Double face

  LindoJong

  Mydaughterwaogotoaforhersedhoneymoon,butnowsheisafraid.

  "WhatifIblendiheythinkImohem?"Waverlyaskedme."WhatiftheydomeebacktotheUates?"

  "Whenyougotoa,"Itoldher,"youdonteveoopenyourmouth.Theyalreadyknowyouareanoutsider."

  "Whatareyoutalkingabout?"sheasked.Mydaughterlikestospeakback.ShelikestoquestionwhatIsay.

  "Aii-ya,"Isaid."Evenifyouputontheirclothes,evenifyoutakeoffyourmakeupandhideyourfancyjewelry,theyknow.Theyknowjustwatgthewayyouwalk,thewayyoucarryyourface.Theyknowyoudonotbelong."

  MydaughterdidnotlookpleasedwhenItoldherthis,thatshedidntlookese.ShehadasourAmerilookonherfaaybetenyearsago,shewouldhaveclappedherhands—hurray!—asifthisweregoodnews.Butnowshewantstobeese,itissofashionable.AndIknowitistoolate.AllthoseyearsItriedtoteachher!Shefollowedmyesewaysonlyuntilshelearnedhowtowalkoutthedoorbyherselfandgotoschool.Sonowtheonlyesewordsshesayaresh-sh,houche,chrfan,andgwandengshweijyau.Howshetalktopeopleinawiththesewords?Pee-pee,choo-chootrai,closelightsleep.Howshethinksheblendin?Onlyherskinandherhairareese.Inside—sheisallAmeri-made.

  Itsmyfaultsheisthisway.Iwantedmychildrentohavethebestbination:Americircumstandesecharacter.HowcouldIknowthesetwothingsdonotmix?

  ItaughtherhowAmericircumstanceswork.Ifyouarebornpoorhere,itsnolastingshame.Youarefirstinlineforascholarship.Iftheroofcrashesonyourhead,ocryoverthisbadluck.Yousueanybody,makethelandlordfixit.YoudonothavetositlikeaBuddhaureelettingpigeonsdroptheirdirtybusinessonyourhead.Youbuyanumbrella.oiholicchurAmeriobodysaysyouhavetokeepthecircumstanebodyelsegivesyou.

  Shelearhesethings,butIcouldntteachheraboutesecharacter.Howtoobeyparentsandlistentoyourmothersmind.Hownottoshowyourownthoughts,toputyourfeelingsbehindyourfacesoyoutakeadvantageofhiddenopportunities.Whyeasythingsarenotworthpursuing.Howtoknowyourownworthandpolishit,neverflashingitaroundlikeacheapring.Whyesethinkingisbest.

  No,thiskindofthinkingdidntsticktoher.Shewastoobusychewinggum,blowingbubblesbiggerthanhercheeks.Onlythatkindofthinkingstuck.

  "Finishyourcoffee,"Itoldheryesterday."Dontthrowyourblessingsaway."

  "Dontbesoold-fashioned,Ma,"shetoldme,finishinghercoffeedownthesink."Immyownperson."

  AndIthink,Howshebeherownperson?WhendidIgiveherup?

  Mydaughterisgettingmarriedasedtime.Sosheaskedmetogotoherbeautyparlor,herfamousMr.Rory.Iknowhermeaning.Sheisashamedofmylooks.Whatwillherhusbandsparentsandhisimportantlawyerfriendsthinkofthisbackwardoldesewoman?

  "AuntieAn-meicutme,"Isay.

  "Roryisfamous,"saysmydaughter,asifshehadnoears."Hedoesfabulouswork."

  SoIsitinMr.Roryschair.HepumpsmeupanddownuntilIamtherightheight.ThenmydaughtercriticizesmeasifIwerenotthere."Seehowitsflatononeside,"sheaccusesmyhead."Sheneedsadaperm.Andthispurpletintinherhair,shesbeendoingitathome.Shesneverhadanythingprofessionallydone."

