CHAPTER 15
Movingbaefromcollegebroughtakindofstuportomydailylife,andmynightsbecameawakingdread.IfIoundingoutyetanotherimitationonthepiano,Iwasbehindthebar,tendingtotheusualcrowdwithdemonsoftheirown.IhadfallenintoaroutiOscarswheraofthemallarrivedandorderedashotofwhiskey.Heslidtheglassagainsttherailandstaredatit.Iwentontotheer,pouredabeer,slicedalemon,andcamebacktotheguy,andthedrinkwassittingundisturbed.Heixyfellow,,sober,inacheapsuitandtie,andasfarasIcouldtell,hehadntliftedhishandsfromhislap.
"Whatsthematter,mister?Youhaventtouchedyourdrink."
"WouldyougiveittomeonthehouseifImakethatglassmovewithouttougit?"
"Whatdoyoumean,move?Howfar?"
"Howfarwouldithavetomoveforyoutobelieve?"
"Notfar."Iwashooked."Moveitatall,andyouhaveadeal."
Hereachedouthisrighthandtoshakeonit,ahhim,theglassstartedslidingslowlydownthebaruntilitcametoahaltaboutfiveiohisleft."Amagieverrevealsthesecrettothetries."
"HenryDay,"Isaid."AlotofguyseihallsortsoftricksbutthatsthebestIeversaw."
"Illpayforthis,"Messaid,puttingadollaronthebar."Butyouowemeanother.Inafreshglass,ifyouplease,Mr.Day."
Hegulpedthesedshotandpulledtheinalglassbafrontofhim.Overtheseveralhours,hesuckeredfourpeoplewiththatsametrick.Yetheouchedthefirstglassofwhiskey.Hedrankforfreeallnight.Aroundeleven,Messtooduptogohome,leavionthebar.
"Hey,Mac,yourdrink,"Icalledafterhim.
"ouchthestuff,"hesaid,slippingintoaraincoat."AndIhighlyadviseyounottodrinkit,either."
Iliftedtheglasstomynoseforasmell.
"Leaded."Heheldupasmallmaghehadcealedinhislefthand."Butyoukhat,right?"
Swirlingtheglassinmyhand,Icouldheironfilingsatthebottom.
"Partofmystudyofmankind,"hesaid,"andourwilliobelieveinwhatotbeseen."
MesbecamearegularatOscars,inginfourorfivetimesaweekoverthefewyears,curiouslyionfoolironswithricksorpuzzles.Sometimesariddleorplicatedmathgameinvolvingpiganumber,doublingit,addingseven,subtragonesageandsoforth,untilthevictimwasrightbackwherehedstarted.ameinvolvingmatches,adeckofcards,asleightofhand.Thedrinkshewonwereofsmallsequence,forhispleasureresultedfromthegullibilityofhisneighbors.Andhewasmysteriousinotherways.OnthosenightsTheCoverboysperformed,Messatclosetothedoor.Sometimesbetweeshedeuptochatwiththeboys,aitoffwithJimmyCummings,ofallpeople,afineexampleoftheartlessthinker.Butifweplayedthewrongsong,Mescouldbeguaraovanish.WheartedcTheBeatlesin63or64,hewouldwalkouteachtimeattheopeningbarsof"DoYouWanttoKnowaSecret?"Likealotofdrunks,Mesbecamemorehimselfafterhedhadafew.Heedsoused.Notmoreloquaciousormorose,merelymorerelaxedinhisskin,andsharperaroundtheedges.Andhecouldemassquantitiesofalcoholatasitting,morethananyoneIhaveeverknown.Oscaraskedhimonenightabouthisstrangecapacityfordrink.
"Itsamatterofmiter.Acheaptrigeduponasmallsecret."
"Andwhatmightthatbe?"
"Idontholyknow.Itsagift,really,andatthesametimeacurse.ButIlltellyou,iodrinksomuch,therehastobesomethingbehihirst."
"Sowhatmakesyouthirsty,youoldcamel?"Cummingslaughed.
"Theinsufferableimpudeodaysyouth.Iwouldhavetenurenotforcallowfreshmenandtheslipperymatterofpublication."
"Yourofessor?"Iasked.
"Anthropology.Myspecializationwastheuseofmythologyandtheologyasculturalrituals."
