CHAPTER 9

  "Listentothis."MyfriendOscarputarecordourntableadowntheneedlewithcare.The45poppedandhissed;thenthemelodylinerose,followedbythefour-partdoo-wop,"EarthAngel"byThePenguinsor"Gee"byTheCrows,abatheedgeofthebed,closehiseyes,andpullapartthosedifferentharmonies,firstsingingtenorandsohthebass.OrhedputonanewjazzriffbyMilesormaybeDaveBrubedpickouttheterpoint,coghiseartothenearlyinaudiblepianounderhehorns.Allthroughhighschoolwedspendhoursinhisroom,idlylisteningtohisvasteclecticrecordcolle,analyzingandarguihemoresubtlepointsofthepositions.OscarLovespassionformusicputmyambitionstoshame.Inhighschool,hewasniamed"TheWhiteNegro,"ashewassoalienfromtherestofthecrowd,socool,soinhisheadallthetime.Oscarwassuoutsider,hemademefeelnormalbyparison.Ahoughhewasayearaheadofme,heweleintohislife.MyfatherthoughtOscarwilderthanBrando,butmymothersawbehefacadeandlovedhimlikeasohefirstpersonIapproachedaboutfaband.

  OscarstuckwithmefromitsbeginningasTheHenryDayFivethrougheveryversion:TheHenryDayFour,TheFourHorsemen,HenryandtheDaylights,TheDaydreamers,andlastly,simplyHenryDay.Unfortunately,wecouldhesamegrouptogetherformorethanafewmonthsatatime:OurfirstdrummerdroppedoutofhighschoolandenlistedintheMarineCorps;ourbestguitaristmovedawaywhenhisfatherwastransferredtoDavenport,Iowa.Mostoftheguysquitbecausetheycouldntcutitasmusis.OnlyOsdhisclaripersisted.Westayedtogetherfortworeasons:one,hecouldplayameanlianyhorn,particularlyhisbelovedstick;two,hewasoldenoughtodriveandhadhisoristine54redandwhiteBelAir.Weplayedeverythingfromhighschooldaoweddingsandtheoccasionalnightataclub.Discriminatingbyearandnotbyanypreceivednotionofcool,wecouldplayanykindofmusicforanycrowd.

  Afterajazzperformancewhereweparticularlykilledthecrowd,Oscardroveushome,radi,theboysimood.Hedroppedofftheothers,andlatethatsummernightweparkedinfrontofmyparentshouse.Mothsdancedcrazilyintheheadlights,ahmiccricketsongunderscoredthesilehestarsandahalf-moondottedthelanguidsky.WegotoutandsatonthehoodoftheBelAir,lookingoutintothedarkness,notwantingthenighttoend.

  "Man,weweregas,"hesaid."Weslayedthem.DidyouseethatguywhenwedidHeyNow,likeheneverheardasoundlikethatbefore?"

  "Imboutworn-out,man."

  "Oh,youweresocool,socool."

  "Yourenotbadyourself."Ihitchedmyselffartherupoostopskiddingoffthehood.Myfeetdidnotquitereachtheground,soIswuimetoatuneinmyhead.Oscarremovedthecigarettehehadstashedbehindhisear,andfromhislighterhelitit,andintothenightskyheblewsms,eaebreakingitspredecessor.

  "Wheredyoulearntoplay,Day?Imean,yourestillakid.Onlyfifteen,right?"

  "Practice,man,practice."

  Hequitlookingatthestarsandturofaceme."Youpracticeallyouractitgiveyousoul."

  "Ivebeentakinglessonsforthepastfewyears.Iy.WithaguynamedMartinwhousedtoplaywiththePhil.Theclassidall.Itmakesiteasiertouandthemusieathitall."

  "Idigthat."Hehahecigarette,andItookadeepdrag,knowinghehadlaceditwithmarijuana.

  "ButsometimesIfeellikeImbeingtornintwo.MymomanddadwaokeepgoingtolessonswithMr.Martin.Youknow,thesymphonyorasoloist."

  "LikeLiberace."led.

  "Shutup."

  "Fairy."

  "Shutup."Ipunchedhimontheshoulder.