  SheislookingatMr.Roryinthemirror.Heislookingatmeinthemirror.Ihaveseenthisprofessionallookbefore.Amerisdontreallylookatoherwhentalking.Theytalktotheirrefles.Theylookatothersorthemselvesonlywhehinknobodyiswatg.Sotheyneverseehowtheyreallylook.Theyseethemselvessmilingwithouttheirmouthopen,orturhesidewheretheyotseetheirfaults.

  "Howdoesshewantit?"askedMr.Rory.HethinksIdonotuandEnglish.Heisfloatinghisfihroughmyhair.Heisshowinghowhismagimakemyhairthickerandlonger.

  "Ma,howdoyouwantit?"WhydoesmydaughterthiranslatingEnglishforme?BeforeIevenspeak,sheexplainsmythoughts:"Shewantsasoftwave.Weprobablyshouldntcutittooshort.Otherwiseitllbetootightforthewedding.Shedoesntwantittolookkinkyorweird."

  Andnowshesaystomeinaloudvoice,asifIhadlostmyhearing,"Isntthatright,Ma?Nottootight?"

  Ismile.IusemyAmeriface.ThatsthefaceAmeristhinkisese,theoheyotuand.ButinsideIambeingashamed.Iamashamedsheisashamed.BecausesheismydaughterandIamproudofher,andIamhermotherbutsheisnotproudofme.

  Mr.Rorypatsmyhairmore.Helooksatme.Helooksatmydaughter.Thenhesayssomethingtomydaughterthatreallydispleasesher:"Itsunyhowmuchyoutwolookalike!"

  Ismile,thistimewithmyeseface.Butmydaughterseyesandhersmilebeeverynarrow,theullsitselfsmalljustbeforeitbites.NowMr.Roesawaysowethinkaboutthis.Ihearhimsnaphisfingers,"Wash!Mrs.Jongis!"

  SomydaughterandIarealohiscrowdedbeautyparlor.Sheisfrowningatherselfinthemirror.Sheseesmelookingather.

  "Thesamecheeks,"shesays,Shepointstomihenpokeshercheeks.Shesucksthemoutsideintolooklikeastarvedpersosherfaexttomine,sidebyside,andwelookateachotherinthemirror.

  "Youseeyourcharacterinyourface,"Isaytomydaughterwithoutthinking."Youseeyourfuture."

  "Whatdoyoumean?"shesays.

  AndnowIhavetofightbackmyfeelings.Thesetwofaces,Ithink,somuchthesame!Thesamehappihesamesadhesamegoodfortuhesamefaults.

  Iamseeingmyselfandmymother,baa,whenIwasayounggirl.

  Mymother—yrandmother—ooldmemyfortune,howmycharactercouldleadtogoodandbadcircumstances.Shewassittingathertablewiththebigmirror.Iwasstandingbehindher,myrestingonhershoulder.Thedaywasthestartofthenewyear.Iwouldbetenyearsbymyeseage,soitortantbirthdayforme.Forthisreasonmaybeshedidnotcriticizemetoomuch.Shewaslookingatmyface.

  Shetouchedmyear."Youarelucky,"shesaid."Youhavemyears,abigthicklobe,lotsofmeatatthebottom,fullofblessings.Somepeoplearebornsopoor.Theirearsaresothin,soclosetotheirhead,theyeverhearluckcallingtothem.Youhavetherightears,butyoumustlistentoyouropportunities."

  Sherahinfingerdownmynose."Youhavemyheholeisnottoobig,soyourmoneywillnotberunningout.Theraightandsmooth,agoodsign.Agirlwithacrookednoseisboundformisfortune.Sheisalwaysfollowingthewrongthings,thewrongpeople,theworstluck."

  Shetappedmyandthenhers."Nottooshort,nottoolong.evitywillbeadequate,notcutofftoosoon,notsolongwebeeaburden."

  Shepushedmyhairawayfrommyforehead."Wearethesame,"cludedmymother."Perhapsyourforeheadiswider,soyouwillbeevenmoreclever.Andyourhairisthick,thehairlineislowonyourforehead.Thismeansyouwillhavesomehardshipsinyourearlylife.Thishappeome.Butlookatmyhairlinenow.High!Suchablessingformyoldage.Lateryouwilllearntoworryandloseyourhair,too."