Cummingsinterrupted:"Slowdown,Maeverwenttocollege."
"Howpeopleusemythandsuperstitiontoexplainthehumandition.Iarticularlyiedinthepre-psychologyofparentingandoartedabookaboutruralpractitheBritishIsles,Sdinavia,andGer-many."
"Soyoudrinkbecauseofsomeoldflame,then?"Oscarasked,turningtheversationbacktoitsins.
"IwishtoGoditwasawoman."Hespiedtheowofemalesinthebarandloweredhisvoice."No,womenhavebeenverygoodtome.Itsthemind,boys.Therelehinkingmae.Theincessantdemandsoftomorrowaerdayspileduplikeaheapofcorpses.Itsthislifeandallthosebeforeit."
Oscarchewedonareed."Lifebeforelife?"
"Likereination?"Cummingsasked.
"Idontknowaboutthat,butIdoknowthatafewspecialpeoplere-membereventsfromthepast,eventsfromtoolongago.Putthemunderaspell,andyoudbeamazedatthestoriesthateoutfromdeepwithin.penedaturyago,theytalkaboutasifitwerejustyesterday.Ortoday."
"Underaspell?"Iasked.
"Hypnosis,thecurseofMesmer,thewakihetransdenttrance."
Oscarlookedsuspicious."Hypnosis.Anotheroneofyourpartytricks."
"Ivebeenknowntoputafewpeopleunder,"saidMes."Theyvetoldtalesfromtheirowndreamingmindstooincredibletobelieve,butwithsuchfeelingandauthoritythatoneisvihattheyweretellih.Peopledoarahingswhentheyreunder."
Cummingsjumpedin."Idliketobehypnotized."
"Staybehindafterthebarisclosed,andIlldoit."
Attwointhemafterthecrowdleft,MesorderedOsthelightsandaskedGeeaayabsolutelyquiet.HesatoJimmyandtoldhimtoclosehiseyes;thenMesstartedspeakingtohiminalow,modulatedvoice,describifulpladpeacefulcircumstansuchvividdetailthatImsurprisedwealldidntfallasleep.Mesraests,chegoherJimmywasunder.
"Raiseyhtarmstraightoutinfrontofyou.Itsmadeoftheworldsstroeel,andnomatterhowhardyoutry,youotbendit."
Cummingsstuckouthisrightarmandcouldnotflexit;nor,forthatmatter,couldeeorIwheried,foritfeltlikearealironbar.Mesranthroughafewmoretests,theartedaskiionstowhichCummingsrepliedinadeadmonotone."Whosyourfavoritemusi,Jimmy?"
"LouisArmstrong."
Welaughedatthesecretadmission.Inhiswakinglife,hewouldhaveclaimedsomerockdrummerlikeCharlieWattsoftheStones,butchmo.
"Good.WhenItouchyoureyes,youllopenthem,andforthefewminutesyoullbeLouisArmstrong."
Jimmywasaskinnywhiteboy,butwhenhepoppedopenthosebabyblues,thetransformatioantaneously.HismouthtwistedintoArmstrongsfamouswidesmile,whichhewipedfromtimetotimewithanimaginaryhandkerchief,andhespokeinagravellyskatvoice.EventhoughJimmyneversangonanyofournumbers,hedidapassingfairrenditionofsomeoldthingcalled"IllBeGladWhenYoureDead,YouRascalYou,"andthen,usinghisthumbasamouthpiedhisfingersasthehorn,blattedoutajazzbridge.NormallyCummingshidbehindhisdrums,buthejumpeduponatableandwouldbeeainingtheroomstill,hadhenotslippedonaslickofbeerandfallentothefloor.
Mesra."WhenIttothreeandsnapmyfingers,"hesaidtotheslougbody,"youll,feelingrefreshedasifyouhavesleptsoundlyeaightthisweek.Iwantyoutoremember,Jimmy,thatwhenyouhearsomeonesaySatchmo,youllhavetheuntrollableurgetosingoutafewbarsasLouisArmstrong.emberthat?"
"Uh-huh,"Cummingssaidfromhistrance.
"Good,butyouwontrememberanythingelseexceptthisdream.Now,Imgoingtosnapmyfingers,andyoull,happyandrefreshed."
