CHAPTER 3
ShowingthatOldAcquaintancesAreCapableofSurprisingUs
WHENMaggiewasathomeagaiherbroughthernewsofanuedlineofduauntGlegg.AslongasMaggiehadnotbeenheardlegghadhalfclosedhershuttersanddrawndownherblinds:shefeltassuredthatMaggiewasdrowhatwasfarmoreprobablethanthatherniedlegateeshouldhavedohingtowoundthefamilyhonouriepoint.When,atlast,shelearnedfromTomthatMaggiehadehome,andgatheredfromhimwhatwasherexplanationofherabsence,sheburstforthinseverereproofofTomforadmittingtheworstofhissisteruntilhewaspelled.Ifyouwerenottostandbyyour`kinaslongastherewasashredofhonourattributabletothem,praywhatwereyoutostandby?Lightlytoadmitduoneofyourownfamilythatwouldforceyoutoalteryourwill,hadneverbeenthewayoftheDodsons;andthoughMrsGlegghadalwaysauguredillofMaggiesfutureatatimewhenotherpeoplewereperhapslessclear-sighted,yetfairplaywasajewel,anditwasnotforherowohelptorobthegirlofherfairfame,andtocastheroutfromfamilysheltertothesoftheouterworld,untilshehadbeeunequivocallyafamilydisgrace.ThecircumstanceswereunpretedinMrsGleggsexperiehingofthatkindhadhappenedamongtheDodsonsbefore;butitwasacaseinwhichherhereditaryrectitudeandpersonalstrengthofcharacterfoundaonelalongwithherfualideasofship,astheydidinherlifelardtoequityiters.ShequarrelledwithMrGlegg,whosekindness,flowiirelyintopassionforLucymadehimashardinhisjudgmentofMaggieasMrDeanehimselfwas,and,fumingagainsthersisterTulliverbecauseshedidnotatonetoherforadvidhelp,shutherselfupinherownroomwithBaxtersSaifrtillnight,denyingherselftoallvisitors,tillMrGleggbroughtfromMrDeahenewsofStepheer.ThenMrsGleggfeltthatshehadadequatefighting-ground-thenshelaidasideBaxterandwasreadytomeetallers.WhileMrsPulletcoulddonothingbutshakeherheadandcry,andwishthatcousinAbbothaddiedoranynumberoffuneralshadhappeherthanthis,whichhadneverhappenedbefore,sothattherewasnoknowinghowtoadMrsPulletcoulderStOggsagain,because`acquaintanewofitall,MrsGleggonlyhopedthatMrsWoolloranyoneelsewouldetoherwiththeirfalsetalesaboutherownniedshewouldknowwhattosaytothatill-advisedperson.AgainshehadasonstrahTom,allthemoresevere,inproportiontothegreaterstrengthofherpresentposition.ButTom,likeotherimmovablethings,seemedonlythemidlyfixeduhatattempttoshakehim.PoorTom!hejudgedbywhathehadbeeosee:andthejudgmentainfulenoughtohimself.Hethoughthehadthedemonstrationoffactsobservedthroughyearsbyhisowneyeswhichgavenoftheirimperfe,thatMaggiesnaturewasutterlyuntrustworthyandtlymarkedwitheviltendeobesafelytreatedwithleniency:hewouldathatdemonstrationatanycost-butthethoughtofitmadehisdaysbittertohim.Tom,likeeveryoneofus,risohinthelimitsofhisownnature,andhiseducationhadsimplyglidedoverhim,aaslightdepositofpolish.Ifyouareinedtobesevereonhisseverity,rememberthattheresponsibilityoftolerancelieswiththosewhohavethewidervision.TherehadariseninTomarepulsiontowardsMaggiethatderiveditsveryiyfromtheirearlychildishloveiimewhentheyhadclaspedtinyfiogether,andtheirlatersenseofnearnessinaondutyandaonsorrow:thesightofher,ashehadtoldher,washatefultohim.InthisbranchoftheDodsonfamilyauntGleggfoundastrourethanherown-anatureinwhichfamilyfeelinghadlostthecharacterofshipintakingonadoublydeepdyeofpersonalpride.MrsGleggallowedthatMaggieoughttobepunished-shewasnotawomahat-sheknewwhatductwas-butpunishedinproportiontothemisdeedsprovedagainsther,nottothosewhichwerecastuponherbypeopleoutsideherownfamily,whomightwishtoshowthattheirownkier.