  Shetookmyinherhand.Sheturnedmyfacetowardher,eyesfageyes.Shemovedmyfacetooneside,theher."Theeyesareho,eager,"shesaid."Theyfollowmeandshowrespect.Theydonotlookdowninshame.Theydoandturntheoppositeway.Youwillbeagoodwife,mother,anddaughter-in-law."

  Whenmymothertoldmethesethings,Iwasstillsoyoung.Ahoughshesaidwelookedthesame,Iwaolookmorethesame.Ifhereyewentupandlookedsurprised,Iwantedmyeyetodothesame.Ifhermouthfelldownandwasunhappy,Itoowaofeelunhappy.

  Iwassomuchlikemymother.Thiswasbeforeourcircumstancesseparatedus:afloodthatcausedmyfamilytoleavemebehind,myfirstmarriagetoafamilythatdidnotwantme,awarfromallsides,andlater,ahattookmetoanewtry.Shedidnotseehowmyfacegedovertheyears.Howmymouthbegantodroop.HowIbegantoworrybutstilldidnotlosemyhair.HowmyeyesbegantofollowtheAmeriway.ShedidhatItwistedmynoseboungforwardonacrowdedbusinSanFrancisco.YourfatherandI,wewereonourwaytochurchtogivemanythankstoGodforallourblessings,butIhadtosubtraeformynose.

  ItshardtokeepyouresefaAmerica.Atthebeginning,beforeIevenarrived,Ihadtohidemytrueself.IpaidanAmeri-raisedesegirlinPekingtoshowmehow.

  "InAmerica,"shesaid,"youotsayyouwanttolivethereforever.Ifyouareese,youmustsayyouadmiretheirschools,theirwaysofthinking.Youmustsayyouwanttobeascholarandebacktoteachesepeoplewhatyouhavelearned."

  "WhatshouldIsayIwanttolearn?"Iasked."Iftheyaskmequestions,ifIotanswer…"

  &quion,youmustsayyouwanttostudyreligion,"saidthissmartgirl."Amerisallhavedifferentideasabion,sotherearenhtandwronganswers.Saytothem,Imgoingfodssake,andtheywillrespectyou."

  ForanothersumofmohisgirlgavemeaformfilledoutwithEnglishwords.IhadtocopythesewordsoverandainasiftheywereEnglishwordsformedfrommyownhead.othewordNAME,IwroteLindoSuothewordBIRTHDATE,IwroteMay11,1918,whichthisgirlinsistedwasthesameasthreemonthsaftertheeselunarnewyear.othewordBIRTHPLACE,IputdownTaiyuan,a.AothewordOCCUPATION,Iwrotestudentoftheology.

  IgavethegirlevenmoremoneyforalistofaddressesinSanFrancisco,peoplewithbiges.Andfinally,thisgirlgaveme,freeofcharge,instrusforgingmycircumstances."First,"shesaid,"youmustfindahusband.AnAmericitize."

  Shesawmysurpriseandquicklyadded,"ese!Ofcourse,hemustbeese.CitizemeanCaucasian.Butifheisnotacitizen,youshouldimmediatelydowo.Seehere,youshouldhaveababy.Birl,itdoesntmatteriedStates.herwilltakecareofyouinyouroldage,isntthattrue?"Ahlaughed.

  "Becareful,though,"shesaid."Theauthoritiestherewillaskyouifyouhavechildrennoworifyouarethinkingofhavingsome.Youmustsayno.Youshouldlooksincereandsayyouarenotmarried,youarereligious,youknowitiswrongtohaveababy."

  Imusthavelookedpuzzled,becausesheexplainedfurther:"Lookherenow,howunbornbabyknowwhatitisnotsupposedtodo?Andohasarrived,itisanAmericitizenanddoanythingitwants.Itaskitsmothertostay.Isntthattrue?"

  ButthatisnotthereasonIuzzled.IwonderedwhyshesaidIshouldlooksincere.HowcouldIlookanyotherwaywhentellih?