Agoofygrinsmearedonhisface,hewokeandblieaeofus,asifhecouldnotimagineereallstaringathim.Uponserialquestioning,herecallednothingaboutthepasthalf-hour.
"Andyoudontremember,"Oscarasked,"Satchmo?"
Cummingsbegansinging"Hello,Dolly!"andsuddenlystoppedhimself.
"Mr.JimmyCummings,thehippestmanalive,"Geelaughed.
WeallgassedCummingsoverthefewdays,win"Satchmo"nowandagainuntilthemagicwordsworeoff.Buttheeventsofthatnightplayedoverinmyimagination.Forweeksafterward,IpesteredMesformoreinformationonhowhypnosisworked,butallhecouldsaywasthat"thesubsciousrisestothesurfadallowsrepressedinationsandmemoriesfreeplay."Dissatisfiedwithhisanswers,Idroveovertothelibraryintownonmydaysoffandsubmergedmyselfinresearch.FromthesleeptemplesofaEgyptthroughMesmerandontoFreud,hypnosishasbeenaroundinoneformoranotherformillennia,withphilosophersandstistsarguisvalidity.ApieTheIionalJournalofidExperimentalHypnosissettledthedebateforme:"Itisthepatient,notthetherapist,whoisintrolofthedepthtowhichtheimaginationreachesthesubscious."Itorethequotefromthepageandtuckeditintomywallet,readingthewordsnowandagainasifrepeatingamantra.
vihatIanagemyownimaginationandsubscious,IfinallyaskedMestohypnotizeme.Asifhekhewaybacktottenland,MescouldtapintomyrepressedlifeandtellmehereIcamefrom.AndifitwasmerelytruthfulandrevealedmyGermanroots,thestorywouldbederidedbyanyonewhohearditasafantasticaldelusion.Wehadallhearditbefore:Inaformerlife,IwasCleopatra,Shakespeare,theGenghisKhan.
Whatwouldbehardertolaughofforexplainwasmylifeasahobgoblinintheforest—especiallythatawfulAugustnightwhenIbecameagelingandstoletheboyaway.EversiimewiththeDays,Ihadbeencarefullyerasingeveryvestigeofthegelinglife.Itcouldbedangerousif,underhypnosis,IwouldnotbeabletorecallanythingaboutHenryDayschildhoodprieseven.MymotherstalesofHenryschildhoodhadbeensoofteedthatInotonlybelievedshewastalkingaboutme,butattimesthoughtIrememberedthatlife.Suchcreatedmemoriesaremadeofglass.
Mesknewmyhalt-story,whathehadgatheredfromhangingaroundthebar.Hehadheardmetalkaboutmymotherandsisters,myabortedcollegecareer.IevenfessedtohimmycrushonTessWodehouseonenightwhenshecameroundwithherboyfriend.Buthehadnoclueabouttheothersideofmytale.AnythingIactallydivulgedwouldhavetoberationalizedaway.MydesireforthetruthabouttheGermanboytrumpedmyfearofbeingunmaskedasageling.
Thelastdrunkstaggeredawayforthenight,andOscarclosedthecashregisterandhunguphisapron.Onhiswayout,hethrewmethekeystolockthedoorswhileMesturnedoffallthelightsexceptforalampattheendofthebar.Theboyssaidtheirgood-byes,andMesandIwerealoheroom.Panidapprehensionclawedatme.SupposeIsaidsomethingabouttherealHenryDayandgavemyselfaway?Whatifhetriedtoblackmailmeorthreateoexposemetotheauthorities?Thethoughtcrossedmymind:Icouldkillhim,andnobodywouldevenknowhewasgone.Forthefirsttimeinyears,Ifeltmyselfrevertingtosomethingwild,ananimal,allinstinct.Butthemomenthebegan,panicsubsided.
