CHAPTER 17

  Mylong-fottenhistorypeekedoutfrombehiains.ThequestionsMesposedduringhypnosishaddredgedupmemoriesthathadbeenrepressedformorethaury,andfragmentsofthosesubsciousrecollesbeganintrudingintomylife.Wewouldbeperfoursed-rateimitationofSimonandGarfunkelwhenanuedGermanismwouldleapoutofmymouth.TheboysinthebandthoughtIwastripping,andwedhavetostartoverafterabriefapologytotheaudience.OrIdbesedugayoungwomanandfindthatherfacehadmorphedintothevisageofageling.AbabywoulddIdwonderifitwashumanorabundleofholyterrorthathadbeeonthedoorstep.Aphotographofsix-year-oldHenryDaysfirstdayofschoolwouldremindmeofallIwasnot.Idseemyselfsuperimposedovertheimage,myfacereflectedintheglass,layeredoverhisfadwonderwhathadbe,whathadbee.Nolongeramonster,butnotHenryDayeither.IsufferedtryingtoremembermyowthatGermanboystoleawayeverytimeIdrewnear.

  Theonlyremedyforthisobsessionwastosubstituteanother.Whenevermyminddwelledoantpast,Iwouldforcemyselftothinkofmusiningalternativefingeringsandthecycleoffifthsinmymind,hummingtomyself,pushingdarkthoughtsawaywithasong.Iflirtedwiththenotionofbeingapainevenascollegeaspirationsfadedwhileawoyearsslippedby.Intheseeminglyrandomsoundsofeverydaylife,Ibegantoabstractpatterns,whichgrewtomeasures,whichbecamemovements.OftenIwouldgobacktoOscarsafterafewhourssleep,putonapotofcoffee,andscribblethenotationsresonatinginmyhead.Withsolelyapianoavailable,Ihadtoimagineanorchestrainthatemptybarroom,andthoseearlyscoreseychaotifusionoverwhoIam.Theunfinishedpositioentativestepsbacktothepast,tomytruenature.Ispentageslookingforthesound,reshapingit,andtossingitaway,forpositionwasaselusiveatthetimeasmyownname.

  Thebarwasmystudiomostms.Oscararrivedaroundlunchtime,andGeeandJimmyusuallyshowedupmidafternoonforrehearsalandafewbeers—barelyenoughtimeformetocoverupmywork.Halfheartedly,Iplunkedawayatthepianobeforeourpracticewastobeginonanearlysummerafternoonin67.Gee,Jimmy,andOscarexperimehafewchordgesandrhythms,buttheyweremostlysmokinganddrinking.Theareakidshadbeenoutofschoolfortwoweeksandwerealreadybored,ridingtheirbicyclesupanddownMaiheirheadsandshouldersslidacrosstheviewthroughthewindowpanes.LewisLovesgreenpickuptruckpulledupoutside,andamomentlaterthebardoorswungopen,sendinginacrushofhumidair.Hisshouldersslumpedwithexhaustion,Lewisstoppedihreshold,numbanddumb.Settingdownhishorn,Oscarwalkedovertotalkwithhisbrother.Theirversationwastoosofttobeoverheard,butthebodygivesawayitssorrows.Lewishunghisheadandbroughthishandtothebridgeofhisnoseasiftoholdbacktears,andGeeandJimmyandIwatchedfromourchairs,notknowingquitewhattosayordo.Oscarledhisbrothertothebarandpouredhimatallshot,whichLewisdownedinasingleswig.Hewipedhismouthonhissleeveaoverlikeaquestionmark,hisforeheadrestingontherail,sowecrowdedaroundourfriends.

  "Hissonismissing,"Oscarsaid."Sinight.Thepolidfireandrescueareoutlookingforhim,buttheyhaventfoundhim.Hesoyearsold,man."

  "Whatdoeshelooklike?"Geeasked."Whatshisname?Howlonghashebeengone?Wheredidyoulastseehim?"

  Lewisstraightenedhisshoulders."HisnameisOscar,aftermybrotherhere.Abouttheaveragest-lookingkidyoucouldfind.Brownhair,browneyes,aboutsohigh."Heheldouthishandanddroppeditroughlyfourfeetabovetheground.

  "Whendidhedisappear?"Iasked.

  "Hewaswearingabaseballshirtandshortpants,darkblue—hismotherthinks.Andhigh-topChuckTaylors.Hewasoutbackofthehouse,playingafterdinnerlastnight.Itwasstilllightout.Andthenhevanished."Heturohisbrother."Itriedcallingyouallovertheplace."

  Oscarpursedhislipsandshookhishead."Imsosorry,man.Iwasoutgettinghigh."

  Geebeganwalkingtothedoor."Notimeforrecriminations.Wevegotamissingkidtofind."