  Seehowtruthfulmyfacestilllooks.WhydidntIgivethislooktoyou?WhydoyoualwaystellyourfriendsthatIarrivediedStatesonaslowboatfroma?Thisisnottrue.Iwasnotthatpoor.Itookaplane.Ihadsavedthemoneymyfirsthusbandsfamilygavemewhentheysentmeaway.AndIhadsavedmoneyfrommytwelveyearsworkasatelephoor.ButitistrueIdidnottakethefastestplaheplaookthreeweeks.Itstoppedeverywhere:HongKong,Vietnam,thePhilippines,Hawaii.SobythetimeIarrived,Ididnotlooksincerelygladtobehere.

  WhydoyoualwaystellpeoplethatImetyourfatherihayHouse,thatIbrokeopenafortunecookieanditsaidIwouldmarryadark,handsomestranger,andthatwhenIlookedup,therehewas,thewaiter,yourfather.Whydoyoumakethisjoke?Thisisnotsihiswasnottrue!Yourfatherwasnotawaiter,Ieinthatrestaurant.TheCathayHousehadasignthatsaid"eseFood,"soonlyAmeriswenttherebeforeitwastorndown.NowitisaMaldsrestaurantwithabigesesignthatsaysmaidonglou—"wheat,""east,""building."Allnonsense.Whyareyouattractedonlytoesenonsense?Youmustuandmyrealcircumstances,howIarrived,howImarried,howIlostmyeseface,whyyouarethewayyouare.

  WhenIarrived,nobodyaskedmequestions.Theauthoritieslookedatmypapersandstampedmein.IdecidedtogofirsttoaSanFranciscivehisgirlinPeking.Thebusputmedownonawidestreetwithcablecars.ThiswasCaliforniaStreet.IwalkedupthishillandthenIsawatallbuilding.ThiswasOldSt.Marys.Uhechurchsign,inhandwrittenesecharacters,someonehadadded:"AeseCeremonytoSaveGhostsfromSpiritualU7A.M.and8:30A.M."ImemorizedthisinformationiheauthoritiesaskedmewhereIworshippedmyreligion.AndthenIsawannacrossthestreet.Itaiheoutsideofashortbuilding:"SaveTodayforTomorrow,atBankofAmerica."AndIthoughttomyself,ThisiswhereAmeripeopleworship.See,eventhenIwasnotsodumb!Todaythatchurchisthesamesize,butwherethatshortbaobe,nowthereisatallbuilding,fiftystorieshigh,whereyouandyourhusband-to-beworkandlookdownoneverybody.

  MydaughterlaughedwhenIsaidthis.Hermothermakeagoodjoke.

  SoIkeptwalkingupthishill.Isawtwopagodas,oneoneachsideofthestreet,asthoughtheyweretheentraoagreatBuddhatemple.ButwhenIlookedcarefully,Isawthepagodawasreallyjustabuildingtoppedwithstacksoftileroofs,nowalls,nothingelseushead.Iwassurprisedhowtheytriedtomakeeverythinglooklikeanoldimperialcityoranemperorstomb.Butifyoulookedohersideofthesepretend-pagodas,youcouldseethestreetsbearrowandcrowded,dark,anddirty.Ithoughttomyself,Whydidtheychooseonlytheworstesepartsfortheinside?Whydidnttheybuildgardensandpondsinstead?Oh,hereandtherewasthelookofafamousacaveoraeseopera.Butiwasalwaysthesamecheapstuff.

  SobythetimeIfoundtheaddressthegirlinPekinggaveme,Iktoexpeuch.Theaddresswasalargegreenbuilding,sonoisy,childrenrunningupanddowsidestairsandhallways.Insidenumber402,Ifoundanoldwomanwhotoldmerightawayshehadwastedhertimewaitingformeallweek.Shequicklywrotedownsomeaddressesandgavethemtome,keepingherhandoutafterItookthepaper.SoIgaveheranAmeridollarandshelookedatitandsaid,"Syaujye"—Miss—"weareinAmeriow.Evenabeggarstarveonthisdollar."SoIgaveheranotherdollarandshesaid,"Aii,youthinkitissoeasygettingthisinformation?"SoIgaveheranotherandsheclosedherhandandhermouth.