Inthedarkaybar,wesatacrossfromeachotheratasmalltableandlisteningasMesdronedomadeofstone.Hisvoicecamefromadistanceaboveandbeyondme,arolledmyasandfeelingswithhiswords,whichshapedmyveryexistence.Givingintothevoicewasabitlikefallinginlove.Submit,letgo.Mylimbswerepulledbytremendousgravity,asifbeingsuckedoutofspadtime.Lightdisappeared,re-placedbythesuddensnapofaprojectedbeam.Amoviehadbegunoewallofmymind.Thefilmitself,however,lackedbothanarrativeandanydistinctvisualstylethatwouldallowoodrawclusionsormakeinferenostory,noplot,justcharacteraion.Afaceappears,speaks,andIamscared.Acoldhandsaroundmyankle.Ashoutisfollowedbydiscordantnotesfromthepiano.Mycheekpressedagainstachest,ahandhuggingmyheadclosetothebreast.Atsomesciouslevel,Iglimpsedaboy,whoquicklyturnedhisfae.Whateverhapperesultedfromtheclashofiiaandchaos.Themajorchordswerealtogetherignored.
ThefirstthingIdidwhenMessnappedmeoutofthetraolookattheclock—fourinthem.AsCummingshaddescribedthesensation,I,too,feltcuriouslyrefreshed,asifIhadsleptfhthours,yetmystickyshirtaedhairatmytemplesbeliedthatpossibility.Messeemedtotallywornandwrung-out.Hepulledhimselfadraftanddrankitdownlikeamanhomefromthedesert.Inthedimlightoftheemptybar,heeyedmewithincredulityandfasation.IofferedhimaCamel,asmokinginthedead.
"DidIsayanythingrevealing?"Iaskedatlast.
"DoyouknowanyGerman?"
"Asmattering,"Ireplied."Twoyearsinhighschool."
"YouwerespeakingGermaheBrrimm."
"WhatdidIsay?Whatdidyoumakeofit?"
"Imnotsure.WhatsaWechselbalg?"
"Ineverheardoftheword."
"Youcriedoutasifsomethingterribleeningtoyou.SomethingaboutderTeufel.Thedevil,right?"
"Itheman."
"AndtheFeen.Isthatafiend?"
"Maybe."
"DerKobolden?Youshriekedwhenyousawthem,whatevertheyare.Anyideas?"
"None."
"Entführend?"
"Sorry."
"Icouldnottellwhatyouweretryingtosay.Itwasamashoflanguages.Youwerewithyourparents,Ithink,orcallingoutforyourparents,anditwasallinGerman,somethingaboutmit,mit—thatswith,right?Youwaogowiththem?"
"ButmyparentsarentGerman."
"Theonesyouwererememberingare.Someonecamealong,thefiendsorthedevilsorderKobolden,andtheywaakeyouaway."
Iswallowed.Thesewasingbae.
"Whoeverorwhateveritwasgrabbedyou,andyouweregoutforMamaandPapaanddasKlavier."
"Thepiano."
"Ineverheardanythinglikeit,andyousaidyouwerestolenaway.AndIasked,When?andyousaidsomethinginGermanIcouldnotuand,soIaskedyouagain,andyousaid,Fifty-nine,andIsaid,Thattbe.Thatsonlysixyearsago.Andyousaid,clearasabell,No...1859."
Mesblinkedhiseyesandlookedcloselyatme.Iwasshaking,soIlitanarette.Westaredatthesmoke,notsayingaword.Hefinishedfirstandgroundoutthebuttsohardthathenearlybroketheashtray.
"Idontknowwhattosay."
"KnowwhatIthink?"Mesasked."Ithinkyouwererememberingapastlife.IthinkyoumayhaveonceuponatimebeenaGermanboy."
"Ifindthathardtobelieve."
"Haveyoueverheardofthegelingmyth?"
"Idontbelieveinfairytales."
"Well...whenIaskedyouaboutyourfather,allyousaidwas,Heknows."Mesyawned.Mwasquitenearlyuponus."Whatdoyouthinkheknew,Henry?Doyouthinkheknewaboutthepast?"
Iknew,butIdidnotsay.Therewascoffeeatthebarandeggsinaminiaturerefrigerator.Usiplateintheback,Imadeusbreakfast,settlingmywaywardthoughtsbytratingonsimpletasks.Akindofhazy,dirtylightseepedinthroughthewindowsatdawn.Istoodbehindtheter;hesatinfrontonhisusualstool,aeourscrambledeggsanddrankourcoffeeblack.Atthathourtheroomlookeditiful,andMesseyestiredandvat,thewaymyfatherhadappearedthelasttimewemet.
