The Kitchen Child-1

  "Borninatrunk",theysaywhericalsupsgrease-paintwithmothersmilk,andiftherebeaaryequivalentofthephrasethensurelyImeritit,forwasInotceivedthewhileasoufflérose?Alobstersoufflé,verychoice,twenty-fiveminutesinamediumoven.

  Andtheveryfirstsouffléthateverinherlifeasamwascalledupontomake,orderedupbysomeFrenchduc,houseguestofSirandMadam,memampleasedaspunchtofixitforhimsincefewifanyfinsbecspeckedtheirwaytoourhouse,notevenduriwoweeksoftheGreatGrouseShootwhennobsrolledupindrovestoscorethefeatheredbootyoftheskies.Especiallynotthen.Palateslikeshoeleather."Pearlsbeforeswine,"mymotherwouldhavesaidassherelutlysentthefouraycoursesofherArtuptothediningroom,exceptthatpigswouldhaveexhibitedmourmaellyou,theEnglishtryhouse,yes!thatstheplacefrub;but,onlywhenSirandMadamarepaschezlui.Itisthestaffwhokeepupthestandards.

  ForMadamwouldtouothingbutoystersandgrapesohreetimesaday,duetotherefiofhersensibility,whileSirfasteduntiladevilledbosundown,histonguehavingbeenburbycurrywhenhewasgabitofPoonah.(IrethoseIndianshotteduphisfodderoutofspite.Oh,thecooksvengeance,whenitstrikes--terrible!)AndasfortheShrouse,alltheywantedwassandwichesforhorsdoeuvres,sandwichesforentrées,followedbysandwiches,sandwiches,sandwiches,andtheirhipflaskskeptreplenished,oh,yes,washitdownwiththeamberfluidandwhotellhowittastes?

  Somemamtookgreatpainswiththestruofthis,herveryfirstlobstersoufflé,sendingtheboywhogroundknivesoffonhisbiketothesea,miles,forthebeastitselfaheboilingofitalive,howitesqueakingpiteouslycrawlingoutofthepotetc.etc.etamalla-flutterbeforeshesomuchasseparatedtheeggs.

  Then,justasshebeherairtheflourintothebutter,apairofhandsclaspedtightaroundherwaist.Thinking,atfirst,itwasbutkithorseplay,shetwitchedheramplehipstoputhimoffassheslidtheeggyolksintotheroux.Butasshemixedinthelobstermeat,dicedup,allnice,shefeltthosehandsstrayhigher.

  Thatwaswhentoomuchin.Shealwaysregrettedthat.

  Andasshewasfoldingiopplingtentsofthebowlofbeatenegg-white,Godknowswhatitwashegotuptobutsomuchsosheflingsallintothewhitedishwithabandonand:

  "Tohellwithit!"

  Intotheovehesoufflé;theovendoorslamsshut.

  Idrawaveil.

  "But,mam!"Ioftenbeggedher."Whowasthatman?"

  "Lawksamercy,child,"saysshe."Ihoughttoask.IwerethatworriedtheIgivetheovendoorwouldbringthesoufflédown."

  But,no.Thesouffléwentuplikeamontgolfierand,assoonasitsgoldenheadknockedimperiouslyagainsttheovendoor,shebustthroughtheveilIhavediscreetlydrawhisseofpassionandemerged,smoothingherapron,ioextracttheexemplarydishamidstoohsandaahsandoftheassembledkitstaff,someforty-fiveinnumber.

  Butnotquiteexemplary.Theethermattheeater.Thehousekeeperbringshisplateherself,slapsitdown."Hesaid:"Tropdene,"andscrapeditoffhisplateintothefire,"sheannouhagratifiedsmirk.Sheisamodelofrefiandalwaysveryparticularaboutheraspirates.Shehiccups.Sheevensaysthe"h"in"hic".

  Mymotherweepsforshame.

  "Whatweneedhereisagtial--hic--cheftoimproveleton,"mehehousekeeper,tossingmemamakillinglookasshesweepsoutthedoorformemamisasimpleYorkshirelassforallshehasmagiherfingersbutnoroomfortwoqueensinthishive,thehousekeeperhatesher.AndthehousekeeperisprickedperpetuallybythefancyfortheimportationofaCarêmeoraSoyerwithmoustacheslikehatrackstoboucheherandmillyfillyherasisalltherage.

  "ForisntitAlberlihedearDevonshires;andCrépin,attheDuchessofSutherlands.ThentheresLabalme,withtheDukeofBeaufortshousehold,dono...andtheQueen,blessher,hasherMénager...whilewerestuckwiththatfatcoweaknothingbutbroadYorkshire,ofhercarpetslippers..."

  ceiveduponakittable,bornuponakitfloor;nobellsrangtowelebut,farmoreaptly,myarrivalheraldedbyabang!bang!bang!oneveryskilletintheplace,averitablefusilladeofcopper-bottomkittympani;andthemerryclatterofladleagainstdish-cover;andtheveryturnspitdogsallwent:"Bo!"