`YourauntGleggscoldedmesoasniverwas,mydear,saidpoorMrsTulliver,whenshecamebaaggie,`asIdidntgotoherbefore-shesaiditwasntforhertoetomefirst.Butshespokelikeasister,too:havingsheallayswas,andhardtoplease-Odear!-butshessaidthekiwordaseverbeenspokebyyouyet,mychild.Forshesays,forallshesbeeagainhaviryinthehouse,andmakiryspoonsandthings,andputtingheraboutinherways,youshallhaveashelterinherhouse,ifyoullgotoherdutiful,andshellupholdyouagainfolksassayharmofyouwhentheyvenocall.AndItoldherIthoughtyoucouldoseenobodybutme-youwassobeatdownwithtrouble;butshesaid-"Iwontthrowillwordsather-theresthemoutothfamilyullbereadyenoughtodothat.ButIllgivehergoodadvishemustbehumble."ItswonderfuloJane-forImsuresheusedtothroweverythingIdidwrongatme-ifitwastheraisiurbad,orthepiestoohot-orwhativeritwas.
`Omother,saidpie,shrinkingfromthethoughtofallthetactherbruisedmindwouldhavetobear.`TellherImverygrateful-IllgotoseeherassoonasI;butItseeayet,exceptDrKenn.Ivebeentohim-hewilladvisemeandhelpmetogetsomeoccupation.Itlivewithanyone,orbedepeoellauntGlegg;Imustgetmyownbread.ButdidyouhearnothingtoPhilip-PhilipWakem?Haveyouneverseenahasmentionedhim?
`No,mydear:butIvebeentoLucys,andIsawyouruncle,andhesays,theygothertolistentotheletter,aooknotiissGuest,andaskedquestions,aorthinksshesourer.Whataworldthisis-whattrouble,Odear!Thelawwasthefirstbeginning,anitsgonefrombadtoworseallofasudden,justwhentheluckseemedourn.ThiswasthefirstlamentationthatMrsTulliverhadletsliptoMaggie,butoldhabithadbeenrevivedbytheinterviewwithsisterGlegg.
`Mypoor,poormgieburstout,cuttotheheartwithpityandpun,andthrowingherarmsrouhersneck,`Iwasalwaysnaughtyandtroublesometoyou.Andnowyoumighthavebeenhappy,ifithadntbeenforme.
`Eh,mydear,saidMrsTulliver,leaningtowardsthewarmyoungcheek,`Imustputupwimychildren-Ishallneverhavenomore.Andiftheybringmebadluck,Imustbefondonit-theresnothingelsemuchtobefondon,formyfurniturwentlongago.Andyoudgottobeverygoodonce-Itthinkhowitsturthewrongwayso!
Stilltwoorthreemoredayspassed,andMaggieheardnothingofPhilip:ayabouthimwasbeingherpredominanttrouble,andshesummonedceatlasttoinquireabouthimofDrKenn,onhisvisittoher.HedidnotevenknowifPhilipwasathome:theelderWakemwasmademoodybyanaccumulationofannoyahedisappoiinthisyousome,toarentlyhewasagooddealattached,hadbeenfollowedclosebythecatastrophetohissonshopesafterhehadcededhisfeelingstothem,andincautiouslymentiohiscessioninStOggs;andhewasalmostfierhisbrusquenesswhenanyoneaskedhimaquestionabouthisson.ButPhilipcouldhardlyhavebeenilloritwouldhavebeenknownthroughthecalling-inofthemedicalman:itrobablethathewasgoofthetownforalittlewhile.Maggiesieduhissuspense,andherimaginatioolivemoreandmorepersistentlyinhilipwasenduring.Whatdidhebelieveabouther?
Atlast,Bhtheraletterwithoutapostmark-directedinahandwhichsheknewfamiliarlyiersofherownname:ahandinwhichhernamehadbeenwrittenlongagoinapocketShakespearewhichshepossessed.Hermotherwasintheroom,andMaggie,inviolentagitation,hurriedupstairs,thatshemightreadtheletterinsolitude.Shereaditwithathrobbingbrow.