Heputonhishatandshruggedintohiscoat.Anaausebetweemeknowthathewouldnotbeingback.Thenighthadbeentoorawandstraheoldprofessor."Good-bye,andgoodluck."
Ashishandturheknob,Icalledoutforhimtowait."Whatwasmyname,"Iasked,"inthisso-calledformerlifeofmine?"
Hedidnotbothertoturnaround."Youknow,Ihoughttoask."松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读
"Whatsthematter,mister?Youhaventtouchedyourdrink."
"WouldyougiveittomeonthehouseifImakethatglassmovewithouttougit?"
"Whatdoyoumean,move?Howfar?"
"Howfarwouldithavetomoveforyoutobelieve?"
"Notfar."Iwashooked."Moveitatall,andyouhaveadeal."
Hereachedouthisrighthandtoshakeonit,ahhim,theglassstartedslidingslowlydownthebaruntilitcametoahaltaboutfiveiohisleft."Amagieverrevealsthesecrettothetries."
"HenryDay,"Isaid."AlotofguyseihallsortsoftricksbutthatsthebestIeversaw."
"Illpayforthis,"Messaid,puttingadollaronthebar."Butyouowemeanother.Inafreshglass,ifyouplease,Mr.Day."
Hegulpedthesedshotandpulledtheinalglassbafrontofhim.Overtheseveralhours,hesuckeredfourpeoplewiththatsametrick.Yetheouchedthefirstglassofwhiskey.Hedrankforfreeallnight.Aroundeleven,Messtooduptogohome,leavionthebar.
"Hey,Mac,yourdrink,"Icalledafterhim.
"ouchthestuff,"hesaid,slippingintoaraincoat."AndIhighlyadviseyounottodrinkit,either."
Iliftedtheglasstomynoseforasmell.
"Leaded."Heheldupasmallmaghehadcealedinhislefthand."Butyoukhat,right?"
Swirlingtheglassinmyhand,Icouldheironfilingsatthebottom.
"Partofmystudyofmankind,"hesaid,"andourwilliobelieveinwhatotbeseen."
MesbecamearegularatOscars,inginfourorfivetimesaweekoverthefewyears,curiouslyionfoolironswithricksorpuzzles.Sometimesariddleorplicatedmathgameinvolvingpiganumber,doublingit,addingseven,subtragonesageandsoforth,untilthevictimwasrightbackwherehedstarted.ameinvolvingmatches,adeckofcards,asleightofhand.Thedrinkshewonwereofsmallsequence,forhispleasureresultedfromthegullibilityofhisneighbors.Andhewasmysteriousinotherways.OnthosenightsTheCoverboysperformed,Messatclosetothedoor.Sometimesbetweeshedeuptochatwiththeboys,aitoffwithJimmyCummings,ofallpeople,afineexampleoftheartlessthinker.Butifweplayedthewrongsong,Mescouldbeguaraovanish.WheartedcTheBeatlesin63or64,hewouldwalkouteachtimeattheopeningbarsof"DoYouWanttoKnowaSecret?"Likealotofdrunks,Mesbecamemorehimselfafterhedhadafew.Heedsoused.Notmoreloquaciousormorose,merelymorerelaxedinhisskin,andsharperaroundtheedges.Andhecouldemassquantitiesofalcoholatasitting,morethananyoneIhaveeverknown.Oscaraskedhimonenightabouthisstrangecapacityfordrink.
"Itsamatterofmiter.Acheaptrigeduponasmallsecret."
"Andwhatmightthatbe?"
"Idontholyknow.Itsagift,really,andatthesametimeacurse.ButIlltellyou,iodrinksomuch,therehastobesomethingbehihirst."
"Sowhatmakesyouthirsty,youoldcamel?"Cummingslaughed.
"Theinsufferableimpudeodaysyouth.Iwouldhavetenurenotforcallowfreshmenandtheslipperymatterofpublication."
"Yourofessor?"Iasked.
"Anthropology.Myspecializationwastheuseofmythologyandtheologyasculturalrituals."
Cummingsinterrupted:"Slowdown,Maeverwenttocollege."
"Howpeopleusemythandsuperstitiontoexplainthehumandition.Iarticularlyiedinthepre-psychologyofparentingandoartedabookaboutruralpractitheBritishIsles,Sdinavia,andGer-many."