  "Easy,man."Herubbedhisarm."Youcoulddoit,though,whateveryouwant.Imgood,butyoureoutofthisworld.Likeyouvebeenatitallyourlifeoryouwerebornthatway."

  Maybethedopemademesayit,ormaybeitwasthebinationofthesummernight,thepost-performancehigh,orthefactthatOscarwasmyfirsttruefriend.OrmaybeIwasdyingtotellsomeone,anyone.

  "Ivegotafession,Oscar.ImnotHenryDayatall,butahobgoblinthatlivedinthewoodsforalong,longtime."

  Hegiggledsohard,astreamofsmokepouredoutofhisnostrils.

  "Seriously,maoletherealHenryDay,kidnappedhim,andIgedintohim.Weswitchedplaces,butnobodyknows.Imlivinghislife,andIguessheslivingmine.Andonceuponatime,Iwassomebodyelse,beforeIbecameageling.IwasaboyinGermanyorsomewherewheretheyspokeGerman.Idontremember,butitesbaeinbitsandpieces.AndIplayedpianotherealongtimeago,untilthegelingscameandstoleme.AndnowImbackamongthehumans,andIhardlyrememberanythingaboutthepast,butitslikeImpartHenryDayandpartwhoIusedtobe.AndImusthavebeenoneusiwaybackwhen,becausethatstheonlyexplanation."

  "Thatsprettygood,man.SowherestherealHenry?"

  "Outinthewoodssomewhere.Ordeadmaybe.Hecouldbedead;ithappenssometimes.Butprobablyhidingoutinthewoods."

  "Likehecouldbewatusrightnow?"Hejumpedoffthedwhisperedintothedarkness."Henry?Isthatyou?"

  "Shutup,man.Itspossible.Buttheyreafraidofpeople,thatmuow."

  "Thewhosits?"

  "Thegelings.Thatswhyyouneverseethem."

  "Whytheysoafraidofus?Seemslikeweshouldbeafraidofthem."

  "Usedtobethatway,man,butpeoplestoppedbelievinginmythsandfairytales."

  "ButwhatifHenrysoutthere,watgusrightnow,wantingtogethisbodybadhescreepingup,man,togetyou?"Andhereachedoutquicklyandsnatchedmyankle.

  Iscreamed,embarrassedtobefooledbysuchasimplejoke.Oscarsprawledonthehoodofthecar,laughingatme."Youvebeenwatgtoomanyhorrormovies,man."

  "No,thetruthis..."Isockedhimonthearm.

  "Andtherespodsinyourcellar,right?"

  Iwaopunchhimagain,butthenIrealizedhowridiystorysounded,andIstartedlaughing,too.Ifherememberedthatnightatall,Oseveragainbroughtupthematter,andmaybehethoughtIwashalluating.Hedroveoff,cagtohimself,aemptyafterthetruthhadbeentold.MyimpersonationofHenryDayhadsucceededsowellthatnoonesuspectedtherealstory.Evenmyfather,anaturalskeptic,believedinme,oratleastkepthisdoubtshiddendeepinhissoul.

  Thegroundfloorofourhousewasasdarkandsilentasacave.Upstairseveryosoundly.Iturhekitlightandpouredadrinkofwater.Attractedtothebrightness,mothscrashedandflappedupagainstthewindows.Theyscritchedupanddown,asoundmenagandforeboding.Iturnedoffthelights,andtheyflewaway.Inthenewdarkness,Isearchedforamovingshadow,listenedforfootstepsamorees,butnothingstirred.Icreptupstairstocheysisters.

  Whenthegirlswereyoungchildren,IoftenfearedthatMaryandElizabethwouldbesnatchedawaybythehobgoblinsandtwogelingswouldbeleftintheirplace.Ikheirways,theirtriddeceptions,andalsokheycouldstrikethesamefamilytwice,or,ihreetimes.Notfarfromhere,thestoes,bathe1770s,theChurchfamilyhadsevenchildrenstolenandreplacedbygelings,onebyone,eachatageseven,untiltherewerenoChurchesatall,onlysimulacra,andpitythosepoorparentswithanalienbrood.Mysisterswereassusceptible,andIwatchedforthetelltalegesinbehaviororappearance—asuddenwinsomeness,acertaiatfromlife—thatwouldrevealapossibleswitch.