MAGGIE,-Ibelieveinyou-Iknowyounevermeanttodeceiveme-Iknowyoutriedtokeepfaithtome,andtoall.IbelievedthisbeforeIhadanyotherevidethanyourownnature.ThenightafterIlastpartedfromyouIsufferedtorments.Ihadseenwhatvihatyouwerenotfree-thattherewasanotherwhosepresencehadapoweroveryouwhieneverpossessed;butthroughallthesuggestions-almostmurderoussuggestions-eandjealousy,mymindmadeitswaytobeliefinyourtruthfulness.Iwassurethatyoumeanttocleavetome,asyouhadsaid;thatyouhadrejectedhim;thatyledtorenouncehim,forLucyssakeandformiIcouldseenoissuethatwasnotfatalforyou,andthatdreadshutouttheverythoughtnation.Iforesawthathewouldnotrelinquishyou,andIbelievedthen,asIbelievenow,thatthestrongattrawhichdrewyoutogetherproceededonlyfromonesideofyourcharacters,andbelohatpartial,dividedaofournaturewhichmakeshalfthetragedyofthehumanlot.IhavefeltthevibrationofchordsinyournaturethatIhavetinuallyfeltthewantofinhis.ButperhapsIamwrong;perhapsIfeelaboutyouastheartistdoesabouttheseoverwhichhissoulhasbroodedwithlove;hewouldtrembletoseeitfidedtootherhands-hewouldneverbelievethatitcouldbearforanotherallthemeaningandthebeautyitbearsforhim.
Idarednottrustmyselftoseeyouthatm-Iwasfilledwithselfishpassion;Iwasshatteredbyanightofsciousdelirium.ItoldyoulongagothatIhadneverbeenresigothemediocrityofmypowers:howcouldIberesighelossoftheohingwhichhadeveretomeohwiththepromiseofsuchdeepjoyaswouldgiveanewandblessedmeaningtothefoingpain,-thepromiseofanotherselfthatwouldliftmyagaffeintothediviureofanever-springing,ever-satisfiedwant?
Butthemiseriesofthatnighthadpreparedmeforwhatcamebeforethe.Itwasnosurprisetome.Iwascertainthathehadprevailedonyoutosacrificeeverythingtohim,andIwaitedwithequalcertaintytohearofyourmarriage.Imeasuredyourloveandhisbymyown.ButIwaswrong,Maggie.Thereissomethingstrongerinyouthanyourloveforhim.
IwillnottellyouwhatIwentthroughinthatinterval.Buteveninitsutmostagony-eveninthoseterriblethroesthatlovemustsufferbeforeitbedisembodiedofselfishdesire-myloveforyousufficedtowithholdmefromsuicide,withouttheaidofanyothermotive.Inthemidstofmyegoism,Iyetcouldoelikeadeath-shadowacrossthefeastofyourjoy:Icouldoforsaketheworldinwhichyoustilllivedandmightneedme:itartofthefaithIhadvowedtoyou,towaitandendure.Maggie,thatisaproofofwhatIwritenowtoassureyouof-thatnoanguishIhavehadtobearonyourathasbeentooheavyapricetopayforthenewlifeintowhichIhaveenteredinlovingyou.Iwantyoutoputasideallgriefbecauseofthegriefyouhavecausedme.Iwasnurturedinthesenseofprivation:Ineverexpectedhappiness:andinknowingyou,inlovingyou,Ihavehad,andstillhave,whatrecilesmetolife.Youhavebeentomyaffeswhatlight,whatcolouristomyeyes-whatmusicittotheinwardear:youhaveraisedadimuintoavividscioushenewlifeIhavefoundingforyourjoyandsorrowmorethanforwhatisdirectlymyown,hastransformedthespiritofrebelliousmurmuringintothatwillingendurancewhichisthebirthsympathy.Ithinknothingbutsupleteandintenselovecouldhaveinitiatedmeintothatenlargedlifewhichgrowsandgroropriatingthelifeofothers;forbefore,Iwasalwaysdraggedbaitbyever-presentpainfulself-sciousness.Ieventhinksometimesthatthisgiftoftransferredlifewhichhasetomeinlovingyou,maybeanewpowertome.
Then-dearone-inspiteofall,youhavebeentheblessingofmylife.Letnoself-reproachweighonyoubecauseofme.ItisI,whoshouldratherreproachmyselfforhavingurgedmyfeelingsuponyouandhurriedyouintowordsthatyouhavefeltasfetters.Youmeanttobetruetothosewords;youhavebeentrue:ImeasureyoursacrificebywhatIhaveknowninonlyonehalf-hourofyourpresehmewhenIdreamedthatyoumightlovemebest.But,Maggie,Ihavenojustclaimonyouformorethaionateremembrance.