"Soyoudrinkbecauseofsomeoldflame,then?"Oscarasked,turningtheversationbacktoitsins.
"IwishtoGoditwasawoman."Hespiedtheowofemalesinthebarandloweredhisvoice."No,womenhavebeenverygoodtome.Itsthemind,boys.Therelehinkingmae.Theincessantdemandsoftomorrowaerdayspileduplikeaheapofcorpses.Itsthislifeandallthosebeforeit."
Oscarchewedonareed."Lifebeforelife?"
"Likereination?"Cummingsasked.
"Idontknowaboutthat,butIdoknowthatafewspecialpeoplere-membereventsfromthepast,eventsfromtoolongago.Putthemunderaspell,andyoudbeamazedatthestoriesthateoutfromdeepwithin.penedaturyago,theytalkaboutasifitwerejustyesterday.Ortoday."
"Underaspell?"Iasked.
"Hypnosis,thecurseofMesmer,thewakihetransdenttrance."
Oscarlookedsuspicious."Hypnosis.Anotheroneofyourpartytricks."
"Ivebeenknowntoputafewpeopleunder,"saidMes."Theyvetoldtalesfromtheirowndreamingmindstooincredibletobelieve,butwithsuchfeelingandauthoritythatoneisvihattheyweretellih.Peopledoarahingswhentheyreunder."
Cummingsjumpedin."Idliketobehypnotized."
"Staybehindafterthebarisclosed,andIlldoit."
Attwointhemafterthecrowdleft,MesorderedOsthelightsandaskedGeeaayabsolutelyquiet.HesatoJimmyandtoldhimtoclosehiseyes;thenMesstartedspeakingtohiminalow,modulatedvoice,describifulpladpeacefulcircumstansuchvividdetailthatImsurprisedwealldidntfallasleep.Mesraests,chegoherJimmywasunder.
"Raiseyhtarmstraightoutinfrontofyou.Itsmadeoftheworldsstroeel,andnomatterhowhardyoutry,youotbendit."
Cummingsstuckouthisrightarmandcouldnotflexit;nor,forthatmatter,couldeeorIwheried,foritfeltlikearealironbar.Mesranthroughafewmoretests,theartedaskiionstowhichCummingsrepliedinadeadmonotone."Whosyourfavoritemusi,Jimmy?"
"LouisArmstrong."
Welaughedatthesecretadmission.Inhiswakinglife,hewouldhaveclaimedsomerockdrummerlikeCharlieWattsoftheStones,butchmo.
"Good.WhenItouchyoureyes,youllopenthem,andforthefewminutesyoullbeLouisArmstrong."
Jimmywasaskinnywhiteboy,butwhenhepoppedopenthosebabyblues,thetransformatioantaneously.HismouthtwistedintoArmstrongsfamouswidesmile,whichhewipedfromtimetotimewithanimaginaryhandkerchief,andhespokeinagravellyskatvoice.EventhoughJimmyneversangonanyofournumbers,hedidapassingfairrenditionofsomeoldthingcalled"IllBeGladWhenYoureDead,YouRascalYou,"andthen,usinghisthumbasamouthpiedhisfingersasthehorn,blattedoutajazzbridge.NormallyCummingshidbehindhisdrums,buthejumpeduponatableandwouldbeeainingtheroomstill,hadhenotslippedonaslickofbeerandfallentothefloor.
Mesra."WhenIttothreeandsnapmyfingers,"hesaidtotheslougbody,"youll,feelingrefreshedasifyouhavesleptsoundlyeaightthisweek.Iwantyoutoremember,Jimmy,thatwhenyouhearsomeonesaySatchmo,youllhavetheuntrollableurgetosingoutafewbarsasLouisArmstrong.emberthat?"
"Uh-huh,"Cummingssaidfromhistrance.
"Good,butyouwontrememberanythingelseexceptthisdream.Now,Imgoingtosnapmyfingers,andyoull,happyandrefreshed."
Agoofygrinsmearedonhisface,hewokeandblieaeofus,asifhecouldnotimagineereallstaringathim.Uponserialquestioning,herecallednothingaboutthepasthalf-hour.
"Andyoudontremember,"Oscarasked,"Satchmo?"
Cummingsbegansinging"Hello,Dolly!"andsuddenlystoppedhimself.