  Withtheaddressesthisoldwomangaveme,IfoundacheapapartmentonWashingto.Itwaslikealltheotherplaces,sittingontopofalittlestore.Andthroughthisthree-dollarlist,Ifoundaterriblejobpayingmeseventy-fivetsanhour.Oh,Itriedtogetajobasasalesgirl,butyouhadtoknowEnglishforthat.Itriedforanotherjobasaesehostess,buttheyalsowaorubmyhandsupanddownfnmen,andIknewrightawaythiswasasbadasfourth-classprostitutesina!SoIrubbedthataddressoutwithblak.Andsomeoftheotherjobsrequiredyoutohaveaspecialrelationship.TheywerejobsheldbyfamiliesfromtonandToishanandtheFourDistricts,southernpeoplewhohadanyyearsagotomaketheirfortuneaillholdingontothemwiththehandsoftheirgreat-grandchildren.

  Somymotherwasrightaboutmyhardships.Thisjobinthecookiefactorywasoheworst.Bigblackmaesworkedalldayandnightplittlepaomovingroundgriddles.TheotherwomenandIsatonhighstools,andasthelittlepancakeswentby,wehadtograbthemoffthehotgriddlejustastheyturnedgolden.Wewouldputastripofpaperier,thenfoldthecookieinhalfasarmsbackjustasitturnedhard.Ifyougrabbedthepaoosoon,youwouldburnyerso,wetdough.Butifyougrabbedtoolate,thecookiewouldhardenbeforeyoucouldevenpletethefirstbend.Andthenyouhadtothrowthesemistakesinabarrel,whichtedagainstyoubecausetheownercouldsellthoseonlyasscraps.

  Afterthefirstday,Isufferedtenredfihiswasnotajobforastupidperson.Youhadtolearnfastoryerswouldturnintofriedsausages.Sothedayonlymyeyesburned,fromakingthemoffthepancakes.Andthedayafterthat,myarmsachedfromholdireadytocatchthepajusttherightmoment.Butbytheendofmyfirstweek,itbecamemindlessworkandIcouldrelaxenoughtonoticewhoelsewaswoneachsideofme.Onewasanolderwomanwhoneversmiledandspoketoherselfintonesewhenshewasangry.Shetalkedlikeacrazyperson.Onmyothersidewasawomanaroundmyage.Herbarreltainedveryfewmistakes.ButIsuspectedsheatethem.Shewasquiteplump.

  "Eh,Syaujye,"shecalledtomeovertheloudhemaes.Iwasgratefultohearhervoice,todiscoverwebothspokeMandarin,althoughherdialectwascoarse-sounding."Didyoueverthinkyouwouldbesopowerfulyoucoulddeterminesomeoneelsesfortune?"sheasked.

  Ididntuandwhatshemeant.Soshepickedupohestripsofpaperaaloud,firstinEnglish:"Donotfightandairyourdirtylaundryinpublic.Tothevictothesoils."Theranslatedinese:"Youshouldntfightanddoyourlaundryatthesametime.Ifyouwin,yourclotheswillgetdirty."

  Istilldidnotknowwhatshemeant.SoshepickedupanotheroneandreadinEnglish:"Moherootofallevil.Lookaroundyouanddigdeep."Andtheninese:"Moneyisabadinfluence.Youbeerestlessandrobgraves."

  "Whatisthisnonsense?"Iaskedher,puttiripsofpaperinmypocket,thinkingIshouldstudytheseclassicalAmerisayings.

  "Theyarefortunes,"sheexplained."Ameripeoplethinkesepeoplewritethesesayings."

  "Butweneversaysuchthings!"Isaid."Thesethingsdontmakesehesearenotfortuheyarebadinstrus."

  "No,Miss,"shesaid,laughing,"itisourbadfortuobeheremakingtheseandsomebodyelsesbadfortuopaytogetthem."

  SothatishowImetAn-meiHsu.Yes,yes,AuntieAn-mei,nowsoold-fashioned.An-meiandIstilllaughoverthosebadfortunesandhowtheylaterbecamequiteusefulinhelpichahusband.