ForsometimeIhaveshrunkfromwritingtoyou,becauseIhaveshrunkevenfromtheappearanceofwishingtothrustmyselfbeforeyou,andsorepeatingmyinalerror.Butyouwillnotmisstrueme.Iknowthatwemustkeepapartforalongwhile;crueltongueswouldforceusapart,ifnothingelsedid.ButIshallnotgoaway.Theplacewhereyouareisonewheremymindmustlive,whereverImighttravel.AndrememberthatIamungeablyyours:yours-notwithselfishwishes-butwithadevotionthatexcludessuchwishes.
Godfortyou,-myloving,large-souledMaggie.Ifeveryoneelsehadmisceivedyou-rememberthatyouhaveneverbeendoubtedbyhimwhoseheartreisedyoutenyearsago.
DonotbelieveanyonewhosaysIamillbecauseIamnotseenoutofdoors.Ihaveonlyhadnervousheadaches-noworsethanIhavesometimeshadthembefore.Buttheoverpheatinesmetobeperfectlyquiestiime.IamstrongenoughtoobeyanywordwhichshalltellmethatIserveyoubywordordeed.
Yours,tothelast,
PHILIPWAKEM
AsMaggiekbythebedsobbingwiththatletterpressedunderher,herfeelingsagainandagaingatheredthemselvesinawhisperedcry-alwaysinthesamewords:
`OGodisthereanyhappinessiakemefettheirpain?松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
WHENMaggiewasathomeagaiherbroughthernewsofanuedlineofduauntGlegg.AslongasMaggiehadnotbeenheardlegghadhalfclosedhershuttersanddrawndownherblinds:shefeltassuredthatMaggiewasdrowhatwasfarmoreprobablethanthatherniedlegateeshouldhavedohingtowoundthefamilyhonouriepoint.When,atlast,shelearnedfromTomthatMaggiehadehome,andgatheredfromhimwhatwasherexplanationofherabsence,sheburstforthinseverereproofofTomforadmittingtheworstofhissisteruntilhewaspelled.Ifyouwerenottostandbyyour`kinaslongastherewasashredofhonourattributabletothem,praywhatwereyoutostandby?Lightlytoadmitduoneofyourownfamilythatwouldforceyoutoalteryourwill,hadneverbeenthewayoftheDodsons;andthoughMrsGlegghadalwaysauguredillofMaggiesfutureatatimewhenotherpeoplewereperhapslessclear-sighted,yetfairplaywasajewel,anditwasnotforherowohelptorobthegirlofherfairfame,andtocastheroutfromfamilysheltertothesoftheouterworld,untilshehadbeeunequivocallyafamilydisgrace.ThecircumstanceswereunpretedinMrsGleggsexperiehingofthatkindhadhappenedamongtheDodsonsbefore;butitwasacaseinwhichherhereditaryrectitudeandpersonalstrengthofcharacterfoundaonelalongwithherfualideasofship,astheydidinherlifelardtoequityiters.ShequarrelledwithMrGlegg,whosekindness,flowiirelyintopassionforLucymadehimashardinhisjudgmentofMaggieasMrDeanehimselfwas,and,fumingagainsthersisterTulliverbecauseshedidnotatonetoherforadvidhelp,shutherselfupinherownroomwithBaxtersSaifrtillnight,denyingherselftoallvisitors,tillMrGleggbroughtfromMrDeahenewsofStepheer.ThenMrsGleggfeltthatshehadadequatefighting-ground-thenshelaidasideBaxterandwasreadytomeetallers.WhileMrsPulletcoulddonothingbutshakeherheadandcry,andwishthatcousinAbbothaddiedoranynumberoffuneralshadhappeherthanthis,whichhadneverhappenedbefore,sothattherewasnoknowinghowtoadMrsPulletcoulderStOggsagain,because`acquaintanewofitall,MrsGleggonlyhopedthatMrsWoolloranyoneelsewouldetoherwiththeirfalsetalesaboutherownniedshewouldknowwhattosaytothatill-advisedperson.AgainshehadasonstrahTom,allthemoresevere,inproportiontothegreaterstrengthofherpresentposition.ButTom,likeotherimmovablethings,seemedonlythemidlyfixeduhatattempttoshakehim.PoorTom!hejudgedbywhathehadbeeosee:andthejudgmentainfulenoughtohimself.Hethoughthehadthedemonstrationoffactsobservedthroughyearsbyhisowneyeswhichgavenoftheirimperfe,thatMaggiesnaturewasutterlyuntrustworthyandtlymarkedwitheviltendeobesafelytreatedwithleniency:hewouldathatdemonstrationatanycost-butthethoughtofitmadehisdaysbittertohim.Tom,likeeveryoneofus,risohinthelimitsofhisownnature,andhiseducationhadsimplyglidedoverhim,aaslightdepositofpolish.Ifyouareinedtobesevereonhisseverity,rememberthattheresponsibilityoftolerancelieswiththosewhohavethewidervision.TherehadariseninTomarepulsiontowardsMaggiethatderiveditsveryiyfromtheirearlychildishloveiimewhentheyhadclaspedtinyfiogether,andtheirlatersenseofnearnessinaondutyandaonsorrow:thesightofher,ashehadtoldher,washatefultohim.InthisbranchoftheDodsonfamilyauntGleggfoundastrourethanherown-anatureinwhichfamilyfeelinghadlostthecharacterofshipintakingonadoublydeepdyeofpersonalpride.MrsGleggallowedthatMaggieoughttobepunished-shewasnotawomahat-sheknewwhatductwas-butpunishedinproportiontothemisdeedsprovedagainsther,nottothosewhichwerecastuponherbypeopleoutsideherownfamily,whomightwishtoshowthattheirownkier.
`YourauntGleggscoldedmesoasniverwas,mydear,saidpoorMrsTulliver,whenshecamebaaggie,`asIdidntgotoherbefore-shesaiditwasntforhertoetomefirst.Butshespokelikeasister,too:havingsheallayswas,andhardtoplease-Odear!-butshessaidthekiwordaseverbeenspokebyyouyet,mychild.Forshesays,forallshesbeeagainhaviryinthehouse,andmakiryspoonsandthings,andputtingheraboutinherways,youshallhaveashelterinherhouse,ifyoullgotoherdutiful,andshellupholdyouagainfolksassayharmofyouwhentheyvenocall.AndItoldherIthoughtyoucouldoseenobodybutme-youwassobeatdownwithtrouble;butshesaid-"Iwontthrowillwordsather-theresthemoutothfamilyullbereadyenoughtodothat.ButIllgivehergoodadvishemustbehumble."ItswonderfuloJane-forImsuresheusedtothroweverythingIdidwrongatme-ifitwastheraisiurbad,orthepiestoohot-orwhativeritwas.
`Omother,saidpie,shrinkingfromthethoughtofallthetactherbruisedmindwouldhavetobear.`TellherImverygrateful-IllgotoseeherassoonasI;butItseeayet,exceptDrKenn.Ivebeentohim-hewilladvisemeandhelpmetogetsomeoccupation.Itlivewithanyone,orbedepeoellauntGlegg;Imustgetmyownbread.ButdidyouhearnothingtoPhilip-PhilipWakem?Haveyouneverseenahasmentionedhim?
`No,mydear:butIvebeentoLucys,andIsawyouruncle,andhesays,theygothertolistentotheletter,aooknotiissGuest,andaskedquestions,aorthinksshesourer.Whataworldthisis-whattrouble,Odear!Thelawwasthefirstbeginning,anitsgonefrombadtoworseallofasudden,justwhentheluckseemedourn.ThiswasthefirstlamentationthatMrsTulliverhadletsliptoMaggie,butoldhabithadbeenrevivedbytheinterviewwithsisterGlegg.
`Mypoor,poormgieburstout,cuttotheheartwithpityandpun,andthrowingherarmsrouhersneck,`Iwasalwaysnaughtyandtroublesometoyou.Andnowyoumighthavebeenhappy,ifithadntbeenforme.
`Eh,mydear,saidMrsTulliver,leaningtowardsthewarmyoungcheek,`Imustputupwimychildren-Ishallneverhavenomore.Andiftheybringmebadluck,Imustbefondonit-theresnothingelsemuchtobefondon,formyfurniturwentlongago.Andyoudgottobeverygoodonce-Itthinkhowitsturthewrongwayso!