  Iwarhetwinstostayoutofthewoodsoranyshadowyplaces."Dangeroussnakesandbearsandwildcatswaitnearourpatchofland.Donottalkters.Whygoouttoplay,"Idask,"whenthereissomethingperfectlygoodandiingontelevision?"

  "ButIlikeexpl,"Elizabethsaid.

  "Hoeeverfindourwaybaeifweneverleavehome?"Maryadded.

  "Didyoueverseeatimberrattler?Well,Ihave,andcopperheadsandwatermocs.Oeandyoureparalyzed,yourlimbsgoblack,thenyouredead.Doyouthinkyououtrunoroutclimbabear?Theyclimbtreesbetterthancats,andtheywouldgrabyandgobbleyouup.Haveyoueverseenarafoamingatthemouth?"

  "Itoseeanything,"Elizabethcried.

  "Howweeveravoiddangerifwedontknowwhatdangeris?"Maryasked.

  "Itsoutthere.Youcouldtripandfalloveranoldlogandbreakyandnobodywouldeverfindyou.Oryoucouldbecaughtinablizzardwiththewindblowingeverywhichwayuntilyoutfindyourownfrontdoor,aheydfindyouthem,frozenlikeaPopsiottefromhome."

  "Enough!"TheyshoutedinunisonaofftowatchHowdyDoodyorRomperRoom.Iknew,however,thatwhileIwasatschoolorrehearsingwiththeband,theywouldignoremycautions.Theydehomewithgrassstainsontheirkneesandbottoms,titheirbareskin,twigsintheircurls,frogsintheiroveralls,andthesmellofdaheirbreath.

  Butthatnighttheyweresleepinglambs,andtwodoorsdownmyparentssnored.Myfathercalledoutmynameinhissleep,butIdarednotasuchalatehour.Thehousegrewpreternaturallystill.Ihadtoldmydarkestsecretwithnosequences,soIwenttobed,safeasever.

  Theysaythatoneneverfetsonesfirstlove,butIamchagrioadmitthatIdonotrememberhernameormuchelseabouther—otherthathatshewasthefirstgirlIsawnaked.Forthesakeofthestory,IllcallherSally.MaybethatactuallywashererthesummerofmyfessiontoOscar,IresumedmylessonswithMr.Martin,andthereshewas.Shehaddepartedattheendoftheschoolyearaurnedadiffereure—someoobedesired,afetish,anobsession.Iamasguiltyofanonymouslustasaitwasshewhoe.HeraffesIgratefullyacceptedwithoutpause.Ihadbeennotighercurvesformonths,beforeshegatheredthecetospeaktomeatthewinterrecital.Westoodtogetherbackstageinourformalwear,enduriforourindividualturnsatthepiano.Theyoukidswentfirst,fonyisbestservedasaizer.

  "Wheredidyoulearntoplay?"Sallywhisperedoveranaglyslowmi.

  &quhthere.ImeanwithMr.Martin."

  "Youplayoutofthisworld."Shesmiled,and,buoyedbyherremarks,Igavemymostinspiredrecital.Intheweeksandmonthsthatfollowed,weslowlygottoknoweachother.Shewouldhangarouudiolisteningtomeplaythesamepieceoverandover,Mr.Martinwhisperinggruffly,"Adagio,adagio."WearraohavelunchtogetheronSaturdays.Oversandwichesspreadoutonaper,wedchataboutthatdayslessons.Iusuallyhadafewdollarsinmypocketfromperformances,sowecouldgotoashoworstopforanicecreamorasoda.Ourversatioeredaroundthekindsofsubjectsfifteen-year-oldstalkabout:school,friends,unbelievableparents,and,inourcase,thepiano.Orrather,Italkedaboutmusiposers,Mr.Martin,records,theaffinitiesofjazzwiththeclassidallsortsofnatteringtheoriesofmiwasnotaversation,morelikeamonologue.Ididnotknowhowtolisten,howtodrawherout,orhowtobequietandenjoyherpany.Shemaywellhavebeenalovelyperson.