  "Eh,Lindo,"An-meisaidtomeonedayatourworkplace."etomychurchthisSunday.Myhusbandhasafriendwhoislookingfoodesewife.Heisnotacitizen,butImsureheknowshowtomakeone."SothatishowIfirstheardaboutTinJong,yourfather.Itwasnotlikemyfirstmarriage,whereeverythingwasarranged.Ihadachoice.Icouldchoosetomarryyourfather,orIcouldchoosenottomarryhimandgobacktoa.

  IknewsomethingwasnhtwhenIsawhim:Hewastonese!HowcouldAhinkIarrysuchaperson?Butshejustsaid:"Wearenotinaanymore.Youdonthavetomarrythevillageboy.Hereeverybodyisnowfromthesamevillageeveniftheyefromdifferentpartsofa."SeehowgedAuntieAn-meiisfromthoseolddays.

  Sowewereshyatfirst,yourfatherandI,herofusabletospeaktoeachotherinouresedialects.WewenttoEnglishclasstogether,speakingtoeachotherinthosenewwordsandsometimestakingoutapieceofpapertowriteaesecharactertoshoemeant.Atleastwehadthat,apieceofpapertoholdustogether.Butitshardtotellsomeonesmarriageiionswhenyoutsaythingsaloud.Allthoselittlesigns—theteasing,thebossy,scoldingwords—thatshowyouknowifitisserious.Butwecouldtalkonlyinthemannerlishteacher.Iseecat.Iseerat.Iseehat.

  ButIsawsoonenoughhowmuchyourfatherlikedme.Hewouldpretendhewasinaeseplaytoshowmewhathemeant.Heranbadforth,jumpedupanddown,pullinghisfihroughhishair,soIknew—mangjile!—whatabusy,exgplacethisPacificTelephonewas,thisplacewhereheworked.Youdidntknowthisaboutyourfather—thathecouldbesuchagoodactor?Youdidntknowyourfatherhadsomuchhair?

  Oh,Ifoundoutlaterhisjobwasnotthewayhedecribedit.Itwasnotsogood.Eventoday,nowthatIspeaktooyourfather,Ialwaysaskhimwhyhedoesntfiersituation.Butheactsasifwewereinthoseolddays,whenhecouldntuandanythingIsaid.

  SometimesIwonderwhyIwaocatchamarriagewithyourfather.IthinkAthethoughtinmymind.Shesaid,"Inthemovies,boysandgirlsarealassingnotesinclass.Thatshowtheyfallintotrouble.Youostarttroubletogetthismantorealizehisiions.Otherwise,youwillbeanoldladybeforeitestohismind."

  ThateveningAn-meiaoworkandsearchedthroughstripsoffortunecookiepapers,tryingtofindtherightinstrustogivetoyourfather.An-meireadthemaloud,puttingasideohatmightwork:"Diamondsareagirlsbestfriend.Dotleforapal.""Ifsuchthoughtsareinyourhead,itstimetobewed.""fuciussayawomanisworthathousandwords.Tellyourwifeshesuseduphertotal."

  Welaughedoverthose.ButIkherightonewhe.Itsaid:"Ahouseisnothomeouseisnotathome."Ididnotlaugh.Iedupthissayinginapancake,bendingthecookiewithallmyheart.

  Afterschooltheafternoon,Iputmyhandinmypurseandthenmadealook,asifamousehadbittenmyhand."Whatsthis?"Icried.ThenIpulledoutthecookieandhaoyourfather."Eh!Somanycookies,justtoseethemmakesmesick.Youtakethiscookie."

  Ikhenhehadanaturethatdidnotwasteanything.Heopehecookieandhecheditinhismouth,andthehepieceofpaper.

  "Whatdoesitsay?"Iasked.Itriedtoactasifitdidnotmatter.Andwheilldidnotspeak,Isaid,"Translate,please."

  alkinginPortsmouthSquareandalreadythefoghadblowninandIwasverycoldinmythincoat.SoIhopedyourfatherwouldhurryandaskmetomarryhim.Butinstead,hekepthisseriouslookandsaid,"Idontknowthiswordspouse.TonightIwilllookinmydiary.ThenItellyouthemeaningtomorrow."