  Offwewenttothewoods.OsdLewisrodetogetherinthecabofthepickup,andGee,Jimmy,andIsatinthebed,wheretherewastheresidualodorofmanurebakingi.Thetruckbumpedandrattledalongafirebreakcutthroughthetimberline,andwegroundtoastopinacloudofdust.Theseardrescueteamhadparkedinaglenaboutamileduewestfrommyhouse,aboutasfarintotheforestastheyaodrivethetownshipssolefireehecaptainofthefiredepartmentleanedagainstthebigrig.Hepulledonabottleofcolainenormousgulps,hisfacelikeanalarmagainsthisstarchedwhiteshirt.Ourpartygotoutofthepickup,andIwasoverwhelmedbythesweetsmellofhoneysuearby.Beespatrolledamongtheflowers,andaswewalkedtowardthecaptain,theylazilyiedus.Grasshoppers,panickedbyourfootfall,whirredaheadiallgrass.Alongtheedgeoftheclearing,atangleofwildraspberriesandpoisonivyremindedmeofthedouble-edgednatureoftheforest.Ifollowedtheboysdownamakeshiftpath,lookingovermyshoulderatthecaptainandhisredtrutiltheyvanishedfromsight.

  Abloodhoundbayediaakingupast.Wetrudgedalongsinglefileforseveralhundredyards,andthedarkshadecastbytheopygavetheappearanceofduskintheshankoftheafternoon.Everyfewmoments,someonewouldcalloutfortheboy,andhisnamehungintheairbeforedissipatinginthewarmhalf-light.Wewerechasingshadowswherenoshadowscouldbeseen.Thegrouphaltedwhenwereachedthetopofasmallrise.

  "Thisisgettingusnowhere,"Oscarsaid."Whydontwespreadout?"

  ThoughIloathedtheideaofbeingaloheforest,Icouldnotterhislogicwithoutseemingacoward.

  "Letsmeetbackhereatnine."Withanairofdeterminedsobriety,Oscarstudiedthefaceofhiswatch,followingthesweepofthesedhand,tingoffmomentstohimself.Wewaitedandwatchedourowntimegoby.

  "Fourthirty,"hesaidatlast.

  "Ivegotfourthirty-five,"saidGee.

  Andalmostsimultaneously,Isaid,"Twentyafter."

  "Twenty-fiveoffive,"saidJimmy.

  Lewisshookhiswrist,removedhiswatdheldthetimepiecetohisear."Thatsfunny—mywatchhasstopped."Hestaredatitsface."Seventhirty.ThatsrightaroundwhenIsawhimlast."

  Eachofuslookedattheothersforthewayoutofthistemporalfusion.Oscarresumedhisclockwatg.

  "Okay,okay,onmysignal,setyourwatches.Itisnowfourthirty-five."

  Wefiddledwiththestemsanddials.Iwohetimewassuissueafterall.

  "Herestheplan.LewisandIwillgothisway.Henry,yougointheoppositedire.GeeandJimmy,youheadoffoppositetoeachother."Heindicatedbymeansofhandsignalsthefourpointsofthepass."Markyourtrailtofindyourwayback.Everycouplehundredfeet,breakabranthenamesideofyourpath,asmeetbackhereatllbegettingdarkbythen.Ofcourse,ifyoufindhimbeforethat,gobacktothefiretruck."

  Wewentourseparateways,andthesoundofmyfriendstrampingthroughthebrushreceded.IhadnotdaredehewoodssincegingliveswithHenryDay.Thetalltreeshemmedihway,andthehumidairfeltlikeablahatsmelledofrotanddecay.WitheachstepItook,cragtwigsandgleaves,mysoundreinforcedmysolitude.WhenIstopped,thenoiseceased.Idcallfortheboy,buthalfheartedly,notexpegareply.Thestillnessbroughtbackafotteion,thememoryofmywildness,andwithittheacheofbeingtrapped,timeless,inthisperilousworld.Twentymiomysearch,Isatdownonthefallentrunkofascrubpine.Myshirt,dampwithperspiration,gtomyskin,andItookoutahandkerchieftomopmybrow.Faraway,awoodpeckerhammeredonatree,andnuthatchesscrabbleddowrunks,pippiaccatosignals.Alongonelimbofthedeadpine,afileofantsracedbadforth,carryingamysteriouscargoinonedireasothersheadedbacktothefoodsource.Amidthelitteroffallenleaves,smallredflowerspokedtheirpin-sizeheadsfromclustersofsilverymoss.Iliftedalog,andarottinesslaybehit,pillbugscurledintoballsandlong-leggedspidersmaddehesuddendisruptionoftheirlives.Fat,glisteningwormsburrowedintoholesoomofthelog,andItriedtoimagihiddenchambersexistedinthedecay,whatlifewasgoingonunbeknownsttome.Ilosttrackofthetime.Aglamywatchstartledme,fornearlytwohourshadwastedaway.Istoodup,calledouttheboysnameond,hearingnoreply,resumedmyhunt.Movingdeeperintothedarkness,Iwasentraherandementoftrunksandlimbs,greenleavesasplentifulasraindrops.Myeverystepwasfamiliar,andIexpectedtobestartledbysomethingsudden,butitwasasquietasadeepsleep.Therewasnothinginthewoods,nosignofmypast,stlifebeyondthegrowingtreesandplants,theoccasionalstiroftheinscrutabletinyanimalshiddenianddecay.Istumbleduponasmallcreekgurgliones,meanderingnowhere.Suddehirsty,Idippedmyhandsintothewateranddrank.