"Mr.JimmyCummings,thehippestmanalive,"Geelaughed.
WeallgassedCummingsoverthefewdays,win"Satchmo"nowandagainuntilthemagicwordsworeoff.Buttheeventsofthatnightplayedoverinmyimagination.Forweeksafterward,IpesteredMesformoreinformationonhowhypnosisworked,butallhecouldsaywasthat"thesubsciousrisestothesurfadallowsrepressedinationsandmemoriesfreeplay."Dissatisfiedwithhisanswers,Idroveovertothelibraryintownonmydaysoffandsubmergedmyselfinresearch.FromthesleeptemplesofaEgyptthroughMesmerandontoFreud,hypnosishasbeenaroundinoneformoranotherformillennia,withphilosophersandstistsarguisvalidity.ApieTheIionalJournalofidExperimentalHypnosissettledthedebateforme:"Itisthepatient,notthetherapist,whoisintrolofthedepthtowhichtheimaginationreachesthesubscious."Itorethequotefromthepageandtuckeditintomywallet,readingthewordsnowandagainasifrepeatingamantra.
vihatIanagemyownimaginationandsubscious,IfinallyaskedMestohypnotizeme.Asifhekhewaybacktottenland,MescouldtapintomyrepressedlifeandtellmehereIcamefrom.AndifitwasmerelytruthfulandrevealedmyGermanroots,thestorywouldbederidedbyanyonewhohearditasafantasticaldelusion.Wehadallhearditbefore:Inaformerlife,IwasCleopatra,Shakespeare,theGenghisKhan.
Whatwouldbehardertolaughofforexplainwasmylifeasahobgoblinintheforest—especiallythatawfulAugustnightwhenIbecameagelingandstoletheboyaway.EversiimewiththeDays,Ihadbeencarefullyerasingeveryvestigeofthegelinglife.Itcouldbedangerousif,underhypnosis,IwouldnotbeabletorecallanythingaboutHenryDayschildhoodprieseven.MymotherstalesofHenryschildhoodhadbeensoofteedthatInotonlybelievedshewastalkingaboutme,butattimesthoughtIrememberedthatlife.Suchcreatedmemoriesaremadeofglass.
Mesknewmyhalt-story,whathehadgatheredfromhangingaroundthebar.Hehadheardmetalkaboutmymotherandsisters,myabortedcollegecareer.IevenfessedtohimmycrushonTessWodehouseonenightwhenshecameroundwithherboyfriend.Buthehadnoclueabouttheothersideofmytale.AnythingIactallydivulgedwouldhavetoberationalizedaway.MydesireforthetruthabouttheGermanboytrumpedmyfearofbeingunmaskedasageling.
Thelastdrunkstaggeredawayforthenight,andOscarclosedthecashregisterandhunguphisapron.Onhiswayout,hethrewmethekeystolockthedoorswhileMesturnedoffallthelightsexceptforalampattheendofthebar.Theboyssaidtheirgood-byes,andMesandIwerealoheroom.Panidapprehensionclawedatme.SupposeIsaidsomethingabouttherealHenryDayandgavemyselfaway?Whatifhetriedtoblackmailmeorthreateoexposemetotheauthorities?Thethoughtcrossedmymind:Icouldkillhim,andnobodywouldevenknowhewasgone.Forthefirsttimeinyears,Ifeltmyselfrevertingtosomethingwild,ananimal,allinstinct.Butthemomenthebegan,panicsubsided.
Inthedarkaybar,wesatacrossfromeachotheratasmalltableandlisteningasMesdronedomadeofstone.Hisvoicecamefromadistanceaboveandbeyondme,arolledmyasandfeelingswithhiswords,whichshapedmyveryexistence.Givingintothevoicewasabitlikefallinginlove.Submit,letgo.Mylimbswerepulledbytremendousgravity,asifbeingsuckedoutofspadtime.Lightdisappeared,re-placedbythesuddensnapofaprojectedbeam.Amoviehadbegunoewallofmymind.Thefilmitself,however,lackedbothanarrativeandanydistinctvisualstylethatwouldallowoodrawclusionsormakeinferenostory,noplot,justcharacteraion.Afaceappears,speaks,andIamscared.Acoldhandsaroundmyankle.Ashoutisfollowedbydiscordantnotesfromthepiano.Mycheekpressedagainstachest,ahandhuggingmyheadclosetothebreast.Atsomesciouslevel,Iglimpsedaboy,whoquicklyturnedhisfae.Whateverhapperesultedfromtheclashofiiaandchaos.Themajorchordswerealtogetherignored.