Stilltwoorthreemoredayspassed,andMaggieheardnothingofPhilip:ayabouthimwasbeingherpredominanttrouble,andshesummonedceatlasttoinquireabouthimofDrKenn,onhisvisittoher.HedidnotevenknowifPhilipwasathome:theelderWakemwasmademoodybyanaccumulationofannoyahedisappoiinthisyousome,toarentlyhewasagooddealattached,hadbeenfollowedclosebythecatastrophetohissonshopesafterhehadcededhisfeelingstothem,andincautiouslymentiohiscessioninStOggs;andhewasalmostfierhisbrusquenesswhenanyoneaskedhimaquestionabouthisson.ButPhilipcouldhardlyhavebeenilloritwouldhavebeenknownthroughthecalling-inofthemedicalman:itrobablethathewasgoofthetownforalittlewhile.Maggiesieduhissuspense,andherimaginatioolivemoreandmorepersistentlyinhilipwasenduring.Whatdidhebelieveabouther?
Atlast,Bhtheraletterwithoutapostmark-directedinahandwhichsheknewfamiliarlyiersofherownname:ahandinwhichhernamehadbeenwrittenlongagoinapocketShakespearewhichshepossessed.Hermotherwasintheroom,andMaggie,inviolentagitation,hurriedupstairs,thatshemightreadtheletterinsolitude.Shereaditwithathrobbingbrow.
MAGGIE,-Ibelieveinyou-Iknowyounevermeanttodeceiveme-Iknowyoutriedtokeepfaithtome,andtoall.IbelievedthisbeforeIhadanyotherevidethanyourownnature.ThenightafterIlastpartedfromyouIsufferedtorments.Ihadseenwhatvihatyouwerenotfree-thattherewasanotherwhosepresencehadapoweroveryouwhieneverpossessed;butthroughallthesuggestions-almostmurderoussuggestions-eandjealousy,mymindmadeitswaytobeliefinyourtruthfulness.Iwassurethatyoumeanttocleavetome,asyouhadsaid;thatyouhadrejectedhim;thatyledtorenouncehim,forLucyssakeandformiIcouldseenoissuethatwasnotfatalforyou,andthatdreadshutouttheverythoughtnation.Iforesawthathewouldnotrelinquishyou,andIbelievedthen,asIbelievenow,thatthestrongattrawhichdrewyoutogetherproceededonlyfromonesideofyourcharacters,andbelohatpartial,dividedaofournaturewhichmakeshalfthetragedyofthehumanlot.IhavefeltthevibrationofchordsinyournaturethatIhavetinuallyfeltthewantofinhis.ButperhapsIamwrong;perhapsIfeelaboutyouastheartistdoesabouttheseoverwhichhissoulhasbroodedwithlove;hewouldtrembletoseeitfidedtootherhands-hewouldneverbelievethatitcouldbearforanotherallthemeaningandthebeautyitbearsforhim.
Idarednottrustmyselftoseeyouthatm-Iwasfilledwithselfishpassion;Iwasshatteredbyanightofsciousdelirium.ItoldyoulongagothatIhadneverbeenresigothemediocrityofmypowers:howcouldIberesighelossoftheohingwhichhadeveretomeohwiththepromiseofsuchdeepjoyaswouldgiveanewandblessedmeaningtothefoingpain,-thepromiseofanotherselfthatwouldliftmyagaffeintothediviureofanever-springing,ever-satisfiedwant?
Butthemiseriesofthatnighthadpreparedmeforwhatcamebeforethe.Itwasnosurprisetome.Iwascertainthathehadprevailedonyoutosacrificeeverythingtohim,andIwaitedwithequalcertaintytohearofyourmarriage.Imeasuredyourloveandhisbymyown.ButIwaswrong,Maggie.Thereissomethingstrongerinyouthanyourloveforhim.
