperatsix.Wainatseven.Butnotinthefieldsthistime-usuallyitwascarryingud.Quitattenatnight.Sometimes"leapforward"totwelvemidnight.NoSundaysorholidays,onlyafewdaysoffatthehisdespitetheslogan"Letthefarmersrest."WagesvariedfromadollarsomethingtofiftyorsixtytsJenMingPiaoamonth.Medieshadbeenowyoubuyyourown.Herddoctorswereavailablebutherbsarescarce.

  Weesehavealwaysbeenatourbestwithinarigidframe,evenirywriting.Itswhenwearemosthemmedinthatweseemabletoriseaboveourselves.Aftertweuriesofrulebythefamilywehavebeenfreeforperhapstwentyyears,andithasnotbeenapleasanttimeformanyofus,fullofflidself-doubts.Nowthestatehastakentheplaceofthebigfamily,ingintoeverymomentandaspectoflifewithitsfamiliarpersuasivepressure.Thesheephasreturhefold.Evenhungerfeelright-uptoapoint.

  ThosewholivenearMaamileorescapebysampaninbandssometimesasbigasahundred,fightingthemaegunsofpursuingmotorboatswithsharpenedbamboopoles.Buttheywillnotstayputandfight.Thetroublewithuseseisthatwearetoosensible.SixtythousandcrashedthelandbordertoHongKonglastMay.Thebuardswhohadshotatsmallernumbersevidentlyheldbackbecausethecrowdsweretoobig,thegoverhavingalwaysavoidedmassacresifpossible.Afterthistheunesweremodifiedbutnotabahereisalreadytalknowoftheirbeingrevivedintheareaaroundton.

  Advawosteps,retreatsastep-MaoTse-tunghassaidthisishiswayofmakingprogress.Whetherdanarch,thepeopledragon,hopingtooutlivetheirtormentors.

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