ThefirstthingIdidwhenMessnappedmeoutofthetraolookattheclock—fourinthem.AsCummingshaddescribedthesensation,I,too,feltcuriouslyrefreshed,asifIhadsleptfhthours,yetmystickyshirtaedhairatmytemplesbeliedthatpossibility.Messeemedtotallywornandwrung-out.Hepulledhimselfadraftanddrankitdownlikeamanhomefromthedesert.Inthedimlightoftheemptybar,heeyedmewithincredulityandfasation.IofferedhimaCamel,asmokinginthedead.
"DidIsayanythingrevealing?"Iaskedatlast.
"DoyouknowanyGerman?"
"Asmattering,"Ireplied."Twoyearsinhighschool."
"YouwerespeakingGermaheBrrimm."
"WhatdidIsay?Whatdidyoumakeofit?"
"Imnotsure.WhatsaWechselbalg?"
"Ineverheardoftheword."
"Youcriedoutasifsomethingterribleeningtoyou.SomethingaboutderTeufel.Thedevil,right?"
"Itheman."
"AndtheFeen.Isthatafiend?"
"Maybe."
"DerKobolden?Youshriekedwhenyousawthem,whatevertheyare.Anyideas?"
"None."
"Entführend?"
"Sorry."
"Icouldnottellwhatyouweretryingtosay.Itwasamashoflanguages.Youwerewithyourparents,Ithink,orcallingoutforyourparents,anditwasallinGerman,somethingaboutmit,mit—thatswith,right?Youwaogowiththem?"
"ButmyparentsarentGerman."
"Theonesyouwererememberingare.Someonecamealong,thefiendsorthedevilsorderKobolden,andtheywaakeyouaway."
Iswallowed.Thesewasingbae.
"Whoeverorwhateveritwasgrabbedyou,andyouweregoutforMamaandPapaanddasKlavier."
"Thepiano."
"Ineverheardanythinglikeit,andyousaidyouwerestolenaway.AndIasked,When?andyousaidsomethinginGermanIcouldnotuand,soIaskedyouagain,andyousaid,Fifty-nine,andIsaid,Thattbe.Thatsonlysixyearsago.Andyousaid,clearasabell,No...1859."
Mesblinkedhiseyesandlookedcloselyatme.Iwasshaking,soIlitanarette.Westaredatthesmoke,notsayingaword.Hefinishedfirstandgroundoutthebuttsohardthathenearlybroketheashtray.
"Idontknowwhattosay."
"KnowwhatIthink?"Mesasked."Ithinkyouwererememberingapastlife.IthinkyoumayhaveonceuponatimebeenaGermanboy."
"Ifindthathardtobelieve."
"Haveyoueverheardofthegelingmyth?"
"Idontbelieveinfairytales."
"Well...whenIaskedyouaboutyourfather,allyousaidwas,Heknows."Mesyawned.Mwasquitenearlyuponus."Whatdoyouthinkheknew,Henry?Doyouthinkheknewaboutthepast?"
Iknew,butIdidnotsay.Therewascoffeeatthebarandeggsinaminiaturerefrigerator.Usiplateintheback,Imadeusbreakfast,settlingmywaywardthoughtsbytratingonsimpletasks.Akindofhazy,dirtylightseepedinthroughthewindowsatdawn.Istoodbehindtheter;hesatinfrontonhisusualstool,aeourscrambledeggsanddrankourcoffeeblack.Atthathourtheroomlookeditiful,andMesseyestiredandvat,thewaymyfatherhadappearedthelasttimewemet.
Heputonhishatandshruggedintohiscoat.Anaausebetweemeknowthathewouldnotbeingback.Thenighthadbeentoorawandstraheoldprofessor."Good-bye,andgoodluck."
Ashishandturheknob,Icalledoutforhimtowait."Whatwasmyname,"Iasked,"inthisso-calledformerlifeofmine?"
Hedidnotbothertoturnaround."Youknow,Ihoughttoask."松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读