  ThedayheaskedmeinEnglish,"Lindo,youspouseme?"AndIlaughedathimandsaidheusedthatwordincorrectly.Sohecamebadmadeafuciusjoke,thatifthewordswerewrong,thenhisiionsmustals.Wescoldedandjokedwitheachotheralldaylonglikethis,andthathowwedecidedtogetmarried.

  OhlaterwehadaceremonyintheFirsteseBaptistChurch,wherewemet.AndhslateryourfatherandIhadourproofofcitizenship,ababyboy,ybrotherWinston.InamedhimWinstonbecauseIlikedthemeaningofthosetwowords"winston."Iwaoraiseasonwhowouldwinmanythings,praise,money,agoodlife.Backthen,Ithoughttomyself,AtlastIhaveeverythingIwanted.Iwassohappy,Ididntseewewerepoor.Isawonlywhatwehad.HowdidIknowWinstonwoulddielaterinacaract?Soyoung!Onlysixteen!

  TwoyearsafterWinstonwasborn,Ihadyourotherbrother,Vi.InamedhimVi,whichsoundslike"wi,"thesoundofmakingmoney,becauseIwasbeginningtothinkwedidnothaveenough.AndthenIbumpedmynoseridingonthebus.Soohatyouwereborn.

  Idontknowwhatcausedmetoge.Maybeitwasmycrookeddamagedmythinking.Maybeitwasseeingyouasababy,howyoulookedsomuchlikeme,andthismademedissatisfiedwithmylife.Iwantedeverythingforyoutobebetter.Iwantedyoutohavethebestcircumstahebestcharacter.Ididntwantyretanything.AndthatswhyInamedyouWaverly.Itwasthehestreetwelivedon.AndIwantedyoutothink,ThisiswhereIbelong.ButIalsoknewifInamedyouafterthisstreet,soonyouwouldgrowup,leavethispladtakeapieewithyou.

  Mr.Roryisbrushingmyhair.Everythingissoft.Everythingisblack.

  "Youlookgreat,Ma,"saysmydaughter."Everyoheweddingwillthinkyouremysister."

  Ilookatmyfathebeautyparlormirror.Iseemyrefle.Iotseemyfaults,butIknowtheyarethere.Igavemydaughterthesefaults.Thesameeyes,thesamecheeks,thesame.Hercharacter,itcamefrommycircumstances.IlookatmydaughterandnowitisthefirsttimeIhaveseenit.

  "Ai-ya!peoyournose?"

  Shelooksinthemirror.Sheseesnothingwrong."Whatdoyoumean?Nothinghappened,"shesays."Itsjustthesamenose."

  "Buthowdidyougetitcrooked?"Iask.Onesideofhernoseisbendinglower,dragginghercheekwithit.

  "Whatdoyoumean?"sheasks."Itsyournose.Yougavemethisnose."

  "Howthatbe?Itsdrooping.Youmustgetplasticsurgeryandcorrectit."

  Butmydaughterhasnoearsformywords.Sheputshersmilingfaexttomyworriedone."Dontbesilly.Oursobad,"shesays."Itmakesuslookdevious."Shelookspleased.

  "Whatisthisword,devious,"Iask.

  "Itmeanswerelookingoneway,whilefollowinganother.Wereforonesideandalsotheother.Wemeanwhatwesay,butouriionsaredifferent."

  "Peopleseethisinourface?"

  Mydaughterlaughs."Well,noteverythingthatwerethinking.Theyjustkwo-faced."

  "Thisisgood?"

  "Thisisgoodifyougetwhatyouwant."

  Ithinkaboutourtwofaces.Ithinkaboutmyiions.WhieisAmeri?Whieisese?Whieisbetter?Ifyoushowone,youmustalwayssacrificetheother.

  Itislikepenedwhebacktoalastyear,afterIhadhereforalmostfortyyears.Ihadtakenoffmyfancyjewelry.Ididnotwearloudcolors.Ispoketheirlanguage.Iusedtheirlocalmoney.Butstill,theykheyknewmyfacewasnotonehundredpertese.Theystillchargedmehighfnprices.

  SonowIthink,WhatdidIlose?WhatdidIgetbareturn?Iwillaskmydaughterwhatshethinks.

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