  Itbeing,asyoumightyourselfpute,agoodthreemonthsoffOctober,SirandMadambeinginLondonthehousekeepermaintainsafiyleallbyherself,sittinginherparlourpartakingofthebestBoheafromaMeissencup,towhichsheaddsajudicioustoufromthelockedbottlestowhichshesfedakeyinherampleleisure.Thehousekeeperslittleskivvy,thatshekeepstofetch,carryandlickboot,justtoppiea-cupupwitholdJamaica,allhellbreaksloosebelowstairsasifaeseorchestrastartedupitswoodblodxylophones,crash,.

  "Whatoharethe--hick--lowerorduresupto?"elocutesthehousekeeperinladylikeanddulcettones,givingtheearoftheskivvyaquickbutvicioustugtojerkthegossipoutofher.

  "Oh,madamissima!"quaversthepoorlittleskivvyette."Tisnobbutthecooksbabby!"

  "Thecooksbaby?!?"

  Duetomymotherscorpulence,whichisimmense,shesroundasthe"o"in"obese",andthegreatloyaltyandaffetowardsherofallthekitstaff,thehousekeeperkhingofmyimmi,amidherwaxingwroth,alsogladtohearit,sihoughtshespiedawaytorelievemymotherofherpostduetothisunsolicitedarrivalandthennagSirandMadamtogetinsomemingandpomadedgenttochaudfroidandgêléeandbutterup.Belowstairsshedesdsforthwith,astatelyyetoostableprogressduetotherumwithadashofteashesipsallday,theskivvyrunninginfrontofhertothrowwidethedoor.

  ectaclegreetsher!Raphaelmighthavesketchedit,hadhebeeninYorkshireatthetime.Mymother,wreathedinsmiles,enthronedonasackofspudswith,atherbreast,herbabe,alllyswaddledinanew-boiledpuddingclothairekitbrigadearrangedaroundherinattitudesofadoration,eachbrandishingautensilandgivingouttherewiththatmerryrattleoftheladles,yourstrulysfirstlullaby.

  Alas,mycradlesongsooersoutihwadtihehousekeepercasthercoldesteye.

  "Whats--hic--this?"

  "Abonnyboy!"emam,plantingasmagkissoenderforeheadpressedagainstherpillowingbosom.

  "Outofthehouseforthis!"criesthehousekeeper."Hic,"sheadds.

  Butwhatagandclamoursheunleasheswiththatdemand;asifshedletoffabombinahardwarestore,forallpresent(exceptmymotherandmyself)attacktheirimprovisedinstrumentswithrenewedvigour,tinginunison:

  "Thekitchild!Thekitchild!Youtturnoutthekitchild!"

  Andthatwasthetruthofthematter;whoelsecouldIclaimasmyprogenitorifnotthegreedyplaceitself,that,ifitdidnotmakeme,allthesame,itcausedmetobemade?Notonescullerymaidnorthelittlestvegetableboycouldrememberwhoorwhatitwaswhichvisitedmymotherthatsoufflém,everyhandicalledtocutsandwiches,butsomefatshapeseemedtohavehauheplace,drawntothekitasaghosttothedark;hadnotthatgourmetduekeptagourmetvalet?Yethisoutlilikeaspitheheatfromtherange.

  "Thekitchild!"

  Thekitbrigademadesuchadinthatthehousekeeperretreatedtoreviveherselfwithaofruminherprivateparlour,for,facedwithamutinyamongstthepans,shediscoveredlittlevalourinherspiritaosulkient.

  ThefirsttoysIplayedwithwereders,eggwhisksandsaulids.Itookmybathsiureeninwhichtheturtlesoupwasserved.TheygaveupsalmonuntilIcouldtoddlebecause,asformycrib,whatelsebutthecoppersalmole?AndthiskettlewasstohighoelshelfsoIcouldsheresnugandwarmoutofharmsway,soothedbythedeliciousodoursandappetisingsoundsofthepreparationofnourishment,andthereIywaythroughbabyhoodabovethatkitasifIwereitshouseholddeityhighinmytinyshrine.

  And,indeed,istherenotsomethingholyaboutagreatkit?Thosevaultsofsoot-darkeonefaraboveme,wherethehamsandstringsofonionsandbunchesofdriedherbsdangle,lookingsomewhatliketheregimentalbahatunfurlabovetheaislesofoldchurches.Thecool,egflagsscrubbedspotlesstwiceadaybyvotivepersonsontheirkhescleamofrowuponrowofmetalvesselsdanglingfromhooksorreposingontheirshelvestillhtheairofsomanychaliceswaitingforthecelebrationofthesacramentoffood.Andtherangelikeanaltar,yes,analtar,beforewhichmymotherbowediualhomage,afringeofsonherupperlipandfireglowinginhercheeks.

  AtthreeyearsoldshegavemeflourandlardandstraightawayIiedshortcrust.Ibeingtoolittletomahepin,shehoistsmeonhershoulderstowatchherassherollsoutthedoughuponthemarbleslab,thesmetostampoutthetartletsformyself,tearsofjoyatmyprecocitytrigdownhercheeks,letsmedolloponthedamsonjamandlickthespoonformyreward.Bythreeandahalf,Iveprogressedthpuffand,afterthat,noholdingme.SheperchesmeonatallstoolsoIreachtostirthesauce,smeinherpinnythatgoesroundandroundandrouhrice,tucksitinatthewaistelseItripoveritheadfirstintomyownHollandaise.SoIbeeheracolyte.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读

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