  Thecurrentrolledoverabeddottedwithstonesandrocks.Onthesurface,thestonesweredry,dull,andimperable,butatthewaterlineandbelow,thewatergedthestone,revealingfacetsaraordinarilyrichcolorsandinfinitevariety.Millenniaofinterplayhadolishedtherocks,madethembeautiful,aoneshadgedthewateraswell,altereditsfloace,madeturbulentitsstilledpredisposition.Symbiosismadethecreekwhatitwas.Ohouttheotherwouldgeeverything.Ihadeoutofthisforest,hadbeenthereforalong,longtime,butIalsolivedintheworldasaveryrealperson.MylifeasahumanandmylifeamongthegelingsmademewhatIwas.Likethewaterandtherock,Iwasthisandthat.HenryDay.Astheworldknowshim,thereisnoother,andthisrevelationfilledmewithwarmthandpleasure.Therocksaloomofthecreeksuddenlyappearedtomeasifalineofnotes,andIcouldhearthepatterninmyhead.Seargmypocketsforapenciltocopyitdownbeforethenotesdisappeared,Iheardastirringamoreesbehindme,footstepsragthroughthebrush.

  "Whosthere?"Iasked,andwhateveritwasstoppedmoving.Itriedtomakemyselfshortandinspicuousbycrougintheculvertcutbythecreek,buthidingmadeitimpossibletoseethesourceofdanger.Iensionofanticipation,soundsthathadgoneunnoticedbecameamplified.Cricketssangunderrocks.Acicadacriedandthesilent.Iwasatoddswhethertorunawayorstayandcapturethehewater.Abreezethroughtheleaves,orsomethihing?Slowlyatfirst,thefootstepsresumed,thenthecreaturebolted,crashingthroughtheleaves,runningawayfromme,theairwhisperingandfallingquiet.Whenithaddeparted,Ivincedmyselfthatadeerhadbeenstartledbymypresence,orperhapsahoundthathadpickedupmystbymistake.Thedisturbanervedme,soIquicklytracedmywaybacktotheclearing.Iwasthefirstohere,fifteenminutesaheadofourplannedrendezvous.

  Geearrived,faceflushedwithexertion,hisvoicelessthanaraspfromcallingfortheboy.Hecollapsedinexhaustion,hisjeaingpuffsofdust.

  "Noluck?"Iasked.

  "Doyouthink?Iamdragginganddidntseeadamnthing.Youdonthaveasquareonyou?"

  Iproducedtwocigarettesandlithis,thenmine.Heclosedhiseyesandsmoked.OsdLewisshowedup,similarlydefeated.Theyhadrunoutofwaystosayso,buttheworryslaedtheirpace,bowedtheirheads,cloudedtheireyes.WewaitedforanotherfifteenminutesforJimmyCummings,andwhenhefailedtoappear,Ibegantowonderifanothersearchpartywasinorder.

  At9:30,Geeasked,"WhereisCummings?"

  Theresidualtwilightgavewaytoastarrynight.Iwishedwehadthoughttflashlights."Maybeweshouldgobacktowherethepoliceare."

  Oscarrefused."No,someoneshouldwaithereforJimmy.Yougo,Henry.Itsastraightshot,deadon."

  ",Geowithme."

  Heraisedhimselftothestandingposition."Leadon,Macduff."

  Upthetrail,wecouldseeredandbluelightsflashingagainstthetreetopsandboungintothenightsky.Despitehisagfeet,Geehurriedusalong,anderenearlythere,wecouldhearthestaticshoutoverthewalkie-talkies,sensesomethingwrongintheair.Wejoggedintoasurrealse,theclearingbathedinlights,fireenginesidling,dozensofpeoplemillingabout.Amaninaredbaseballcaploadedapairofbloodhoundsintothebackofhispickup.IwasstartledtoseeTessWodehouse,herwhitenursesuniflowinginthegloom,embraganotheryoungwomanandstrokingherhair.Twomenliftedadrippingoetotheroofofadstrappeditdown.Patternsemergedasiftimestoodstill,andallcouldbeseenatonce.Firemenandpoli,theirbackstous,formedahalfringaroundthebackoftheambulance.

  Thechiefpivotedslowly,asifavertinghisgazefromthesomberparamedivalidatedreality,andtolduscarefully,"Well...wehavefoundabody."松语文学www.16sy.coM免费小说阅读

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