  Whenthesuoheatupthespringair,wetookastrolltothepark,aplaallyavoidedbecauseofitsresemblaheforest.Butthedaffodilswereinflower,anditseemedperfectlyromantic.Thecityhadturhefountain,ann,abythewatersedge,watgthecascadeforalongtime.IdidnotknowhowtodowhatIwaodo,howtoask,whattosay,inwhatmaobroachthesubject.Sallysavedme.

  "Henry?"sheasked,hervoicerisinganoctave."Henry,wevebeentakingwalksandhavinglunchtogetherandgoingtothemoviesforoverthreemonths,andinallthattime,Ivewondered:Doyoulikeme?"

  "OfcourseIdo."

  "Ifyoulikeme,likeyousay,howeyourytoholdmyhand?"

  Itookherhandinmine,surprisedbytheheatinherfiheperspirationinherpalm.

  "Andhoweyouveriedtokissme?"

  Forthefirsttime,Istaredherstraightintheeyes.Shelookedasifsheweretryingtoexpresssomemetaphysicalquestion.Notknowinghowtokiss,Ididsoinhaste,anownothavinglingeredawhile,ifonlytorememberthesensation.Sheranherfihroughmybrilliantinedhair,whichproduuedrea,andIcopiedher,butariddlepercolatedthroughmymind.Ihadnoideawhattodo.Withouthersuddendiscoveryofaocatchastreetcar,wemightstillbesittingthere,stupidlystaringintoeachothersfaces.Onthewaybaeetmyfather,Itookapartmyemotions.WhileI"loved"myfamilybythispointinmyhumanlife,Ihadnever"loved"astrasvoluntaryandatremendousrisk.Theemotionisfurtherfusedbythematteroflust.ItedthehoursbetweenSaturdays,anxioustoseeher.

  Thankgoodnessshetooktheinitiative.WhilewewereneginthedarkbalyofthePeer,shegrabbedmyhandandplaceditonherbreast,andherwholebodyflutteredatmytouch.Shewastheonewhosuggestedeverything,whothoughttonibbleears,whorubbedthefirstthigh.Werarelyspokeeretogetheranymore,andIdidnotknowwhatSallywasschemingor,forthatmatter,ifshewasthinkingatall.NowonderIlovedthegirl,whateverhernamewas,andwhenshesuggestedthatIfeignanillogetoutofMr.Martinsclass,Igladlyplied.

  WerodethestreetcartoherparentshomeohSide.Climbingthehilltoherhouseinthebrightsunshiartedtosweat,butSally,whowasusedtothehike,skippedupthesidewalk,teasingthatIcouldnotkeepup.Herhomewasatinyperch,gingtothesideofarock.Herparentsweregone,sheassuredme,forthewholedayonadriveouttothetry.

  "Wehavetheplacetoourselves.Wouldyoulikealemonade?"

  Shemightaswellhavebeenwearinganapron,andIsmokingapipe.Shebroughtthedrinksandsatonthecouch.Idrankmineinasingleswigandsatoherseasychair.Wesat;wewaited.Iheardacrashofcymbalsinmymindsear.

  "Whydontyouesitbesideme,Henry?"

  Obedientpup,Itrottedoverwithawaggingtailandlollingtongue.ersinterlocked.Ismiled.Shesmiled.Alongkiss—howlongyoukiss?Myhandonherbarestomaeathherblousetriggeredapent-upprimalurge.Icircledmywaynorth.Shegrabbedmywrist.

  "Henry,Henry.Thisisalltoomuch."Sallypantedandfannedherselfwithherflutteringhands.Irolledaursedmylips,andblew.HowcouldIhavemisinterpretedhersignals?

  SallyundressedsoquicklythatIalmostfailedtonoticethetransition.Asifpushingabutton,offcameherblouseandbra,herskirt,slip,socks,andunderwear.Throughthewholeact,shebrazenlyfacedme,smiliifically.Ididloveher.Ofcourse,Ihadseenpicturesinthemuseum,BettiePagepinupsandFrenchpostcards,butimageslackbreadthah,andartisntlife.Partofmepulledforward,desperatetolaymyhandsuponherskin,butthemerepossibilityheldmeback.Itookastepinherdire.

  "No,no,no.Iveshowedyoumine;nowyouhavetoshowmeyours."