IwillnottellyouwhatIwentthroughinthatinterval.Buteveninitsutmostagony-eveninthoseterriblethroesthatlovemustsufferbeforeitbedisembodiedofselfishdesire-myloveforyousufficedtowithholdmefromsuicide,withouttheaidofanyothermotive.Inthemidstofmyegoism,Iyetcouldoelikeadeath-shadowacrossthefeastofyourjoy:Icouldoforsaketheworldinwhichyoustilllivedandmightneedme:itartofthefaithIhadvowedtoyou,towaitandendure.Maggie,thatisaproofofwhatIwritenowtoassureyouof-thatnoanguishIhavehadtobearonyourathasbeentooheavyapricetopayforthenewlifeintowhichIhaveenteredinlovingyou.Iwantyoutoputasideallgriefbecauseofthegriefyouhavecausedme.Iwasnurturedinthesenseofprivation:Ineverexpectedhappiness:andinknowingyou,inlovingyou,Ihavehad,andstillhave,whatrecilesmetolife.Youhavebeentomyaffeswhatlight,whatcolouristomyeyes-whatmusicittotheinwardear:youhaveraisedadimuintoavividscioushenewlifeIhavefoundingforyourjoyandsorrowmorethanforwhatisdirectlymyown,hastransformedthespiritofrebelliousmurmuringintothatwillingendurancewhichisthebirthsympathy.Ithinknothingbutsupleteandintenselovecouldhaveinitiatedmeintothatenlargedlifewhichgrowsandgroropriatingthelifeofothers;forbefore,Iwasalwaysdraggedbaitbyever-presentpainfulself-sciousness.Ieventhinksometimesthatthisgiftoftransferredlifewhichhasetomeinlovingyou,maybeanewpowertome.
Then-dearone-inspiteofall,youhavebeentheblessingofmylife.Letnoself-reproachweighonyoubecauseofme.ItisI,whoshouldratherreproachmyselfforhavingurgedmyfeelingsuponyouandhurriedyouintowordsthatyouhavefeltasfetters.Youmeanttobetruetothosewords;youhavebeentrue:ImeasureyoursacrificebywhatIhaveknowninonlyonehalf-hourofyourpresehmewhenIdreamedthatyoumightlovemebest.But,Maggie,Ihavenojustclaimonyouformorethaionateremembrance.
ForsometimeIhaveshrunkfromwritingtoyou,becauseIhaveshrunkevenfromtheappearanceofwishingtothrustmyselfbeforeyou,andsorepeatingmyinalerror.Butyouwillnotmisstrueme.Iknowthatwemustkeepapartforalongwhile;crueltongueswouldforceusapart,ifnothingelsedid.ButIshallnotgoaway.Theplacewhereyouareisonewheremymindmustlive,whereverImighttravel.AndrememberthatIamungeablyyours:yours-notwithselfishwishes-butwithadevotionthatexcludessuchwishes.
Godfortyou,-myloving,large-souledMaggie.Ifeveryoneelsehadmisceivedyou-rememberthatyouhaveneverbeendoubtedbyhimwhoseheartreisedyoutenyearsago.
DonotbelieveanyonewhosaysIamillbecauseIamnotseenoutofdoors.Ihaveonlyhadnervousheadaches-noworsethanIhavesometimeshadthembefore.Buttheoverpheatinesmetobeperfectlyquiestiime.IamstrongenoughtoobeyanywordwhichshalltellmethatIserveyoubywordordeed.
Yours,tothelast,
PHILIPWAKEM
AsMaggiekbythebedsobbingwiththatletterpressedunderher,herfeelingsagainandagaingatheredthemselvesinawhisperedcry-alwaysinthesamewords:
`OGodisthereanyhappinessiakemefettheirpain?松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
推荐自己的新书《天命讨债人》齐天大魔猴
桀骜齐天圣，铮铮大魔猴
第817章 四公子当真与众不同？清穿后每天被迫撩
【欢脱独宠，沙雕撩夫日
新书《谜城》开启神峰
一次偶然， 他踏足修
第270章 酒吧偶遇网游之影子大师
我，在黑夜中行走 我
007儿女成群婚城难入
十八岁的她，一心想用高
第四百一十六章 邀请剑神之剑弑乾坤
《剑神之剑弑乾坤》是一
声明：本站所收录之:The Mill on the Floss- CHAPTER 3、言情小说、玄幻、网游小说、及短篇作品、均为本站作者及网友上传。
并不代表本站立场!本站亦无法严格审:The Mill on the Floss最新章节其版权归属。如您对The Mill on the FlossTXT下载持有版权方面的异议，请联系本站客服。我们将于72小时内处理。
Copyright (C) 2019 All Rights Reserved 版权所有：松语文学
并不代表本站立场!本站亦无法严格审:The Mill on the Floss最新章节其版权归属。如您对The Mill on the FlossTXT下载持有版权方面的异议，请联系本站客服。我们将于72小时内处理。
Copyright (C) 2019 All Rights Reserved 版权所有：松语文学