  NotsinceayoungboyattheswimmingholehadItakenoffmyclothesinfrontofanyoneelse,muchlessastranger,andIwasembarrassedattheprospect.Butitishardtorefusewhenanakedgirlmakestherequest.SoIstripped,thewholetimewatgherwatgme.IhadprogressedasfarasmyboxerswhenInoticedthatshehadasmalltriangleofhairatthenotchofher,andIwaspletelybare.Hopingthatthisditioneculiartothefemalespecies,Ipulleddownmyshorts,andalookofhorroranddismaycrossedherface.Shegaspedandputherhandinfrontofhermouth.Ilookeddownandthenlookedbackupather,deeplyperplexed.

  "OhmyGod,Henry,"shesaid,"youlooklikealittleboy."

  Icoveredup.

  "ThatsthesmallestoneIveeverseen."

  Iangrilyretrievedmyclothesfromthefloor.

  "Imsorrybutyoulooklikemyeight-year-oldcousin."Sallybegantopickupherclothesoffthefloor."Henry,dontbemad."

  ButIwasmad,notsomuchatherasatmyself.IknewfromthemomentshespokewhatIhadfotten.Inmostrespects,Iappearedalloffifteen,butIhadedohemoreimportantparts.AsIdressed,humiliated,Ithoughtofallthepainandsufferingofthepastfewyears.ThebabyteethIwreofmymouth,thestretgandpullingandpushingofbonesandmusdskintogrowintoadolesce.ButIhadfottenaboutpuberty.Shepleadedwithmetostay,apologizedfhingatme,evensayingatonepointthatsizedidntmatter,thatitwasactuallykindofcute,butnothingshecouldhavesaidordonewouldhaverelievedmyshame.Ineverspoketain,exceptforthemostbasicgreetings.Shedisappearedfrommylife,asifstolenaway,andIwondernowifsheeverfavemeotthatafternoon.

  Stretgremediedmysituation,buttheexercisepainedmeandcauseduedsequehefirstwasthecurioussensationthattypicallyehesamemessyway,but,moreiingly,IfoundthatbyimaginingSallyoranyotheralluringthing,theresultswereafoneclusion.Butthinkingonunpleasantthings—theforest,baseball,arpeggios—Icouldpostpone,oravoidaltogether,thede.Thesedouteissomewhatmorediscertingtoreport.Maybebecausethesqueakingbedspringswerebeginningtoannoyhim,myfatherburstintomyroomandcaughtmeonenight,red-haospeak,althoughIwaspletelyundercover.Herolledhiseyestowardtheceiling.

  "Henry,whatareyoudoing?"

  Istopped.Therewasaniexplanation,whichIcouldnotreveal.

  "DontthinkIdontknow."

  Knowwhat?Iwaoask.

  "Youwillgoblindifyoukeepatit."

  Iblinkedmyeyes.

  HelefttheroomandIrolledover,pressingmyfaceagainstthecoolpillow.Mypowerswerediminishiime.Farsightedness,distancehearing,speedoffoot—allhadvirtuallydisappeared,andmyabilitytomanipulatemyappearancehaddeteriorated.Moreandmore,IwasbeingthehumanIhadwaobe,butinsteadofrejoigiuation,Isaggedintothemattress,hidbehesheets.Ipunchedmypillowandtorturedtheinavaineffetfortable.Anyhopesforpleasuresubsidedalongwithmyere.Inpleasuresplace,araggedlonelinessebbed.Ifeltstuanever-endingchildhood,doomedtolivinguheirtrol,adozensuspiciousscowlseachdayfrommyfalseparents.Intheforest,Ihadtomarktimeandtakemyturnasageling,buttheyearshadseemedlikedays.Intheayofadolesce,thedayswerelikeyears.Andnightscouldbeendless.

  Severalhourslater,Iwokeiandthrewoffthecoingtothewindowtoletinthefreshair,Ispottedoutonthelawn,inthedeadofnight,theredashofacigarette,andpickedoutthedarkfigureofmyfather,staringintothedarkwood,asifwaitingforsomethingtoutfromtheshadowsbetweentrees.Wheuroebaside,Dadlookedupatmyroomandsawmeframedinthewindowpanes,watghim,butheneversaidawordaboutit.松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读

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